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The Seeds of Doubt

Grow the Spaces to Disconnection

When seeds of doubt pop up in your relationships questions then follow, distance is created when those questions go unaddressed and/or unanswered.  Loss of connection is akin to loss of trust, loss of faith or loss of hope as they all create spaces that eventually make up the distance that creates the loss of connection.

Communication is the greatest protector against these losses because it builds the bridge that always keeps those you cherish close.  Acknowledgement and validation nurtures those loved and helps them to continually grow and evolve with you in symbiotic harmony.

Some of my experiences have been that the dedication is not met on an equal level and the result is moving on.  That doesn’t mean this is a bad thing because not everyone in our lives are meant to be with us for lifetime, some are there to help through transition, to help teach a specific lesson or to motivate change.

We are all different from each other and right down to every cell of our being as it is necessary to create the human experiences we provide for each other and connectively.  Some hurt or elate more than others but from those feelings come wisdom, experience, growth and eventually inner peace.

Is it lost forever?  I really don’t think it is or has to be but like trust, faith or hope it has to be rebuilt and rebuilding usually takes much more work and dedication.  It really depends on the strength of the foundation and if it manifested organically or began from falsehood.  Intention is everything!

I do believe that everyone deserves the chance to show you who they are but trying to change what they show you may or may not be you setting yourself up for disappointment, depending on your perspective.

  • Do you always tackle the impossible in the hopes to change what is?
  • Are you drawn to the impossible so you won’t have to really connect and feel vulnerable?
  • Is the dynamic you constantly find yourself in a reflection of your formative year’s environment?

All three of these questions could have easily been my unrealized mantra.  We all have behaviours that we are consciously or subconsciously predisposed to and there are probably a variety of reasons as to why we allow them to have controlling interest in our lives.

Can we change it?  Absolutely yes!

Anyone at any time can change any behaviour or aspect of their life into a positive direction that provides a happier and more stable state of being.  If you cannot envision the result you want to see that doesn’t mean you can’t make it happen but if you do not believe in it or in yourself then it is your belief that will manifest the outcome.  This includes the seeds of doubt and any communication that has broken down, determination and the willingness to make the effort is necessary for success.  Anything worth having, is worth working for!

I know for myself that when it comes to pursuing something I envision to occur in my life, I do not stop until I’ve exhausted every avenue and all possibilities.  If something does not go according to my vision I’ve found that it leads me in a different and better direction than I had ever considered.  I do not believe in failure, something that doesn’t go as you want doesn’t mean you failed because it usually directs you to something better as long as you are open to it.  That has been my experience every time!

I continue to strive to attain devotion and honesty in addressing the seeds of doubt when they arise, not everything needs to be over-dramatized but at the same time if it matters to you, it matters; and if it matters to you, it should also matter to those you cherish and vice versa.

At the end of the day you know within if you gave it your all, if you left no stone unturned, and that’s what allows you to look in the mirror and be content.

a life that matters

 
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Posted by on August 27, 2014 in Blog

 

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Defining Moments

What Matters Most!

There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you well, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.

There are actually quite a few defining moments, at least that’s what I’ve found so far and I’m sure there are more to come. It’s like the big “aha” and I really do look forward to those moments because with them comes enlightenment, it’s the ultimate pulling back of the curtain and showing you exactly what’s behind it, things don’t get much clearer than that.

They really make you realize what matters most and for me that has always been the simpler aspects of my life, even though it hadn’t occurred to me prior to that. Sometimes we really do complicate our lives by getting too caught up in things that really don’t impact our lives in the way that we may initially believe and getting yourself wound up is almost never a viable solution.

There are many people that are meant to come into, stay and/or leave our lives, all for a reason and all for a certain time period (long or short) and I believe that all are meant to teach and help us to grow into our destiny. We all aren’t a perfect fit for one another collectively because we are all so different, some people we click with and some people we definitely don’t and at some point in our lives (which is different times for everyone) we grow either together or apart. I do believe that what matters most to each of us is a defining moment, it is a moment or a series of moments that start you on a different path. A path that attracts you to, or to you, people that may not have captured your interest before. Even though those people may have always been meant to come into your life, until you gained the experiences that brought you here the shared interest may not have developed.

All experiences change us in some way and even though some of them aren’t as desirable as others they are necessary to teach us to recognize that which we do not want in our lives.people, actions

There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it: I’m not a fan of the drama, my normal is and has always been direct, say what you mean and definitely mean what you way. In my opinion, actions have always been the true window to the soul.

