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Cause and Effect

When Change is Your Only Option

[ I haven’t posted any writings in the last few months as I am working on another book but recently I’ve had the thoughts below marinating in my mind and felt the need to share ]

what are you doing for others

Changes in life aren’t always planned or even known, sometimes they just occur all of a sudden and turn your world upside down, hopefully it’s a more positive experience rather than negative but what usually follows is a new ways of seeing, thinking, believing and living.

Transitioning into change isn’t always an easy road but it is naturally how the path progresses.  When you are moving from one phase of your life into the next the changes are not just what is around you, but also what is within.  Changing old habits and/or outdated ways of thinking usually manifests after you’ve either been resisting or struggling to move forward, sometimes without even realizing it.

All life evolves, that we all know and how you personally evolve depends on your choices which of course is of your free will to make but transition can be made easier if you choose to embrace it instead of resisting it (believe me, I’m not saying I’ve always done this, quite the opposite at times, but when you know better, you do better).  I’ve learned to recognize that when I am resisting transition (which I haven’t always been able to identify in the past) that I feel scattered, frustrated, blocked like I’m banging my head against a wall without fully understanding why only to later come to the realization, that “aha” moment, when things start to smooth out and make sense.  Clarity and awareness can be a beautiful thing.

Awareness in yourself is a learned experience, recognizing and reading the signs and symptoms in your own personality is an opportunity worth taking advantage of and sometimes necessary.  Rising to your own challenges will advance every aspect of your character and life but only if you are open to it.  You have to be open to it or it won’t work.

I choose to embrace the positive aspects in all areas of life, I do not like to shed light on negativity for too long because I’m very wary of feeding the wrong energy, but unfortunately sometimes (dare I say, too often) the negative happens and it needs to be looked at in order to raise awareness.

Awareness in others is also a learned experience, recognizing and listening to your inner voice.

When something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t!

Every time I have ignored my gut instinct it always comes back to bite me and that moment of realization, knowing I knew then what I’m learning now feels worse for me because I know I purposely didn’t listen.

I’ve seen a few too many in the last little while of those I care about that are taken advantage of because of their kindness and trust.  Too often when your gut tells you something is wrong you silence it, not always because you think you know better but because within the frame of kindness is the benefit of the doubt.  The benefit of doubt is given out of trust and those who do not have good intentions will manipulate and thrive on that because they are not serving a higher purpose, they are serving only themselves.

  • How does one learn to differentiate between the good and bad?
  • How does one learn to trust their instincts after falling victim to such toxicity and ill will?
  • How does one learn to trust others again?
  • Does the benefit of the doubt ever come back to you?

I think these are the questions you end up asking yourself over and over and over again when an event changes your life abruptly.

I wish there was a quick fix, a way to go back, a way to erase the damage, unfortunately there is not.  The quotes always say you have two options, you rise again or you let it define you, but I don’t know if I agree with that.

I believe there is one option, you rise again, become stronger!

The past cannot be changed, there is absolutely no way you can go back and re-write the story, there is no benefit to re-living it over and over in your mind, you are only torturing yourself. 

There is a process though and the only way to get through a storm is to brave it and fight your way through.  In order to move forward you have to feel the range of emotions as they come and let the wound heal in the time it needs to do so.

The lesson learned, the awareness gained will be that you refuse to give up your personal power to anyone again.  It’s not about forgiving someone else, someone who may or may not be sorry, it’s about forgiving yourself for gracing someone with your kindness and trust when they weren’t worthy of it.

The only thing you can do is make peace with it so you don’t re-live it every day in your present or into your future.  As terrible as an experience is, was or feels, the effects of the experience changes you and how that change manifests within is up to you.

Be a warrior for you!

mirror, mirror

 
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Posted by on June 11, 2016 in Blog

 

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Forgive & Appreciate Your Way Back to Happiness!

Letting Go for Your Own Freedom

Don’t tell me how many battles you’ve won, tell me how many people you’ve forgiven!

I’m not sure who wrote this quote but I read it recently and it resonated with me immediately. My first thought was “Yes, that’s it exactly!” and the next thought was to wonder how many people are afflicted daily by the emotional prison that they trap themselves in as a result of not being able to embrace forgiveness.

Of course this isn’t to say that your emotional hurt is invalid but rather that it’s not necessary or fair to your inner spirit to carry it around with you like the badge of horror it can be. When you are unable to cross the line into forgiveness it doesn’t affect anyone as much as it does you. I think many people have a variety of reasons for holding on to a painful memory and while I’m sure the reason is valid it doesn’t mean it’s not having a negative effect on your life. It doesn’t mean the person you hold it against is being impacted in any way whatsoever and it doesn’t mean that by holding onto it that eventually retribution will come.

