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Rise or Fall

What Is Your Objective?

Are you going to let the difficult times determine your value and quality of life?

Are you going to build your future on a foundation of pains from the past?

Or you going to let it inspire you to change the direction to a more positive outcome?

with-everything-that-has-happened

When you are feeling stuck which I think everyone has at one time or another (hopefully not too often) you are presented with an opportunity.  The only problem is most of the time you don’t see it as opportunity because when you’re in that place of feeling stuck there are other emotions going on that cloud your view.

The opportunity is change!  Changing your thoughts, changing your attitude, changing your outlook and ultimately changing your life direction.

When you move in the direction of positive change it alters everything in your life:

  • It starts with you and your thoughts, do they sway a little stronger one way or the other (positive or negative side)? What you tell yourself, especially from your subconscious impacts how you feel and how you feel impacts how you interact with others.
  • When your thoughts change so do your interactions with others and how you view and perceive them. Things that possibly annoyed you before begin to become not so important, not because someone else has changed but because you have.
  • When your attitude changes that changes your outlook and your world around you becomes less offensive, not because others have changed but because you have. It’s not “what you get is what you see”, it’s actually “what you see is what you get”.

I’m not going to lie, it’s hard to change your thinking around when you are coming from the place of feeling stuck.  It’s hard to find something solid to stand on so you can rise up from whatever has put you in this place but it is possible.

It takes only a quick shift of thought, that lightning moment to change the direction.  I know that when I get an idea in my head I don’t let it go until I’ve exhausted everything trying.

No one is a failure for trying something that didn’t work, not trying will do more damage to you emotionally through regret than any effort ever made that didn’t work.

Vulnerability is the only way and it’s scary to put yourself out there especially when you don’t know the answers or feel you aren’t ready or strong enough to have them heard but it is such a freeing place to be.  When you allow yourself to be vulnerable there’s nothing left to hide, nothing left to expose or exploit, that changes it into power, personal power!

Whatever caused you to feel stuck is usually not something external but something you find the answers for internally.  Circumstance is just that and circumstance cannot hinder your personal power only you can do that by thinking you are powerless to change a situation.

All situations can be challenged and possibly changed and feeling stuck is only a state of mind, one caused by your own resistance of thinking you are powerless.

Bottom line is you need to be the change you wish to see!

choosing-thoughts-habit

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2016 in Blog

 

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Cause and Effect

When Change is Your Only Option

[ I haven’t posted any writings in the last few months as I am working on another book but recently I’ve had the thoughts below marinating in my mind and felt the need to share ]

what are you doing for others

Changes in life aren’t always planned or even known, sometimes they just occur all of a sudden and turn your world upside down, hopefully it’s a more positive experience rather than negative but what usually follows is a new ways of seeing, thinking, believing and living.

Transitioning into change isn’t always an easy road but it is naturally how the path progresses.  When you are moving from one phase of your life into the next the changes are not just what is around you, but also what is within.  Changing old habits and/or outdated ways of thinking usually manifests after you’ve either been resisting or struggling to move forward, sometimes without even realizing it.

All life evolves, that we all know and how you personally evolve depends on your choices which of course is of your free will to make but transition can be made easier if you choose to embrace it instead of resisting it (believe me, I’m not saying I’ve always done this, quite the opposite at times, but when you know better, you do better).  I’ve learned to recognize that when I am resisting transition (which I haven’t always been able to identify in the past) that I feel scattered, frustrated, blocked like I’m banging my head against a wall without fully understanding why only to later come to the realization, that “aha” moment, when things start to smooth out and make sense.  Clarity and awareness can be a beautiful thing.

Awareness in yourself is a learned experience, recognizing and reading the signs and symptoms in your own personality is an opportunity worth taking advantage of and sometimes necessary.  Rising to your own challenges will advance every aspect of your character and life but only if you are open to it.  You have to be open to it or it won’t work.

I choose to embrace the positive aspects in all areas of life, I do not like to shed light on negativity for too long because I’m very wary of feeding the wrong energy, but unfortunately sometimes (dare I say, too often) the negative happens and it needs to be looked at in order to raise awareness.

Awareness in others is also a learned experience, recognizing and listening to your inner voice.

When something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t!

Every time I have ignored my gut instinct it always comes back to bite me and that moment of realization, knowing I knew then what I’m learning now feels worse for me because I know I purposely didn’t listen.

