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Tag Archives: adversity

I Don’t Care What You Think!

Feeling Vulnerable Without Fear

Sometimes the protective coat of armor doesn’t cover the fear created within the mind.  I think when you’re young, you are most susceptible and vulnerable to the outside influence and/or opinion of others.  So much so that the slightest comment can feel like a horrible criticism directed at you to make you feel inadequate.  I know because I’ve felt that and maybe those that have made the comment may not have realized the magnitude in which they’ve affected me and maybe those that have made the comment meant nothing negative but I just took it that way.  I think that only time, maturity, personal growth and the always “under construction” parts of your “self” as in esteem, worth and confidence is the key to finally breaking away and feeling vulnerable without fear.

tongue has no bones

Growing into the reserves of strength I know we all have is a difficult road and maintaining confidence through your steps and missteps is a challenge in itself.  However you choose to help yourself along through the emotional conflict you’re likely to experience I think that as long as you continue to try to be better than you were the day before then you are progressing, even if it doesn’t feel like it.  I don’t think any of us realize how much inner strength there is to tap into and how much adversity we actually have the ability to withstand.  Until you are really tested, you just don’t know.

Recognizing how far you’ve come from where you were is something you can look back at after some time to mark in your mind and heart of your progress.  Any progress in a positive direction is something to be acknowledged and celebrated because you could have gone in a negative direction and that would have benefited no one.

Everyone wants to be seen and heard and not for any kind of ego boost but because it is a big part of connecting with others, the part that lets you know you matter and the part that lets you know they care.  It doesn’t take a large amount of energy to be compassionate or kind towards others and it will cost you nothing.

So how do you get to the point of saying “I don’t care what you think”?  It’s not really as derogatory as it sounds more like I’ve grown into myself enough to know that what others think of me doesn’t define me, doesn’t make me more or less of a person and isn’t going to change who I am.  It’s not a challenging attitude but rather a more “self” reflected and strengthened version, humbled and content enough to quiet the thoughts of doubt.

I think too often the focus is worrying about how others will perceive and whether or not they will like you, the bigger question is, “do you like yourself”?  If your answer is yes, there is nothing left for you to worry about, you are enough and those that matter will recognize that.  If your answer is no, then I believe self-reflection is the beginning, at some point in your life you had to have liked yourself, find your way back there and re-build from that point.

the roar of freedom

Vulnerability lies in many corners of the heart and mind and at a moment’s notice it can change your nice quiet, calm and contented self into a scared little child.  Of course there are variations of that fear and I think many of us don’t get as far as the scared little child but you get the idea.  Fear and vulnerability or fear of vulnerability, however you want to link the two, they are usually connected in some way.

FEAR:             to be afraid of (something of someone)

                        to expect or worry about (something bad or unpleasant)

                        to be afraid and worried

 

VULNERABILITY:     easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally or emotionally

                                    open to attack, harm or damage

I think both of these definitions are valid reasons for not wanting to leave yourself open to fear or vulnerability but while you may be protecting yourself from others and the possibility of something negative.  You are also protecting yourself from others and the possibility of something positive.

While you may feel protected and comfortable within the walls you build to protect your heart you are also keeping everything else out.  The most magical things happen outside your comfort zone!

stepping into your greatness

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2016 in Blog

 

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Below the Surface

Is Where Negativity Finds a Way In

Your experiences are meant to teach not trap and when you are unable to find the wisdom within them you prevent yourself from the growth meant to take you to the next level of your life’s journey.unforgiveness

If you are unable to even think of an experience, let alone talk about it without feeling re-affected because the hurt or disappointment from it was so significant then you haven’t allowed yourself to fully feel, grieve and let it go.

It’s very important to allow things to process out of your system, not just physically but mentally and spiritually too. All experiences have a direct effect on all three states of your well-being and if allowed can fester and grow resentment, bitterness, grudges and unforgiveness.

