RSS

Monthly Archives: May 2013

Different Times Call for Different Measures

29 May

Let’s Talk About It!

I’ve seen an increased focus in the last year on kids, parenting and bullying, basically everything that surrounds these issues and they are VERY important topics that I believe should be in the forefront for all of us because the world is definitely changing.

changingtimes

It’s so different now from when I grew up and I’m sure I’m dating myself some but I’m Ok with that.  The age of computers were just starting to come in when I was in high school but the internet and social media was not in full play until much later.  My experience in school was a really good one, as far as I knew I got along with everyone.  I was into sports, friends and fashion and they all dominated my life in a very positive way.

When I was a kid, we would go out in the morning and pretty much stay out all day without our parents worrying about us and would check in usually for meals and then back out again and we were always safe.  At school bullying wasn’t the epidemic it has become, the worst that could happen then was a fight between only two people or if someone really wanted to ruin you they wrote or carved something on the wall of a bathroom stall but no one had the stamina or interest to run all over the city doing it, it just wasn’t worth it.

The implementation of social media has both good and bad aspects and as much as it’s great that I can contact a friend halfway across the world without having to pay those ridiculous international phone call rates that there used to be, it also means that we all have access to anyone and everyone at any time and it’s really important to “Be Kind” as much as possible.  I’ve always tried to govern myself according to the “Do unto others” golden rule and to give people the benefit of the doubt but when I was watching a “Dr Phil” show the other day (parent/child relationship difficulties) he was referring to his new book “Life Code” which is “The New Rules for Winning in the New World”.  I am definitely going to get a copy of this book and knowing his work from previous books I’ve read I’m sure this particular advice and insight is something we can all benefit from no matter where we are in our lives.

What worked in the past no longer does because things have changed so rapidly and to such a degree that we have to educate ourselves to adapt to this new world, it is impossible for our old rules to apply.  The importance of this adaptation is imperative to all of those in our lives that we love and care for because everyone reacts differently to negative encounters and how it manifests in their lives are the signs that will alert us to their unhappiness.  With those that are closest to us there is also our own intuition that will likely be the 1st alert (the whisper) sign and one that you should never push aside.  We all have intuition, gut instinct, inner voice, however you want to refer to it but we inherently know when something is off with someone we love and care for and it is when that radar sounds that you need to start paying attention!

Like I said everyone reacts differently and that manifests in a variety of different ways, it’s just a matter of knowing your loved ones and we all do.  Communication is your best defence against the difficulties in life because most of the issues in the forefront these days can result in withdrawing from being present, insecurity and low self-esteem and I don’t think anyone wants to see that happen to someone they love.  It doesn’t take a lot to reach someone on a level that can open them up and it starts with honest, compassionate communication.

I hope everyone gets a copy of Dr. Phil’s new book because I think there are some very important life lessons inside that can teach us all to help ourselves and those we love to live happy and contented lives.

We matter and those we love matter.

As much as this new world is all too time consuming and demanding, we embarked on the journeys we are on to make better lives and we are depriving ourselves and those we love of that better life if we aren’t present in the moments that matter.

theres always a little

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on May 29, 2013 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Acknowledging Those that Make a Difference!

22 May

Ordinary People Who Are Extraordinary

Acknowledging those make a difference is not something we always remember these days, I think mostly because our lives are so full that when it does get to the end of the day we haven’t completed everything on our ever growing “To Do Lists” and it’s become too late to in the day to make that acknowledgement.

