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Let’s Be Honest

What do you really know?

 I would venture to guess that many people have at one time or another made an assumption and/or presumption about another’s life, thoughts, intentions and/or grievances (potential or otherwise).  I can’t say with any certainty in the times I have done this that I 100% know exactly what is going on in the mind or life of another and I don’t think anyone really can.  Coming to this awareness and making a commitment to myself as well as others to maintain this awareness when situations arise that trigger this type of speculation is a consideration I give to myself and others.

Communication is one of my favorite experiences to participate in for a few reasons:

  • It cultivates and creates new connections
  • it strengthens and enhances my existing relationships
  • it inspires my thoughts and perspectives in new directions
  • It expands and nourishes the world in which I live

The more we learn about each other the deeper we can connect our souls, this is just my thought but I feel many of us are out there starving for this kind of nourishment.  It seems to be showing up everywhere and spiraling through signs of distress, dissatisfaction, dissidence, disrespect and total disconnection from the emotional feelings that are meant to connect us.  As much as the world has achieved such fantastic technological advances that has given us all further reach in connecting with all walks of life from all over the world, it seems these advances have also disconnected us from real and authentic conversation and connection to each other.

Assume – suppose to be the case, without proof

I believe this is more common than realized and the best way to take this out of the equation in any relationship is to be clear and direct.  I have learned to use a feedback process so if I’m not sure I understand something and I feel within that there is potential for me to assume I repeat back what I’ve heard and ask for clarification.  It gives me and the person I am in communication with the opportunity to clear that line so there is no room for misinterpretation.  Sometimes the one you are communicating with didn’t really hear how what they were saying was actually coming across because it sounded different to them or their intention was not how it was expressed and they would like to re-word.  I work hard to continually utilize this process because I’ve learned from my own experiences that EVERY time I’ve ever assumed I’ve been wrong.

Of course my feedback process hasn’t worked every time, there are times when a communication goes south and there’s nothing you can do about it except postpone it to another time.  Everyone is different, everyone’s circumstances are different and sometimes things need to be addressed at a later date. During difficulty not everyone is in an open and generous state of mind, conversations under that kind of influence may become strained and tense.

Presume – suppose that something is the case on the basis of probability

Again, probably more common than realized and in my experience presumption has occurred because of me, my lack of faith and fear of what I do not have clarity on.

Assume or presume, either is risky and can put you on the hamster wheel cycling and escalating a misunderstood and unclarified communication into parts unknown.  Potentially causing you to imagine the worst, creating and/or elevating it in your mind, only to find out later that you never had it right.  Of course it is possible you may be right but how much satisfaction do you really get out of that?  I would say your soul gets no satisfaction but your ego is probably loving it.  How much is it really worth though?  Putting yourself through unnecessary stress and aggravation.  I don’t know about you but that does not appeal to me at all.

I feel the best resolution to clearing both of these usually disastrous tendencies is to increase your practice in generosity.  Consideration and/or empathy towards what another is experiencing or feeling is a necessary component on the path to understanding.  There is that phrase “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes” which is essentially the platform in which this kind of understanding begins on.

  • How would you feel if you were in their situation whatever that may be which of course you don’t always know?
  • How would you be responding if what they are experiencing was going on in your life?

I realize that in certain situations having generosity towards another can be a big request and while it may seem like it is for the benefit of just the other person it really is more of a benefit for you.  To keep you on track with your soul and off that hamster wheel so you aren’t escalating an experience that may have left you feeling emotionally insignificant and/or invalidated.

It does absolutely no good for anyone to try to understand, comprehend or possibly imagine what another person thinks or believes about you to be true.  The main point about this is that it does not define who you actually are so why even entertain the thought?  What someone else perceives about you does not mean that their perception is right, does it?

Speculating through your own fears without knowing the truth of a situation can be a dangerous thought process with the biggest threat being your own personal health and well-being.

                          False     Expectations     Appearing     Real

When you create a false expectation (theory) of what appears real through the eyes of another assuming/presuming you know what they think, feel or believe you injure yourself the most.

