When Change is Your Only Option
[ I haven’t posted any writings in the last few months as I am working on another book but recently I’ve had the thoughts below marinating in my mind and felt the need to share ]
Changes in life aren’t always planned or even known, sometimes they just occur all of a sudden and turn your world upside down, hopefully it’s a more positive experience rather than negative but what usually follows is a new ways of seeing, thinking, believing and living.
Transitioning into change isn’t always an easy road but it is naturally how the path progresses. When you are moving from one phase of your life into the next the changes are not just what is around you, but also what is within. Changing old habits and/or outdated ways of thinking usually manifests after you’ve either been resisting or struggling to move forward, sometimes without even realizing it.
All life evolves, that we all know and how you personally evolve depends on your choices which of course is of your free will to make but transition can be made easier if you choose to embrace it instead of resisting it (believe me, I’m not saying I’ve always done this, quite the opposite at times, but when you know better, you do better). I’ve learned to recognize that when I am resisting transition (which I haven’t always been able to identify in the past) that I feel scattered, frustrated, blocked like I’m banging my head against a wall without fully understanding why only to later come to the realization, that “aha” moment, when things start to smooth out and make sense. Clarity and awareness can be a beautiful thing.
Awareness in yourself is a learned experience, recognizing and reading the signs and symptoms in your own personality is an opportunity worth taking advantage of and sometimes necessary. Rising to your own challenges will advance every aspect of your character and life but only if you are open to it. You have to be open to it or it won’t work.
I choose to embrace the positive aspects in all areas of life, I do not like to shed light on negativity for too long because I’m very wary of feeding the wrong energy, but unfortunately sometimes (dare I say, too often) the negative happens and it needs to be looked at in order to raise awareness.
Awareness in others is also a learned experience, recognizing and listening to your inner voice.
When something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t!
Every time I have ignored my gut instinct it always comes back to bite me and that moment of realization, knowing I knew then what I’m learning now feels worse for me because I know I purposely didn’t listen.
I’ve seen a few too many in the last little while of those I care about that are taken advantage of because of their kindness and trust. Too often when your gut tells you something is wrong you silence it, not always because you think you know better but because within the frame of kindness is the benefit of the doubt. The benefit of doubt is given out of trust and those who do not have good intentions will manipulate and thrive on that because they are not serving a higher purpose, they are serving only themselves.
- How does one learn to differentiate between the good and bad?
- How does one learn to trust their instincts after falling victim to such toxicity and ill will?
- How does one learn to trust others again?
- Does the benefit of the doubt ever come back to you?
I think these are the questions you end up asking yourself over and over and over again when an event changes your life abruptly.
I wish there was a quick fix, a way to go back, a way to erase the damage, unfortunately there is not. The quotes always say you have two options, you rise again or you let it define you, but I don’t know if I agree with that.
I believe there is one option, you rise again, become stronger!
The past cannot be changed, there is absolutely no way you can go back and re-write the story, there is no benefit to re-living it over and over in your mind, you are only torturing yourself.
There is a process though and the only way to get through a storm is to brave it and fight your way through. In order to move forward you have to feel the range of emotions as they come and let the wound heal in the time it needs to do so.
The lesson learned, the awareness gained will be that you refuse to give up your personal power to anyone again. It’s not about forgiving someone else, someone who may or may not be sorry, it’s about forgiving yourself for gracing someone with your kindness and trust when they weren’t worthy of it.
The only thing you can do is make peace with it so you don’t re-live it every day in your present or into your future. As terrible as an experience is, was or feels, the effects of the experience changes you and how that change manifests within is up to you.
Be a warrior for you!
Shelley Hallmark 