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The New Normal

Breaking the Cycle

I’m sure at some point we have all recognized a cycle or pattern occur or reoccur in our lives and usually not until the undesirable happens.  The undesirable being the outcome that you either didn’t expect or didn’t want.

If it was something you didn’t expect then you probably weren’t listening to the warnings your inner voice was nudging you about or your ego was encouraging you that you knew better.

If it was something you didn’t want then the outcome was already placed in your subconscious and therefore inevitable because in the back of your mind you expect it may be a possibility.

The law of attraction will give you exactly what you want to think about the most.  Your conscious mind can try to trick you into believing something but the truth of what you really feel and believe is stored in your subconscious.  If you believe in your subconscious that you are in a pattern/cycle that is going to fail then you can tell your conscious self all you want that everything is fine but deep down you know it’s not.

What I have become mindful of over time is my inner voice/gut instincts in identifying the parallels and precursors to those undesirable circumstances so I can prevent a reoccurrence.  I’ve also found that cycles and patterns of experiences and/or behaviours have many variables at the core and no two are alike which is why I say I stay mindful but not apathetic.  It is very important to remain open yet aware so you do not risk closing yourself off from the good that could come into your life.

Most of the patterns and cycles reoccur not because we aren’t being smart but because they are familiar, even when they may be toxic.  Your environment from childhood and up to adult is what you have been marinated in and in essence becomes the fabric of who you are even if the environment wasn’t favourable.  Sometimes as a result you end up seeking a similar environment not because it is what you desire but because it is familiar.  As I said there are many variables at the core of each of us and no two experiences are identical and if your environment wasn’t favourable it doesn’t necessarily mean you are cursed to end up in that same place.

Awareness is your best friend, openness is your faith, kindness is your assistant and love is your hope.

Remembering the positives from your past instead of the negative aspects is a good way to understand and learn what the experiences are there to teach you so you don’t go through it again.  When you do this it helps your soul heal so you can remain open to the good but aware so you don’t fall back again and bypass your destiny.  We all have a destined purpose and if you aren’t sure if you are living yours then just ask yourself these questions:

Do I have passion in my life?

Am I living or just existing?

I think most reasons for starting to question your experiences come after what feels like mistake after mistake or failure after failure which I can easily identify with.  I’ve had my share of undesirable experiences and they have taught much more than I would have gained without them.  The answer is to reflect and review your past for present and future purposes but don’t stay there.  Creating a new familiar and normal will bring harmony and a peaceful state of existence to all your relationships that will have you aspiring to cultivate this in every area of your life.  I know it has for me!

A life that isn’t dependent upon any expectation but rather passionately thriving, embracing and celebrating all the positives that come your way, big or small.  When you have gratitude for the little things in life it makes the bigger things even more profound when they occur and they definitely will!

Create your new normal, life your best life and live it with passion!

 
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Posted by on April 6, 2018 in Blog

 

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Choosing the Higher Ground

By Picking your Battles

I heard the phrase “picking your battles” years ago in relation to parenting and while you may have the best intention for wanting to guide your children towards their best life you can’t expect to bulldoze your way through without allowing their inner spirit to also have a voice.  In picking the battles that are the most important to you as well as allowing those that are the most important to your children it provides them with the understanding for the foundation of compromise through communication and balance in finding middle ground.

While I had initially become aware of this during my daughter’s younger years what I’ve realized is that this expression is not isolated to just parenting your child.  It transcends into all relationships and is an important reminder for us all when working through any kind of difficulty.

Sometimes the more empowering path you can take is to choose the higher ground even when you feel you are in the right.  Wayne Dyer referenced this quote by R.J. Palacio “When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind”.  We should always be choosing kind, it’s not just about taking the moral high ground but also about embracing a little humility and grace for others along the way.  Sensitivity towards others even if it isn’t reciprocated is emancipation for your soul, a feeling you soon won’t forget and likely something you will want to repeat.

Forgiveness is a powerful thing, first for yourself and then for others.  Holding onto anger, resentment or bitterness damages more within you than against that which you despise, condemn or blame.

What has your disappointment cost you?

I think the best way to evaluate this is to look at how present a past experience is in your daily life, does it in any way inhabit your thoughts, words, behaviour or actions?  Is it preventing you from moving forward?  Is it influencing how you feel about yourself negatively?  Do you feel exhausted and drained so much so that you know your best option is to just put the baggage down and walk freely ahead?

What is your peace worth?