Feel the Pain:  Experiences that have deeply hurt your feelings have to be acknowledged, you can’t just push them aside, focus your attention elsewhere and will them to go away. They re-surface again and again in your life through similar cycles and patterns and eventually you come to a point where you are forced to deal with them. The question is are you finally going to? Or are you going to push them down deeper?

Happiness, peace of mind and balance will always elude you if continually resist the Universe’s message.

Grieve the Loss:  It’s important to allow yourself time to grieve the loss that you feel from any experience, there is always some level of expectation in any exchange and when it’s not met resentment can occur. It’s important to acknowledge those thoughts and know that they are not wrong and are a natural result. You are allowed to feel how you feel from any experience.

Let Go:  Any Loss is loss.  Once you’ve allowed yourself to feel the pain and grieve the loss you’ll find that letting go is the easiest part of the process. It allows the weight of resentment, bitterness, grudges and/or unforgiveness that you’ve carried around to be lifted from where they do not belong. It’s a bigger burden than you realize and one that will make you feel a whole lot lighter, less cluttered and overwhelmed within your mind.

releasing a grudge

Regardless of how much pain was caused from an experience you cannot allow it change you so much that it negatively affects any area of your life. When you choose not to forgive, you are also choosing not to let go and by doing that you are allowing the experience to still own an aspect of your life.

Do you really want to let a negative experience interrupt your life daily, weekly or monthly, at all? When you can’t find peace with something that’s what it does, it causes a rift in your soul, that rift can affect all your relationships, is that fair to you or to them? If you think about it the negative experience is being allowed to not only continue to hurt you but to now hurt others through you, even if you don’t mean to.

The rift in your soul can cause you to feel unbalanced and that is your spirit trying to find way to be heard, validated and soothed before you spin yourself into an unmanageable state. These signs manifest through your physical, mental and spiritual well-being and can cause and/or mimic serious afflictions within. There is a significant amount of stress you place on yourself through resistance and if you knew all of this from the beginning you would likely choose to feel, grieve and let go but your emotions are the wild card that you can’t control.

I’ve learned that even though my emotions are strong, my spirit is stronger and the voice of reason thankfully is within my spirit, not my emotions even if they do send me off on a tangent every once in a while.

Recognizing and acknowledging my emotions during times of adversity is important and having a really excellent friend to be the additional voice of reason next to your spirits’ is a blessing. At the very least an open ear of someone you can trust to help provide you with a healthy perspective can help you to help yourself find a way into the process and eventually toward letting go.

Even if you don’t reconnect again it’s important to let an experience run its course through all the phases or you risk losing the whole purpose of it. You’ve already endured the worst why stop short of the finish line when your blessing for making it through all adversity is the wisdom that comes at the end.repeating relationship patterns

When starting anew it is important to leave the past in the past and face new experiences with an open heart and mind. It’s wise to remember past experiences and retain the lessons and wisdom you have gained but placing and/or comparing a new experience with a previous one carries overtones that have no place or reason.

New experiences also bring new people, new behaviours and new circumstances and none are comparable to anything from the past, they are new, treat them as such and bring your wisdom!

 
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Posted by on November 24, 2014 in Blog

 

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The Many Faces

What Human are You Being?

You have the opportunity to change the face you may have misrepresented during a bad moment through awareness, understanding, honesty and atonement but are you up to that task?

Do you have the personal honesty to acknowledge and take ownership of an action that that didn’t display the best side of you and the courage to admit a wrong?

They say “you never get a 2nd chance to make a 1st impression” but what about impressions that come along well after that? While you may have made a great 1st impression if you can’t keep the integrity flowing it’s going to be difficult and tiring just trying to keep up appearances.

How others treat you is their karma, how you react is yours – Wayne Dyerthoughts, word, actions

Your reaction to adversity is going to be the best look at who you are as a person for others and the best insight for you on how to change it. By developing your awareness through observation of your own reactions or overreactions you will learn how to control and prevent them from affecting your life negatively.

Allow the human and spirit that reside within you to commune often, it is very necessary and important to promote the growth of this bond. Their common ground will provide and enhance peace, balance and harmony within which is an essential part of your being.