You surround yourself with people who make you laugh: This is essential for me, I thrive on the hilarious, even at the expense of myself. If you can’t laugh at your own foibles then you are definitely missing out, humor can be a bonding experience.

Forget the bad and focus on the good: It doesn’t matter how badly something has been as long as you allow yourself to feel it and let it go. If you consistently carry your bad baggage forward into your future you will never find happiness.

Love the people who treat you well, pray for the ones who don’t: The ones who treat you well truly have your best interest at heart, there is no personal gain besides your placement in their life. For those who don’t, I think best to offer a blessing for enlightenment in the hopes that they find connections that inspire them to do better.

Life is too short to be anything but happy: As much we may believe that our human existence is long, it’s really not, time flies by pretty fast and too often time is wasted on being disappointed, upset and unhappy. Find the things, the people that inspire and motivate your passion and even though life still goes by fast, at least you will feel like you did something valuable with your time.

Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living: Fall down seven times, get up eight! Don’t ever believe that just because you erred, fell down or feel you failed that it means you are done for. The fact is that it gives you the opportunity to rebuild something to your liking, maybe tweak it a bit better than it was so it suits you instead of you trying to suit it.

I believe that if you find that which inspires and motivates your passion then what matters most isn’t too far off from there.

Always pursue your greatest desires in life. I think at the end of your life you will be more disappointed by the chances you didn’t take than the ones you did.

chances not taken

 
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Posted by on August 13, 2014 in Blog

 

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Say What You Mean and……..

Mean What you Say!

Your actions are how you really feel, your words are the smoke screen that masks those feelings.

It seems simple really to say what you mean but people rarely do so and when it comes to honest communication I think many of us are afraid to voice our real thoughts. Some hold back because they don’t want to hurt the other and some hold back because they lack the courage to tackle the conflict ahead.

The only way to truly get to the bottom of any communication snag is open and honest communication and while it may feel difficult to find the right words I believe that as long as your communication comes from a sincere and compassionate place there isn’t anything that can’t be resolved.

Resolution means that an understanding has been reached not necessarily that a relationship goes back to its previous state. When resolution is required it is because somewhere along the lines something occurred to change the dynamics of the relationship, not all changes are good and not all changes are bad but it is these such changes that could have permanence in how the relationship works.

Sugar coating the words to ease tension isn’t any kind of good solution, everyone inherently knows when they are in the wrong in any given situation and pretending like it’s ok and/or sweeping it under the rug creates two problems.boundaries

  • It sends the message that the behaviour is acceptable and “please continue, I do not have healthy boundaries”.

 

  • Conversely it may send the message that they aren’t important enough in your life for you to be honest.

If you’re not saying anything to avoid hurting someone than this action is counterproductive to your efforts because you are hurting them anyway. Not every advice or constructive criticism is easy but if you really want to see the best occur for others than those not so comfortable conversations sometimes need to take place.

Regardless of your own reasons for not saying what you mean or meaning what you say, it does more damage than good when you hide your true feelings and everyone involved is already aware of the elephant in the room, the words just haven’t been vocalized.

All of us handle conflict and change differently, some better than others and some not but conflict is a necessary part of life and without it we wouldn’t learn how to properly transition ourselves through adversity but hopefully we learn to do so with a little bit of grace.

I’ve had a lot of difficulty in this area of life and I think that’s mostly because I’m not sure I can articulate something clearly enough, that it may be misunderstood and defensiveness or anger can result and because I feel my words may be too honest and/or harsh.

The very real issue with holding back is that it creates distance in the relationship and with time that distance grows until the connection is no longer there and what do you do then? I guess that depends on the foundation and stability of a relationship from the beginning, what the common thread was that held it all together. If that thread is based on something strong and whole like respect, honesty and integrity than relationships can survive the challenges but if the foundation is weak and solely supported by only one that is actively nurturing it than it is very likely to crumble.

One of the most damaging things that can occur in relationships is saying something that you don’t mean out of anger. Our words can be just as damaging as our actions, if not more, the phrase “think before you speak” is the most important mantra you could ever instill in your mind because once the stone is thrown you can never take it back. If you feel you are in a mind space that you know is affecting you negatively then it is not the best time to have any kind of discussions that require you to have an open mind or heart. There’s a huge difference between loving and honest communication and spewing nasty words out of spite.

The foundation of all relationships is trust, trust that you can allow others to see your vulnerable side and trust that they won’t use it against you.

It takes years to build trust with others and only moments to destroy it!

