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Let’s Be Honest

24 Feb

What do you really know?

 I would venture to guess that many people have at one time or another made an assumption and/or presumption about another’s life, thoughts, intentions and/or grievances (potential or otherwise).  I can’t say with any certainty in the times I have done this that I 100% know exactly what is going on in the mind or life of another and I don’t think anyone really can.  Coming to this awareness and making a commitment to myself as well as others to maintain this awareness when situations arise that trigger this type of speculation is a consideration I give to myself and others.

Communication is one of my favorite experiences to participate in for a few reasons:

  • It cultivates and creates new connections
  • it strengthens and enhances my existing relationships
  • it inspires my thoughts and perspectives in new directions
  • It expands and nourishes the world in which I live

The more we learn about each other the deeper we can connect our souls, this is just my thought but I feel many of us are out there starving for this kind of nourishment.  It seems to be showing up everywhere and spiraling through signs of distress, dissatisfaction, dissidence, disrespect and total disconnection from the emotional feelings that are meant to connect us.  As much as the world has achieved such fantastic technological advances that has given us all further reach in connecting with all walks of life from all over the world, it seems these advances have also disconnected us from real and authentic conversation and connection to each other.

Assume – suppose to be the case, without proof

I believe this is more common than realized and the best way to take this out of the equation in any relationship is to be clear and direct.  I have learned to use a feedback process so if I’m not sure I understand something and I feel within that there is potential for me to assume I repeat back what I’ve heard and ask for clarification.  It gives me and the person I am in communication with the opportunity to clear that line so there is no room for misinterpretation.  Sometimes the one you are communicating with didn’t really hear how what they were saying was actually coming across because it sounded different to them or their intention was not how it was expressed and they would like to re-word.  I work hard to continually utilize this process because I’ve learned from my own experiences that EVERY time I’ve ever assumed I’ve been wrong.

Of course my feedback process hasn’t worked every time, there are times when a communication goes south and there’s nothing you can do about it except postpone it to another time.  Everyone is different, everyone’s circumstances are different and sometimes things need to be addressed at a later date. During difficulty not everyone is in an open and generous state of mind, conversations under that kind of influence may become strained and tense.

Presume – suppose that something is the case on the basis of probability

Again, probably more common than realized and in my experience presumption has occurred because of me, my lack of faith and fear of what I do not have clarity on.

Assume or presume, either is risky and can put you on the hamster wheel cycling and escalating a misunderstood and unclarified communication into parts unknown.  Potentially causing you to imagine the worst, creating and/or elevating it in your mind, only to find out later that you never had it right.  Of course it is possible you may be right but how much satisfaction do you really get out of that?  I would say your soul gets no satisfaction but your ego is probably loving it.  How much is it really worth though?  Putting yourself through unnecessary stress and aggravation.  I don’t know about you but that does not appeal to me at all.

I feel the best resolution to clearing both of these usually disastrous tendencies is to increase your practice in generosity.  Consideration and/or empathy towards what another is experiencing or feeling is a necessary component on the path to understanding.  There is that phrase “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes” which is essentially the platform in which this kind of understanding begins on.

  • How would you feel if you were in their situation whatever that may be which of course you don’t always know?
  • How would you be responding if what they are experiencing was going on in your life?

I realize that in certain situations having generosity towards another can be a big request and while it may seem like it is for the benefit of just the other person it really is more of a benefit for you.  To keep you on track with your soul and off that hamster wheel so you aren’t escalating an experience that may have left you feeling emotionally insignificant and/or invalidated.

It does absolutely no good for anyone to try to understand, comprehend or possibly imagine what another person thinks or believes about you to be true.  The main point about this is that it does not define who you actually are so why even entertain the thought?  What someone else perceives about you does not mean that their perception is right, does it?

Speculating through your own fears without knowing the truth of a situation can be a dangerous thought process with the biggest threat being your own personal health and well-being.

                          False     Expectations     Appearing     Real

When you create a false expectation (theory) of what appears real through the eyes of another assuming/presuming you know what they think, feel or believe you injure yourself the most.

How often have you misdirected your own fears into a reality that would never have manifested in the way you’ve imagined?  How far have you taken those misguided thoughts?  Has it benefited you in any way?