How often have you misdirected your own fears into a reality that would never have manifested in the way you’ve imagined?  How far have you taken those misguided thoughts?  Has it benefited you in any way?

I’ve had communications that have gone to both sides of the spectrum so my wish is to introduce caution, consideration and compassion when communicating whether difficult or not.

  • Caution against saying something you may not be able to take back. There are so many words to use and some can cause more damage than others.
  • Consider the words you choose and ask yourself first how you would feel if they were spoken to you.
  • Compassion in its purest form is a gift you give to another and a blessing you give to yourself.

It takes more of your energy to be resistant than it does to be generous but it takes more courage to be generous than it does to be resistant.  Resistance lowers your levels of personal empowerment and generosity elevates it.  Awareness is power!

Be generous with yourself and notice how that changes your energy, imagine the impact when you embrace and carry that same energy into all your communications.  What a different world you can create around you.

There is such beautiful opportunity to develop deep and profound connections through conversation.  I’ve found my strongest connections with others have been formed through communication simply because it has allowed me to see their heart, their vulnerability and their soul.  There is no way to quantify this except to say it’s priceless!

 
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Posted by on February 24, 2020 in Blog

 

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Things May Change but ……

Your Heart Always Knows!

Don’t believe anything other than what you have placed inside your heart, you are the only one that knows what is true for you.  Let your belief in yourself be greater than any doubt whether that is internal dialogue created by external experiences or opinions.  Live only your truth!

The truth of who you really are, your deepest and secret desires, they have all been placed within from as far back as you can remember.  Those dreams you had early on in life may or may not have evolved much from your original vision but where they came from does not change.  Your heart wants what it wants and the only way to prevent inner conflict is not going against that.  Choose to support yourself and the dreams that the younger version of you had hoped for.  There is no guide or timeline to follow that says when you get to a certain point in life you have passed the opportunity of going after your dreams, your dreams do not have an expiry date!

Your heart always knows how to get you to where you want to go although that isn’t as easily followed as it may sound.  Your heart is vulnerable when being authentic and easily hurt yet strong enough to rise again when opposed.

I clipped a piece from Max Ehrmann’s “Desiderata” poem below which I felt was most in alignment in describing how special each of us are, your authentic self, without prejudice or compromise.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. 

What is the true essence of your authentic self?

  • I think it takes a fair amount of time and experiences to find your comfort level with being genuine and it’s not just through the child and teen years that you can experience these growing pains. It’s through this growth though that your true essence takes on its beautiful and unique form.

Do you believe your authentic self is too vulnerable to show to others?

  • It’s strange that as you grow you are shaped by the ideas, opinions and definitions of “normal” as seen by the society around you. Ironically when you get to the point of showing your authenticity it’s not at all far from who you were at the beginning, you just have a little more wisdom and experience.

As your awareness to all these little nuances develop you will begin to see how they can positively enhance your life for the better and understand the power of a moment.

If you knew that every moment, every encounter and every experience in being authentic gives you the opportunity for a soul to soul connection you may start to realize how precious these moments of imprinting are.

It is within connecting that you develop those little moments, not with every single person but those you truly blend with and sometimes those you don’t expect to blend with.  That moment when nothing really monumental is happening but you feel instantaneously close with someone which I believe is a true soul to soul connection, an “authentic moment”.

If you haven’t had any experiences like this wouldn’t you want to?  Being authentic doesn’t just show your heart it allows your inner spirit to shine, connect and love.

There are many things we can learn from others through connecting.  I’ve had the privilege of connecting with others who unbeknownst to them have taught me through their example how and what to embrace to be the person I want to become.  One thing they all have in common is authenticity, a genuine compassion for others, a beautiful heart and of course a great sense of humor.

Through all of these impactful people I was liberated and at a pace that didn’t feel overwhelming, they all helped me to learn and love my authenticity, to feel comfortable and confident and to always follow my heart.