Don’t be that person! Build trust and value it, communicate honestly and mean it, actively nurture your coveted relationships and appreciate what you’ve been blessed with so far.

communication

 
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Posted by on July 30, 2014 in Blog

 

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Bankruptcy of the Soul

Why We Do the Things We Do

It is during the times when your soul is feeling bankrupt that you may make uncharacteristic errors in judgement and behaviour.

Filling a void with more emptiness when you don’t know where the disconnection in your soul is puts you out of sync. You can waste a lot of time searching for the answer and it’s quite likely that you’re looking in the wrong areas of life, provided that you’ve made this realization and you’re looking at all.

When we are out of sync we distract ourselves with other things and fill the void in the area that we believe is incomplete when in actuality it’s an entirely different area so we end up cycling through the same life occurrences over and over until we finally see the light. Hopefully the over and over part doesn’t occur too many times, my experience with this cycle has been that it starts with a thought that something is off, then becomes a whisper that gets louder and louder and then you get thumped when you get too far off path.the stone after it's thrown

If your life occurrences are connected to loved ones it can get really damaging if you get to the point of getting thumped because you can’t turn back time.

When you are unaware that you are bankrupt in one or some areas of your emotions you may be constantly making bad choices and wondering why you keep running up against so much resistance. Or you could be giving away all of your emotions to others and depleting yourself because you believe your cup is already full not realizing that it isn’t bottomless and you’re filling the wrong glass.

When you are giving and giving and giving but don’t have someone replenishing your resource you are essentially going bankrupt emotionally. Our emotions are the nurturance that feeds and replenishes the heart and soul, if those emotions become depleted there is nothing left to feed you and that is when your areas in need are easier to identify. Sometimes you need to go to your lowest point to be able to help yourself, to pick yourself back up again and it can be done!

Brokenness from the past can build walls and disruption in the present and carry through to your future. Sometimes it’s the inconvenient truth that you have to face and acknowledge that helps you step into the person you are meant to be. It takes courage to get into the down and dirty to find the truth of you, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you!

Past hurts can manifest by either acting out or retreating which are two very different actions but both usually occur as a result of some sort of inner emotional hurt. Even though acting out is outwardly damaging it is usually more for the purpose of being seen and/or heard and while it’s never a great experience for anyone at least the emotions have been released. I believe that retreating, bottling things up is more damaging to the soul because the emotions do not get released in the process that they should, they just get compiled and compiled downward.

The best process is healthy communication because it provides relief and release of the emotional hurt but you do have to feel the pain, it is the only way to effectively let things go. Even though you may believe that by carrying past hurt around with you every day that you are feeling the pain, you actually aren’t, the pain that is with you daily is the feeling of limbo because the real hurt hasn’t yet been acknowledged or resolved. Release through whatever means is imperative to your physical health, bottled up pain creates a field of negative energy inside you that will continue to grow until its nourishment is cut-off.

Everyone comes into our lives for a reason, a purpose, sometimes they are meant to stay for a lifetime and sometimes only for a season but all bring with them some sort of learning experience that is important enough to cross your path. The Universe has a way of creating the openings needed to usher those in and the endings necessary to carry them out. All are blessings, some more disguised than others, but you are given the opportunity to develop faith, awareness and insight all of which will help you to navigate your path.

everything is a miracle

 
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Posted by on July 6, 2014 in Blog

 

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A Beautiful Story

And a Great Reminder

I received the below as an email and there is a notation to indicate that it is a true story but whether or not it actually is, the story itself is emotionally inspiring.

I do believe that occurrences like these exist and that if something is meant to be, it will be.

It is a great reminder of how “Everything does happen for a reason” and that the Universe works in very divine ways.

*********************************************

The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.

They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc., and on December 18th were ahead of schedule and just about finished.

On December 19th a terrible tempest – a driving rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days.

On the 21st the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit beginning about head high.

The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home. On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a Cross embroidered right in the center. It was just the right size to cover up the hole in the front wall, he bought it and headed back to the church.

By this time it had started to snow, an older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus…….she missed it.  The pastor invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes later.

She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire problem area.

Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle, her face was like a sheet…..”Pastor,” she asked, “where did you get that tablecloth?” The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into it there, they were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria.

The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor told how he had just gotten the Tablecloth. The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Austria.

When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave, her husband was going to follow her the next week.  He was captured, sent to prison and she never saw her husband or her home again.

The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the pastor keep it for the church.  The pastor insisted on driving her home, that was the least he could do…..she lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.