I’ve had communications that have gone to both sides of the spectrum so my wish is to introduce caution, consideration and compassion when communicating whether difficult or not.

  • Caution against saying something you may not be able to take back. There are so many words to use and some can cause more damage than others.
  • Consider the words you choose and ask yourself first how you would feel if they were spoken to you.
  • Compassion in its purest form is a gift you give to another and a blessing you give to yourself.

It takes more of your energy to be resistant than it does to be generous but it takes more courage to be generous than it does to be resistant.  Resistance lowers your levels of personal empowerment and generosity elevates it.  Awareness is power!

Be generous with yourself and notice how that changes your energy, imagine the impact when you embrace and carry that same energy into all your communications.  What a different world you can create around you.

There is such beautiful opportunity to develop deep and profound connections through conversation.  I’ve found my strongest connections with others have been formed through communication simply because it has allowed me to see their heart, their vulnerability and their soul.  There is no way to quantify this except to say it’s priceless!

 
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Posted by on February 24, 2020 in Blog

 

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Have A Word With Yourself!

25 Jan

You Can’t Change What You Don’t Acknowledge

Do you find, at times, that you jump to the wrong conclusions causing an inappropriate reaction before letting a conversation finish?

Do you find that those reactions are consistently having a negative effect on your relationships and communications with others?

Do you often believe that you are right without considering the possibility that there may be more for you to learn?

When you close your mind from empathizing, understanding, considering and/or acknowledging other points of view then you cut yourself off from your own evolution of personal growth.  Not only does this prevent you from developing your soul but it stagnates your relations with others as they continue to grow and evolve with others that share their interests.

We all want to connect, we all want to be heard and we all want to be acknowledged.

When you disregard another person’s feelings you are rejecting their right to have a voice, you are suppressing their concerns and most importantly you are negating their pain.

when-a-person-says-you-hurt-them

Respect, appreciation and gratitude are the foundation for every aspect of life;

Respect is not only those around you (like the waiter, the clerk at the store or someone down on their luck) but the items you use in your daily life, everything is energy!

If you were to abuse your vehicle, an appliance or your home eventually they would begin to deteriorate.  Nature and our environment thrive on the generosity of our respect, for it is all living energy that requires nurturing and without that becomes listless and dies, some damage irreversible.

Appreciation for every experience, lesson and opportunity can provide you with a renewed sense of insight.  Not just the good but sometimes even the worst experiences lead us onto a better path and usually with a stronger of self and clarity.  It may be that your purpose is connected to one of those experiences.

Lessons are also an essential part of life, not everything can be gained from the knowledge contained in books, first-hand experience is the best teacher you will ever have, sometimes not the most favorable but usually the most effective.  All opportunities are gifts, ones that shouldn’t be refused because they look like work or aren’t as appealing to the eye as you’d like.

Gratitude (noun):  the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

Is gratitude something you do occasionally or how you live?  Is your gratitude based only on what you receive from others or are you grateful for their mere presence in your life?  Do you only at times offer the words to express that gratitude or is it something you believe is just known by those around you?

Active gratitude is an empowering and happy energy to embrace and practice daily, one that will fuel and nurture your soul and the souls of those around you.+

Without gratitude you lose the whole purpose of your journey, without respect you lose yourself.

You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge!

prime-purpose-is-to-not-hurt-others

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2017 in Blog

 

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Trust

15 Dec

Affects All Parts of Your Self

I happened to catch a show on the OWN Network the other night with a couple of key note speakers discussing the topic of Trust.  I always like to hear different perspectives and thought processes on any topic because it always makes me think and sometimes challenges my own perceptions.

Everyone has a different opinion and perspective and even if it doesn’t match mine at times I think it’s important to at least honour their feelings.

Trust is built in very small moments – Brene Brown.

If you think the littlest of gestures are insignificant, think again because they build that grander scale of trust.  It takes a longer time to build then it does to destroy it.

I’ve included the definition of both trust and distrust as described by Charles Feltman because like Brene Brown, I think it’s close to the best one I’ve heard.

  • Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.
  • Distrust is what I have shared with you that is important to me but is not safe with you.

