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Monthly Archives: March 2014

The Ties that Bind

19 Mar

Releasing the Past!

The world of hurt caused by the feeling and expression of Anger, Grudge and/or Hurt can be overwhelming enough to stunt, damage or impede your personal growth and progression in life for the period of time it takes for you to purge it.

Most anger or grudges you hold onto come from a deep dark place of hurt, acknowledging that hurt and nurturing your feelings back into a positive state is the only way to move forward.  Obviously this is easier said than done in the lives of many, I know I’ve had my struggles with it.  When you feel wronged by another it can be difficult to let it go, most of us just want acknowledgement, to be heard, to be validated, to have our say and these are the most important parts of the process to help you move on and let it be.

Acknowledgement isn’t always easily found or accommodated:

  • The anger or grudge may be directed at someone who has now left the physical world
  • You aren’t able to find the right words to express exactly what you need to say to someone
  • The one causing the hurt is not easily reached mentally or emotionally which prevents them from fully understanding the negative effect they’ve had on you.

Not everyone realizes how much their words or actions can hurt another and some think “don’t be so sensitive” but in reality it’s that “sensitivity” that is you who you are and if they really know you then they know what will hurt you and should adjust accordingly.  I don’t mean walk around certain people like you’re on egg shells but know your audience and don’t expect everyone else to adjust to you if you don’t even try to adjust to them!

If you want others to be respectful of your feelings then be respectful of theirs, it’s as simple as it’s quoted:  “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.  It doesn’t get more golden than that!words that hurt

If you become aware that you have hurt someone through your words or actions it is important to make amends not just for your own consciousness of behaviour but to help them process through their hurt.  I am not by any means going to say that I’m perfect, no one is!  I know I’ve been responsible for hurting someone’s feelings with my words or actions but my conscious always knows when I’m in the wrong and I try to make amends in whatever way I can through apology, understanding and validation.  The “sweep it under the table and forget it” isn’t the action to take when you realize you are wrong, it is only through acknowledgement that you can help the one you’ve hurt to let go of it and move ahead without issue.  It’s actually an important process for you as well to know you’ve made steps to correct words or actions that you know aren’t right because even though karma is a process associated with unconditional intention, if your intention isn’t to correct your wrongs then it is likely your karmic outcome will contain a few hiccups or difficulties.

Moving past hurt is basically a process you create for yourself, through whatever means, to help you channel it outward so it can then be released.  I journal my way through all the issues that cause me hurt or discontent and it is the best form of therapy for me but what works for me may not work for another, it’s just a matter of finding the process that works best for you but do try, it is important to release issues that prevent you from moving forward.

Holding onto past hurt doesn’t just control your life in the present it ruins it because it causes unhappiness and negative thoughts, negative thoughts sometimes evolve into negative actions.  Without resolution these issues will spill over into your future which can hold your life in a place of continuous cycle and recall of the moment(s) of hurt when it occurred.

It’s not as much about giving the one who has caused you hurt a break and letting it go as it is about letting it go so it doesn’t continue to hurt you so deeply.  The hurt you allow through supporting your anger or grudge will continually cycle and can cause irreparable damage to you emotionally, mentally and as a result, sometimes physically.  These three aspects of your health are co-dependent upon each other and when one is low it can alter your quality of life and honestly I don’t think that is something anyone deserves or needs to endure.

If you can, look to those in your life that you trust and admire who you can ask for assistance, advice or support whether that is through listening or helping you to make a plan.  I’ve found that when I have someone to talk to it makes a huge difference because it allows me to step outside myself so I can get a clearer perspective and vision for going forward in a better direction.

As difficult as it may be, embrace the pain, allow yourself to feel it fully so you can then start to heal, the more you heal the more you will be able to let it go and when you’ve finally rid yourself of the hurts that have paralyzed you for so long you will be able to move forward and enjoy the happiness you deserve and the future you are destined to live.

emily's quote

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2014 in Blog

 

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Getting to Know YOU!

12 Mar

Breaking Down Your Own Walls to Discover the Person Within!

If you take the time to learn about those you aspire to know or spend time with why is it that you don’t take the time to love and learn about yourself? 

Peeling back the layers to find, understand, nurture and inspire the spirit within is an essential part of Self-Care that affects all aspects of your Self Influenced Behaviours.

Self-Image – How do you see yourself?

  • Whether you realize it or not, how you really see yourself is what you project to the world, if you are happy or unhappy others will see it and sometimes feel it.  We all have a distinctive energy around us that can either feel warm, cold or some variation in between and it either attracts or deters those who come near.  Even if you have a protective armor or wall around you that is preventing others from getting in and hurting you, remember it is also keeping them out and preventing them from knowing the real you.

Self-Pride – Where have you set the bar?

  • Your approach to everything in life will be affected by how much value you place on your personal ethics.  You know where your strengths and weaknesses are, continuous improvement of self feeds and nourishes your self-pride which in turn builds confidence, that confidence is characterized by your personal belief that you are limited by nothing and open to everything.

Self-Respect – What are your boundaries?

  • The big question here is how many liberties are you willing to give others in their desire to take what they can from you without giving anything back?  Boundaries aren’t just to let others know how far they can push you but to let everyone know how much you value yourself.  In the past I have allowed my boundaries to be stretched beyond what felt comfortable for me because saying no felt like I was hurting someone’s feelings but what felt worse was knowing that I was compromising my boundaries and teaching that person that taking advantage of me was Ok.

Self-Reflection – Why do you do the things you do?