What a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve, the church was almost full.  The music and the spirit were great, at the end of the service, the pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return.

One older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighbourhood continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he wasn’t leaving.

The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Austria before the war and how could there be two tablecloths so much alike.

He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety and he was supposed to follow her but he was arrested and put in prison…..he never saw his wife or his home again all the 35 years in between.

The pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride.  They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the pastor had taken the woman three days earlier.

He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman’s apartment, knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Christmas reunion he could ever imagine.

It stated at the bottom of the email that this was a true story and that the notation as follows was from Pastor Rob Reid which I believe was with regard to the woman from the story that made the blanket:

God does not work in mysterious ways…..I asked the Lord to bless you as I prayed for you today, to guide you and protect you as you go along your way. His love is always with you, His promises are true, and when we give Him all our cares you know He will see us through. So when the road you’re travelling on seems difficult at best……just remember I’m here praying and God will do the rest.

*********************************************

buddha quote with elephant

 
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Posted by on July 3, 2014 in Blog

 

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The Strength of Energy

There are No Limits!

Everyone carries their own energy and that energy feeds whatever thoughts you embrace the most. If you are embracing the negative than the Universe will respond by bringing to you more negativity. If you embrace the positive than the Universe will respond by bringing to you all things positive.

It seems like a no brainer to me, why would anyone choose to let negativity run their life, it doesn’t make you happy that’s for sure. In fact anyone negative that I’ve ever encountered I can’t get away from them fast enough because the energy feels heavy, sickening, dirty and dark. We all have good energy but when you let negative experiences define and cripple you the cloud of negativity cloaks it until you throw it off.

Negativity grows in the environment that feeds it best and that environment is bad thoughts, attitude or outlook on life. These areas feed how your future is going to play out so if you feel stuck in any way in any area of your life just know that that is negativity’s way in. As far as I’m concerned there are no limits to what you can achieve, only options. When you don’t see those options it’s because they are clouded by your ego, the ego that tells you “you can’t do it”. Your ego works in conjunction with negativity and with those two running the show you will never be in control of your life or steering it in the direction you hope and want it to go.

The overall tone of each day is a conscious choice to either allow the little things to get to you or not, that is really how it all begins.

Like when you wake up late and you’re in a panic to get moving as quickly as possible and everything you do keeps interrupting your flow and setting you further back on the clock. I’ve had this occur and in retrospect I’ve realized that it’s not necessarily that my movements are set back any further than any other day but rather that I’m racing against a time that isn’t going to stop moving and there’s no way I’m going to make the deadline I had planned. My best option for the day is to embrace that I’m late, pick a new time frame a little farther ahead for my goal of getting myself together and on with my day. Think about it you’re already late, you’re not going to get that time back no matter how much you race around. So how the day goes (good or bad) depends on your choice to embrace the lateness or to let it define the rest of your day.

Negative or Positive is a choice, one that is probably the single most important decision determining the outcome of your well-being on a daily basis.

If you are feeling like you have no options take a few moments to recognize that these are not the thoughts of truth from your inner spirit, they are the negative cell(s) in your body that are fighting with your gut instincts to be in control. Your gut instincts knows your truth and that is why you always need to listen to them, it’s not just for direction but for your emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.

Have you ever felt like you belong in an area of life different from where you currently are but can’t get there because you feel stuck or trapped? That is the cloud of negativity doing its thing, working your thoughts to make you believe you have no options and your instincts (that you’ve quieted to a dull whisper) know the truth but you won’t allow them to have their say.

The cloud of negativity absolutely loves to be in control and if you are feeling bad about yourself in any way then negativity is in the lead. The first step to changing that around is making the decision to do so, step by step to get to where you want to go, like checking off the “to do list” and fitting the pieces of a puzzle together. Everything in life worth having is worth building and everything that has been built has steps to get to the end result. Write it out in 5 or 10 steps to start, if you can do the small steps, next thing you know you may be halfway through to your goal.

Your inner spirit and personal truth is the untainted, unbiased area of that which is you, your subconscious is the default zone of your conscious thinking. Altering just your conscious thoughts are not enough, the area of your true beliefs lie within your subconscious. So basically, you can tell yourself something and plan that is going to change an area of your life but if in your sub-conscious (in the back of your mind), you are telling yourself something else, it will never work. The thoughts you say to yourself on a daily basis are the ones that determine your emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.

