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Monthly Archives: July 2014

Say What You Mean and……..

30 Jul

Mean What you Say!

Your actions are how you really feel, your words are the smoke screen that masks those feelings.

It seems simple really to say what you mean but people rarely do so and when it comes to honest communication I think many of us are afraid to voice our real thoughts. Some hold back because they don’t want to hurt the other and some hold back because they lack the courage to tackle the conflict ahead.

The only way to truly get to the bottom of any communication snag is open and honest communication and while it may feel difficult to find the right words I believe that as long as your communication comes from a sincere and compassionate place there isn’t anything that can’t be resolved.

Resolution means that an understanding has been reached not necessarily that a relationship goes back to its previous state. When resolution is required it is because somewhere along the lines something occurred to change the dynamics of the relationship, not all changes are good and not all changes are bad but it is these such changes that could have permanence in how the relationship works.

Sugar coating the words to ease tension isn’t any kind of good solution, everyone inherently knows when they are in the wrong in any given situation and pretending like it’s ok and/or sweeping it under the rug creates two problems.boundaries

  • It sends the message that the behaviour is acceptable and “please continue, I do not have healthy boundaries”.

 

  • Conversely it may send the message that they aren’t important enough in your life for you to be honest.

If you’re not saying anything to avoid hurting someone than this action is counterproductive to your efforts because you are hurting them anyway. Not every advice or constructive criticism is easy but if you really want to see the best occur for others than those not so comfortable conversations sometimes need to take place.

Regardless of your own reasons for not saying what you mean or meaning what you say, it does more damage than good when you hide your true feelings and everyone involved is already aware of the elephant in the room, the words just haven’t been vocalized.

All of us handle conflict and change differently, some better than others and some not but conflict is a necessary part of life and without it we wouldn’t learn how to properly transition ourselves through adversity but hopefully we learn to do so with a little bit of grace.

I’ve had a lot of difficulty in this area of life and I think that’s mostly because I’m not sure I can articulate something clearly enough, that it may be misunderstood and defensiveness or anger can result and because I feel my words may be too honest and/or harsh.

The very real issue with holding back is that it creates distance in the relationship and with time that distance grows until the connection is no longer there and what do you do then? I guess that depends on the foundation and stability of a relationship from the beginning, what the common thread was that held it all together. If that thread is based on something strong and whole like respect, honesty and integrity than relationships can survive the challenges but if the foundation is weak and solely supported by only one that is actively nurturing it than it is very likely to crumble.

One of the most damaging things that can occur in relationships is saying something that you don’t mean out of anger. Our words can be just as damaging as our actions, if not more, the phrase “think before you speak” is the most important mantra you could ever instill in your mind because once the stone is thrown you can never take it back. If you feel you are in a mind space that you know is affecting you negatively then it is not the best time to have any kind of discussions that require you to have an open mind or heart. There’s a huge difference between loving and honest communication and spewing nasty words out of spite.

The foundation of all relationships is trust, trust that you can allow others to see your vulnerable side and trust that they won’t use it against you.

It takes years to build trust with others and only moments to destroy it!

Don’t be that person! Build trust and value it, communicate honestly and mean it, actively nurture your coveted relationships and appreciate what you’ve been blessed with so far.

communication

 
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Posted by on July 30, 2014 in Blog

 

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Bankruptcy of the Soul

06 Jul

Why We Do the Things We Do

It is during the times when your soul is feeling bankrupt that you may make uncharacteristic errors in judgement and behaviour.

Filling a void with more emptiness when you don’t know where the disconnection in your soul is puts you out of sync. You can waste a lot of time searching for the answer and it’s quite likely that you’re looking in the wrong areas of life, provided that you’ve made this realization and you’re looking at all.

When we are out of sync we distract ourselves with other things and fill the void in the area that we believe is incomplete when in actuality it’s an entirely different area so we end up cycling through the same life occurrences over and over until we finally see the light. Hopefully the over and over part doesn’t occur too many times, my experience with this cycle has been that it starts with a thought that something is off, then becomes a whisper that gets louder and louder and then you get thumped when you get too far off path.the stone after it's thrown

If your life occurrences are connected to loved ones it can get really damaging if you get to the point of getting thumped because you can’t turn back time.