  • Reflection is your best source for tapping in to who you once were at a time when you liked yourself and it is possible to find your way back to those thoughts, behaviours and boundaries that defined and shaped your life then.  Through self-reflection I have discovered many things I hadn’t realized or been tuned into at the time which has brought me a greater sense of awareness.  Awareness only transpires when you keep your heart and mind open, the hunger to learn and evolve is the wind beneath that carries you into this phase.  Often the reason for self-reflection is out of necessity because somewhere along the way you know you’ve gone off course.  Sometimes so far that anything other than where you currently are is better than continuing in what you know is the wrong direction, backtracking helps you to identify where you’ve made a wrong turn so you can find your way onto a path that is more positive for you.

We are each a small part of the universal source, interconnected on some level or altered state of consciousness.  We aren’t always in that altered state of consciousness but through it we experience a heightened sense of awareness towards ourselves and others.  Taking the time to step outside yourself every once in a while can help you to gain clarity when times are difficult and provide you with insight when your prospects seem skewed.

Self-Sabotage – Who are you trying to ruin?

  • Sometimes immersing yourself in negative familiarity is more counter-productive then you realize because while you may feel you are progressing forward you are actually suspending your evolution.  Stepping into or maintaining such familiarity may seem easier than addressing the root of a personal issue and then again sometimes you don’t realize there is a personal issue to address because your conscious mind is providing you with enough distraction to hide from facing what may be overwhelming and/or painful.

When you allow your past to have life in your present it’s like carrying a backpack around with you 24 hours a day that contains everything you haven’t dealt with and you bring it into every interaction and relationship.  You may not actually be showing others the contents but the unresolved issues are displayed within every action and reaction.  You can’t change your past, you can only learn, heal and grow past that which has challenged and changed you.

Take notice of how certain events and circumstances affect you, be mindful of how you cope, whether it is an internal or external reaction and remember Self-Care for yourself is necessary!  Breaking down your own walls to get to really know and understand the person within will positively enhance all areas of your life and help you to shape a future that benefits not just you but everyone around you.

self care

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2014 in Blog

 

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You Have the Power

05 Mar

To Change your Story

The life you live is your choice, Always! 

If your life is not the way you like it you can change it, there are always options and the only reason you may feel trapped at times is because you won’t allow yourself to see those options.  There are always obstacles in life to overcome to reach the desired destination but it is your choice as to whether you are going to let those options stand in your way or if you are going to find an alternate route around them.  If you give up and quit, that is because you have made the conscious decision that you are not going to succeed but it isn’t the obstacles that prevented you from moving forward it was you!

Story, Wooden peg and colorful words series on rope

Obstacles are on your path to challenge and teach you that anything worth having is worth fighting for and to help build who you are to become.  Stepping outside your comfort zone is where your biggest opportunities lie and it’s not that you are going to be successful with everything you try but taking a chance will build your self-worth and not taking the chance will lower it.  I have personally found that even if the road I’ve travelled doesn’t pan out I feel pride because at least I tried it.  Regret, in my opinion, sucks the life out of your self-worth, self-pride and self-respect and will continue to drain that part of your psyche until you let go and resolve to move forward with a life plan that better builds you.

I’ve taken chances and risks to walk on many different paths in the effort to find the one that is truly my own and I don’t believe I’m done yet.  There always seems to be another level even higher than the last that I need to reach for next and every step I take leads me to new discoveries, sometimes daily.  Discoveries that tantalize and inspire my inner creativity with insight into new and exciting prospects, prospects I hadn’t even considered.  Letting go of fear is your only option for moving forward, fear can be paralyzing and it lives only in your mind, it’s not an actual circumstance.  Danger and extreme peril, both are actual circumstances that can evolve to exist but fear is a component of the mind, created by the mind.

When you become stuck it is because there is something in your emotion (usually fear) that is continuing to cycle and reminding you that you can’t get there from here but really you can, you just have to find another route.

Just because you’ve fallen down doesn’t mean you stay there, the only reason you are unable to see a way out or up is because your vision is clouded but it can and will clear if you want and allow it to.  Letting go of the fear to take a chance is the single most important step you need to take to move in the direction you seek, if you don’t know the direction look within, all the answers you will ever need are in there. 

If your story is not going the way you want you may have quieted your instincts so much that they are barely an audible whisper but the more you allow them to have a voice the louder they will get.  Your instincts, intuition, inner voice, however you want to refer to it will never guide you to a place that isn’t necessary for your personal growth but you are not meant to get stuck there.

I absolutely love Jane Fonda’s analogy of this kind of emotional challenge, I can’t quote it verbatim but it is somewhere along these lines; every time you exercise you create little miniscule tears in the muscle (that sore, tired feeling after exercise, like you really worked out), these tears heal quite quickly and become stronger and so muscle grows.  This is like the emotional challenges, they make little tears in our emotion and we heal and become stronger because of the experience, it’s not that we are broken but rather broken open and the opportunity for positive change and new beginnings can be the result of that experience if you don’t allow it to define you.

We all deserve to live the life we hope for and envision and there is no such thing as too late or too old.  You know your heart and inner spirit better than anyone and you know when you are going against it because inner war is the result, that conflict creates negativity that can spiral into dark areas that can damage you significantly, sometimes altering you into an entirely different person.  I do believe that everything happens for a reason and even though negative experiences are needed for growth, as are positive, they can sometimes create a tornado effect within you and the only way to stop it is to take away its wind.

Take back your power, surround yourself with people that build and inspire you, live and breathe positive thinking and change your story!

what if

 
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Posted by on March 5, 2014 in Blog

 

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