Connection is not unique to one aspect of life it is the foundation of all aspects of life so that they can work together harmoniously. Connecting with others will help to build your relations with them into whatever direction you desire. Connecting with your spirit will enhance and empower your human life toward the destiny it has always been meant for.

Finding your way when you don’t know where to look or begin can be a daunting thought and I’ve found that it begins with connection:

Be Still:  Quieting the mind is the best way to find the answers you seek to specific issues or problems that arise in your life. There is a lot to be said for the quiet, it allows you to hear the solution more clearly than you would ever expect. It also allows your spirit and inner voice a platform to be heard, to be acknowledged and to be embraced. Your spirit has only one purpose and that is to guide you into your best life.

Be Alert:  Awareness of how you affect others is the spirit assistant in your life poking you in the side and saying “that’s not right!”, and being tuned into that is very important. When you open yourself up to that awareness you allow other emotions to feed and fuel your inner knowledge and outer behaviour so that the two can work together and balance each other so you don’t dip too far on the either side of the scale.

Be Conscious:  It’s really important to be present in the moments that matter. There’s no measurement of importance, if you can’t spare a moment of space for someone else then don’t pretend to. When you are consciously aware of your actions, overreactions or inactions I think you will find that you become more aware of how others respond and that awareness will ultimately change your interactions for a more positive trend.

You get in life what you prepare and make room for and there are internal and external aspects that can either enhance or inhibit the abundance you seek. You could end up blocking the space you created for your abundance just by having an attitude that isn’t in alignment with what you are making room for. It’s not just about making the room but also adapting your lifestyle and attitude to be consistent with what you envision.

If you are holding onto anything negative (anger, grudge, resentment, spite, etc.) they will all block that room from ever being filled with your dreams and the more you embrace them the further you get off your path until one day you find you don’t recognize where you are.

Success isn’t just about achieving something but achieving it with integrity and not stepping on anyone along the way. When I envision anything in my future it always contains a level of happiness, peace and balance but if my attitude now doesn’t contain those aspects then I won’t be in alignment for what I seek to come into my life until that changes. Karma has a way of balancing the scales.

Life at times can be difficult and there may be times where you end up blocking yourself simply because a day, week or month has worn itself on you for too long and brought you down but bringing yourself back to connection can lift the heaviness of that adversity and light the sky so you can see again where you need to be.

the universe speaks

 
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Posted by on October 27, 2014 in Blog

 

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Protect Me Not!

I Need To Learn

Through most struggles positive change can occur but it may not if through the caring protection of another that you don’t go through the experience fully as needed.  It’s through struggle and success that we develop the tools to help us effectively deal with adversity or change and those tools help us to define who we are, what we are capable of and who we are to become.

Struggling to survive or to succeed, which are basically one in the same, are both characteristics we develop as a result of hardship and/or difficulty.  They build us into stronger people and usually help us to develop a stronger sense of respect, compassion, empathy, discretion, humility and integrity towards ourselves and others.  If you prevent someone from experiencing something, whether you are doing it out of love or not, while it is noble it may be of more harm than good because you may also be preventing them from experiencing the positive aspects that are also associated with those experiences.

For example, if you protect someone from the learning the consequences of how far they’ve pushed the boundaries you are preventing them from learning healthy limits.  Boundaries are the limits that are necessary to living a positive and productive life if one doesn’t learn that through trial and error than life ahead will likely feel like constant travel on a gravel road.

There are some experiences I’ve had that were far less than ideal and honestly I would have loved to have done without them but………if I had, I wouldn’t have learned how to make things right, how to adjust my position to accommodate and diffuse difficult change.

All lessons and experiences propel us into directions we may not have gone otherwise, if you protect someone from a learning experience you may also be preventing them from a growth experience and that will likely stunt their future potential.  Alternatively one could end up with an overdeveloped ego because they feel invincible and above consequence which would be a rather large awakening at the moment you aren’t around to deflect difficulty for them.