I’ve seen a few too many in the last little while of those I care about that are taken advantage of because of their kindness and trust.  Too often when your gut tells you something is wrong you silence it, not always because you think you know better but because within the frame of kindness is the benefit of the doubt.  The benefit of doubt is given out of trust and those who do not have good intentions will manipulate and thrive on that because they are not serving a higher purpose, they are serving only themselves.

  • How does one learn to differentiate between the good and bad?
  • How does one learn to trust their instincts after falling victim to such toxicity and ill will?
  • How does one learn to trust others again?
  • Does the benefit of the doubt ever come back to you?

I think these are the questions you end up asking yourself over and over and over again when an event changes your life abruptly.

I wish there was a quick fix, a way to go back, a way to erase the damage, unfortunately there is not.  The quotes always say you have two options, you rise again or you let it define you, but I don’t know if I agree with that.

I believe there is one option, you rise again, become stronger!

The past cannot be changed, there is absolutely no way you can go back and re-write the story, there is no benefit to re-living it over and over in your mind, you are only torturing yourself. 

There is a process though and the only way to get through a storm is to brave it and fight your way through.  In order to move forward you have to feel the range of emotions as they come and let the wound heal in the time it needs to do so.

The lesson learned, the awareness gained will be that you refuse to give up your personal power to anyone again.  It’s not about forgiving someone else, someone who may or may not be sorry, it’s about forgiving yourself for gracing someone with your kindness and trust when they weren’t worthy of it.

The only thing you can do is make peace with it so you don’t re-live it every day in your present or into your future.  As terrible as an experience is, was or feels, the effects of the experience changes you and how that change manifests within is up to you.

Be a warrior for you!

mirror, mirror

 
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Posted by on June 11, 2016 in Blog

 

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Change is a Gift

Let it Be

Change is inevitable, how you view change is ultimately going to define your state of being, happiness and outlook on life.  Not every change is welcome but every change is necessary because without it you won’t progress or have the opportunity to evolve your level of consciousness.  It is through change that you become more defined or shall I say more refined but you will end up becoming more connected to your world and those in it which is definitely a gift.

I don’t know if there is some cosmic shift going on or not right now, I know the astrology forecasts are always talking about specific shifts but I feel that some kind of change is in the air even though I can’t quite figure out exactly what it is, it feels positive though and hopeful and I sense it will be fulfilling.

The shift itself feels similar to how you feel when you are coming out on the end of some sort of emotional process that you had to work through like that of failure, disappointment or heartbreak because these kinds of experiences change you in ways you wouldn’t have expected, they seem to cause a deep stir in the make-up of who you are.

How do you make it through the transition of tough and emotional experiences like failure, disappointment or heartbreak; are you letting these experiences define you or are you defying the odds you feel are against you to overcome them?  Probably the most soul-crushing experiences because they ultimately alter who you were and from there who you are to become and while the words “growth period” is usually what is used to describe these kinds of experiences it doesn’t ease the challenges or hurt any less.you get to choose

Finding the light at the end of that “oh so long” tunnel sometimes seems non-existent and that is because you are so enmeshed in the grief period that the other side is unseen and unimaginable.  Growth periods take time, patience and your personal understanding in realizing that there isn’t anything wrong with you even though you may feel broken.  Jane Fonda described this particular experience as “not being broken but rather broken open” which I think is the best description because when you are broken open you are fully exposed, fully vulnerable and fully open because there is nothing left to damage and nothing left to give.

This is the key moment to change that is now to become a part of your path, because you have been stripped bare and are open there is no resistance left, there is now room for new and positive experiences to enter your life.  I think how you view each of these experiences is ultimately going to be your guiding force to get you back into your life and feel positive and hopeful about your future.

Sometimes the presence of emotions over failure, disappointment or heartbreak is not existent during a major time of transition but I think the process in getting through it is similar in that you aren’t really sure of what you are doing or where you are going but the need for some kind of change feels imminent.  Balancing a sense of peace and patience (knowing that things will work out in a positive way) when things feel a little scattered or misdirected will be what grounds you.

