RSS

The Tender Space of Hurt

Where does it all begin?

If you’ve ever been the one to inflict emotional hurt on another you may not realize how damaging your actions are, alternatively if that is your intent then you are very aware and obviously not operating from the best place of your souls’ purpose.

If you have been the recipient of this kind of action you already know the extensive damage it causes on the deepest part of your soul and so do those around you. What you feel and experience has a direct and outward effect on those closest to you.

Ever had a bad day come home and bark at everyone around you? I know I have and it’s not something I desire at all!

Through my own experiences as well as observation of others the tender space of hurt is vast and sometimes long-lasting. I believe the long-lasting effects are significantly reduced when the source of the hurt is acknowledged, validated and the recipient is allowed to have their voice heard.don't let others hurt others

Brushing something off, under the rug, ignorance is bliss, etc., does absolutely nothing to correct or abate the hurt in fact it can only make it grow, sometimes to an irreparable amount.   What follows can be a multitude of negative thoughts which turn into negative attitude, outlook and/or behaviour.

Keep in mind that action, reaction and inaction are all actions, each come with results and consequence. If you choose to ignore or overlook any of these the result may be that it diminishes your ability to connect with others, especially those you may really want to. You may end up closing yourself off from the world whether it is by choice or default because you just don’t know how to communicate or listen.

Awareness is the key to connecting with everything in your life, everything that is meaningful, supportive and loving. It is through your own heightened awareness that you can connect on every level with others and in the form that your soul seeks in finding the greater meaning of life. I think everyone at one time or another has wondered about their purpose, the big picture, the grand design of their lives and what it is all supposed to mean. What do you do when an emotional hurt changes the course of that interest and fills your thoughts and time with negativity?

I’m sure we’ve all been there; having the anticipatory thoughts of conversations, what we want to say to another, how we want to respond, how we expect them to respond. All of this is wasted time in your life and likely never to happen. I know because I’ve been there with those thoughts and honestly not one time have any of those anticipatory conversations ever occurred. Can you believe how much of my precious time I wasted with that when I could have been doing something that was much more beneficial for myself or someone I care about?

I may be wrong but my feeling is that when you keep coming back to a same space of hurt it is because it hasn’t been acknowledged, validated or heard. That is the central source of your emotional pain and even if you dispute that, whether you realize it or not, you are allowing that pain to maintain its residence in your heart and soul. If someone in your life keeps coming back to a specific point, know that that is their pain and if you care you will act, dismissing it only exacerbates the issue and shows them that you don’t care.

This kind of emotional hurt can stunt your progression to higher levels of awareness and connection so how do you get around it, get past it? These are the most challenging and difficult questions to answer.

Getting through or past something that has hurt the deepest part of your soul can only be accomplished by you, and only if you are willing to let it. Of course that’s easier said than done, when something has damaged your soul so extensively repair isn’t always just around the corner because you decided it would be.

I’ve had my experiences that have caused me hurt and finding the best way for you to release it is going to be a trial and error experience, what works for one doesn’t always work for another but it’s important to try and keep trying.

I can offer two options that worked for me and if they don’t work for you that’s ok, just keep trying, you deserve to be happy!

  • I’ve always found that I need to have my say, whether the one that caused me hurt is hearing it or not. Write out a letter to that person (DON’T SEND IT!) say everything you want to say, don’t hold back. Being able to get something out that’s been bottled up is a form of release and once I do that it leaves my prominent thoughts. I will always remember but I allow forgiveness, not for that person but for myself for believing that the experience could have been any different.
  • I have also tried a guided meditation, not just me trying to meditate or listening to a tape but an actual professional that guided me through it and honestly after I was done I felt lighter, more energetic and less interested in letting that experience waste any more of my life.

Sometimes it’s a small adjustment that can change your outlook and your life, sometimes it’s not so much that you’re broken but rather broken open. Being broken open isn’t as awful as it may sound, think about the atom and what was discovered when it was broken open and then imagine the other million things you haven’t discovered about yourself because they were hidden/sheltered behind a wall of protection caused by a mountain of hurt that prevented you from fully living and loving your life.

I do believe that when you are broken open you are at your most vulnerable but within that vulnerability you will discover more of yourself, your gifts, your talents and your hidden strengths. Even though allowing the space of vulnerability can be terrifying, being scared is a good thing because it means you’re on the edge of something great that is about to change your life for the better!

broken

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on March 2, 2015 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

You Want It That Way!

If Not, Find the Changes You Need

You are not a victim of your experiences, circumstances or past nor do they define you, unless of course you allow them to. I think that most times when you feel like there are no options it is because your mind is overwhelmed and cluttered with all the things you feel helpless to change when in reality there are options but the mindfog of what feels overwhelming is clouding your vision and ability to find those options.