There is a commercial that came on at Christmas time this last year, it is a mother and her son wrapping little thank-you gifts, she gives some to her son to give out to whomever he chooses.  She is giving her son a GREAT gift by teaching him the beauty of appreciation and gratitude and the true spirit of Christmas.  The gifts are not extravagant (a small box of chocolates and bag of candy, etc), but thought (no matter what the gift) is still thought, and that in itself is significant.  He gives these gifts to the people you wouldn’t expect (not because they didn’t deserve it but because I think it is the Universe’s way of providing us all with a reminder not to overlook anyone), which given how busy most of are within our lives, makes sense.  He gave one to the man who cleans the ice at his local rink, one to the man who delivers the mail, I wish I could remember the rest of the people he gives them to but I think you get the idea.

extraordinary things

Of all the commercials I’ve seen, this one had a really great message to share and looking at life from that little boy’s perspective was a reminder well served for me.

I’ve experienced both sides of this action, I’ve been the one acknowledging someone’s contribution because it has inspired me and have also had someone acknowledge mine.  There is a benefit to both sides but sometimes I’ve felt like I’m the one who has benefitted more from acknowledging another person because the “state of gratitude” can feel intoxicating and if you are a sensitive person (which I am), then you may also feel the other person’s emotion as well, so it’s doubly intoxicating and kind of addictive.

I think that all of us enjoy being acknowledged and/or appreciated and even the simplest action can sometimes change a persons’ entire day.  Depending on the action it can possibly propel them into a direction that changes their entire outlook or life.

For those that want to create good karma in their lives, this is one of those ways that you create it but the intention MUST be pure.  You cannot be doing good deeds with the intention of creating good karma for yourself, it has to be good deeds with the intention of making another person’s life a little bit better, it’s those unintentional good deeds that lead to GREAT karma.

It’s important to honor, appreciate and have gratitude for the people in our lives that make a difference, no matter how big that difference is “every contribution counts”.  Sometimes it’s the little moments when nothing monumental is happening that have the most profound effects.

The one person that inspires me the absolute most is my daughter, she’s 14 today.  Happy Birthday Felicity!

Next time someone you cross paths with inspires you, let them know.

gratitude can transform

 
4 Comments

Posted by on May 22, 2013 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Take Control of Your Power!

15 May

Your Strength Lies Within

Everyone has the potential to be great and what you feed into (positive or negative) weighs heavily on what the outcome may be.  When you don’t reach that greatness it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it or it’s not part of your destiny.  It could be that you are feeding into the possibility that “you can’t” succeed rather than “you can” and that mindset is something we can build ourselves through fear and insecurity.  Fear can seem overwhelming because in our minds we’ve built it up that big, but we have the ability within us to change that obstacle from a mountain to a mole hill, it’s all perception.

believe in yourself

“A change of feeling is a change of destiny”  –  Neville

I believe that a large part of “taking control of your power” is found within being vulnerable, even though that vulnerability feels scary, it’s ultimately empowering.  The reason it’s empowering is because it takes a great deal of courage to embrace vulnerability and allow the chips to fall where they may.  Being vulnerable helps you discover that you innately have a reserve of strength to draw from that you didn’t know was there and that experience is not only empowering but also humbling.  We don’t always give ourselves the credit we deserve when it comes to our own personal power.  It’s hard enough when another person is discouraging by not believing in you but when you also do not believe in yourself you begin to limit your life opportunities and options and that’s just not right.

My personal inner voice and reaction to anything fear based and negative is that “I am not going to let it conquer or defeat me”, I will persevere, backing out is not an option!

My positive mind says “No Way is fear going to be allowed to win.  Turn around and go back where you came from, you have no business here!”

Negative thoughts like fear or failure don’t stand a chance when you affirm with yourself and the universe that you’re strong and you’re not giving up.  Things only occur because we acknowledge their presence in our existence, everything start with a thought.  Don’t think negatively and negative things will not occur.

By following Neville’s Law of Assumption you can increase your success in any or all areas of your life that you want to improve:

“If this assumption is persisted in until it becomes your dominant feeling, the attainment of your ideal is inevitable”

greatness within

Once you’ve accepted yourself for who you are, others will also accept you for who you are.  When you begin to accept and believe in yourself you won’t put as much emphasis on needing to feel accepted by others and that ease of contentment and peace is a quality that others will gravitate toward and relate to.