Failure:  I’ve always been hard on myself and viewed my own personal failure as a huge sign of defeat but in the last 5-10 years I’ve taken on a different view.  I no longer believe it to be failure, instead I’ve come to the understanding that the word failure is the word I had interjected into my experiences because my faith that “everything happens for a reason” and “all things happen as they are meant to” conflict, my faith and failure cannot logically co-exist.  If all things happen as they are meant to then how could it possibly be failure, it would have to be an intended outcome, which I do believe it is.  It is the ego that constantly tries to override the soul and the emotions that our soul relates to us are our signals that the ego is trying to gain control.

Disappointment & Heartbreak:  I think these two are the more heartfelt emotions because they are usually connected to your hopes and dreams.  Everyone gets caught up at one time or another in the fairy tale idealism and why not, there’s a wisp of it in almost everything within our view through magazine, television, books, etc.  I think problems start to arise when the ego tries to control who and what is going on, and of course to make people, places and things that are currently in your life fit into your soul’s hopes and dreams.  As a result disappointment and heartbreak happen because this is not something that is guided by the ego but rather felt by the soul, you can’t rush or fit it.

I really believe that “everything happens for a reason”, I really believe that “all things happen as they are meant to” and I really believe that when the time is right all of that falls into place and not a moment too soon.

Without gratitude for where you are now how could you ever get any further without struggle or resistance while trying to rush the future?  It’s all about allowing your soul to speak, enjoying the moments in between and appreciating what you have in the now.

the experience of gratitude

 
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Posted by on November 2, 2015 in Blog

 

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Everything in its Time, and…

Everything in its Place

Have you ever wondered why things work out mysteriously the way they do? How an outcome at the time seems strange but later make sense? When you have a conversation or experience that seems oddly familiar, like a déjà vu?

I often think that there is a Universal master plan when I experience these déjà vu moments and especially when an outcome that I didn’t believe was of benefit becomes a later realization of better than I could have designed. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and have faith that the answers will eventually become clear, trusting in that faith is what helps keep the intensity of the storms in perspective. I do find though that more often than not things work and balance out to my benefit, having a positive attitude and outlook on life definitely helps. It’s not that every day is a fabulous one and that it’s all rainbows and roses, everyone including me has their down times but I work hard to keep those down times from defining my life.

I do find it curious how different scenarios play out and at times it does feel like some sort of divine and/or universal intervention is in effect. I do believe we are all connected to each other and I think how that is felt depends on how deep of an impact the connection actually was or still is. Have you ever had the thought of someone and then they call you or a song comes on the radio that is one you connect with that person. I think the song example is usually related to past connections and the phone call is related to current. Just my experiences so far, that is by no way a fact and how you sense, feel or think of those connections will likely be different for everyone.

What are your big questions, what stirs your spirit, what stirs your curiosity? I love having the conversations with people that are thought provoking, eye opening and inspiring. The conversations that challenge and ignite my thirst for answers to my biggest questions and the desire to dig deeper. If I don’t keep challenging myself than it feels like I’m just going through the motions of each day without any direction, I mean it has to be about something, doesn’t it?

It’s about connecting with others on a soul level that doesn’t just touch your heart but your spirit so you feel connected on a deeper level that is beyond deciphering it. This is what I feel is “everything in its place” because sometimes it feels as if there was no reason except every reason for you to connect with someone on that level. Some people come into our lives without a purpose and with every purpose, which eventually makes sense so much that you couldn’t imagine them not in your life. You find that anything and everything is on topic and you become immediately enmeshed as if you had known each other for longer than your current time.

It makes sense to me that we come into this life without intent or knowledge of the plan which I feel is “everything in its time” and every once in a while the déjà vu moments are like signposts to let us know we are on the right path and going in the right direction. Whether you desire change or not it’s going to happen and the more accepting you become of impending change the easier it will be to adjust when it occurs. Not everything is going to be easy and it’s not meant to but the people that come into place in your life have a purpose, some are there to help, to inspire or to motivate change. Some of them are meant to stay longer than others and some are for lifetime, I have a more in depth look at this in a past blog “In Your Life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime”.

I think it’s really important to always remember that none of your challenges are meant to break or define you, they are all meant to help you grow. When you embrace that understanding the storms won’t seem as rough because you’ll have faith that new wisdom and growth is just around the corner.

something good on the horizon

 
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Posted by on January 5, 2015 in Blog

 

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At the End of Every Storm

Lies the Opportunity for New Beginnings

Our storms in life are the difficulties we experience and through them great change can evolve.same person from the storm

Some storms change YOU so much that you may find yourself going in a direction you never would have chosen, not for any other reason than you weren’t in a place that was in alignment with it before. These new directions are beyond the familiar and can feel scary but at the same time exhilarating at the prospect of what is to come.