There are certain things I read that just don’t make sense in my mind and I like the use of analogies to further explain so here’s mine for this thought. I’ve had this conversational debate with a few people, it’s to do with food and weight because of course everyone wants to find a better way to boost their physical health and of course why not? I’ve had many people comment on my appetite with food and honestly I do eat a lot but their comments are to do with the lack of excessive weight that they feel I should gain based on my intake. Every single time I say “I’m not worried, nothing sticks to me”, now I do take into consideration that genetically my family has always been big eaters without issue but I do not believe that this is the sole reason. I can tell you I honestly, honestly believe that statement “I’m not worried, nothing sticks to me” with every fibre of my being, consciously, subconsciously, everywhere!

I’ve talked with friends who say “ok, yes I’m going to try that” and then they say “but I know it’s not going to work”. Right there!   That’s the statement they are firmly planting in their subconscious and the universe responds “as you wish”.

This is where it all starts, this is the key to all things you want to change for the better, it starts in your subconscious. Pay very close attention to what you tell yourself, you may think it’s insignificant but when you put it into this context it becomes very significant and very important!

Surrounding yourself with like-minded souls will elevate your own in ways that motivate you to break down the barriers that are placed on your path by both yourself and those that want to hold you back.

The best choice you can make for yourself is to seek out those that nurture and inspire your spirit positively and unconditionally. When you find this place in your life you will realize that there are no limits to what you can do!

BY_CHO~1

 
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Posted by on June 29, 2014 in Blog

 

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Are You Willing?

To See Your Life Clearly

It’s the first step in that new and unfamiliar direction, the walk into the unknown where anything can happen, your anticipation is heightened and your vulnerability is exposed more than you are comfortable with but those are the moments that you need to push yourself to the next level because they carry your biggest opportunities and realizations.clarity

You know when I was younger I had no idea what was available for me to take advantage of, nor did I have the inclination to gravitate toward it because I had no direction, not for any other reason than I hadn’t yet become aware. You always hear people say “if I knew then what I know now”, those are the phrases you don’t fully understand until you become aware.

Awareness is a gift that can be refused or embraced.

If you are unhappy with your life than you are likely refusing to be aware of all that the Universe is offering to you, maybe your dissatisfaction is preventing you from seeing it. When you build walls to protect yourself out of hurt or fear you are also blocking your vision of possibilities. I understand that the walls built around you are for good reason and they keep you safe from anyone ever getting to you but that’s exactly it. Those walls keep out the bad but they also keep out the good, instead of the walls learn how to properly strengthen your boundaries so that past fear or hurt stays where it should be – in the past!

If you are content and viewing life with clarity than you are likely embracing awareness and your possibilities know no limits. When you are in this zone your vision and opportunities are uninhibited because you know “The Secret”, it’s so true and it’s not a secret, it’s the inner knowing that we all have, the clarity that removes the clouds. When you can see clearly, you see everything almost from a new set of eyes, ones that are not tainted by the dirty energy but rather enhanced by the clean.

I recently watched the PBS Special of Dr. Wayne Dyer’s titled “I Can See Clearly Now”, he is such an inspiration and to me, an icon of our time. I find that my line of thought process is very similar to his which is probably why I identify with his writing so strongly so it’s not surprising to me that the part of the show that stuck with me the most is also the excerpt he put in his latest book which he said also struck him and he credits from another author.

“If we stop for a moment it is possible to perceive a pattern in our lives, the motivators that have influenced us become much more obvious. We are able to see life unfolding from both ends at once coming into the present moment but until we get to a certain point of realization this is not possible because everything is still seen as a series of apparent causes and effects.”

If you take the time to step outside of yourself for a moment as if looking in on your life as a viewer you have the opportunity to see how much influence the divine has on your life path and how everyone that has come and gone from your life has in some way changed it so that it could proceed in the direction it is meant to go.

I don’t believe in coincidence, everything happens for a reason, every experience, every event, every relationship, every hurt, every happiness. They are all there to bring you higher learning, growth, direction and clarity and from that clarity comes this realization. Finding the balance between that which your inner spirit knows (the energy that is connected to Universal knowledge) and the life that you live daily is what makes travelling the distance challenging because sometimes you may accidently step off your path but I believe that if you venture too far off course the Universe finds a divine way to guide you back.

So now that you are aware are you willing? Change doesn’t happen overnight obviously but change doesn’t happen at all if you don’t make the decision to do so. Doesn’t that sound simple? It begins with your decision, that’s it! The next door won’t open without your conscious decision to walk through the first one and even though that first one is scary once you walk through it the ones that follow are easier.

enlightenment quote

 
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Posted by on June 18, 2014 in Blog

 

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