It is really just a matter of brainstorming for all the possibilities that are available for you and then start small, step by step. Being able to check off the smaller tasks that take you up to your best available possibility is the best way to increase your positivity and confidence in your ability to change what is to be what you need.

Not every option on your wish list is a possibility right away but that isn’t to say that it never will be. Anything worth having is worth working for and if you really want something you must know that you have to work for it, taking a shortcut doesn’t always work and if it does then there might be some compromises in your integrity required, compromises that you will eventually realize weren’t worth it because they significantly harmed your spirit.

There is no harm in dreaming big and I believe everyone should go for exactly that but with every goal that is big there are a lot of little goals within that big goal that need to be respected and completed. If you don’t appreciate the little victories it is likely the bigger victories will never feel as monumental as they should. When you do the work, go through the little victories and celebrate them because they are still accomplishments then achieving your bigger goal will be that much more fulfilling and rewarding.its not my story

Don’t ever allow you or anyone else to tell you there is no opportunity for positive change and growth in a new direction because there always is. The moment you allow that negativity in is the moment the black cloud blocks your way out and causes you to feel confined, despaired and depressed. Anyone that wants to keep you in that space is likely to use this tactic as they are uncomfortable with the positive change for you and fearful of their loss as you move toward it. It would be in their best interest to support you as you move toward your positive change as it would grow a bond of respect and integrity that would never succumb to the loss they initially feared.

There will also be new people that will come onto your path as a result of change and as you move in a direction that is more in alignment with who you wish to become and where you wish to be you will find that some of those new people will be the supporters you need to help you succeed. I know that at times I’ve looked back to my past and realized that a lot of the people that passed through were essential to my life during that time but after a while both of us move well past the purpose of the placement and not for any other reason than we just outgrew each other that different paths lead us apart.

I do believe that as you grow and experience life’s lessons and tests you will find that certain aspects of relationships you once felt were ok begin to seem intolerable, not because you are angry but because you’ve learned the value of your time and the value of those you really wish to spend your time with.

Always know that any circumstance or situation can be transitioned into a direction that better serves you but only with your intention for positive change, not revenge or spite. Anything under that negative sentiment will be what you get back, always remember the law of attraction, what you think about expands around YOU. Let the universe and karma take care of those that hurt you and trust that whatever will be, will be.

You have within you the power and ability to create and manifest your best life and in the way you see it in your “happy place”. Nothing is impossible and everything imaginable can be yours, if you want to allow it.

untapped potential

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on February 16, 2015 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

You Are What You Think!

Be Aware of that Power

Your thoughts influence the direction your life takes and sometimes in the opposite way you may be expecting so be mindful and careful of what you think about most.

There are two ways I’ve learned that your thoughts can manifest in your life:

  • Thinking thoughts of hate towards another befits the quote below and can effectively end up being your fate instead of the object of your dislike. It’s what you give the most thought and energy to that manifests in your life so it’s very important to be mindful of what your thoughts are. In the event that someone does you wrong then trust that the Universe enacts whatever karma is appropriate when the time is right and the karmic lesson is most likely to be effective. If you are the one that has misconceived another then know that your karmic lesson will come at the time you are most open to understanding and learning it. Karma is not meant to hurt or destroy but rather teach and it is only when you are mindfully open that you will be able to receive the higher learning so you can personally grow.

anger

  • Alternatively thinking about something you want and wishing for the shortcut without consequence to how it may arrive can manifest in the worst way. For instance you could wish for a big sum of money to arrive and the next day find that a member of your family passed and left that sum of money for you but notice the price? Not every idea or quick shortcut in life is always a good one. My personal example that taught me this exact lesson on shortcuts came 3 days before my daughter was born very premature (3 ½ months to be exact). I saw a show on T.V. that was something out of the future I guess where a doctor was experimenting with re-creating the environment of the mother’s womb so he could watch and note all stages of development of babies prior to being born. It was like a test-tube baby idea but a larger version. The day after seeing this show I was at work, knowing how terrible my morning or shall I say all day sickness seemed be which wasn’t showing any signs of leaving as I approached 6 months of pregnancy and I told a co-worker about this show I saw and said “I wouldn’t mind that since I feel so nauseous all day long” and 3 days later my water broke.

I know now that my words didn’t actually affect what had transpired and that it was just part of the bigger picture but the experience of my daughter being born early and the challenges she and I have gone through together since have brought so much more to my life than I would have experienced had it not all occurred this way but at the time it scared me so much that it taught me to be more aware and cautious with my thoughts.

