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Tag Archives: personal growth

I Don’t Care What You Think!

Feeling Vulnerable Without Fear

Sometimes the protective coat of armor doesn’t cover the fear created within the mind.  I think when you’re young, you are most susceptible and vulnerable to the outside influence and/or opinion of others.  So much so that the slightest comment can feel like a horrible criticism directed at you to make you feel inadequate.  I know because I’ve felt that and maybe those that have made the comment may not have realized the magnitude in which they’ve affected me and maybe those that have made the comment meant nothing negative but I just took it that way.  I think that only time, maturity, personal growth and the always “under construction” parts of your “self” as in esteem, worth and confidence is the key to finally breaking away and feeling vulnerable without fear.

tongue has no bones

Growing into the reserves of strength I know we all have is a difficult road and maintaining confidence through your steps and missteps is a challenge in itself.  However you choose to help yourself along through the emotional conflict you’re likely to experience I think that as long as you continue to try to be better than you were the day before then you are progressing, even if it doesn’t feel like it.  I don’t think any of us realize how much inner strength there is to tap into and how much adversity we actually have the ability to withstand.  Until you are really tested, you just don’t know.

Recognizing how far you’ve come from where you were is something you can look back at after some time to mark in your mind and heart of your progress.  Any progress in a positive direction is something to be acknowledged and celebrated because you could have gone in a negative direction and that would have benefited no one.

Everyone wants to be seen and heard and not for any kind of ego boost but because it is a big part of connecting with others, the part that lets you know you matter and the part that lets you know they care.  It doesn’t take a large amount of energy to be compassionate or kind towards others and it will cost you nothing.

So how do you get to the point of saying “I don’t care what you think”?  It’s not really as derogatory as it sounds more like I’ve grown into myself enough to know that what others think of me doesn’t define me, doesn’t make me more or less of a person and isn’t going to change who I am.  It’s not a challenging attitude but rather a more “self” reflected and strengthened version, humbled and content enough to quiet the thoughts of doubt.

I think too often the focus is worrying about how others will perceive and whether or not they will like you, the bigger question is, “do you like yourself”?  If your answer is yes, there is nothing left for you to worry about, you are enough and those that matter will recognize that.  If your answer is no, then I believe self-reflection is the beginning, at some point in your life you had to have liked yourself, find your way back there and re-build from that point.

the roar of freedom

Vulnerability lies in many corners of the heart and mind and at a moment’s notice it can change your nice quiet, calm and contented self into a scared little child.  Of course there are variations of that fear and I think many of us don’t get as far as the scared little child but you get the idea.  Fear and vulnerability or fear of vulnerability, however you want to link the two, they are usually connected in some way.

FEAR:             to be afraid of (something of someone)

                        to expect or worry about (something bad or unpleasant)

                        to be afraid and worried

 

VULNERABILITY:     easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally or emotionally

                                    open to attack, harm or damage

I think both of these definitions are valid reasons for not wanting to leave yourself open to fear or vulnerability but while you may be protecting yourself from others and the possibility of something negative.  You are also protecting yourself from others and the possibility of something positive.

While you may feel protected and comfortable within the walls you build to protect your heart you are also keeping everything else out.  The most magical things happen outside your comfort zone!

stepping into your greatness

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2016 in Blog

 

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The Point of Impact!

Don’t Let an Emotional Hurt Define Your Life

Faith and reason sometimes aren’t enough to pull you out of the cage in your mind you’ve trapped yourself in from an emotional hurt even if you have the intellect of knowing better.  The worst thing you can do for yourself is to bottle it up and not let it go.  No matter how much you try to stuff it down, it’s going to continue to bubble back up to the surface until you dare to feel, process and let it go.  Finding the root, the point of impact that has stunted your own progress and growth in life is the only way to truly find your peace.I'm alright

Sometimes it’s easier to replace your hurt with anger because then you don’t have to feel the pain even though you probably still are.  Unfortunately that won’t diminish it or make it go away, it will continue to grow until you find the courage to face it head on.   When another person, whether it is friend, family or stranger causes you to feel bad about yourself it injures your confidence, self-esteem and self-worth.  Your personal connection to that person will be dependent upon how deeply it will affect you.