Forgive: stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw or mistake 

Easier said than done, believe me I know! When someone hurts you deeply it’s not just the emotional pain of the hurt but the emotional attachment you have to the person that has hurt you.

People you don’t have any attachment to can’t hurt you so much because they lack that personal connection. Those closest to you know where your soft spots of vulnerability are and you know theirs but it is because of a mutual trust that neither of you intentionally try to use them against each other. It is when trust is broken that hurt happens and that hurt can carry you into the mode of defense which raises your guard. The only thing that lowers that guard is honest and open communication and the willingness for resolve but sometimes that’s not an available option. So what do you do with all these feelings of hurt when there is no option for closure on the horizon?

I’m sure everyone (including myself) has asked these questions “how could you do this to me?”, and “why don’t you care?”, “how can you just go on in your life like nothing about this mattered?” Most often there is some sort of falling out or ending and if it’s the latter then I don’t think it’s likely you’re going to find the answers you would like for closure and without closure how do you let go and move on?

dirty feet

I’ve found that distance from a difficult experience, a break or mental vacation from it can be a temporary enough solution to help you put some space between your hurt and your emotions so you can find the positives from it, there are always positives, you just have to want to see them. Sometimes it may be a while until you see the wisdom behind the experience but eventually that “aha” moment peaks when you least expect it but when most open to it.

If you aren’t able to have that space to heal I believe it just means that your healing will take a little longer. Dedication, understanding and compassion toward yourself for the extra time it may take is the kindness you need to extend to yourself until you get there.

Appreciate: recognize the full worth of, understand (a situation) fully, recognize the full implications of

Being able to step outside of an experience long enough to gain clarity is the best path to understanding the “true lesson” behind the experience.Appreciation even in the face of difficulty will build inner strength and character, it has to right? I mean what else could come from hurt, disappointment and mental anguish except to get back up, dust yourself off and become the stronger person you were meant to be? It’s been said that when you don’t learn from an experience it keeps coming back around until you do, so if you have to go through it then best to only have to go through it once. Step back and really examine so you can find what it is that you are to take with you and learn. Why put yourself through it more than you have to, your experiences are not meant to break you, they are meant to build you.

As hard as it is to foresee the road ahead it is only through having appreciation for all experiences (positive or negative) that you will begin to cultivate happiness. Start with the smaller successes and after a while you will see that those successes will multiply and begin to shape a brighter, happier and more positive future.

Happiness: the state of being happy

It doesn’t get any clearer than that and where are you at with your own happiness? Happiness isn’t just for other people who seem like they have it all together. Happiness is a state of being, a state that you can access at any time, a state that doesn’t discriminate or align with only the lucky ones.

If another has done you wrong, mistreated you, taken you for granted or overreacted badly, that is not on you, it is on them which doesn’t mean you are now excluded from the state of happiness. Your own happiness depends on how you turn things around, how you want to view the world and what kind of life you decide to live.just be happy

It’s your choice but I’d suggest to “Choose Happiness”.

 
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Posted by on June 24, 2015 in Blog

 

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Below the Surface

Is Where Negativity Finds a Way In

Your experiences are meant to teach not trap and when you are unable to find the wisdom within them you prevent yourself from the growth meant to take you to the next level of your life’s journey.unforgiveness

If you are unable to even think of an experience, let alone talk about it without feeling re-affected because the hurt or disappointment from it was so significant then you haven’t allowed yourself to fully feel, grieve and let it go.

It’s very important to allow things to process out of your system, not just physically but mentally and spiritually too. All experiences have a direct effect on all three states of your well-being and if allowed can fester and grow resentment, bitterness, grudges and unforgiveness.

Feel the Pain:  Experiences that have deeply hurt your feelings have to be acknowledged, you can’t just push them aside, focus your attention elsewhere and will them to go away. They re-surface again and again in your life through similar cycles and patterns and eventually you come to a point where you are forced to deal with them. The question is are you finally going to? Or are you going to push them down deeper?

Happiness, peace of mind and balance will always elude you if continually resist the Universe’s message.

Grieve the Loss:  It’s important to allow yourself time to grieve the loss that you feel from any experience, there is always some level of expectation in any exchange and when it’s not met resentment can occur. It’s important to acknowledge those thoughts and know that they are not wrong and are a natural result. You are allowed to feel how you feel from any experience.