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2018 in Blog

 

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Stay Out of the Fray!

Keep Your Energy Positive

Your energy is more noticeable and influential than you may realize and introduces you before you even say a word.  I’m sure you have noticed at one time or another the energies of others, who feels approachable and who doesn’t.

If you are one of the approachable energies I’m sure you find that others are drawn to you and/or seek you out for communication and they are most often enjoyable.  The only instances when the communication has difficulty is when you are in the company of the unapproachable energies.

If you are one of the unapproachable energies you must notice that others steer clear when possible, ask few questions or provide short answers and your communications always seem to take a difficult turn.  If you feel you are an unapproachable energy below insight from Wayne Dyer will be a great mantra to adopt.

“When you have the choice to be right or to be kind, always choose kind”    – Wayne Dyer

Your energetic output is a choice!  One that you have full control over to revitalize and bring new life to.

Don’t deprive others of getting to see the real you, your authentic and vulnerable side.  I think it’s often thought of that vulnerability is too open and the possibility of being wounded emotionally is more likely than if you remain guarded and protected.  Yes that is true but unfortunately if you are guarded you are not just blocking out the bad you are also blocking out the good.  There is so much more beauty you have to share and when you embrace that authenticity it positively changes your energy.

I think you also will find that others are more attracted to you and your energy when you relax into that genuine part of yourself than when you have walls up.  You will notice a very serene and peaceful level of comfort in your authentic state that is unmatched by any mask you could ever wear to protect yourself from hurt.

Vulnerability is not weakness it is strength!

What would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail?  It’s as simple as recognizing that the Universe has your back and the Law of Attraction (your thoughts positive or negative) complies with those dominant thoughts.  Your thoughts can either be inspiring or damaging to your personal success, pay very close attention to the ones you think about the most and be very selective with what you allow into your mind.

How high on the scale would your confidence be if you knew your success was a sure thing?  I bet you would be feeling pretty good, content and infallible.  So why not tell yourself fake it until you make it for now and that there is no room for any other outcome than what you envision.  When you tackle your challenges, hopes and dreams with this inner knowing those thoughts empower your confidence.  You just have to take the chance and believe in yourself.

Your alternative is to go against the natural flow and embrace fear based thoughts, which again the Law of Attraction will comply with.  The Law of Attraction is unbiased, neutral and impartial, there is no side it leans to except that which is your dominant thought.  Therefore if you decide to convince yourself that you are unworthy, not good enough, not smart enough, can’t get there from here mindset then you will get all of that which you do not want and it will take you down that spiral staircase into the fray.

Once you’ve let yourself be pulled into the negative fear based fray things in your life can tend to go awry, you experience roadblocks in all areas like the days when everything goes wrong and continues to snowball in that direction.

Sometimes these kind of days are the precursor that propel you into that fray and the thoughts can get wildly accelerated real quick, before you know it you are obsessing about your experiences and why they are occurring.  Sometimes when looking for the answers as to why things are going off course it’s natural to start concluding it’s you but usually it’s not.  Everyone has their own things to deal with and likely most people aren’t projecting or reacting because of you but rather because of what’s going on internally with them.  It’s really important to keep that in mind when you start spinning off in the wrong direction and find your energy and communications going sideways.

When you spend your time and energy entertaining the fray you inevitably head into negative territory and think of things you don’t really want to occur but they become your thoughts.  Again, be very careful with your thoughts, only give energy to the ones you want to manifest into reality and discard the rest.  Not everything requires your attention or focus, use your attention wisely, you don’t want to risk supporting something you don’t need in your life.

Check your energy often.  Your mental and emotional health is as important as your physical health and just as important as the relationships you want in your life which all require a certain amount of attention and love.

Don’t let your experiences that have caused damage color or define you, be you, shine your light bright !!

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2018 in Blog

 

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You Must Be The Change You Wish To See!