Peace of mind is not something you can buy but the value of your peace should be priceless!  It is only through letting go of that which no longer serves you that you find your peace.  Peace is whatever you define it to be for you whether that is harmony of the soul, freedom from disturbance or tranquility of the mind.  It is whatever resonates within that allows you complete relief from the burdens that have run you down and threaten your happiness in life.

What’s in your heart?

Stillness speaks volumes!  It’s so important to hear and heed the whispers, listen to what has been placed on your heart and you will find your passion and purpose.  No matter what that is, no matter how possible or impossible it seems, follow it.  Everything in us has been placed there for a reason, reasons you may not know yet but are meant to lead you into your best life.  Don’t challenge what you feel, embrace it.

What does your soul tell you?

While it’s important to follow your heart, it’s also important to listen to your soul, your inner voice, your gut instinct.  When you allow your heart (your emotion) to be heard and connect it with your soul (your inner voice) you become the spirit warrior you were meant to and everything that once felt like obstacles begin to fall away.  You allow yourself to live passionately which aligns you with your life’s purpose.  Don’t let yourself to settle for anything less!

Letting go to forgive, to heal, to move forward is for others but mostly for you, it allows you to accept and release yourself from the outcome you wanted and expected to see.

Raise yourself up and stand on the higher ground, some battles aren’t worth the fight especially if you lose something of yourself in it.  Return your power to where it belongs, with you!

 
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Posted by on March 30, 2018 in Blog

 

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The Tender Space of Hurt

Where does it all begin?

If you’ve ever been the one to inflict emotional hurt on another you may not realize how damaging your actions are, alternatively if that is your intent then you are very aware and obviously not operating from the best place of your souls’ purpose.

If you have been the recipient of this kind of action you already know the extensive damage it causes on the deepest part of your soul and so do those around you. What you feel and experience has a direct and outward effect on those closest to you.

Ever had a bad day come home and bark at everyone around you? I know I have and it’s not something I desire at all!

Through my own experiences as well as observation of others the tender space of hurt is vast and sometimes long-lasting. I believe the long-lasting effects are significantly reduced when the source of the hurt is acknowledged, validated and the recipient is allowed to have their voice heard.don't let others hurt others

Brushing something off, under the rug, ignorance is bliss, etc., does absolutely nothing to correct or abate the hurt in fact it can only make it grow, sometimes to an irreparable amount.   What follows can be a multitude of negative thoughts which turn into negative attitude, outlook and/or behaviour.

Keep in mind that action, reaction and inaction are all actions, each come with results and consequence. If you choose to ignore or overlook any of these the result may be that it diminishes your ability to connect with others, especially those you may really want to. You may end up closing yourself off from the world whether it is by choice or default because you just don’t know how to communicate or listen.

Awareness is the key to connecting with everything in your life, everything that is meaningful, supportive and loving. It is through your own heightened awareness that you can connect on every level with others and in the form that your soul seeks in finding the greater meaning of life. I think everyone at one time or another has wondered about their purpose, the big picture, the grand design of their lives and what it is all supposed to mean. What do you do when an emotional hurt changes the course of that interest and fills your thoughts and time with negativity?

I’m sure we’ve all been there; having the anticipatory thoughts of conversations, what we want to say to another, how we want to respond, how we expect them to respond. All of this is wasted time in your life and likely never to happen. I know because I’ve been there with those thoughts and honestly not one time have any of those anticipatory conversations ever occurred. Can you believe how much of my precious time I wasted with that when I could have been doing something that was much more beneficial for myself or someone I care about?

I may be wrong but my feeling is that when you keep coming back to a same space of hurt it is because it hasn’t been acknowledged, validated or heard. That is the central source of your emotional pain and even if you dispute that, whether you realize it or not, you are allowing that pain to maintain its residence in your heart and soul. If someone in your life keeps coming back to a specific point, know that that is their pain and if you care you will act, dismissing it only exacerbates the issue and shows them that you don’t care.

This kind of emotional hurt can stunt your progression to higher levels of awareness and connection so how do you get around it, get past it? These are the most challenging and difficult questions to answer.

Getting through or past something that has hurt the deepest part of your soul can only be accomplished by you, and only if you are willing to let it. Of course that’s easier said than done, when something has damaged your soul so extensively repair isn’t always just around the corner because you decided it would be.

I’ve had my experiences that have caused me hurt and finding the best way for you to release it is going to be a trial and error experience, what works for one doesn’t always work for another but it’s important to try and keep trying.

I can offer two options that worked for me and if they don’t work for you that’s ok, just keep trying, you deserve to be happy!