Let Go:  Any Loss is loss.  Once you’ve allowed yourself to feel the pain and grieve the loss you’ll find that letting go is the easiest part of the process. It allows the weight of resentment, bitterness, grudges and/or unforgiveness that you’ve carried around to be lifted from where they do not belong. It’s a bigger burden than you realize and one that will make you feel a whole lot lighter, less cluttered and overwhelmed within your mind.

releasing a grudge

Regardless of how much pain was caused from an experience you cannot allow it change you so much that it negatively affects any area of your life. When you choose not to forgive, you are also choosing not to let go and by doing that you are allowing the experience to still own an aspect of your life.

Do you really want to let a negative experience interrupt your life daily, weekly or monthly, at all? When you can’t find peace with something that’s what it does, it causes a rift in your soul, that rift can affect all your relationships, is that fair to you or to them? If you think about it the negative experience is being allowed to not only continue to hurt you but to now hurt others through you, even if you don’t mean to.

The rift in your soul can cause you to feel unbalanced and that is your spirit trying to find way to be heard, validated and soothed before you spin yourself into an unmanageable state. These signs manifest through your physical, mental and spiritual well-being and can cause and/or mimic serious afflictions within. There is a significant amount of stress you place on yourself through resistance and if you knew all of this from the beginning you would likely choose to feel, grieve and let go but your emotions are the wild card that you can’t control.

I’ve learned that even though my emotions are strong, my spirit is stronger and the voice of reason thankfully is within my spirit, not my emotions even if they do send me off on a tangent every once in a while.

Recognizing and acknowledging my emotions during times of adversity is important and having a really excellent friend to be the additional voice of reason next to your spirits’ is a blessing. At the very least an open ear of someone you can trust to help provide you with a healthy perspective can help you to help yourself find a way into the process and eventually toward letting go.

Even if you don’t reconnect again it’s important to let an experience run its course through all the phases or you risk losing the whole purpose of it. You’ve already endured the worst why stop short of the finish line when your blessing for making it through all adversity is the wisdom that comes at the end.repeating relationship patterns

When starting anew it is important to leave the past in the past and face new experiences with an open heart and mind. It’s wise to remember past experiences and retain the lessons and wisdom you have gained but placing and/or comparing a new experience with a previous one carries overtones that have no place or reason.

New experiences also bring new people, new behaviours and new circumstances and none are comparable to anything from the past, they are new, treat them as such and bring your wisdom!

 
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Posted by on November 24, 2014 in Blog

 

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To Err is Human

To Forgive is Divine

Forgiveness allows you relief from carrying the burden that causes you to remain present in a moment that has hurt you deeply.

It takes courage to allow yourself to be in a place that helps you to forgive others for feeling disempowered by their words or actions. Vulnerability is a necessary component of all relationships, without it you won’t experience the true connection but with it there is a risk of being hurt. If you take your past hurts with you into your present and future it may provide you with a false sense of security, a wall that you think may protect you from getting hurt again, but it prevents you from truly shining and others from getting to know your heart.

When you’ve been hurt deeply the ego’s logic is to hold onto the hurt and anger in the hopes that it will somehow affect the person that caused you the hurt. This couldn’t be further from the truth, chances are very likely that they are unaffected, unconcerned and/or unaware. That hurt, however, will continue to writhe inside of you until you finally reach the place of letting it go and letting it go you must!

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

–        Buddha

I absolutely love this quote I got from an Oprah show a while back, it bears repeating again and again until you allow yourself to feel and embrace the power in these words.

  • Forgiveness does not mean you have to accept the person back into your life.
  • Forgiveness does not mean you are condoning what they did or that you are in any way saying it was OK what they did.
  • Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.

Forgiveness is where your strength lies because it allows you to embrace more fulfilling aspects of character like compassion and empathy. That strength says “I’m letting you go so you can’t continue to hurt me with this memory that I’m remembering daily”. By releasing this memory as past and allowing the grief of the hurt to be felt you then give yourself the opportunity to heal and become stronger, strong enough to never find yourself in that same place again. Sometimes the hurt caused by another can feel very personal and intense and to hold yourself in the same place day after day after day can be a way of punishing yourself for letting someone get close enough to hurt you, although I don’t think that is realized at the time.

Forgiveness paves the way for all things beautiful and positive. It gives you the opportunity to see and feel the miracles of life that we often overlook or take for granted. Forgiveness helps you into the state of gratitude so you are able to recognize the blessings you’ve had and those that are still to come.

There are so many before us that have gone through so much more than we will ever have to know because they have lived, their sacrifices paved a better road for us. Without the blessing of their sacrifices, our miracles in life would not be as abundant. Take a moment to acknowledge and recognize history and know that no matter how difficult life may be right now, there are always options, if there weren’t then those before us wouldn’t have been able to provide us with the changes we know in life today.