With the knowledge I’ve gained now I believe it was more signs and intuition to prepare me for what was coming and even though we don’t all know what is around the corner we all have some intuition (our inner voice) to help guide and ease us into times that may be difficult.

Even though I know that this experience wasn’t meant as “teaching me a lesson” or some sort of “karmic payback” for my thoughts I still think it’s an important example to express how much power lies with our thoughts whether they are conscious, subconscious, silly or hateful.

Thoughts are power! You have more power than you may realize with them and I used the power in my thoughts to help direct and focus on empowering the strength I knew my daughter had in her which I know helped her blast through the bleak outlook the doctors had advised. Obviously when babies are born too early they aren’t as strong and healthy as when born full-term so she needed all the extra powerful thoughts I and everyone else in her family could put forth for her.

With your thoughts you can change anything and when enforced with your will that there can be no other outcome there is no way any other alternative can manifest.

Know and Believe your thoughts are very powerful!

living magnet

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on February 2, 2015 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

A Friend Indeed!

The Connections We Build

Throughout my life I’ve known acquaintances that have turned into friends and friends that have turned into acquaintances. All of them have brought something to my life whether through caring, sharing or clearing. Just because the plan is not for them to stay doesn’t mean their presence and/or effect isn’t beneficial, all experiences have the gift of lessons learned which bring about some form of personal growth and wisdom.

Not every experience has been a joyful one but I have always been able to find the lesson, maybe not right away but eventually and knowing that there is always something to be gained and that “everything happens for a reason” helps to keep me from having regrets. I try to approach every new experience with an open heart, open mind and eyes wide open without bringing anything from the past except the wisdom gained. That’s not always easy especially if there are similarities and warning bells going off but all of us are unique therefore the experiences will also be unique regardless if something feels the same, sometimes past emotions of “hurt” can cause you to overthink. Sometimes continually reminding yourself that “all experiences are not the same” is a necessity to keep your head on the level.

look for the learning

The human experience is supposed to be challenging, if it weren’t don’t you think you would be bored and looking for a challenge? I don’t think it’s supposed to just be go to work, earn your money, make house and then surrender when you get to old age. It’s the experiences in between that make up the life, the connections that don’t necessarily have any kind of shared history but manifest when nothing monumental is happening, they create the memories and nice pictures we keep in our minds and hearts to strengthen these connections.

These connections whether they have history or not become a strong foundation, I believe it’s just the occurrence of souls finding other familiar souls. Souls, like friends, travel though many lives together and because of the human experience we don’t know or remember the past lives but our souls do, we just naturally gravitate toward one another and experience an instant connection like we’ve known each other forever.

Have you ever felt that kind of instant and strong connection with someone?

If so, has it continued to strengthen over time?

Do you continually discover new things about them that are oddly but warmly familiar?

A lot of friends and acquaintances that come, go or stay in your life bring with them the challenges that will help to shape you as you go forward through life and for me it’s been the friend that keeps me on the rails, pumped up enough to persevere but grounded enough to remain humble that has helped me the most. I find though that even the new friends and connections I make now are more in alignment with my path because I have more direction in my life than I did when I was in my 20’s and more interest in the quality of it, the meaningless tends to fall away over time.

care enough to be there

It is great though when people who you have lost touch with that held a special place in your life come back in to once again share and connect. I believe we do transition both in and out of people lives at certain times not for any other reason than that there is another path we need to be on to grow and when/if those paths eventually meet up again what comes with it is a warmth of familiarity and history.

Don’t waste your connections, they may be Priceless!

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 26, 2015 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

They May Be Just Words To You, but…

What Were You Thinking?

Consider the impact you have on others when speaking the words you choose.

They are words; there are meaningful words, pointless words and words that just hurt. Which words do you use the most? What is your intention when you use your words? When you realize your words have affected another negatively do you take ownership of it and atone right away or do you sweep it under the carpet and expect them to do the same? Do you overreact and become spiteful or consider that there may be outside and/or extenuating circumstances?

Communication isn’t just saying “hey man, how are you doing” but rather delving deeper to understand the true nature of those around you, how you can make your communication with them be more than just surface conversation and how that communication can connect you on deeper levels.

We all have many layers which are revealed over time through the feelings of true connection, validation, and understanding. If you really want to make an impact it is the words you choose through communication that can either peel those layers back to bring you closer or seal them up tight to protect your vulnerability.

They may just be words but your influence and intention with these words can greatly affect those around you.

words of encouragement

When you Change the way you look at things, the things you look at change – Wayne Dyer

Such a true statement and in relation to your choice of words when in specific situations, a simple adjustment to the way you look at things also changes the way you respond. I think a lot of times many of us may react as a result of it essentially being the straw that broke the camel’s back because our plate is already overloaded with too many things that are stressful and draining on the patience of your spirit. There is more chance of overreaction when in this state and I think it can be exacerbated by the energy of the environment you keep.

