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Say What You Mean and……..

Mean What you Say!

Your actions are how you really feel, your words are the smoke screen that masks those feelings.

It seems simple really to say what you mean but people rarely do so and when it comes to honest communication I think many of us are afraid to voice our real thoughts. Some hold back because they don’t want to hurt the other and some hold back because they lack the courage to tackle the conflict ahead.

The only way to truly get to the bottom of any communication snag is open and honest communication and while it may feel difficult to find the right words I believe that as long as your communication comes from a sincere and compassionate place there isn’t anything that can’t be resolved.

Resolution means that an understanding has been reached not necessarily that a relationship goes back to its previous state. When resolution is required it is because somewhere along the lines something occurred to change the dynamics of the relationship, not all changes are good and not all changes are bad but it is these such changes that could have permanence in how the relationship works.

Sugar coating the words to ease tension isn’t any kind of good solution, everyone inherently knows when they are in the wrong in any given situation and pretending like it’s ok and/or sweeping it under the rug creates two problems.boundaries

  • It sends the message that the behaviour is acceptable and “please continue, I do not have healthy boundaries”.

 

  • Conversely it may send the message that they aren’t important enough in your life for you to be honest.

If you’re not saying anything to avoid hurting someone than this action is counterproductive to your efforts because you are hurting them anyway. Not every advice or constructive criticism is easy but if you really want to see the best occur for others than those not so comfortable conversations sometimes need to take place.

Regardless of your own reasons for not saying what you mean or meaning what you say, it does more damage than good when you hide your true feelings and everyone involved is already aware of the elephant in the room, the words just haven’t been vocalized.

All of us handle conflict and change differently, some better than others and some not but conflict is a necessary part of life and without it we wouldn’t learn how to properly transition ourselves through adversity but hopefully we learn to do so with a little bit of grace.

I’ve had a lot of difficulty in this area of life and I think that’s mostly because I’m not sure I can articulate something clearly enough, that it may be misunderstood and defensiveness or anger can result and because I feel my words may be too honest and/or harsh.

The very real issue with holding back is that it creates distance in the relationship and with time that distance grows until the connection is no longer there and what do you do then? I guess that depends on the foundation and stability of a relationship from the beginning, what the common thread was that held it all together. If that thread is based on something strong and whole like respect, honesty and integrity than relationships can survive the challenges but if the foundation is weak and solely supported by only one that is actively nurturing it than it is very likely to crumble.

One of the most damaging things that can occur in relationships is saying something that you don’t mean out of anger. Our words can be just as damaging as our actions, if not more, the phrase “think before you speak” is the most important mantra you could ever instill in your mind because once the stone is thrown you can never take it back. If you feel you are in a mind space that you know is affecting you negatively then it is not the best time to have any kind of discussions that require you to have an open mind or heart. There’s a huge difference between loving and honest communication and spewing nasty words out of spite.

The foundation of all relationships is trust, trust that you can allow others to see your vulnerable side and trust that they won’t use it against you.

It takes years to build trust with others and only moments to destroy it!

Don’t be that person! Build trust and value it, communicate honestly and mean it, actively nurture your coveted relationships and appreciate what you’ve been blessed with so far.

communication

 
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Posted by on July 30, 2014 in Blog

 

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Bankruptcy of the Soul

Why We Do the Things We Do

It is during the times when your soul is feeling bankrupt that you may make uncharacteristic errors in judgement and behaviour.

Filling a void with more emptiness when you don’t know where the disconnection in your soul is puts you out of sync. You can waste a lot of time searching for the answer and it’s quite likely that you’re looking in the wrong areas of life, provided that you’ve made this realization and you’re looking at all.

When we are out of sync we distract ourselves with other things and fill the void in the area that we believe is incomplete when in actuality it’s an entirely different area so we end up cycling through the same life occurrences over and over until we finally see the light. Hopefully the over and over part doesn’t occur too many times, my experience with this cycle has been that it starts with a thought that something is off, then becomes a whisper that gets louder and louder and then you get thumped when you get too far off path.the stone after it's thrown

If your life occurrences are connected to loved ones it can get really damaging if you get to the point of getting thumped because you can’t turn back time.

When you are unaware that you are bankrupt in one or some areas of your emotions you may be constantly making bad choices and wondering why you keep running up against so much resistance. Or you could be giving away all of your emotions to others and depleting yourself because you believe your cup is already full not realizing that it isn’t bottomless and you’re filling the wrong glass.

When you are giving and giving and giving but don’t have someone replenishing your resource you are essentially going bankrupt emotionally. Our emotions are the nurturance that feeds and replenishes the heart and soul, if those emotions become depleted there is nothing left to feed you and that is when your areas in need are easier to identify. Sometimes you need to go to your lowest point to be able to help yourself, to pick yourself back up again and it can be done!

