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Tag Archives: letting go of painful emotions

The Tender Space of Hurt

Where does it all begin?

If you’ve ever been the one to inflict emotional hurt on another you may not realize how damaging your actions are, alternatively if that is your intent then you are very aware and obviously not operating from the best place of your souls’ purpose.

If you have been the recipient of this kind of action you already know the extensive damage it causes on the deepest part of your soul and so do those around you. What you feel and experience has a direct and outward effect on those closest to you.

Ever had a bad day come home and bark at everyone around you? I know I have and it’s not something I desire at all!

Through my own experiences as well as observation of others the tender space of hurt is vast and sometimes long-lasting. I believe the long-lasting effects are significantly reduced when the source of the hurt is acknowledged, validated and the recipient is allowed to have their voice heard.don't let others hurt others

Brushing something off, under the rug, ignorance is bliss, etc., does absolutely nothing to correct or abate the hurt in fact it can only make it grow, sometimes to an irreparable amount.   What follows can be a multitude of negative thoughts which turn into negative attitude, outlook and/or behaviour.

Keep in mind that action, reaction and inaction are all actions, each come with results and consequence. If you choose to ignore or overlook any of these the result may be that it diminishes your ability to connect with others, especially those you may really want to. You may end up closing yourself off from the world whether it is by choice or default because you just don’t know how to communicate or listen.

Awareness is the key to connecting with everything in your life, everything that is meaningful, supportive and loving. It is through your own heightened awareness that you can connect on every level with others and in the form that your soul seeks in finding the greater meaning of life. I think everyone at one time or another has wondered about their purpose, the big picture, the grand design of their lives and what it is all supposed to mean. What do you do when an emotional hurt changes the course of that interest and fills your thoughts and time with negativity?

I’m sure we’ve all been there; having the anticipatory thoughts of conversations, what we want to say to another, how we want to respond, how we expect them to respond. All of this is wasted time in your life and likely never to happen. I know because I’ve been there with those thoughts and honestly not one time have any of those anticipatory conversations ever occurred. Can you believe how much of my precious time I wasted with that when I could have been doing something that was much more beneficial for myself or someone I care about?

I may be wrong but my feeling is that when you keep coming back to a same space of hurt it is because it hasn’t been acknowledged, validated or heard. That is the central source of your emotional pain and even if you dispute that, whether you realize it or not, you are allowing that pain to maintain its residence in your heart and soul. If someone in your life keeps coming back to a specific point, know that that is their pain and if you care you will act, dismissing it only exacerbates the issue and shows them that you don’t care.

This kind of emotional hurt can stunt your progression to higher levels of awareness and connection so how do you get around it, get past it? These are the most challenging and difficult questions to answer.

Getting through or past something that has hurt the deepest part of your soul can only be accomplished by you, and only if you are willing to let it. Of course that’s easier said than done, when something has damaged your soul so extensively repair isn’t always just around the corner because you decided it would be.

I’ve had my experiences that have caused me hurt and finding the best way for you to release it is going to be a trial and error experience, what works for one doesn’t always work for another but it’s important to try and keep trying.

I can offer two options that worked for me and if they don’t work for you that’s ok, just keep trying, you deserve to be happy!

  • I’ve always found that I need to have my say, whether the one that caused me hurt is hearing it or not. Write out a letter to that person (DON’T SEND IT!) say everything you want to say, don’t hold back. Being able to get something out that’s been bottled up is a form of release and once I do that it leaves my prominent thoughts. I will always remember but I allow forgiveness, not for that person but for myself for believing that the experience could have been any different.
  • I have also tried a guided meditation, not just me trying to meditate or listening to a tape but an actual professional that guided me through it and honestly after I was done I felt lighter, more energetic and less interested in letting that experience waste any more of my life.

Sometimes it’s a small adjustment that can change your outlook and your life, sometimes it’s not so much that you’re broken but rather broken open. Being broken open isn’t as awful as it may sound, think about the atom and what was discovered when it was broken open and then imagine the other million things you haven’t discovered about yourself because they were hidden/sheltered behind a wall of protection caused by a mountain of hurt that prevented you from fully living and loving your life.