  • I’ve always found that I need to have my say, whether the one that caused me hurt is hearing it or not. Write out a letter to that person (DON’T SEND IT!) say everything you want to say, don’t hold back. Being able to get something out that’s been bottled up is a form of release and once I do that it leaves my prominent thoughts. I will always remember but I allow forgiveness, not for that person but for myself for believing that the experience could have been any different.
  • I have also tried a guided meditation, not just me trying to meditate or listening to a tape but an actual professional that guided me through it and honestly after I was done I felt lighter, more energetic and less interested in letting that experience waste any more of my life.

Sometimes it’s a small adjustment that can change your outlook and your life, sometimes it’s not so much that you’re broken but rather broken open. Being broken open isn’t as awful as it may sound, think about the atom and what was discovered when it was broken open and then imagine the other million things you haven’t discovered about yourself because they were hidden/sheltered behind a wall of protection caused by a mountain of hurt that prevented you from fully living and loving your life.

I do believe that when you are broken open you are at your most vulnerable but within that vulnerability you will discover more of yourself, your gifts, your talents and your hidden strengths. Even though allowing the space of vulnerability can be terrifying, being scared is a good thing because it means you’re on the edge of something great that is about to change your life for the better!

broken

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2015 in Blog

 

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Below the Surface

Is Where Negativity Finds a Way In

Your experiences are meant to teach not trap and when you are unable to find the wisdom within them you prevent yourself from the growth meant to take you to the next level of your life’s journey.unforgiveness

If you are unable to even think of an experience, let alone talk about it without feeling re-affected because the hurt or disappointment from it was so significant then you haven’t allowed yourself to fully feel, grieve and let it go.

It’s very important to allow things to process out of your system, not just physically but mentally and spiritually too. All experiences have a direct effect on all three states of your well-being and if allowed can fester and grow resentment, bitterness, grudges and unforgiveness.

Feel the Pain:  Experiences that have deeply hurt your feelings have to be acknowledged, you can’t just push them aside, focus your attention elsewhere and will them to go away. They re-surface again and again in your life through similar cycles and patterns and eventually you come to a point where you are forced to deal with them. The question is are you finally going to? Or are you going to push them down deeper?

Happiness, peace of mind and balance will always elude you if you continually resist the Universe’s message.

Grieve the Loss:  It’s important to allow yourself time to grieve the loss that you feel from any experience, there is always some level of expectation in any exchange and when it’s not met resentment can occur. It’s important to acknowledge those thoughts and know that they are not wrong and are a natural result. You are allowed to feel how you feel from any experience.

Let Go:  Any Loss is loss.  Once you’ve allowed yourself to feel the pain and grieve the loss you’ll find that letting go is the easiest part of the process. It allows the weight of resentment, bitterness, grudges and/or unforgiveness that you’ve carried around to be lifted from where they do not belong. It’s a bigger burden than you realize and one that will make you feel a whole lot lighter, less cluttered and overwhelmed within your mind.

releasing a grudge

Regardless of how much pain was caused from an experience you cannot allow it change you so much that it negatively affects any area of your life. When you choose not to forgive, you are also choosing not to let go and by doing that you are allowing the experience to still own an aspect of your life.

Do you really want to let a negative experience interrupt your life daily, weekly or monthly, at all? When you can’t find peace with something that’s what it does, it causes a rift in your soul, that rift can affect all your relationships, is that fair to you or to them? If you think about it the negative experience is being allowed to not only continue to hurt you but to now hurt others through you, even if you don’t mean to.

The rift in your soul can cause you to feel unbalanced and that is your spirit trying to find a way to be heard, validated and soothed before you spin yourself into an unmanageable state. These signs manifest through your physical, mental and spiritual well-being and can cause and/or mimic serious afflictions within. There is a significant amount of stress you place on yourself through resistance and if you knew all of this from the beginning you would likely choose to feel, grieve and let go but your emotions are the wild card that you can’t control.

I’ve learned that even though my emotions are strong, my spirit is stronger and the voice of reason thankfully is within my spirit, not my emotions even if they do send me off on a tangent every once in a while.

Recognizing and acknowledging my emotions during times of adversity is important and having a really excellent friend to be the additional voice of reason next to your spirits’ is a blessing. At the very least an open ear of someone you can trust to help provide you with a healthy perspective can help you to help yourself find a way into the process and eventually toward letting go.

Even if you don’t reconnect again it’s important to let an experience run its course through all the phases or you risk losing the whole purpose of it. You’ve already endured the worst why stop short of the finish line when your blessing for making it through all adversity is the wisdom that comes at the end.repeating relationship patterns

When starting anew it is important to leave the past in the past and face new experiences with an open heart and mind. It’s wise to remember past experiences and retain the lessons and wisdom you have gained but placing and/or comparing a new experience with a previous one carries overtones that have no place or reason.