I always love hearing a good line from a movie and my most recent that I want to share with you is one that I thought was very inspiring and something we should all aspire to, it’s similar to my own thoughts about having faith in humanity.  The more people believe in others, the more others will rise to the occasion.

“I like to think that if you put your trust out there, I mean if you really give people the benefit of the doubt, see their best intentions that they’re going to want to live up to it.  It doesn’t always work out but more often than not I think that if you do, people will rise to the occasion.  I really do believe that!”

 
3 Comments

Posted by on May 15, 2013 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

To The World You May Just Be One Person

13 May

But to One Person You May Just Be The World!

I received this story as a chain email today, I’ve seen and received it before and even referred to this story in one of my blog posts but I wanted to post it for everyone to read today because it really is a very powerful reminder that “Everything Happens For a Reason” and We can all make a difference!

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.  His name was Kyle.  It looked like he was carrying all of his books.  I thought to myself, ‘Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?  He must really be a nerd.’

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends, tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.  As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.  They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.  His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.

He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him.  

So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.  As I handed him his glasses, I said, ‘Those guys are jerks.  They really should get lives ‘. He looked at me and said, ‘Hey thanks!’  There was a big smile on his face.  It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.  I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.  As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.  He said he had gone to private school before now.  I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.

We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.  He turned out to be a pretty cool kid, I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends.  He said yes.  We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.  I stopped him and said, ‘Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books every day!’ He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.  When we were seniors we began to think about college.  Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke.  I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem.  He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.  Kyle was valedictorian of our class.  I teased him all the time about being a nerd.  He had to prepare a speech for graduation.  I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle.  He looked great.  He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.  He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.  He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.  Boy, sometimes I was jealous!  Today was one of those days, I could see that he was nervous about his speech.  So, I smacked him on the back and said, ‘Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!’  He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled….’ Thanks,’ he said.  As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began… 

‘Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.

Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach…but mostly your friends….

I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.

I am going to tell you a story.’

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the first day we met.

He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.

He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.  He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

‘Thankfully, I was saved.

My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.’

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.

I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.

*************************************************

Not until that moment did I realize it’s depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions.

With one small gesture you can change a person’s life.

For better or for worse.

*************************************************

God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way.

changing lives

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on May 13, 2013 in Blog

 

Tags: , ,

Got Humor?

08 May

Keeping It Real

Don’t take life too seriously!  Humor is an essential part of keeping yourself in check and preventing your ego from getting away from you.  Being able to laugh with others and at yourself can spread joy and make even the grumpiest person smile.

Laughter can be contagious even if you didn’t hear the joke.  When I was 10 years old my classroom teacher had made the decision to test the laughing theory only we (his students) had no idea of his plan.  We walked in after lunch period and he was roaring hysterically, slapping his hand on the desks and acting like he couldn’t possibly contain it.  None of us had a clue why but he kept it up and soon all of us (the entire class) were also roaring hysterically and then all of a sudden he stopped on a dime and asked us “why are you laughing?”.  It took all of us a moment to settle ourselves down from the laughter but of course we had no idea why.  One of the kids in the class said that they were laughing at the sounds of his laughter and his actions and everyone in the class had agreed that was also their experience.

It’s strange to me that even though that experience doesn’t sound so significant, it actually was.  I think it was the fact that even though we all had no idea what the joke was we felt compelled to laugh and share in the joy, he was teaching us and we didn’t know it.

I think we all need and want joy and happiness in our lives and it’s important to maintain some form of silliness in at least one area of your life no matter what age you are because that’s what keeps us young in spirit.

laugh,audrey hepburn

Life can be so overwhelming, challenging and demanding at times and those times can take a toll on the health of your spirit but I believe that laughter can alleviate those wounds or scars, even if it’s only momentarily, sometimes that can be enough.