Brokenness from the past can build walls and disruption in the present and carry through to your future. Sometimes it’s the inconvenient truth that you have to face and acknowledge that helps you step into the person you are meant to be. It takes courage to get into the down and dirty to find the truth of you, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you!

Past hurts can manifest by either acting out or retreating which are two very different actions but both usually occur as a result of some sort of inner emotional hurt. Even though acting out is outwardly damaging it is usually more for the purpose of being seen and/or heard and while it’s never a great experience for anyone at least the emotions have been released. I believe that retreating, bottling things up is more damaging to the soul because the emotions do not get released in the process that they should, they just get compiled and compiled downward.

The best process is healthy communication because it provides relief and release of the emotional hurt but you do have to feel the pain, it is the only way to effectively let things go. Even though you may believe that by carrying past hurt around with you every day that you are feeling the pain, you actually aren’t, the pain that is with you daily is the feeling of limbo because the real hurt hasn’t yet been acknowledged or resolved. Release through whatever means is imperative to your physical health, bottled up pain creates a field of negative energy inside you that will continue to grow until its nourishment is cut-off.

Everyone comes into our lives for a reason, a purpose, sometimes they are meant to stay for a lifetime and sometimes only for a season but all bring with them some sort of learning experience that is important enough to cross your path. The Universe has a way of creating the openings needed to usher those in and the endings necessary to carry them out. All are blessings, some more disguised than others, but you are given the opportunity to develop faith, awareness and insight all of which will help you to navigate your path.

everything is a miracle

 
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Posted by on July 6, 2014 in Blog

 

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A Beautiful Story

And a Great Reminder

I received the below as an email and there is a notation to indicate that it is a true story but whether or not it actually is, the story itself is emotionally inspiring.

I do believe that occurrences like these exist and that if something is meant to be, it will be.

It is a great reminder of how “Everything does happen for a reason” and that the Universe works in very divine ways.

*********************************************

The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.

They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc., and on December 18th were ahead of schedule and just about finished.

On December 19th a terrible tempest – a driving rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days.

On the 21st the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit beginning about head high.

The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home. On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a Cross embroidered right in the center. It was just the right size to cover up the hole in the front wall, he bought it and headed back to the church.

By this time it had started to snow, an older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus…….she missed it.  The pastor invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes later.

She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire problem area.

Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle, her face was like a sheet…..”Pastor,” she asked, “where did you get that tablecloth?” The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into it there, they were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria.

The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor told how he had just gotten the Tablecloth. The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Austria.

When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave, her husband was going to follow her the next week.  He was captured, sent to prison and she never saw her husband or her home again.

The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the pastor keep it for the church.  The pastor insisted on driving her home, that was the least he could do…..she lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.

What a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve, the church was almost full.  The music and the spirit were great, at the end of the service, the pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return.

One older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighbourhood continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he wasn’t leaving.

The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Austria before the war and how could there be two tablecloths so much alike.

He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety and he was supposed to follow her but he was arrested and put in prison…..he never saw his wife or his home again all the 35 years in between.

The pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride.  They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the pastor had taken the woman three days earlier.

He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman’s apartment, knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Christmas reunion he could ever imagine.

It stated at the bottom of the email that this was a true story and that the notation as follows was from Pastor Rob Reid which I believe was with regard to the woman from the story that made the blanket:

God does not work in mysterious ways…..I asked the Lord to bless you as I prayed for you today, to guide you and protect you as you go along your way. His love is always with you, His promises are true, and when we give Him all our cares you know He will see us through. So when the road you’re travelling on seems difficult at best……just remember I’m here praying and God will do the rest.

*********************************************

buddha quote with elephant

 
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Posted by on July 3, 2014 in Blog

 

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The Strength of Energy

There are No Limits!

Everyone carries their own energy and that energy feeds whatever thoughts you embrace the most. If you are embracing the negative than the Universe will respond by bringing to you more negativity. If you embrace the positive than the Universe will respond by bringing to you all things positive.

It seems like a no brainer to me, why would anyone choose to let negativity run their life, it doesn’t make you happy that’s for sure. In fact anyone negative that I’ve ever encountered I can’t get away from them fast enough because the energy feels heavy, sickening, dirty and dark. We all have good energy but when you let negative experiences define and cripple you the cloud of negativity cloaks it until you throw it off.