Change is not always comfortable especially when it comes to the unknown which means you have to have faith that things will work out as they should and trust that it will be in your best interests. Having faith when you feel a little scared and somewhat skeptical can be a big leap but every time I’ve felt that kind of fear and anticipation it has ALWAYS turned out to be something great, a result that I couldn’t have planned better. I think that kind of anticipatory fear is the “little sign” for me that something big is to come, it may be different for you but pay attention to what your instincts tell you so you can learn when positive change is knocking at your door.

Change can be especially difficult for you if you are headstrong about having control over the direction your life is going, it’s not easy to relinquish it to faith or trust when you are used to being the guide. I can tell you though that it is always well worth it to have faith, even it at first you don’t understand eventually things make sense, so much so that you may wonder how you didn’t get it earlier.

New beginnings, new chapters, new paths all start with new thoughts and ideas and those thoughts are usually brought about by something that isn’t working for you any longer in your life. You may seek to shake up some part or all of your life because you’ve come to a point where feel that there is something bigger you should be doing. That is your purpose calling on you because you are finally within the range of alignment and the Universe assists by awakening that passion within your energy.

I do believe that anyone in search of a better life can entirely change everything around, one can walk into a new direction that inspires and cultivates positive attitude, behaviour and lifestyle simply by making that decision and then by following through. It takes dedication, determination, focus and discipline to carry out and continue on the path you desire and that takes more work than you can imagine but as you know anything worth having is worth working for.

It’s so easy to make a decision to do or change something, it’s another thing entirely to act on it and especially keeping up the momentum to see it through to the end.

I’ve at times made a change and then stopped because it seemed impossible but what I’ve learned is that this fear is created by my ego in an effort to keep me from progressing. Progression like this builds up the strength of your inner spirit and your inner spirit is not in any way connected to your ego. As the inner spirit gets stronger the ego diminishes because it is not needed within the state of inner peace and balance.  Strengthening that part of your being is the best asset you have in helping you succeed in any and all areas of your life.

So in the end, the storms even though they are not desirable, are necessary to your personal growth, awareness and understanding of your soul and the Universe. Know that they are not meant as punishment, they are to provide a higher learning.

Imagine that you are in a boat on the ocean in a real storm, what you learn in that scenario is no different than what you learn through your personal storms, we learn to navigate to survive so we can live another day.

within you is strength

 
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Posted by on November 10, 2014 in Blog

 

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The Seeds of Doubt

Grow the Spaces to Disconnection

When seeds of doubt pop up in your relationships questions then follow, distance is created when those questions go unaddressed and/or unanswered.  Loss of connection is akin to loss of trust, loss of faith or loss of hope as they all create spaces that eventually make up the distance that creates the loss of connection.

Communication is the greatest protector against these losses because it builds the bridge that always keeps those you cherish close.  Acknowledgement and validation nurtures those loved and helps them to continually grow and evolve with you in symbiotic harmony.

Some of my experiences have been that the dedication is not met on an equal level and the result is moving on.  That doesn’t mean this is a bad thing because not everyone in our lives are meant to be with us for lifetime, some are there to help through transition, to help teach a specific lesson or to motivate change.

We are all different from each other and right down to every cell of our being as it is necessary to create the human experiences we provide for each other and connectively.  Some hurt or elate more than others but from those feelings come wisdom, experience, growth and eventually inner peace.

Is it lost forever?  I really don’t think it is or has to be but like trust, faith or hope it has to be rebuilt and rebuilding usually takes much more work and dedication.  It really depends on the strength of the foundation and if it manifested organically or began from falsehood.  Intention is everything!

I do believe that everyone deserves the chance to show you who they are but trying to change what they show you may or may not be you setting yourself up for disappointment, depending on your perspective.

  • Do you always tackle the impossible in the hopes to change what is?
  • Are you drawn to the impossible so you won’t have to really connect and feel vulnerable?
  • Is the dynamic you constantly find yourself in a reflection of your formative year’s environment?