Alternatively it may not be overreaction but that the intention of another is to hurt you with their words and if that is the case then that is truly not your path but the fork in the road, there to help re-direct you away from the drama and karma that will eventually dispel.

How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours – Wayne Dyer

Regardless of how someone has treated you, regardless of how damaging it may have felt or been and regardless of how much you may want to inflict or encourage redemption it is better to distance yourself from those thoughts. The karmic wheel spins in alignment with the Universe and makes adjustments accordingly, your influence is not necessary, in fact it will only inhibit you from your best life.

It will always prove to be utterly frustrating to get yourself caught up in the why’s and what if’s of experiences that are out of your control, sometimes you will never know the answers and sometimes you will but at all times it is best for your spirit to take the higher road and continue on your path as it is the one that is for the higher purpose of you!

your journey

 
1 Comment

Posted by on January 19, 2015 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Stop Blaming. Start Forgiving and Healing

shelleyhallmark:

Excellent Post from Daily Muse ( Debra Taitel ) – Such great insight and wisdom!

Originally posted on Daily Muse:

Stop Blaming Start Forgiving and Healing“People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives.~J. Michael Straczynski

Are you blaming someone or something for your current experience? Of course it’s THEIR fault! It’s the economy, family, your boyfriend or girlfriend, how you were brought up.. .who did it TO you. These are just a few of the “outer” situations or people we tend to “blame” when things become challenging in our lives. The problem is blame will never get you anywhere. Blame means a part of your valuable energy is stuck and holding on to the past. Blame means not taking responsibility for any part of the situation. It also takes forgiveness and healing out of the picture.

Blame…

View original 436 more words

 
1 Comment

Posted by on January 13, 2015 in Blog

 

Everything in its Time, and…

Everything in its Place

Have you ever wondered why things work out mysteriously the way they do? How an outcome at the time seems strange but later make sense? When you have a conversation or experience that seems oddly familiar, like a déjà vu?

I often think that there is a Universal master plan when I experience these déjà vu moments and especially when an outcome that I didn’t believe was of benefit becomes a later realization of better than I could have designed. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and have faith that the answers will eventually become clear, trusting in that faith is what helps keep the intensity of the storms in perspective. I do find though that more often than not things work and balance out to my benefit, having a positive attitude and outlook on life definitely helps. It’s not that every day is a fabulous one and that it’s all rainbows and roses, everyone including me has their down times but I work hard to keep those down times from defining my life.

I do find it curious how different scenarios play out and at times it does feel like some sort of divine and/or universal intervention is in effect. I do believe we are all connected to each other and I think how that is felt depends on how deep of an impact the connection actually was or still is. Have you ever had the thought of someone and then they call you or a song comes on the radio that is one you connect with that person. I think the song example is usually related to past connections and the phone call is related to current. Just my experiences so far, that is by no way a fact and how you sense, feel or think of those connections will likely be different for everyone.

What are your big questions, what stirs your spirit, what stirs your curiosity? I love having the conversations with people that are thought provoking, eye opening and inspiring. The conversations that challenge and ignite my thirst for answers to my biggest questions and the desire to dig deeper. If I don’t keep challenging myself than it feels like I’m just going through the motions of each day without any direction, I mean it has to be about something, doesn’t it?

It’s about connecting with others on a soul level that doesn’t just touch your heart but your spirit so you feel connected on a deeper level that is beyond deciphering it. This is what I feel is “everything in its place” because sometimes it feels as if there was no reason except every reason for you to connect with someone on that level. Some people come into our lives without a purpose and with every purpose, which eventually makes sense so much that you couldn’t imagine them not in your life. You find that anything and everything is on topic and you become immediately enmeshed as if you had known each other for longer than your current time.

It makes sense to me that we come into this life without intent or knowledge of the plan which I feel is “everything in its time” and every once in a while the déjà vu moments are like signposts to let us know we are on the right path and going in the right direction. Whether you desire change or not it’s going to happen and the more accepting you become of impending change the easier it will be to adjust when it occurs. Not everything is going to be easy and it’s not meant to but the people that come into place in your life have a purpose, some are there to help, to inspire or to motivate change. Some of them are meant to stay longer than others and some are for lifetime, I have a more in depth look at this in a past blog “In Your Life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime”.

I think it’s really important to always remember that none of your challenges are meant to break or define you, they are all meant to help you grow. When you embrace that understanding the storms won’t seem as rough because you’ll have faith that new wisdom and growth is just around the corner.

something good on the horizon

 
2 Comments

Posted by on January 5, 2015 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

 
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,708 other followers