Your crown has been bought and paid for. All you have to do is put it on your head.

  • James Baldwin

Appreciate yourself and life enough to know that you have every opportunity to pave that path even better for the future of those you do not know and in doing so you may have positively inspired hope in another.

Hope lies in dreams, in imagination, and in the courage of those who dare to make dreams into reality.

  • Jonas Salk

how we ran the race

 
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Posted by on October 6, 2014 in Blog

 

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The Tools in Life You Shouldn’t Live Without

What’s in Your Toolbox?

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  • I Turn Every Experience into an Opportunity

I know that everything in life happens for some subliminal reason and we can’t always have the foresight to venture ahead to understand it or the gratitude for the wisdom gained from the experience but I have learned to recognize when opportunity arises. 

Opportunities are actually abundant for everyone but I think many of us don’t see them because they haven’t appeared as grandiose as built them up in our minds.  Even the smallest of opportunity is still an opportunity and when you take advantage of the small ones what follows suit is the big ones too because opportunity knows no boundaries and once you open that door you start to realize, recognize and become aware of how many there are around you.  It’s not a matter of you changing, it’s just a matter of adjusting your vision, similar to wearing 3D glasses where the objects pop out at you, you will be able to see your opportunities in a heightened state of awareness that makes them stand out before you.

  • I Am Worth Loving

Knowing your worth and learning not to de-value yourself based on an opinion that isn’t your own is an inner dialogue you need to develop.  Everyone has an opinion but if they haven’t walked in your shoes for any length of time then there is absolutely no foundation for that opinion to stand on.  I’ve found that people with strong opinions usually aren’t very happy, I believe that is because they are so busy looking into someone else’s life that they aren’t living their own and by doing so they are depriving themselves of finding happiness and enjoying their life the way they were meant to.  We are all worth loving, we are all worth finding happiness and we are all worth enjoying our lives, no matter what!

  • I Forgive Myself

Forgiveness is a major part of your own evolvement, without it you are literally held within a trap of your own making that keeps you in a state of sadness, hurt, discontent, anger, and so many more.  Forgiveness is essential for moving past an experience that has caused negative disruption, disruption that has been awful that it has halted you in your tracks and kept you unable to look ahead.  On one of my previous posts (Evolving Means Change) I put in a quote from Oprah Winfrey about forgiveness that I believe are words to live by as well as words to inspire you to forgive so you can enjoy your best life.

  • I Am in the Process of Positive Change

I’ve always lived within the positive mindset, outlook and attitude and I believe that maintaining and feeding those states of mind have made what has become a process not feel like one.  It has become effortless so much so that I don’t have to work very hard at staying positive.  Of course everyone has an off day, I do too, like you got up on the wrong side of the bed and everything bugs you but I don’t think that has as much to do with my positive outlook as it does with just being burnt out.  My positivity never waivers, I have high hopes and aspirations for all areas of my life and I know that when the time is right all things fall into place.  The Divine knows all, I’ve had my moment of doubting it when something didn’t happen when I expected but I found that when it happened later when I didn’t, it was better timing.  The Universe just knows and part of positivity is having faith in that but I am always trying to create a better way and a better process for positive change.  That’s the whole point of positivity, it inspires you continually improve, not because you need it but because you love it.

  • I Open New Doors to Life

I am continually looking for new doors to open and as much as I get scared at first, that’s my personal indication that I’m opening the right one.  I think you have to scare yourself sometimes, really challenge yourself, push yourself forward even if you’re terrified because pushing past that fear enhances your own personal courage, builds self-confidence and sometimes it opens up an opportunity, one you might not have otherwise discovered.  The more new doors you open the more your personal power grows because with each step into new territory you blaze trails for yourself and for others.  Imagine how much inspiration one person can provide to another just by leading the way and vice versa, you may follow another’s path because they’ve inspired you to do so.  Inspiration comes from a place of purity, a place of universal love and cannot be touched or tainted by negativity.  Open as many new doors as you can find and I can assure you, your path will be found!