I absolutely had to include the acronym as created by Brene Brown regarding the “Anatomy of Trust”, because it seems to me to be the best description and aspects of all relationships.

Brene Brown’s acronym for trust is BRAVING, when we trust we are braving connection with someone.

B – Boundaries; I trust you, if you are clear about your boundaries and you hold them and you’re clear about my boundaries and you respect them.  There is no trust without boundaries.

R – Reliability; I can only trust you if you do what you say you’re going to do and not just once.

A – Accountability; I can only trust you if when you make a mistake you are willing to own it, apologize for it and make amends.  I can only trust you if when I make a mistake I am allowed to own it, apologize and make amends.

V – Vault; what I share with you, you will hold in confidence, what you share with me I will hold in confidence.

I – Integrity; I cannot trust you and be in a trusting relationship if you do not act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.

N – Non-judgement; I can fall apart ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by you and you can fall apart ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by me.

G – Generosity; a relationship is only a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous thing about my words, intentions and behaviours and then check in with me.

In my opinion, this acronym encompasses everything that is important for trusting to be successful, if you have doubts in any area of the descriptions from the acronym then maybe further introspection would be of benefit for you.  Everyone has their own ways and I wouldn’t say that there is only one right way but I do know that everyone knows in their gut when something is off so pay attention to that as it will be your greatest guide.

Knowing yourself and how things make you feel is the best way to know how your level of trust with someone is doing.  When trust is damaged it has you questioning not only the one you are in trust with but yourself, you end up going through the usual conversations with self “how could I have been so stupid” or “why did I not see that coming”.  As a result not only is the relationship damaged but your own self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence.  It’s amazing how much damage that can be done in a moment when the thought of another is not held to the high standard it should be because trust is very important.

I just had such an affinity for the conversation because the integrity of trust is such a huge part of all relationships, more than I think many realize.  It’s always said that it’s the little things that matter and this is very true within trust because in the little moments you learn about others, develop, build and evolve the relationship.  You get the true moments and of course with it the openness and vulnerability.  It’s important to be very aware of the vulnerability in others, I think especially so you can always strive to be a better person, one that knows compassion and empathy and wants to bring it into relationships as an enhancement for the connection.

disappointments

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2015 in Blog

 

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A Friend Indeed!

26 Jan

The Connections We Build

Throughout my life I’ve known acquaintances that have turned into friends and friends that have turned into acquaintances. All of them have brought something to my life whether through caring, sharing or clearing. Just because the plan is not for them to stay doesn’t mean their presence and/or effect isn’t beneficial, all experiences have the gift of lessons learned which bring about some form of personal growth and wisdom.

Not every experience has been a joyful one but I have always been able to find the lesson, maybe not right away but eventually and knowing that there is always something to be gained and that “everything happens for a reason” helps to keep me from having regrets. I try to approach every new experience with an open heart, open mind and eyes wide open without bringing anything from the past except the wisdom gained. That’s not always easy especially if there are similarities and warning bells going off but all of us are unique therefore the experiences will also be unique regardless if something feels the same, sometimes past emotions of “hurt” can cause you to overthink. Sometimes continually reminding yourself that “all experiences are not the same” is a necessity to keep your head on the level.

look for the learning

The human experience is supposed to be challenging, if it weren’t don’t you think you would be bored and looking for a challenge? I don’t think it’s supposed to just be go to work, earn your money, make house and then surrender when you get to old age. It’s the experiences in between that make up the life, the connections that don’t necessarily have any kind of shared history but manifest when nothing monumental is happening, they create the memories and nice pictures we keep in our minds and hearts to strengthen these connections.

These connections whether they have history or not become a strong foundation, I believe it’s just the occurrence of souls finding other familiar souls. Souls, like friends, travel though many lives together and because of the human experience we don’t know or remember the past lives but our souls do, we just naturally gravitate toward one another and experience an instant connection like we’ve known each other forever.

Have you ever felt that kind of instant and strong connection with someone?

If so, has it continued to strengthen over time?

Do you continually discover new things about them that are oddly but warmly familiar?

