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The Ties that Bind

19 Mar

Releasing the Past!

The world of hurt caused by the feeling and expression of Anger, Grudge and/or Hurt can be overwhelming enough to stunt, damage or impede your personal growth and progression in life for the period of time it takes for you to purge it.

Most anger or grudges you hold onto come from a deep dark place of hurt, acknowledging that hurt and nurturing your feelings back into a positive state is the only way to move forward.  Obviously this is easier said than done in the lives of many, I know I’ve had my struggles with it.  When you feel wronged by another it can be difficult to let it go, most of us just want acknowledgement, to be heard, to be validated, to have our say and these are the most important parts of the process to help you move on and let it be.

Acknowledgement isn’t always easily found or accommodated:

  • The anger or grudge may be directed at someone who has now left the physical world
  • You aren’t able to find the right words to express exactly what you need to say to someone
  • The one causing the hurt is not easily reached mentally or emotionally which prevents them from fully understanding the negative effect they’ve had on you.

Not everyone realizes how much their words or actions can hurt another and some think “don’t be so sensitive” but in reality it’s that “sensitivity” that is you who you are and if they really know you then they know what will hurt you and should adjust accordingly.  I don’t mean walk around certain people like you’re on egg shells but know your audience and don’t expect everyone else to adjust to you if you don’t even try to adjust to them!

If you want others to be respectful of your feelings then be respectful of theirs, it’s as simple as it’s quoted:  “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.  It doesn’t get more golden than that!words that hurt

If you become aware that you have hurt someone through your words or actions it is important to make amends not just for your own consciousness of behaviour but to help them process through their hurt.  I am not by any means going to say that I’m perfect, no one is!  I know I’ve been responsible for hurting someone’s feelings with my words or actions but my conscious always knows when I’m in the wrong and I try to make amends in whatever way I can through apology, understanding and validation.  The “sweep it under the table and forget it” isn’t the action to take when you realize you are wrong, it is only through acknowledgement that you can help the one you’ve hurt to let go of it and move ahead without issue.  It’s actually an important process for you as well to know you’ve made steps to correct words or actions that you know aren’t right because even though karma is a process associated with unconditional intention, if your intention isn’t to correct your wrongs then it is likely your karmic outcome will contain a few hiccups or difficulties.

Moving past hurt is basically a process you create for yourself, through whatever means, to help you channel it outward so it can then be released.  I journal my way through all the issues that cause me hurt or discontent and it is the best form of therapy for me but what works for me may not work for another, it’s just a matter of finding the process that works best for you but do try, it is important to release issues that prevent you from moving forward.

Holding onto past hurt doesn’t just control your life in the present it ruins it because it causes unhappiness and negative thoughts, negative thoughts sometimes evolve into negative actions.  Without resolution these issues will spill over into your future which can hold your life in a place of continuous cycle and recall of the moment(s) of hurt when it occurred.

It’s not as much about giving the one who has caused you hurt a break and letting it go as it is about letting it go so it doesn’t continue to hurt you so deeply.  The hurt you allow through supporting your anger or grudge will continually cycle and can cause irreparable damage to you emotionally, mentally and as a result, sometimes physically.  These three aspects of your health are co-dependent upon each other and when one is low it can alter your quality of life and honestly I don’t think that is something anyone deserves or needs to endure.

If you can, look to those in your life that you trust and admire who you can ask for assistance, advice or support whether that is through listening or helping you to make a plan.  I’ve found that when I have someone to talk to it makes a huge difference because it allows me to step outside myself so I can get a clearer perspective and vision for going forward in a better direction.

As difficult as it may be, embrace the pain, allow yourself to feel it fully so you can then start to heal, the more you heal the more you will be able to let it go and when you’ve finally rid yourself of the hurts that have paralyzed you for so long you will be able to move forward and enjoy the happiness you deserve and the future you are destined to live.

emily's quote

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2014 in Blog

 

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