Finding yourself – You don’t need anything from anyone else to be whole or complete, that comes from you and you alone. No one thing or person can fix your life that comes from finding a peace and contented balance that meets your specific needs. No two people are alike and what one person may view as a perfectly content life may not be the same view for another which is why when you are trying to find yourself and your peace it’s important to listen to your inner voice so you know when you’ve found it and when you haven’t. The vision is different for everyone, different things make each of us tick and believe me your gut knows when you are avoiding the truth and walking down the wrong path.
Most issues or stumbling blocks we have are rooted from something deeper within us whether that is something that was modelled, learned or a defense mechanism it creates a habitual behaviour pattern that we tend to continually repeat until we either learn the lesson on our own or hit the wall that forces us to.
Certain events in our lives can keep us stuck in a perpetual cycle from the moment an event affected us and if it happens at an early age then it can keep you from developing past it mentally. Something difficult or emotionally challenging can stunt your personal growth and maturity so much so that it keeps a part of your psyche in that age or timeframe in some form and even though you grow and age an emotional part of you stays at that point until you find acceptance. Resisting acceptance whether you are doing it consciously or subconsciously it can have a negative effect on the development of the peace and contented balance that you seek. The reason most of us don’t address or try to resolve these stumbling blocks is because either we aren’t aware of where they are rooted from or it’s much too painful to embrace but embracing your pain is the only way to deal and move forward toward finding yourself and feeling whole.
Within every difficult experience there are the usual stages similar to the grieving process that you need to move through in order to move on. If you don’t allow yourself to process through each one of these stages you get stuck in that place until you pick-up where you left off, accept and deal so you can heal and move on.
Most often we think that it requires something externally to fill the void, like once I get that, achieve that or get there I’ll be happy. Once you get there you find that the feeling of wholeness still eludes you and you still feel the void. It takes really honest inner reflection to find the root of any blockage, I don’t know of any blockage that has ever been a good one, they are called blocks for a reason. Blocks are our own inner spirit’s way of saying “I Don’t Like That” and “I’m not going to accept that”, so our inner spirit will revolt and keep showing us that block until we recognize it and address it.
When you are avoiding addressing a blockage it is usually because there is a certain amount of pain, shame or guilt that you either aren’t ready to feel or you believe you can suppress. Unfortunately you can only suppress something for so long, at some point it will surface in some way or form whether that is the referred effect of lashing out at others or shutting yourself off.
When you aren’t aware of the root of a blockage or believe that you know what it is you may spend a lot of time going in the wrong direction. I’ve done this so I know that you will continue ending up with the same result over and over until you realize what the actual root cause is, and most likely it is something completely different and in an entirely different area than you thought. I didn’t realize until later reflecting that I had overcompensated in some areas just trying to level out where I thought my stumbling block was and when the light bulb finally went on, it was practically staring me in the face. So simple that I should have realized it sooner but also so simple I thought it couldn’t be that easy.
I think we often feel that we know what the fix is and that is the first of many falsehoods that the ego will lead you through. The answers to our biggest questions lie within and only our inner voice, our gut instinct knows the answers we need to find but it’s our ego that leads us down the wrong path because of course, it’s ego, it thinks it knows best, turns out our ego actually knows the least! The ego is there to deter you from finding your peace because the more peace you find the smaller your ego becomes.
Finding yourself starts within, starting within will open more doors than you knew were there and the more doors you open the more contentment you will find.
August 5, 2013 at 6:59 am
exactly what I’ve found in my own life. If it isn’t dealt with it circles back around again and again. Awareness leads to Self-reflection which leads to self-discovery of new methods of relating and working through. And that is the key right there: working THROUGH. Once through “it” loses it’s power and control. Thanks for your informative and thought provoking posts.
August 8, 2013 at 10:04 pm
Yes circling back around is something I’ve seen happen enough times in my life to know that I needed to take the time to expand my awareness so I could learn things the first time around. I’ve found that when I go through the same circle more than once it usually hits harder and harder with each time it circles until I learn. Thanks for your positive feedback Shelly 🙂