Negativity grows in the environment that feeds it best and that environment is bad thoughts, attitude or outlook on life. These areas feed how your future is going to play out so if you feel stuck in any way in any area of your life just know that that is negativity’s way in. As far as I’m concerned there are no limits to what you can achieve, only options. When you don’t see those options it’s because they are clouded by your ego, the ego that tells you “you can’t do it”. Your ego works in conjunction with negativity and with those two running the show you will never be in control of your life or steering it in the direction you hope and want it to go.

The overall tone of each day is a conscious choice to either allow the little things to get to you or not, that is really how it all begins.

Like when you wake up late and you’re in a panic to get moving as quickly as possible and everything you do keeps interrupting your flow and setting you further back on the clock. I’ve had this occur and in retrospect I’ve realized that it’s not necessarily that my movements are set back any further than any other day but rather that I’m racing against a time that isn’t going to stop moving and there’s no way I’m going to make the deadline I had planned. My best option for the day is to embrace that I’m late, pick a new time frame a little farther ahead for my goal of getting myself together and on with my day. Think about it you’re already late, you’re not going to get that time back no matter how much you race around. So how the day goes (good or bad) depends on your choice to embrace the lateness or to let it define the rest of your day.

Negative or Positive is a choice, one that is probably the single most important decision determining the outcome of your well-being on a daily basis.

If you are feeling like you have no options take a few moments to recognize that these are not the thoughts of truth from your inner spirit, they are the negative cell(s) in your body that are fighting with your gut instincts to be in control. Your gut instincts knows your truth and that is why you always need to listen to them, it’s not just for direction but for your emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.

Have you ever felt like you belong in an area of life different from where you currently are but can’t get there because you feel stuck or trapped? That is the cloud of negativity doing its thing, working your thoughts to make you believe you have no options and your instincts (that you’ve quieted to a dull whisper) know the truth but you won’t allow them to have their say.

The cloud of negativity absolutely loves to be in control and if you are feeling bad about yourself in any way then negativity is in the lead. The first step to changing that around is making the decision to do so, step by step to get to where you want to go, like checking off the “to do list” and fitting the pieces of a puzzle together. Everything in life worth having is worth building and everything that has been built has steps to get to the end result. Write it out in 5 or 10 steps to start, if you can do the small steps, next thing you know you may be halfway through to your goal.

Your inner spirit and personal truth is the untainted, unbiased area of that which is you, your subconscious is the default zone of your conscious thinking. Altering just your conscious thoughts are not enough, the area of your true beliefs lie within your subconscious. So basically, you can tell yourself something and plan that is going to change an area of your life but if in your sub-conscious (in the back of your mind), you are telling yourself something else, it will never work. The thoughts you say to yourself on a daily basis are the ones that determine your emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.

There are certain things I read that just don’t make sense in my mind and I like the use of analogies to further explain so here’s mine for this thought. I’ve had this conversational debate with a few people, it’s to do with food and weight because of course everyone wants to find a better way to boost their physical health and of course why not? I’ve had many people comment on my appetite with food and honestly I do eat a lot but their comments are to do with the lack of excessive weight that they feel I should gain based on my intake. Every single time I say “I’m not worried, nothing sticks to me”, now I do take into consideration that genetically my family has always been big eaters without issue but I do not believe that this is the sole reason. I can tell you I honestly, honestly believe that statement “I’m not worried, nothing sticks to me” with every fibre of my being, consciously, subconsciously, everywhere!

I’ve talked with friends who say “ok, yes I’m going to try that” and then they say “but I know it’s not going to work”. Right there!   That’s the statement they are firmly planting in their subconscious and the universe responds “as you wish”.

This is where it all starts, this is the key to all things you want to change for the better, it starts in your subconscious. Pay very close attention to what you tell yourself, you may think it’s insignificant but when you put it into this context it becomes very significant and very important!

Surrounding yourself with like-minded souls will elevate your own in ways that motivate you to break down the barriers that are placed on your path by both yourself and those that want to hold you back.

The best choice you can make for yourself is to seek out those that nurture and inspire your spirit positively and unconditionally. When you find this place in your life you will realize that there are no limits to what you can do!

BY_CHO~1

 
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Posted by on June 29, 2014 in Blog

 

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Are You Willing?

To See Your Life Clearly

It’s the first step in that new and unfamiliar direction, the walk into the unknown where anything can happen, your anticipation is heightened and your vulnerability is exposed more than you are comfortable with but those are the moments that you need to push yourself to the next level because they carry your biggest opportunities and realizations.clarity

You know when I was younger I had no idea what was available for me to take advantage of, nor did I have the inclination to gravitate toward it because I had no direction, not for any other reason than I hadn’t yet become aware. You always hear people say “if I knew then what I know now”, those are the phrases you don’t fully understand until you become aware.