All Gestures Matter

Change doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you.  When change occurs try to accept and embrace that it’s the catalyst to propel you in a different and better direction.  Having appreciation at that moment can be difficult but knowing within that everything works out as it’s meant to for the betterment of you and those around you is the silent blessing.  Sometimes certain changes push us into directions we ought to have found ourselves but are too preoccupied or unaware to see.  Taking your own form of a “time out” to become aware of the benefits behind your changes whether they are apparent at the time or not is a great way to ground and humble yourself.

Recognizing and having gratitude for the basics that you live with every day is a good way to keep yourself in check, it’s easy to forget and/or take for granted that they are in fact luxuries.  There are many people that can’t perform the basic tasks simply because they have limitations and most of them are grateful for what they can do, are you?  It starts with the little things, the little gestures, and this is no different, on the smaller scale if you want to see more people offering a moment of kindness to strangers, then start offering it to strangers yourself.  You must be the change you wish to see!

present moment

It doesn’t matter what end of the scale you are on the concept is all the same and when you start paying attention to the smaller things and having appreciation for them, the bigger things change from wants and needs to “it would be great if it happened but I appreciate what I have” because your level of gratitude has been elevated.  As a result more of what is in alignment with your state of gratitude shows up in your life and while it may appear to feel like luck it’s actually just more of what you are starting to gravitate toward and embrace.

An attitude of gratitude tends to shift your perception which as a result changes your reality and the way you connect with those around you.  We are all universally connected to one another but don’t always realize it because there is so much else going on around us, in our lives and in the world.

It doesn’t matter what you call it (God, source, a higher power, the universe) the essence of that which connects us all to each other is very real, even though we don’t always sense and/or feel every other person’s emotions they are there and usually just under the surface.  I think we feel and notice more when something on a global scale or more intense level brings that sense of human emotion to the forefront.

Connecting with others is the true essence of authenticity because it binds you in such unspeakable ways you can’t even explain, you just feel it.  These are the golden connections and are as rare as they are pure, the ones where you almost don’t have to say anything but feel an abundance of love through the connection.  It touches your soul so deeply that you feel as one and not because you’ve blended together but because these unexpressed or guarded emotions which are rarely on open display are sitting just below the surface waiting for the right person to inspire them out.

The more I see these kinds of conversations and changes going on around me and in the world, the more I believe in the value and promise of positive change.

There is no shortage of inspiration for being the changes you wish to see, everyone inherently wants to connect with others, that’s what we are all here for, to make connection.  Things get skewed and foggy when presented with the opportunity at times and I think that’s because vulnerability, a large level of openness is required to make the real difference.  It is a scary step to take because of fear, fear of feeling too exposed, too open and too available for criticism.kiefer-sutherland-kiefer-sutherland-the-most-significant-piece-of

Real changes, real opportunities and real moments happen outside of your comfort zone, take a step out there and give it a try, you won’t regret it.

You must be the change you wish to see!

I think what is authentic about this statement I found quoted by Kiefer Sutherland is that I believe it applies to all aspects of life and not just acting which is what he is referencing.  My take from it is that when you “believe in the moment” it is when you are being your most authentic, with authenticity comes a sense of truth.  When you are being genuine with others it is felt, recognized and appreciated and as a result reciprocated.  When you trade the protective walls of personal security for authenticity you increase the opportunity for connection and I believe “being the change you wish to see”.

 
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Posted by on December 6, 2015 in Blog

 

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The Point of Impact!

Don’t Let an Emotional Hurt Define Your Life

Faith and reason sometimes aren’t enough to pull you out of the cage in your mind you’ve trapped yourself in from an emotional hurt even if you have the intellect of knowing better.  The worst thing you can do for yourself is to bottle it up and not let it go.  No matter how much you try to stuff it down, it’s going to continue to bubble back up to the surface until you dare to feel, process and let it go.  Finding the root, the point of impact that has stunted your own progress and growth in life is the only way to truly find your peace.I'm alright

Sometimes it’s easier to replace your hurt with anger because then you don’t have to feel the pain even though you probably still are.  Unfortunately that won’t diminish it or make it go away, it will continue to grow until you find the courage to face it head on.   When another person, whether it is friend, family or stranger causes you to feel bad about yourself it injures your confidence, self-esteem and self-worth.  Your personal connection to that person will be dependent upon how deeply it will affect you.