One night I caught a blurb on the local news about a new class that people were taking up, similar to a yoga class, but they would gather to laugh together, joyous, crazy, out there laughing.  The people they interviewed said they felt it helped to alleviate their stress and kept them young.  I agree and I think that it’s an outlet, similar to exercising, competitive sports or a spa day.  All of these things can alleviate the daily stresses that life builds up and I think that laughter is a very valuable tool and asset that we have at our disposal and probably the easiest on our system to access.  I’ve played a number of different sports all my life and the injuries that can occur are more likely with sports then just plain laughter.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone actually “pulling their abdominals” because they were laughing too hard.

In addition to the joy of sharing in laughter with others, it is also very beneficial to have a healthy ability to laugh at your own foibles.  When you are able to do that it helps to alleviate the pressure and reduce the expectations you may put on yourself.  There’s nothing worse than holding yourself to measure up to your own standards, chances are they are higher than any standard you hold for anyone else, at least mine have always been.  Being able to laugh at myself has helped me to let go of my mistakes so I can learn that they are just mistakes and not failures.  I used to view an expectation that didn’t go the way I had wanted as a result in failure and that’s not necessarily the best way to view it.  My humor, which is a form of the word humility has allowed me to put things in the perspective they should be in and to laugh when things are just plain funny.

The first line of one of my favorite quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson is “To laugh often and much” and that’s something we should all do to maintain a healthy balance.

laughter,spirit

 
4 Comments

Posted by on May 8, 2013 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Oh No! Not Again!

01 May

Some Patterns are Hard to Break

The most undesired moment of clarity comes when you realize that you have fallen into the same dynamic again within any or all of your relationships and trying to determine the root cause of this continual pattern can be a frustrating journey.

One thing for sure is that just because you find yourself in this predicament doesn’t mean you require a therapist to find your way out (unless you want to of course), it just means your awareness is expanding and that expansion is whispering to you to discover a better way of life, one that includes inner peace and contentment.

chance, change

I believe there are a couple key points to consider when starting down this particular road of self-discovery:

1)      From the time we are young we begin to develop habits and preferences based on our environment, our experiences and our desires.

In my opinion, our environment in our early years plays the most significant part in our development and future choices which I’ve discussed more in depth in one of my previous blogs “Some Emotions Can Run Deep”. 

2)      What is modelled to us through the relationships during our formative years, regardless of whether or not they are healthy, becomes familiar and that familiarity can end up being the stepping stone that leads us down a similar path and into a similar relationship dynamic.

Obviously no one chooses to deliberately become involved in relationships that can be disheartening or damaging but sometimes that can’t be avoided, familiarity (whether healthy or not) can be the trigger that draws you in.change ahead

The only way to keep a pattern like this from repeating is to find its root cause and learn what the triggers are that lead your emotions to pull you in that direction.

It may be that whatever you think the root cause is isn’t actually the root cause at all.  My own discoveries were so simple in theory that it almost seemed ridiculous to me, I figured it had to be something obscure and so deeply ingrained that I would have had to peel back layers and layers of life to figure it out but that wasn’t the case at all.  My realization was that I was I compromising one need to fill another but that these two needs were never connected in any way so it was impossible for my way of dealing with this pattern to ever work.  Even though this discovery seems like a “no brainer” to me now, it wasn’t then and that’s because my awareness had not yet developed enough to allow me that insight.

When you feel imprisoned by your pattern your world can seem bleak and restrictive so the earlier these inklings of insight and awareness start the earlier your life can begin to evolve towards a more positive, productive and healthier state of mind.  Our awareness is continually expanding and with every year that passes we have the opportunity to gain further insight and personal development.

Gratitude is a good place to start, there are so many aspects of our lives that could be compromised worse than they actually are.  If you were to stand in a circle with a group of people and everyone put their troubles in the middle I think you might find that after viewing their troubles you would be glad to pick your own back up, walk away and have gratitude that things could have been much worse.

gratitude

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on May 1, 2013 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,