A lot of friends and acquaintances that come, go or stay in your life bring with them the challenges that will help to shape you as you go forward through life and for me it’s been the friend that keeps me on the rails, pumped up enough to persevere but grounded enough to remain humble that has helped me the most. I find though that even the new friends and connections I make now are more in alignment with my path because I have more direction in my life than I did when I was in my 20’s and more interest in the quality of it, the meaningless tends to fall away over time.

care enough to be there

It is great though when people who you have lost touch with that held a special place in your life come back in to once again share and connect. I believe we do transition both in and out of people lives at certain times not for any other reason than that there is another path we need to be on to grow and when/if those paths eventually meet up again what comes with it is a warmth of familiarity and history.

Don’t waste your connections, they may be Priceless!

 
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Posted by on January 26, 2015 in Blog

 

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Do I Know You?

03 Nov

I Think We’ve Been Disconnected

Not all relationships are meant to stand the tests of time, some are a mere passing on the road of life, some are to assist with lessons and some are the lessons. Learning to understand and differenciate the two is a life lesson in itself, honestly I think the difficult stuff is there to keep us humbled so we don’t get egos that are wildly overgrown.

its sad

It’s sad when people you know become people you knew, sometimes others don’t realize you’re a lifer or you don’t realize they are a lesson.

Your path was in place long before you arrived and you navigate without knowing the plans ahead not just because you are in search of the answers but in search of your best life, which I refer to as the charmed life.

If you are influenced with a positive mindset then you are chasing your dreams, looking to create and cultivate positive change that enhances the lives of everyone you touch.

If you are influenced with a negative mindset then you are expecting your dreams to chase you, believing positive change won’t happen and not wanting to do the work.

Both of these mindsets influence and/or affect your relationships and the conversations within those relationships. It takes authenticity to build and maintain relationships and only one moment of disrespect to hurt them. Left unaddressed that dent in the armor of the relationship can cause distance and from distance comes disconnection and disassociation.different paths

Your path is meant for you, some people will stay and travel on it with you because their path is running parallel to yours, maybe you each have something to offer, inspire or motivate the other. These are spiritual agreements and those choices were made consciously prior to your arrivals. Challenges arise when forks in the road present themselves, decisions are required and your free will is granted, depending on the spiritual agreements with those on the parallel paths this may be where a disconnection occurs, not that there is some sort of ending but rather another beginning that only you have chosen to take. Sometimes you meet up again much farther ahead because the two paths cross again and depending on the disconnection, maybe you pick back up where you left off or maybe you don’t. I have more in-depth thoughts about those that come into your life on a previous blog “In Your Life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime”.

The experiences you have when off the beaten path are needed to build inner strength, wisdom and courage for the next leg of your journey. There are sometimes hills to climb and storms that need to pass but eventually the sun comes out again.

Every once in a while you see a signpost on your path, a déjà vu of sorts, that reminds you of past relations and experiences. These signposts have been strategically placed, maybe a similar experience is ahead on your path that requires your awareness so you can be prepared.

The sum of all your experiences continue to shape who you are daily, if you allow the negative to live in your energy you can expect that nothing will go your way until you shift it.

buddha quote

 
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Posted by on November 3, 2014 in Blog

 

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Talk to Me!

29 Sep

Communication is the Root

Like a speaker is hard-wired for sound, humanity is hard-wired for connection and without genuine communication that connection will never develop the strength it needs to stand tall. It’s so unfortunate that so many thoughts are left unsaid and because of that so many relationships break down and/or fall away.

Communication is the root to that feeling when you connect with someone on a level that feels beautifully isolated from outside effect. All connections have a different feel because your connection with one is never the same as your connection with another, they are always individually unique which is relative to the phrase of how each person holds a special place in your heart. As unique as the person, so is your connection with them, no two are alike.if only you knew

Every relationship carries different meaning, challenges, love and connection but all are as strong as the foundation they are built on. Authentic, direct and meaningful communication enhances, feeds and nourishes that foundation but without it the foundation will get weak.

Personally, I prefer authentic, direct and meaningful, I don’t like it when others speak in code or indirectly mislead, it’s a little too sneaky for my liking and having to decipher a hidden meaning or agenda just doesn’t appeal to me. If your communication is like this then you likely aren’t experiencing the true connections that your soul needs and are causing your own undernourishment. I think you will find much more of what your soul needs if you listen to your inner voice, it is your own personal compass, it is connected to the Universe and it will always guide you toward authenticity.