New experiences also bring new people, new behaviours and new circumstances and none are comparable to anything from the past, they are new, treat them as such and bring your wisdom!

 
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Posted by on November 24, 2014 in Blog

 

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To Err is Human

To Forgive is Divine

Forgiveness allows you relief from carrying the burden that causes you to remain present in a moment that has hurt you deeply.

It takes courage to allow yourself to be in a place that helps you to forgive others for feeling disempowered by their words or actions. Vulnerability is a necessary component of all relationships, without it you won’t experience the true connection but with it there is a risk of being hurt. If you take your past hurts with you into your present and future it may provide you with a false sense of security, a wall that you think may protect you from getting hurt again, but it prevents you from truly shining and others from getting to know your heart.

When you’ve been hurt deeply the ego’s logic is to hold onto the hurt and anger in the hopes that it will somehow affect the person that caused you the hurt. This couldn’t be further from the truth, chances are very likely that they are unaffected, unconcerned and/or unaware. That hurt, however, will continue to writhe inside of you until you finally reach the place of letting it go and letting it go you must!

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

–        Buddha

I absolutely love this quote I got from an Oprah show a while back, it bears repeating again and again until you allow yourself to feel and embrace the power in these words.

  • Forgiveness does not mean you have to accept the person back into your life.
  • Forgiveness does not mean you are condoning what they did or that you are in any way saying it was OK what they did.
  • Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.

Forgiveness is where your strength lies because it allows you to embrace more fulfilling aspects of character like compassion and empathy. That strength says “I’m letting you go so you can’t continue to hurt me with this memory that I’m remembering daily”. By releasing this memory as past and allowing the grief of the hurt to be felt you then give yourself the opportunity to heal and become stronger, strong enough to never find yourself in that same place again. Sometimes the hurt caused by another can feel very personal and intense and to hold yourself in the same place day after day after day can be a way of punishing yourself for letting someone get close enough to hurt you, although I don’t think that is realized at the time.

Forgiveness paves the way for all things beautiful and positive. It gives you the opportunity to see and feel the miracles of life that we often overlook or take for granted. Forgiveness helps you into the state of gratitude so you are able to recognize the blessings you’ve had and those that are still to come.

There are so many before us that have gone through so much more than we will ever have to know because they have lived, their sacrifices paved a better road for us. Without the blessing of their sacrifices, our miracles in life would not be as abundant. Take a moment to acknowledge and recognize history and know that no matter how difficult life may be right now, there are always options, if there weren’t then those before us wouldn’t have been able to provide us with the changes we know in life today.

Your crown has been bought and paid for. All you have to do is put it on your head.

  • James Baldwin

Appreciate yourself and life enough to know that you have every opportunity to pave that path even better for the future of those you do not know and in doing so you may have positively inspired hope in another.

Hope lies in dreams, in imagination, and in the courage of those who dare to make dreams into reality.

  • Jonas Salk

how we ran the race

 
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Posted by on October 6, 2014 in Blog

 

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Defining Moments

What Matters Most!

There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you well, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.

There are actually quite a few defining moments, at least that’s what I’ve found so far and I’m sure there are more to come. It’s like the big “aha” and I really do look forward to those moments because with them comes enlightenment, it’s the ultimate pulling back of the curtain and showing you exactly what’s behind it, things don’t get much clearer than that.

They really make you realize what matters most and for me that has always been the simpler aspects of my life, even though it hadn’t occurred to me prior to that. Sometimes we really do complicate our lives by getting too caught up in things that really don’t impact our lives in the way that we may initially believe and getting yourself wound up is almost never a viable solution.

There are many people that are meant to come into, stay and/or leave our lives, all for a reason and all for a certain time period (long or short) and I believe that all are meant to teach and help us to grow into our destiny. We all aren’t a perfect fit for one another collectively because we are all so different, some people we click with and some people we definitely don’t and at some point in our lives (which is different times for everyone) we grow either together or apart. I do believe that what matters most to each of us is a defining moment, it is a moment or a series of moments that start you on a different path. A path that attracts you to, or to you, people that may not have captured your interest before. Even though those people may have always been meant to come into your life, until you gained the experiences that brought you here the shared interest may not have developed.

All experiences change us in some way and even though some of them aren’t as desirable as others they are necessary to teach us to recognize that which we do not want in our lives.people, actions

There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it: I’m not a fan of the drama, my normal is and has always been direct, say what you mean and definitely mean what you way. In my opinion, actions have always been the true window to the soul.

