Tag Archives: patterns

Oh No! Not Again!

Some Patterns are Hard to Break

The most undesired moment of clarity comes when you realize that you have fallen into the same dynamic again within any or all of your relationships and trying to determine the root cause of this continual pattern can be a frustrating journey.

One thing for sure is that just because you find yourself in this predicament doesn’t mean you require a therapist to find your way out (unless you want to of course), it just means your awareness is expanding and that expansion is whispering to you to discover a better way of life, one that includes inner peace and contentment.

chance, change

I believe there are a couple key points to consider when starting down this particular road of self-discovery:

1)      From the time we are young we begin to develop habits and preferences based on our environment, our experiences and our desires.

In my opinion, our environment in our early years plays the most significant part in our development and future choices which I’ve discussed more in depth in one of my previous blogs “Some Emotions Can Run Deep”. 

2)      What is modelled to us through the relationships during our formative years, regardless of whether or not they are healthy, becomes familiar and that familiarity can end up being the stepping stone that leads us down a similar path and into a similar relationship dynamic.

Obviously no one chooses to deliberately become involved in relationships that can be disheartening or damaging but sometimes that can’t be avoided, familiarity (whether healthy or not) can be the trigger that draws you in.change ahead

The only way to keep a pattern like this from repeating is to find its root cause and learn what the triggers are that lead your emotions to pull you in that direction.

It may be that whatever you think the root cause is isn’t actually the root cause at all.  My own discoveries were so simple in theory that it almost seemed ridiculous to me, I figured it had to be something obscure and so deeply ingrained that I would have had to peel back layers and layers of life to figure it out but that wasn’t the case at all.  My realization was that I was I compromising one need to fill another but that these two needs were never connected in any way so it was impossible for my way of dealing with this pattern to ever work.  Even though this discovery seems like a “no brainer” to me now, it wasn’t then and that’s because my awareness had not yet developed enough to allow me that insight.

When you feel imprisoned by your pattern your world can seem bleak and restrictive so the earlier these inklings of insight and awareness start the earlier your life can begin to evolve towards a more positive, productive and healthier state of mind.  Our awareness is continually expanding and with every year that passes we have the opportunity to gain further insight and personal development.

Gratitude is a good place to start, there are so many aspects of our lives that could be compromised worse than they actually are.  If you were to stand in a circle with a group of people and everyone put their troubles in the middle I think you might find that after viewing their troubles you would be glad to pick your own back up, walk away and have gratitude that things could have been much worse.


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Posted by on May 1, 2013 in Blog


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Finding Yourself First!

May Help You Find Your Direction in Life

It’s hard to know what you want out of life or what you’re looking for when you haven’t fully figured out who YOU are.  It’s taken me a long time to really realize my direction in life and to become aware of some of the reasons behind some of my choices.  I’ve made wrong turns because I wasn’t fully aware of my real motivations and underlying needs and even though I had thought I’d gone in a specific direction for a specific reason, I had discovered later that I was compromising one need to meet or maintain another.  The biggest “aha” was that I wasn’t even aware that I was doing this or what my real needs and/or desires were because I was too distracted in every area of my life to realize that I didn’t know who I really was.  I had normalized in my mind that having every moment of my day spoken for meant that I was getting things done and fulfilling the normal life plan, at least that was my misguided understanding.  We’re not all built the same so why would there be a “one size fits all” life plan that everyone conforms to, the life plan itself should conform to each individual and I don’t believe that everyone gains happiness, peace and balance from travelling the same path.

finding your way

I have come to these realizations at various times over the last five years because I’ve been interested In the bigger picture and wanted to find the root of why I kept ending up in similar life scenarios whether that was within family, friend or intimate relationships.  You know, if I keep doing things the same way I shouldn’t be expecting different results just because my intentions or awareness has changed or grown.  No doubt there will be many more of these realizations to come as I have more chapters of my life to fill and from what I’ve learned so far this leads me to believe that this enlightenment has only just begun.

I think that when you get “stuck” in certain areas of your life it’s because there is something bigger that is holding you back and when you start to rewind and replay those that didn’t go as you’d hoped, you will likely find the pattern that is keeping you “stuck”.  Recognizing and becoming aware of the patterns that you’ve repeated can be the first step in turning your entire life around because once you’ve brought yourself awareness it will help you to create a new pattern.  When you change things up this way you will find yourself in very new and very unfamiliar territory.  When I started to recognize and slowly change those areas of my conditioning I found at first, that it felt a little weird, but in a good way.  The main thing I noticed is that I’d eliminated the self-doubt and replaced it with a stronger sense of self-guidance.

Of course all changes we make to improve our lives will have a transition period and uncertainty can usually be expected but as long as you listen to your heart and follow your gut instinct I don’t believe you will end up on the wrong path.  Acknowledging how things make you feel along the way and allowing yourself the freedom to step outside of your comfort zone to explore areas of life that you had never thought to try will help to ease the transitions and reduce the fears.

No matter what path you take or process you use to learn more about who YOU are, it’s that awareness that will help you to gain a greater understanding and contentment overall.

change your stars


Posted by on December 18, 2012 in Blog


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