Everyone communicates differently and learning to understand and respect how each of those unique people in your life communicate with you will be a benefit that will help to prevent barriers and/or walls that sometimes pop up due to misunderstanding.

How I communicate and understand is different from everyone else and vice versa so I can’t very well expect that someone should understand my point of view just by an explanation that makes sense to me unless of course it also makes sense to them. While I do believe that everyone communicates and understands differently, there are times when we find a connection that travels on the same wavelength, kind of like tuning in to the same frequency. It doesn’t mean that it will always be that way for everything I think it just means you’ve found a common ground in a specific area.

It is those areas of common ground that the foundation of understanding begins which opens up the opportunity for unique connection. We all seek to connect with others because it provides us with balance, understanding, meaning and validation that we matter somewhere in this life. The more people you connect with the more your cup will runneth over because these true connections are the lifelines that feed your soul and your soul needs this form of nourishment to feel balanced, whole and at peace.

Listening is the counterpart of communicating and just as important, as is awareness to hearing what is not being said. I know that may sound a little confusing but I think that a lot of times when we feel we aren’t being heard, we stop communicating altogether and if you are struggling to communicate with someone that may be shutting down then you’re foundation may be in jeopardy and the strength and root of your common ability to communicate from the beginning will either build or break it.

I think “way back when” as in 60-100 years back, communication wasn’t recognized for the gem it clearly is. Connection wasn’t within the realm of awareness that it is now because the value of communicating and listening wasn’t realized. I believe people live longer these days not because as we all hear “life was harder way back when” but because the soul is receiving more nourishment by way of fulfillment through connection.

connectin

 
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Posted by on September 29, 2014 in Blog

 

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The Seeds of Doubt

27 Aug

Grow the Spaces to Disconnection

When seeds of doubt pop up in your relationships questions then follow, distance is created when those questions go unaddressed and/or unanswered.  Loss of connection is akin to loss of trust, loss of faith or loss of hope as they all create spaces that eventually make up the distance that creates the loss of connection.

Communication is the greatest protector against these losses because it builds the bridge that always keeps those you cherish close.  Acknowledgement and validation nurtures those loved and helps them to continually grow and evolve with you in symbiotic harmony.

Some of my experiences have been that the dedication is not met on an equal level and the result is moving on.  That doesn’t mean this is a bad thing because not everyone in our lives are meant to be with us for lifetime, some are there to help through transition, to help teach a specific lesson or to motivate change.

We are all different from each other and right down to every cell of our being as it is necessary to create the human experiences we provide for each other and connectively.  Some hurt or elate more than others but from those feelings come wisdom, experience, growth and eventually inner peace.

Is it lost forever?  I really don’t think it is or has to be but like trust, faith or hope it has to be rebuilt and rebuilding usually takes much more work and dedication.  It really depends on the strength of the foundation and if it manifested organically or began from falsehood.  Intention is everything!

I do believe that everyone deserves the chance to show you who they are but trying to change what they show you may or may not be you setting yourself up for disappointment, depending on your perspective.

  • Do you always tackle the impossible in the hopes to change what is?
  • Are you drawn to the impossible so you won’t have to really connect and feel vulnerable?
  • Is the dynamic you constantly find yourself in a reflection of your formative year’s environment?

All three of these questions could have easily been my unrealized mantra.  We all have behaviours that we are consciously or subconsciously predisposed to and there are probably a variety of reasons as to why we allow them to have controlling interest in our lives.

Can we change it?  Absolutely yes!

Anyone at any time can change any behaviour or aspect of their life into a positive direction that provides a happier and more stable state of being.  If you cannot envision the result you want to see that doesn’t mean you can’t make it happen but if you do not believe in it or in yourself then it is your belief that will manifest the outcome.  This includes the seeds of doubt and any communication that has broken down, determination and the willingness to make the effort is necessary for success.  Anything worth having, is worth working for!