Awareness is a gift that can be refused or embraced.

If you are unhappy with your life than you are likely refusing to be aware of all that the Universe is offering to you, maybe your dissatisfaction is preventing you from seeing it. When you build walls to protect yourself out of hurt or fear you are also blocking your vision of possibilities. I understand that the walls built around you are for good reason and they keep you safe from anyone ever getting to you but that’s exactly it. Those walls keep out the bad but they also keep out the good, instead of the walls learn how to properly strengthen your boundaries so that past fear or hurt stays where it should be – in the past!

If you are content and viewing life with clarity than you are likely embracing awareness and your possibilities know no limits. When you are in this zone your vision and opportunities are uninhibited because you know “The Secret”, it’s so true and it’s not a secret, it’s the inner knowing that we all have, the clarity that removes the clouds. When you can see clearly, you see everything almost from a new set of eyes, ones that are not tainted by the dirty energy but rather enhanced by the clean.

I recently watched the PBS Special of Dr. Wayne Dyer’s titled “I Can See Clearly Now”, he is such an inspiration and to me, an icon of our time. I find that my line of thought process is very similar to his which is probably why I identify with his writing so strongly so it’s not surprising to me that the part of the show that stuck with me the most is also the excerpt he put in his latest book which he said also struck him and he credits from another author.

“If we stop for a moment it is possible to perceive a pattern in our lives, the motivators that have influenced us become much more obvious. We are able to see life unfolding from both ends at once coming into the present moment but until we get to a certain point of realization this is not possible because everything is still seen as a series of apparent causes and effects.”

If you take the time to step outside of yourself for a moment as if looking in on your life as a viewer you have the opportunity to see how much influence the divine has on your life path and how everyone that has come and gone from your life has in some way changed it so that it could proceed in the direction it is meant to go.

I don’t believe in coincidence, everything happens for a reason, every experience, every event, every relationship, every hurt, every happiness. They are all there to bring you higher learning, growth, direction and clarity and from that clarity comes this realization. Finding the balance between that which your inner spirit knows (the energy that is connected to Universal knowledge) and the life that you live daily is what makes travelling the distance challenging because sometimes you may accidently step off your path but I believe that if you venture too far off course the Universe finds a divine way to guide you back.

So now that you are aware are you willing? Change doesn’t happen overnight obviously but change doesn’t happen at all if you don’t make the decision to do so. Doesn’t that sound simple? It begins with your decision, that’s it! The next door won’t open without your conscious decision to walk through the first one and even though that first one is scary once you walk through it the ones that follow are easier.

enlightenment quote

 
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Posted by on June 18, 2014 in Blog

 

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Follow Your Instincts!

Let Your Inner Wisdom have a Voice

There is so much going on in our lives and around us that we don’t have the time or the opportunity to hear what our internal voice or instinct has to say, believe me I know this one! My life for the past year has been drama after drama after drama and I’ve not given my own spirit as many moments as it deserves to recharge, rebuild or revive my inspiration. As much as I want to encourage others to give themselves that time I have to also push myself to embrace it more because it is what makes our souls flourish. Every moment you can give yourself counts!

Everyone has an opinion and most are willing to share it whether you want it or not. Everyone has a direction they feel you should be going in and are most convincing in telling you how you should be living your life but the real question is, what do your instincts have to say? Why are you paying so much attention to what others think you should be doing, why are you not consulting your own inner voice and conscience?

I think we all spend too much time in consideration of what others will think about what we are doing rather than giving consideration to the voice that matters the most, the one inside you that instinctively knows what the best direction for you actually is. The only time I have not allowed my inner voice to have the floor is when I know that a direction or action I’ve taken is or feels wrong. I think we tend to avoid even our own conscience when we know we’ve blurred our line of integrity.I choose

That action itself can have a spiral effect that you may not realize because when you take an action that isn’t even approved by your own conscience a shift in your mind of what you deserve as a result occurs and actions that follow may be against you by you because you are going to deal yourself the punishment. How long will that last though and how do you know when you’ve suffered enough to lighten up on yourself? All of this second guessing and punishment seems almost crazy, if you just consult your conscience from the beginning and listen to your instincts chances are you won’t have to end up in this crazy spiral.

We are here in human bodies and that humanity at times is flawed, sometimes we make mistakes but sometimes those mistakes lead us to a better place in our life by bringing inner wisdom, personal growth and awareness to our soul. Self-punishing is pointless, taking ownership and making amends rejuvenates and revives the soul in ways that self-punishing never will.