Another aspect to consider from not learning the healthy limits is that it may have an opposite effect and damage a one’s desire to succeed because adversity so far has been quite minimal.  It is through hardship and difficult times that the opportunity lies to further strengthen the desire to succeed.  If one doesn’t experience hardship or difficulty than their will to succeed suffers as a result, they become complacent and uninterested in doing more than what is required to get by.

You may as well be saying to them “I don’t think you can do this on your own, so I’m going to help” and in effect you’re creating a monster while lowering their self-confidence, self-worth and self-motivation all at the same time.  Chances are, after a while your own self-worth will start to diminish because the more complacent they become, the more you end up picking up the slack and feeling responsible for it.  Maybe your efforts have kept or are keeping that person from becoming the trail blazer they were meant to be, you will never know.

struggle quote

So imagine how different our world would be had we not had certain trail blazers like George Washington, Abe Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and even Noah ( he did build the Ark ).

Similar to the overbearing mother or father, you can’t prevent adversity in another person’s life because it is there to enhance them in some way and in your honest and caring efforts you are butting heads with the Universe.  I think a lot of people believe their personal karma affect is a certain way because of what they’ve done wrong but karma has more to do with the intention.  When you do something for another with positive intention it doesn’t create bad karma, I believe the adverse effect you may be suffering is the result of battling against personal destiny.  What you are experiencing is Resistance because you are going against the natural flow of the Universe.

 
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Posted by on February 19, 2014 in Blog

 

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From Great Sacrifice……

Comes Great Success!

I finally watched “The Pursuit of Happyness” on the weekend, yes I know I couldn’t be farther behind on being current but I’m not a huge movie watcher, mostly because I don’t have the time to invest in watching one and interruptions are constant, thank god for the pause button and PVR’s!

There are so many great things one can take away from watching this movie, for starters;

–          It’s a true story

–          There isn’t anything one can’t do

–          What you get out of life is what you put in

–          Everyone is in control of their own destiny

It’s a true story; what I liked most and identified strongly with is that no matter what the life circumstances of the character (Chris Gardner), he never felt or behaved like he was the victim.  This is so true, life owes us nothing it is up to each of us to create and take advantage of opportunity when it presents itself, if you decide not to take it then you aren’t the victim because you’ve made the choice not to accept, regardless of why.  It is your responsibility to navigate your life direction and find your purpose and whatever state your life is currently in has turned out that way because of the conscious or unconscious choices you have made.  I do believe that there are certain events that can occur in life that can take you off course but it’s your decision whether or not to get back on at some point.  There have been some truly remarkable people that have taken bad pasts and experiences and turned them into positive outcomes and that has happened because they intended to do so, because they were determined not to let anything negative define who they became and because they knew their will to succeed was stronger than any circumstance thrown in their path. 

–          Know your worth!

–          Know your value!

–          Trust yourself!

There isn’t anything one can’t do; I am beyond determined when there is something I decide I want to do and anyone who has ever tried to tell me I can’t do something is usually wasting their breath (and they know it) because if I want to I am definitely going to make an attempt.  Obviously we can’t do everything and if we could there wouldn’t be much need for any kind of specialized profession but I am at least going to test the waters to determine where my strengths lie.  One of my favorite baseball quotes is exactly this and I hope that everyone keeps this in mind when they are feeling like there is something that they can’t do or accomplish, if you don’t even try, you will never know if you could or couldn’t.

quote, fear of striking out

What you get out of life is what you put in;  if you’re not living what you consider to be your best life now then just maybe you haven’t put you’re all into it.  If the work you’ve put in doesn’t match what you’re living, I believe it means more work is required of you and the question is, are you up for the challenge?  How much do you really want it?  I know that there have been times when I’ve had expectations that I haven’t put the work in for and honestly I can’t expect the universe to reward me for sitting back, kicking my feet up, dreaming of the change but not doing any work to make the room for it to manifest in my life.  The times when I’ve worked the hardest are the times when I’ve received the greatest rewards and the reason the reward feels so great is because it’s not just that you did the work, it’s that you put your all into it to achieve what you desire and the universe has rewarded you for that hard work through acknowledgement and success.  You can’t fail if you believe in yourself!