I know for myself that when it comes to pursuing something I envision to occur in my life, I do not stop until I’ve exhausted every avenue and all possibilities.  If something does not go according to my vision I’ve found that it leads me in a different and better direction than I had ever considered.  I do not believe in failure, something that doesn’t go as you want doesn’t mean you failed because it usually directs you to something better as long as you are open to it.  That has been my experience every time!

I continue to strive to attain devotion and honesty in addressing the seeds of doubt when they arise, not everything needs to be over-dramatized but at the same time if it matters to you, it matters; and if it matters to you, it should also matter to those you cherish and vice versa.

At the end of the day you know within if you gave it your all, if you left no stone unturned, and that’s what allows you to look in the mirror and be content.

a life that matters

 
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Posted by on August 27, 2014 in Blog

 

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Defining Moments

13 Aug

What Matters Most!

There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you well, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.

There are actually quite a few defining moments, at least that’s what I’ve found so far and I’m sure there are more to come. It’s like the big “aha” and I really do look forward to those moments because with them comes enlightenment, it’s the ultimate pulling back of the curtain and showing you exactly what’s behind it, things don’t get much clearer than that.

They really make you realize what matters most and for me that has always been the simpler aspects of my life, even though it hadn’t occurred to me prior to that. Sometimes we really do complicate our lives by getting too caught up in things that really don’t impact our lives in the way that we may initially believe and getting yourself wound up is almost never a viable solution.

There are many people that are meant to come into, stay and/or leave our lives, all for a reason and all for a certain time period (long or short) and I believe that all are meant to teach and help us to grow into our destiny. We all aren’t a perfect fit for one another collectively because we are all so different, some people we click with and some people we definitely don’t and at some point in our lives (which is different times for everyone) we grow either together or apart. I do believe that what matters most to each of us is a defining moment, it is a moment or a series of moments that start you on a different path. A path that attracts you to, or to you, people that may not have captured your interest before. Even though those people may have always been meant to come into your life, until you gained the experiences that brought you here the shared interest may not have developed.

All experiences change us in some way and even though some of them aren’t as desirable as others they are necessary to teach us to recognize that which we do not want in our lives.people, actions

There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it: I’m not a fan of the drama, my normal is and has always been direct, say what you mean and definitely mean what you way. In my opinion, actions have always been the true window to the soul.

You surround yourself with people who make you laugh: This is essential for me, I thrive on the hilarious, even at the expense of myself. If you can’t laugh at your own foibles then you are definitely missing out, humor can be a bonding experience.

Forget the bad and focus on the good: It doesn’t matter how badly something has been as long as you allow yourself to feel it and let it go. If you consistently carry your bad baggage forward into your future you will never find happiness.

Love the people who treat you well, pray for the ones who don’t: The ones who treat you well truly have your best interest at heart, there is no personal gain besides your placement in their life. For those who don’t, I think best to offer a blessing for enlightenment in the hopes that they find connections that inspire them to do better.

Life is too short to be anything but happy: As much we may believe that our human existence is long, it’s really not, time flies by pretty fast and too often time is wasted on being disappointed, upset and unhappy. Find the things, the people that inspire and motivate your passion and even though life still goes by fast, at least you will feel like you did something valuable with your time.

Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living: Fall down seven times, get up eight! Don’t ever believe that just because you erred, fell down or feel you failed that it means you are done for. The fact is that it gives you the opportunity to rebuild something to your liking, maybe tweak it a bit better than it was so it suits you instead of you trying to suit it.

I believe that if you find that which inspires and motivates your passion then what matters most isn’t too far off from there.

Always pursue your greatest desires in life. I think at the end of your life you will be more disappointed by the chances you didn’t take than the ones you did.

chances not taken

 
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Posted by on August 13, 2014 in Blog

 

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The Reward is the Warmth in Your Heart

14 May

Expectations Have No Place!

The “Give and Take” in every relationship should be one of equality on at least one level but hopefully more. The act of giving should always be with an open heart and without expectation but when the act of taking becomes overwhelming perhaps it’s time to revisit the foundation of the relationship to avoid developing the negative emotion of resentment.