You surround yourself with people who make you laugh: This is essential for me, I thrive on the hilarious, even at the expense of myself. If you can’t laugh at your own foibles then you are definitely missing out, humor can be a bonding experience.

Forget the bad and focus on the good: It doesn’t matter how badly something has been as long as you allow yourself to feel it and let it go. If you consistently carry your bad baggage forward into your future you will never find happiness.

Love the people who treat you well, pray for the ones who don’t: The ones who treat you well truly have your best interest at heart, there is no personal gain besides your placement in their life. For those who don’t, I think best to offer a blessing for enlightenment in the hopes that they find connections that inspire them to do better.

Life is too short to be anything but happy: As much we may believe that our human existence is long, it’s really not, time flies by pretty fast and too often time is wasted on being disappointed, upset and unhappy. Find the things, the people that inspire and motivate your passion and even though life still goes by fast, at least you will feel like you did something valuable with your time.

Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living: Fall down seven times, get up eight! Don’t ever believe that just because you erred, fell down or feel you failed that it means you are done for. The fact is that it gives you the opportunity to rebuild something to your liking, maybe tweak it a bit better than it was so it suits you instead of you trying to suit it.

I believe that if you find that which inspires and motivates your passion then what matters most isn’t too far off from there.

Always pursue your greatest desires in life. I think at the end of your life you will be more disappointed by the chances you didn’t take than the ones you did.

chances not taken

 
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Posted by on August 13, 2014 in Blog

 

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Bankruptcy of the Soul

Why We Do the Things We Do

It is during the times when your soul is feeling bankrupt that you may make uncharacteristic errors in judgement and behaviour.

Filling a void with more emptiness when you don’t know where the disconnection in your soul is puts you out of sync. You can waste a lot of time searching for the answer and it’s quite likely that you’re looking in the wrong areas of life, provided that you’ve made this realization and you’re looking at all.

When we are out of sync we distract ourselves with other things and fill the void in the area that we believe is incomplete when in actuality it’s an entirely different area so we end up cycling through the same life occurrences over and over until we finally see the light. Hopefully the over and over part doesn’t occur too many times, my experience with this cycle has been that it starts with a thought that something is off, then becomes a whisper that gets louder and louder and then you get thumped when you get too far off path.the stone after it's thrown

If your life occurrences are connected to loved ones it can get really damaging if you get to the point of getting thumped because you can’t turn back time.

When you are unaware that you are bankrupt in one or some areas of your emotions you may be constantly making bad choices and wondering why you keep running up against so much resistance. Or you could be giving away all of your emotions to others and depleting yourself because you believe your cup is already full not realizing that it isn’t bottomless and you’re filling the wrong glass.

When you are giving and giving and giving but don’t have someone replenishing your resource you are essentially going bankrupt emotionally. Our emotions are the nurturance that feeds and replenishes the heart and soul, if those emotions become depleted there is nothing left to feed you and that is when your areas in need are easier to identify. Sometimes you need to go to your lowest point to be able to help yourself, to pick yourself back up again and it can be done!

Brokenness from the past can build walls and disruption in the present and carry through to your future. Sometimes it’s the inconvenient truth that you have to face and acknowledge that helps you step into the person you are meant to be. It takes courage to get into the down and dirty to find the truth of you, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you!

Past hurts can manifest by either acting out or retreating which are two very different actions but both usually occur as a result of some sort of inner emotional hurt. Even though acting out is outwardly damaging it is usually more for the purpose of being seen and/or heard and while it’s never a great experience for anyone at least the emotions have been released. I believe that retreating, bottling things up is more damaging to the soul because the emotions do not get released in the process that they should, they just get compiled and compiled downward.

The best process is healthy communication because it provides relief and release of the emotional hurt but you do have to feel the pain, it is the only way to effectively let things go. Even though you may believe that by carrying past hurt around with you every day that you are feeling the pain, you actually aren’t, the pain that is with you daily is the feeling of limbo because the real hurt hasn’t yet been acknowledged or resolved. Release through whatever means is imperative to your physical health, bottled up pain creates a field of negative energy inside you that will continue to grow until its nourishment is cut-off.

Everyone comes into our lives for a reason, a purpose, sometimes they are meant to stay for a lifetime and sometimes only for a season but all bring with them some sort of learning experience that is important enough to cross your path. The Universe has a way of creating the openings needed to usher those in and the endings necessary to carry them out. All are blessings, some more disguised than others, but you are given the opportunity to develop faith, awareness and insight all of which will help you to navigate your path.

everything is a miracle

 
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Posted by on July 6, 2014 in Blog

 

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