Everyone is in control of their own destiny; know that whatever happens or doesn’t happen in your life has the option to be guided or re-directed by you.  Obviously we can’t control the tide of the ocean but we can learn to navigate our way through when it becomes rough and foggy.  At some point things do settle down, the fog lifts and that is the opportunity to find a route that works better for you.  The route you need to find is one that resonates within, that provides you with the most comfort, contentment and challenges you personally need to feel alive.  Never stop challenging yourself to get to the next level because there is ALWAYS another mountain to climb beyond the one you’ve just gotten over and you won’t know how much more life is ahead of you if you give up before your journey is complete.

We are all part of the circle of life and we all have a contribution to make, do not minimize your place in this world.  There is someone who needs you and someone you need (although it is likely there are more than just one) for purposes higher than you may know at this time but the beautiful thing about the Universe is that it knows when the time is perfectly right for you to be enlightened and your hard work NEVER goes unacknowledged.

Everything achieved honestly is the result of hard work and hard work is the result of loving yourself and life enough to continually challenge and better yourself through any kind of adversity life gives you. 

Success is felt personally, lived luxuriously and expressed unconditionally.

confucius quote

 
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Posted by on February 12, 2014 in Blog

 

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When the Storm Ends

A New Beginning Opens Up

I can breathe again!

With the end of any challenging experience brings the opportunity for a new beginning and direction in life.  We aren’t defined by the challenges themselves or if we make mistakes, we are defined by the changes we make as a result.

My recent challenges have finally levelled off and in the last couple of weeks I finally had the chance to exhale.  My renewed sense of awareness, focus and direction are creating a sense of peace that feels like I am in a state of relaxation all day long.  I don’t know if it is just that my mind and body have finally de-activated the “All Systems Alert” button or if the new beginning is the major cause but what I do know is that my new normal is feeling fabulous!

The Storm itself is meant to cause upheaval and depending on what your life lessons are and where you are on your path that upheaval could be either minor or major.  If you are too far off your destined path the major storm can be quite stressful but the storms themselves open up opportunity for growth and transition that you may not have reached without it and hopefully the wisdom you gain is used to your best advantage.  The storms should NEVER be wasted and what ALWAYS comes with them is the opportunity to change things to your liking, you always have a choice.

I’ve experienced both minor and major storms and “God willing” there aren’t many more of the major ones destined but honestly it feels like my latest one really cracked me open and as hard as it was to deal with I really like the end result.

Along with my new beginning came a greater appreciation for the parts of life I used to rush through, I used to get so stressed about making everything I had on my plate fit into my day whether it took up all of my “ME” time or not.  I crammed as much as I could in my day in order to whittle down my ever-growing “to do” list but I was depriving myself of a much needed decompress time at the end of the day and I’ve been doing this for many months, maybe even a year.  No wonder my new sense of peace and direction has me feeling like I’m in a state of relaxation all day long, it makes sense that unwinding from that much lack of self-preservation feels so cathartic.

There were so many benefits that I’ve been able to take away from all my experiences and digging for the deeper strength has been the hardest task but I definitely learned that no matter what if you have to go through something difficult, don’t do it alone!  Regardless of how strong you may think you are, vulnerability is the key to finding the new path.  It doesn’t mean you are weak, actually it is probably the moment you are most open because when you are vulnerable you don’t have the fight left to resist.  Resistance is what prevents you from embracing change and during the storms is the time when the most change is needed.

If you are currently in a storm in your life (minor or major), neither are easy, keep reminding yourself that it will eventually pass and when it’s done there are many gifts on the other side waiting for you.  Embrace them for all that they offer, stay open and mindful that you don’t resist.  You have more inner strength than you probably realize and when you dig the deepest the biggest rewards will follow.  The rewards may not look the way you had envisioned, they will likely be better and bring you a greater sense of peace, as they did with me.

adversity #2

 
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Posted by on October 15, 2013 in Blog

 

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