An expectation is like broken trust or loyalty, it is corrosive, it does damage in ways you don’t even realize. An expectation can hold on well after a relationship has dissolved and develop into stumbling blocks or red flags during the period of time when new relationships begin to form. You may not realize it but when you are holding onto something from your past and are unwilling to change your story it deters people from wanting to be in your company and the only person that hurts is you.

Everyone always says “it’s the little things that count” and that is so true but if you attach an expectation to even the little things it’s diminishes its value greatly.

Respect, gratitude and graciousness towards others shouldn’t be compromised to serve only one and there is more reward, warmth in your heart, when the intention comes from a place of purity. No action taken for the purpose of manipulation, lies or self-serving behaviour comes from a positive place. Intention is everything and if it is anything less than unconditional then the intention that may have started out from a pure thought changes negatively. Be very aware of your intentions and actions because they speak much louder than any words can ever say and hurt at a far deeper level than anyone is usually willing to admit.

Sometimes you can unknowingly carry expectations into current or new relationships because a past issue that caused you emotional hurt is unresolved. Emotions are finicky and unpredictable and no matter how well you may think you’ve managed to control them they have a tendency to find a way back out and usually at the worst time!

I think the biggest indication to knowing you have truly moved past something is when you no longer feel any animosity or concern. Letting go is the act of releasing something you cannot change or control and allowing it to be. This is a good thing because if something is holding you back and preventing you from enjoying or embracing your life the way you deserve to than it was obviously something that didn’t belong on your path.

Trust that the universe is working for you, not against you and know that everyone that comes into your life and every experience happens for a reason. We are all an intricate and necessary part of the human existence and each of us will have an impact on at least one person if not more, I think it is best to make that impact be positive.

I heard this phrase recently, can’t remember where from but it went something like this:

“A man can accomplish anything when he realizes he’s a part of something bigger”

Think of the Universe as a huge puzzle and each one of us is a piece of it, even one of us gone causes the puzzle to be incomplete. So along that line, then what about when people pass on or new babies are born? I think the puzzle is constantly changing to adapt, encompass and embrace those changes but it doesn’t change the importance of any one of us, we are all relevant.

Once you give up your expectations, you will never be disappointed again! It’s as easy as changing your intention which immediately changes your direction and your attitude.

You can have everything you want in life if you stay focused!

expectations quote

 
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Posted by on May 14, 2014 in Blog

 

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You Can’t Change the Past!

19 Jun

But You can Build a Better Future

I think it goes for all relationships that if you carry your past attitude, behaviour and habits into your future relationships you end up building the same house.  Eventually it falls apart because the house is built on a foundation that has many cracks that haven’t been sealed (or healed).

past builds same house

There is no point in dwelling on what you cannot change, all you can do is learn from it, grow because of it and change in spite of it.  Our lessons are contained in all of the people and events that occur during our lives and if you feel like you keep getting caught in the same rut it may be because either you aren’t learning the lesson or you’re misreading it.

Regardless of a “who’s right or who’s wrong” scenario, we all have a part and each of us are responsible for what we do or don’t contribute.  Once you begin to recognize your part, whether significant or not, it will help you to change something that may not be working for you and keeps ending you up in the same outcome.  I love quotes and this one, from the movie (How do you Know?), was one I liked because it resonated with me:

We are all just one small adjustment away from making our lives work.

I really believe this to be true, sometimes it takes the littlest adjustment to my attitude, behavior or habits to effect an even bigger change, a change that works so much better that I’ve wondered “why didn’t I do this long ago?”

It’s not just the past that influences our life, there is also the challenge of the “two wolves theory”, which one are you feeding, and why?

two wolves

The two wolves are there to teach us many lessons and to give us the option of free will.

–          Without temptation, how do you learn to do the right thing?

–          Without ego, how do you learn to listen to your gut?

–          Without betrayal, how do you learn forgiveness?

Even though these can be difficult lessons to learn, they become invaluable going forward and they teach you so much about your own strengths and weaknesses and that knowledge can help you to identify where you might want to tweak things a little or a lot.

So how do you change it?

Writing a different future lies within the moment that you decide to take the opportunity to change that which you do not like about yourself so that you can attract the types of people you desire to have in your life.

You can’t change the past but you can build a better future!

 

 
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Posted by on June 19, 2013 in Blog

 

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