Friends aren’t your blood relatives but can feel just as close, sometimes closer and I don’t think it matters how much you value their opinion but rather how much of your heart, trust and loyalty you’ve placed in their hands.

Family are your past, your present and your future, how much you evolve and blossom is dependent upon the love and support they offer.  I’ve been lucky enough to have such strong love and support from family, even during the times when I was not receptive to it, you know like when you’re a teenager and think you know it all?

When your confidence, self-esteem or self-worth gets injured it changes you, it changes how you present yourself, how you connect and relate with others and how others perceive you.  What I believe is the worst part is that the change in you as a result of the emotional injury prevents others from getting to know you authentically because you end up withdrawing, building walls and distancing yourself as a way of blocking such an injury again.  New people in your life that could potentially become friends notice and feel that something is off which pops up as “red flags”, that something just isn’t right and depending on how interested or invested they are, they may just walk away.  Who loses here?  I would say both, chances are you aren’t happy if you’re not being your authentic self and that person doesn’t get to know the “real you”.

Unfortunately an emotional hurt can run deep and when not dealt with you may start projecting negativity towards others as a way of offsetting the hurt, which turns everyone away and if you hang onto it for too long it will start to manifest as more serious warnings in your health.  Negativity is like a virus and at first it will be symptoms that doctors can’t find answers to because the only prescription for health is within you, you must face and embrace the pain.

I believe we are all seeking the same in life; love, acceptance, connection and compassionate familiarity.  I base how I treat others on how I want to be treated and while everyone may not behave or react in that same way, it’s not a reflection of how they feel about me but rather how they feel about themselves.  While that may not make things easier to take I think with time it makes things easier to understand.

Being present to the feelings of others enhances and strengthens your connection with them, it allows them to feel safe to be authentic and vulnerable.  When you embark upon this kind of connection with someone, know that you’re in the presence of a kindred spirit.

important encounters

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2015 in Blog

 

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Step by Step

Connecting to Your True Presence of Power Within

Like every goal there are small steps along the way that help you get to the end result you envision and it is no different when you are seeking a more genuine presence of awareness within your life. I think a lot of times you can end up psyching yourself out of trying something because it seems too daunting to begin but when you break it down and go through it step by step, completion doesn’t seem so overwhelming.presence

Staying present in the moments of true stillness that are found within nature or authentic surroundings precede your most beneficial and genuine choices because they are the result of true presence.

One of the best practices you can do for yourself is to find moments of silence/stillness or meditation to connect with your inner presence of power. I’ve found that every time I have I find clarity of thought, troubles that seemed to have no solution suddenly become obvious. I think that following these moments of true connection the reason clarity becomes so abundant is because you have removed the barriers and obstacles that the EGO has used to plague your mind. The EGO has no path to your inner presence which is why a lot of times when you think something is all in your head, it is because the EGO has built it up there.

If you spend too much time with your thoughts in the past or in the future you deprive yourself of the present moments. There is no benefit to re-living experiences from the past, running the reel in your mind of conversations that you’re anticipating and how you plan to respond. I think we’ve all done this, I know I have and when I give precious time away to something negative that could have been better served in any other way I get disappointed for letting myself go there because I know better.

Eckhart Tolle reiterated, during a show with Oprah Winfrey, wisdom from a Zen Master:

“A man’s need to win drains his power in the present”

Really understanding this can be very powerful, when you are focused on only the end result and don’t give your full attention to all the steps needed to get there then it is very likely you won’t realize the end you wish to see. I always find relation to the athletic side of me as I participated in a lot of team sports and I believe it applies to single player sports as well because the mindset is the same. When you are totally “in the moment” in sports you are “in the zone” and that kind of alignment is at one with your inner spirit and giving 100% to that moment. The end result is inevitable because when you commit all that is within you (your presence, your awareness, your power) there is no possible room for anything other than the end result you wish to see. You have thought about the end result but you are not staying there, you’ve seen it but now you are “in the moment”.