When you are unaware that you are bankrupt in one or some areas of your emotions you may be constantly making bad choices and wondering why you keep running up against so much resistance. Or you could be giving away all of your emotions to others and depleting yourself because you believe your cup is already full not realizing that it isn’t bottomless and you’re filling the wrong glass.

When you are giving and giving and giving but don’t have someone replenishing your resource you are essentially going bankrupt emotionally. Our emotions are the nurturance that feeds and replenishes the heart and soul, if those emotions become depleted there is nothing left to feed you and that is when your areas in need are easier to identify. Sometimes you need to go to your lowest point to be able to help yourself, to pick yourself back up again and it can be done!

Brokenness from the past can build walls and disruption in the present and carry through to your future. Sometimes it’s the inconvenient truth that you have to face and acknowledge that helps you step into the person you are meant to be. It takes courage to get into the down and dirty to find the truth of you, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you!

Past hurts can manifest by either acting out or retreating which are two very different actions but both usually occur as a result of some sort of inner emotional hurt. Even though acting out is outwardly damaging it is usually more for the purpose of being seen and/or heard and while it’s never a great experience for anyone at least the emotions have been released. I believe that retreating, bottling things up is more damaging to the soul because the emotions do not get released in the process that they should, they just get compiled and compiled downward.

The best process is healthy communication because it provides relief and release of the emotional hurt but you do have to feel the pain, it is the only way to effectively let things go. Even though you may believe that by carrying past hurt around with you every day that you are feeling the pain, you actually aren’t, the pain that is with you daily is the feeling of limbo because the real hurt hasn’t yet been acknowledged or resolved. Release through whatever means is imperative to your physical health, bottled up pain creates a field of negative energy inside you that will continue to grow until its nourishment is cut-off.

Everyone comes into our lives for a reason, a purpose, sometimes they are meant to stay for a lifetime and sometimes only for a season but all bring with them some sort of learning experience that is important enough to cross your path. The Universe has a way of creating the openings needed to usher those in and the endings necessary to carry them out. All are blessings, some more disguised than others, but you are given the opportunity to develop faith, awareness and insight all of which will help you to navigate your path.

everything is a miracle

 
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Posted by on July 6, 2014 in Blog

 

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A Beautiful Story

03 Jul

And a Great Reminder

I received the below as an email and there is a notation to indicate that it is a true story but whether or not it actually is, the story itself is emotionally inspiring.

I do believe that occurrences like these exist and that if something is meant to be, it will be.

It is a great reminder of how “Everything does happen for a reason” and that the Universe works in very divine ways.

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The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.

They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc., and on December 18th were ahead of schedule and just about finished.

On December 19th a terrible tempest – a driving rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days.

On the 21st the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit beginning about head high.

The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home. On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a Cross embroidered right in the center. It was just the right size to cover up the hole in the front wall, he bought it and headed back to the church.

By this time it had started to snow, an older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus…….she missed it.  The pastor invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes later.

She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire problem area.

Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle, her face was like a sheet…..”Pastor,” she asked, “where did you get that tablecloth?” The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into it there, they were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria.

The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor told how he had just gotten the Tablecloth. The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Austria.

When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave, her husband was going to follow her the next week.  He was captured, sent to prison and she never saw her husband or her home again.

The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the pastor keep it for the church.  The pastor insisted on driving her home, that was the least he could do…..she lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.

What a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve, the church was almost full.  The music and the spirit were great, at the end of the service, the pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return.

One older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighbourhood continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he wasn’t leaving.

The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Austria before the war and how could there be two tablecloths so much alike.

He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety and he was supposed to follow her but he was arrested and put in prison…..he never saw his wife or his home again all the 35 years in between.

The pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride.  They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the pastor had taken the woman three days earlier.

He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman’s apartment, knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Christmas reunion he could ever imagine.

It stated at the bottom of the email that this was a true story and that the notation as follows was from Pastor Rob Reid which I believe was with regard to the woman from the story that made the blanket:

God does not work in mysterious ways…..I asked the Lord to bless you as I prayed for you today, to guide you and protect you as you go along your way. His love is always with you, His promises are true, and when we give Him all our cares you know He will see us through. So when the road you’re travelling on seems difficult at best……just remember I’m here praying and God will do the rest.

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buddha quote with elephant

 
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Posted by on July 3, 2014 in Blog

 

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