All three of these questions could have easily been my unrealized mantra.  We all have behaviours that we are consciously or subconsciously predisposed to and there are probably a variety of reasons as to why we allow them to have controlling interest in our lives.

Can we change it?  Absolutely yes!

Anyone at any time can change any behaviour or aspect of their life into a positive direction that provides a happier and more stable state of being.  If you cannot envision the result you want to see that doesn’t mean you can’t make it happen but if you do not believe in it or in yourself then it is your belief that will manifest the outcome.  This includes the seeds of doubt and any communication that has broken down, determination and the willingness to make the effort is necessary for success.  Anything worth having, is worth working for!

I know for myself that when it comes to pursuing something I envision to occur in my life, I do not stop until I’ve exhausted every avenue and all possibilities.  If something does not go according to my vision I’ve found that it leads me in a different and better direction than I had ever considered.  I do not believe in failure, something that doesn’t go as you want doesn’t mean you failed because it usually directs you to something better as long as you are open to it.  That has been my experience every time!

I continue to strive to attain devotion and honesty in addressing the seeds of doubt when they arise, not everything needs to be over-dramatized but at the same time if it matters to you, it matters; and if it matters to you, it should also matter to those you cherish and vice versa.

At the end of the day you know within if you gave it your all, if you left no stone unturned, and that’s what allows you to look in the mirror and be content.

a life that matters

 
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Posted by on August 27, 2014 in Blog

 

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Protect Me Not!

I Need To Learn

Through most struggles positive change can occur but it may not if through the caring protection of another that you don’t go through the experience fully as needed.  It’s through struggle and success that we develop the tools to help us effectively deal with adversity or change and those tools help us to define who we are, what we are capable of and who we are to become.

Struggling to survive or to succeed, which are basically one in the same, are both characteristics we develop as a result of hardship and/or difficulty.  They build us into stronger people and usually help us to develop a stronger sense of respect, compassion, empathy, discretion, humility and integrity towards ourselves and others.  If you prevent someone from experiencing something, whether you are doing it out of love or not, while it is noble it may be of more harm than good because you may also be preventing them from experiencing the positive aspects that are also associated with those experiences.

For example, if you protect someone from the learning the consequences of how far they’ve pushed the boundaries you are preventing them from learning healthy limits.  Boundaries are the limits that are necessary to living a positive and productive life if one doesn’t learn that through trial and error than life ahead will likely feel like constant travel on a gravel road.

There are some experiences I’ve had that were far less than ideal and honestly I would have loved to have done without them but………if I had, I wouldn’t have learned how to make things right, how to adjust my position to accommodate and diffuse difficult change.

All lessons and experiences propel us into directions we may not have gone otherwise, if you protect someone from a learning experience you may also be preventing them from a growth experience and that will likely stunt their future potential.  Alternatively one could end up with an overdeveloped ego because they feel invincible and above consequence which would be a rather large awakening at the moment you aren’t around to deflect difficulty for them.

Another aspect to consider from not learning the healthy limits is that it may have an opposite effect and damage a one’s desire to succeed because adversity so far has been quite minimal.  It is through hardship and difficult times that the opportunity lies to further strengthen the desire to succeed.  If one doesn’t experience hardship or difficulty than their will to succeed suffers as a result, they become complacent and uninterested in doing more than what is required to get by.

You may as well be saying to them “I don’t think you can do this on your own, so I’m going to help” and in effect you’re creating a monster while lowering their self-confidence, self-worth and self-motivation all at the same time.  Chances are, after a while your own self-worth will start to diminish because the more complacent they become, the more you end up picking up the slack and feeling responsible for it.  Maybe your efforts have kept or are keeping that person from becoming the trail blazer they were meant to be, you will never know.

struggle quote

So imagine how different our world would be had we not had certain trail blazers like George Washington, Abe Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and even Noah ( he did build the Ark ).

Similar to the overbearing mother or father, you can’t prevent adversity in another person’s life because it is there to enhance them in some way and in your honest and caring efforts you are butting heads with the Universe.  I think a lot of people believe their personal karma affect is a certain way because of what they’ve done wrong but karma has more to do with the intention.  When you do something for another with positive intention it doesn’t create bad karma, I believe the adverse effect you may be suffering is the result of battling against personal destiny.  What you are experiencing is Resistance because you are going against the natural flow of the Universe.

 
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Posted by on February 19, 2014 in Blog

 

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