This applies with everything you do whether it is work or play related, when you are in the moment you are at one with your true presence of inner power, anything becomes possible!

It is only the EGO that keeps you in a space of discontent when you allow it with either thoughts of past disappointments or future anticipation of negative experiences. This is an active part of humanity that can interfere with your hopes and dreams and when you allow that disruption, it is not because you are weak but because you are not fully connected with your inner presence of power.

If allowed your EGO will wreak havoc with your life, it can either consume and/or control your behaviour or attitude. The EGO controls you by creating fear and insecurity, you must fight it! The EGO does not have your best interests in mind but rather its own and it can only be humbled by you. When you feel inner conflict, like something is off but you can’t quite put your finger on it, know that it is your ego struggling with your inner spirit for control.

Know that you are in control, you have the strength to do anything you want, all you need to do is connect with your inner presence of power and the world will be your oyster!

powerful

 
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Posted by on December 8, 2014 in Blog

 

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Living Life?

Or just Existing?

It’s really about experiences and doing things!

Your purpose and calling is bigger than your presence.  It’s the journey and where it takes you and I believe all the journeys are there to teach us some form of Love, whether it is through compassion, empathy, authenticity, generosity, faith, intention, hope, gratitude or appreciation they all bring with them a greater awareness.  All of these states of being stem from Love and if you embrace your journey the limits of where you can go are boundless! 

Who are you trying to become?  Are you trying to be a good person?  At the end of the day we need to be ok at our inner core with what we’re doing.

Are you being authentic with yourself and others?  Are your motives genuine or selfish?  I think it’s important to stay within those guidelines to be aligned with your inner core or else you will feel inner conflict which isn’t always recognizable, it may just feel like something doesn’t feel right.

authenticity-transparency-quote

Your self-worth and personal value are enhanced when you connect to your inner core because it’s not your outside appearance that projects your beauty and that projection causes others to naturally be drawn to you.  Learn to recognize that rejection may not be a bad thing because it helps you to keep your expectations in check.  I believe also that it means there is something better coming around the corner and you need to be open to receive.  Rejection creates an opening of vulnerability and when you are vulnerable is when positive change has the opportunity to occur.

Unleash your imagination, let it flow through all your senses and it will help you to find your purpose.  In talking with others, there seems to be an overall sensing or knowing that there is something different that you should be doing.  I felt like there was an energy that was swirling just outside the zone waiting for the perfect moment to come rushing in.

When you finally understand that whispering you will find your voice and your priorities become so clear and the moment you shine a little light, it starts to grow.  Don’t be defined by anything other than your own authenticity and capacity for breathing your love of life into yourself and those around you.

Surprisingly, even though I constantly talk about having a plan, mostly all of mine have failed but those failures and my ability to adapt have allowed me to fall into better spaces each time, places I wouldn’t have thought to look or have interest in.  Having a plan is more for distraction because it helps you to direct your focus and energy on the steps and while you’re doing those steps you will likely discover something wonderful in between and the plan keeps you open to receive.  One thing for sure is that even though a plan has failed, at least I tried it and learned it wasn’t right for me and now I won’t have regret.

I think when it gets to that certain point in your life when you are looking for something to fill your passion, something to inspire your soul, you sometimes find yourself with regrets and sometimes those regrets are for the chances you didn’t take because of some form of vulnerability that prevented it.

It’s who you become by being truthful, authentic and generous with yourself and others.  When you don’t do something you know is right you end up living with regret and it will haunt you.

Sometimes the bravest thing to do is to embrace honesty so you don’t allow yourself to be held back from something that could have changed your life.

existing-or-living

 
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Posted by on December 11, 2013 in Blog

 

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