I do believe that when you are broken open you are at your most vulnerable but within that vulnerability you will discover more of yourself, your gifts, your talents and your hidden strengths. Even though allowing the space of vulnerability can be terrifying, being scared is a good thing because it means you’re on the edge of something great that is about to change your life for the better!

broken

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2015 in Blog

 

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Below the Surface

Is Where Negativity Finds a Way In

Your experiences are meant to teach not trap and when you are unable to find the wisdom within them you prevent yourself from the growth meant to take you to the next level of your life’s journey.unforgiveness

If you are unable to even think of an experience, let alone talk about it without feeling re-affected because the hurt or disappointment from it was so significant then you haven’t allowed yourself to fully feel, grieve and let it go.

It’s very important to allow things to process out of your system, not just physically but mentally and spiritually too. All experiences have a direct effect on all three states of your well-being and if allowed can fester and grow resentment, bitterness, grudges and unforgiveness.

Feel the Pain:  Experiences that have deeply hurt your feelings have to be acknowledged, you can’t just push them aside, focus your attention elsewhere and will them to go away. They re-surface again and again in your life through similar cycles and patterns and eventually you come to a point where you are forced to deal with them. The question is are you finally going to? Or are you going to push them down deeper?

Happiness, peace of mind and balance will always elude you if you continually resist the Universe’s message.

Grieve the Loss:  It’s important to allow yourself time to grieve the loss that you feel from any experience, there is always some level of expectation in any exchange and when it’s not met resentment can occur. It’s important to acknowledge those thoughts and know that they are not wrong and are a natural result. You are allowed to feel how you feel from any experience.

Let Go:  Any Loss is loss.  Once you’ve allowed yourself to feel the pain and grieve the loss you’ll find that letting go is the easiest part of the process. It allows the weight of resentment, bitterness, grudges and/or unforgiveness that you’ve carried around to be lifted from where they do not belong. It’s a bigger burden than you realize and one that will make you feel a whole lot lighter, less cluttered and overwhelmed within your mind.

releasing a grudge

Regardless of how much pain was caused from an experience you cannot allow it change you so much that it negatively affects any area of your life. When you choose not to forgive, you are also choosing not to let go and by doing that you are allowing the experience to still own an aspect of your life.

Do you really want to let a negative experience interrupt your life daily, weekly or monthly, at all? When you can’t find peace with something that’s what it does, it causes a rift in your soul, that rift can affect all your relationships, is that fair to you or to them? If you think about it the negative experience is being allowed to not only continue to hurt you but to now hurt others through you, even if you don’t mean to.

The rift in your soul can cause you to feel unbalanced and that is your spirit trying to find a way to be heard, validated and soothed before you spin yourself into an unmanageable state. These signs manifest through your physical, mental and spiritual well-being and can cause and/or mimic serious afflictions within. There is a significant amount of stress you place on yourself through resistance and if you knew all of this from the beginning you would likely choose to feel, grieve and let go but your emotions are the wild card that you can’t control.

I’ve learned that even though my emotions are strong, my spirit is stronger and the voice of reason thankfully is within my spirit, not my emotions even if they do send me off on a tangent every once in a while.

Recognizing and acknowledging my emotions during times of adversity is important and having a really excellent friend to be the additional voice of reason next to your spirits’ is a blessing. At the very least an open ear of someone you can trust to help provide you with a healthy perspective can help you to help yourself find a way into the process and eventually toward letting go.

Even if you don’t reconnect again it’s important to let an experience run its course through all the phases or you risk losing the whole purpose of it. You’ve already endured the worst why stop short of the finish line when your blessing for making it through all adversity is the wisdom that comes at the end.repeating relationship patterns

When starting anew it is important to leave the past in the past and face new experiences with an open heart and mind. It’s wise to remember past experiences and retain the lessons and wisdom you have gained but placing and/or comparing a new experience with a previous one carries overtones that have no place or reason.

New experiences also bring new people, new behaviours and new circumstances and none are comparable to anything from the past, they are new, treat them as such and bring your wisdom!

 
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Posted by on November 24, 2014 in Blog

 

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