  • The Past is Over

There is a reason why it is called the past, and that is because you can’t go back and change it regardless of whether or not you think you will find some sort relief from the negativity that has transpired forth as a result of the experience.  Chances are even if you were able to go back and hit the delete button to undo what was done, sure it may have changed where you are now but you would also lose the greater gifts that came with it.  Don’t disparage the gifts, what you learn from lessons can help you in more experiences to come than you realize.  I’ve learned how to adapt and handle situations that in my teen years wouldn’t have even entered my mind.  I’ve learned how to trust (especially in the universe) that all things happen when they are meant to and there’s no point in me trying to rush the universe if it decides it’s going to move at a glacial pace, at least that’s how I view it when I get impatient, trust me my patience is still a work in progress.  Without these lessons that are all from my past, I may not be as mindfully developed, and the mindful development is a work in progress as well and that is because if I don’t keep challenging myself, what am I doing then? 

Keep the past where it belongs, allow yourself the presence and peace of mind to enjoy the present and even though your future is not yet written, look forward to living it, I know I do!

MarkTwainExplore quote

 
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Posted by on January 23, 2014 in Blog

 

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Moving Forward

Evolving Means Change!

Not all things are lost during times of transition, some roots are strong enough to stand the test of time and there are both internal and external factors to consider within all experiences.

Sometimes things can get to the point where there is nothing left to give and no will to try because so much has been broken down that there is nothing left to build on.

I think that determination depends on what lies in your past, what you want to see in your future and whether or not you believe your consideration can stand that test of time.steve-jobs-on-finding-your-truth

When it comes down to evaluating the importance of all that you think is important right now in your life you may learn that what you placed value on doesn’t have the real value you had thought, especially within the bigger picture.

Sometimes we make decisions out of fear, sometimes out of emotion but a decision that isn’t in alignment with your inner spirit will always create conflict within because it just doesn’t feel right in your heart and that feeling is your confirmation.  If you are honoring your true spirit you will feel a sense of inner peace in everything you do.

We all have things to get past, everyone has something in their history they may feel shame and/or regret about but it starts with acceptance.  From acceptance comes forgiveness, and not in the way you may be thinking or expecting, a definition as quoted by Oprah Winfrey:

  • Forgiveness does not mean you have to accept the person back into your life.
  • It does not mean you are condoning what they did or that you are in any way saying it was OK what they did.
  • Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.

From forgiveness comes the opportunity to start anew and there are many ways to change your life for the better.  You can do it in small steps or make a plan to change it all around at once but taking advantage of the opportunity to positively change your life is entirely yours to do.

I find there are great sources of inspiration within everything around us, in particular through verbal communication, whether you are in conversation with someone or observing it.  There are many great quotes & lines out there and I can really identify with this one from the movie “For Love of the Game”, which I thought was a good portrayal of the “out of body” experience one somewhat feels when reflecting on their life, choices and decisions they’ve made throughout.

“I used to believe, I still do, that if you give something your all, everything you have, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose as long as you risked everything, put everything out there”

I live my life this way, not for any other reason than because I just can’t see living life any other way.  These are not just words but a path in life that offers the most rewards, through vision, karma and law of attraction.  Everything and everyone in your life is enriched by any experience and/or relationship that you bring your heart and spirit to.

Change-Quotes-5

 
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Posted by on January 8, 2014 in Blog

 

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We’re All Human

Respect and Forgiveness for yourself first!

We all have many challenges and tests throughout our lives, some are much harder than others and when we are in the middle of the harder lessons it can sometimes be really difficult to find the light at the end of the tunnel.  Once you finally come through it though it’s important to recognize and honor how much you have learned and progressed from it.  Have gratitude for having the strength to make it through and all that you’ve learned about yourself along the way.

I always find that at the beginning of something difficult I try to find answers and solutions.  It’s hard for me to have patience and it challenges my faith in my own belief that “Everything happens for a Reason”. 

Whether you’re successful or not depends on how you view it.  Everything happens for a reason, success or failure could be exactly that reason.  I find that the expectations I have for myself are so high that I don’t allow myself any room for error, when I fail I am very hard on myself.  So it’s very likely that when I experience failure, that is the lesson – to allow myself to make mistakes and handle them with integrity and to know that NO ONE is perfect so why should I expect perfection from myself 100% of the time.  Eventually the understanding of each lesson will come at the time when you are ready to accept it for the greater purpose it serves.

It’s so important to acknowledge where you’ve come from, how you got there, and the person you have become along the way.

When we hold on to resentment or anger ultimately we are hurting ourselves, not the people we have these feelings toward, and what we are really holding onto is the hurt.  In forgiving you are allowing yourself to move on and away from the terrible feelings, you’re allowing yourself to no longer hurt and to move forward to a happier life.  It’s such a hard thing to do but I can assure you, you can’t even imagine how much better life will be when you do.  Make the shift , forgive and move on to happiness, the LOA (Law of Attraction) will increase that state of being.

 
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Posted by on November 17, 2011 in Blog

 

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