With so much going on outside of us it’s easy to get caught up in the daily buzz, next thing you know a week has gone by, and then a month, and so forth and you still haven’t given yourself that time-out to listen to what’s inside your spirit. Taking that time out to stop and smell the roses has so much more meaning than you realize and honestly at certain times in our lives it doesn’t feel possible but somewhere within the 24 hours of a day you need to honor your spirit enough to give it even just a moment to speak to you.

I don’t think many of us realize how much easier life could be if we allowed our spirit to have a voice for even just a moment, it knows your best direction better than you think you do and sometimes when you go against it you are creating more difficulty in your life than if you just went with your natural flow.

There is a mountain of distractions that can easily keep us from hearing the wisdom our inner voice has to offer but those distractions also keep us in a daily routine and life that isn’t productive or pleasurable. It’s easy to put your time and interest into someone else’s life because you either feel that’s your purpose or because it feels fulfilling but I believe that will only last for a while because your instincts know you are supposed to be somewhere else in your life and will keep trying to guide you there, why are you resisting? By this I don’t mean abandon those you feel are connected to your purpose, more like find the balance so everyone’s spirit is equally nurtured.

We are hard-wired to survive but instinctually we are driven to find the greater meaning and connection to our path and each other, intellectually we know that connection cannot occur alone so we need each other. It is what goes on externally that can either impede or inspire your progression on your path, navigating it by utilizing your instincts is not only the key but your saving grace.

Have you ever had the notion that there is something that you should be doing, somewhere else you should be, some destiny or prophecy that you should be fulfilling, something bigger than you that is significant in a way you aren’t yet aware of?

I think that is your instinct trying to put the yearning into your soul so you strive to seek the greater purpose that each of us have and are meant for. Our purposes are different from one another, some are interconnected, some are not but all are a part of the Universal Grand Design that is part of this journey.intuition, albert einstein

I believe we have all embarked on these seemingly separate journeys to develop a deeper connection to our souls, then each other and the Universe, when you come across that “aha” moment of making that connection it’s an amazing epiphany that you will finally realize could not have been stumbled upon any other way than spiritually.

Don’t forget your Gift!

 
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Posted by on June 11, 2014 in Blog

 

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The Seeds of Greatness!

Are at the Core of your Spirit

Peeling back the layers of life that have caused your spirit to be cloaked by any negative emotion as a result of your experiences prevents your true essence from shining!

Where was I Then?

Your youth is where it all begins, where patterns, habits and learned behaviours are formed. You are meant to learn and grow from your experiences not be crippled by them. If your environment doesn’t contain any sort of positive aspects then your outlook of possibilities may be diminished. Your role models are the biggest influences in creating your view on the world, how they model their ability to deal with life experiences is very influential and will either be motivational or damaging. Some behaviours pass through more than one generation and are viewed as “normal” because that is all you know, especially when you are young. It is only when you start to develop into your own independence that you become aware of the inconsistencies. Most times you seek out those that fit the same behavioural pattern that is so familiar and I think eventually you either break away from it or fall into the same mold because it is too far outside of your comfort zone.

I think the biggest and most crippling aspect of this is that you can end up going through many life experiences without really experiencing them because the pattern is so ingrained that you run on auto-pilot and never realize that there is more to your life than just the day to day run of existence.

Where am I Now?

Asking yourself the big questions that are beginning to resonate in your soul are both important and necessary. If it matters to you, it matters! If you’re feeling like there’s something more that you want to reach for or experience within your life there is never a time when it is too late. All change or transformation begins with a first step – the decision. The decision, which doesn’t sound like a huge step, actually is but following through is even bigger. Once you’ve taken those very critical two first steps you start to fall back in alignment with the Universe (I call it being in the Zone, athletes will totally know what I mean) and the Universe only works to create what is meant for you.

Believe me, we are all meant to experience life positively, it is when we fall out of alignment that things start to go sideways.

Where will I Go?dr suess quote #3

Once you’ve taken on a more positive outlook and continue to search or have found your new path the places you can go become infinite possibilities! Listen to Dr. Suess, it’s not just meant for children!

I strive to inspire, motivate and cultivate all things positive and continue to seek deeper awareness and understanding. Every day I learn, every day I come across new meaning to parts of life I didn’t realize existed and every day I am enlightened, humbled and impressed!

Don’t let negative life experiences prevent you from living the life you are meant for or deserve. Make the decision that “it stops here!” and immediately change direction, you can do anything you set your mind to!

At your core you’re all things pure and good and when you realize the amount of strength you and all of us have been given, success and happiness is just a short period of time away and all it takes for you to get there from here is your decision to do it.

Make the change that changes your life!

 
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Posted by on May 28, 2014 in Blog

 

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