Friends aren’t your blood relatives but can feel just as close, sometimes closer and I don’t think it matters how much you value their opinion but rather how much of your heart, trust and loyalty you’ve placed in their hands.

Family are your past, your present and your future, how much you evolve and blossom is dependent upon the love and support they offer.  I’ve been lucky enough to have such strong love and support from family, even during the times when I was not receptive to it, you know like when you’re a teenager and think you know it all?

When your confidence, self-esteem or self-worth gets injured it changes you, it changes how you present yourself, how you connect and relate with others and how others perceive you.  What I believe is the worst part is that the change in you as a result of the emotional injury prevents others from getting to know you authentically because you end up withdrawing, building walls and distancing yourself as a way of blocking such an injury again.  New people in your life that could potentially become friends notice and feel that something is off which pops up as “red flags”, that something just isn’t right and depending on how interested or invested they are, they may just walk away.  Who loses here?  I would say both, chances are you aren’t happy if you’re not being your authentic self and that person doesn’t get to know the “real you”.

Unfortunately an emotional hurt can run deep and when not dealt with you may start projecting negativity towards others as a way of offsetting the hurt, which turns everyone away and if you hang onto it for too long it will start to manifest as more serious warnings in your health.  Negativity is like a virus and at first it will be symptoms that doctors can’t find answers to because the only prescription for health is within you, you must face and embrace the pain.

I believe we are all seeking the same in life; love, acceptance, connection and compassionate familiarity.  I base how I treat others on how I want to be treated and while everyone may not behave or react in that same way, it’s not a reflection of how they feel about me but rather how they feel about themselves.  While that may not make things easier to take I think with time it makes things easier to understand.

Being present to the feelings of others enhances and strengthens your connection with them, it allows them to feel safe to be authentic and vulnerable.  When you embark upon this kind of connection with someone, know that you’re in the presence of a kindred spirit.

important encounters

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2015 in Blog

 

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Change is a Gift

Let it Be

Change is inevitable, how you view change is ultimately going to define your state of being, happiness and outlook on life.  Not every change is welcome but every change is necessary because without it you won’t progress or have the opportunity to evolve your level of consciousness.  It is through change that you become more defined or shall I say more refined but you will end up becoming more connected to your world and those in it which is definitely a gift.

I don’t know if there is some cosmic shift going on or not right now, I know the astrology forecasts are always talking about specific shifts but I feel that some kind of change is in the air even though I can’t quite figure out exactly what it is, it feels positive though and hopeful and I sense it will be fulfilling.

The shift itself feels similar to how you feel when you are coming out on the end of some sort of emotional process that you had to work through like that of failure, disappointment or heartbreak because these kinds of experiences change you in ways you wouldn’t have expected, they seem to cause a deep stir in the make-up of who you are.

How do you make it through the transition of tough and emotional experiences like failure, disappointment or heartbreak; are you letting these experiences define you or are you defying the odds you feel are against you to overcome them?  Probably the most soul-crushing experiences because they ultimately alter who you were and from there who you are to become and while the words “growth period” is usually what is used to describe these kinds of experiences it doesn’t ease the challenges or hurt any less.you get to choose

Finding the light at the end of that “oh so long” tunnel sometimes seems non-existent and that is because you are so enmeshed in the grief period that the other side is unseen and unimaginable.  Growth periods take time, patience and your personal understanding in realizing that there isn’t anything wrong with you even though you may feel broken.  Jane Fonda described this particular experience as “not being broken but rather broken open” which I think is the best description because when you are broken open you are fully exposed, fully vulnerable and fully open because there is nothing left to damage and nothing left to give.

This is the key moment to change that is now to become a part of your path, because you have been stripped bare and are open there is no resistance left, there is now room for new and positive experiences to enter your life.  I think how you view each of these experiences is ultimately going to be your guiding force to get you back into your life and feel positive and hopeful about your future.

Sometimes the presence of emotions over failure, disappointment or heartbreak is not existent during a major time of transition but I think the process in getting through it is similar in that you aren’t really sure of what you are doing or where you are going but the need for some kind of change feels imminent.  Balancing a sense of peace and patience (knowing that things will work out in a positive way) when things feel a little scattered or misdirected will be what grounds you.

Failure:  I’ve always been hard on myself and viewed my own personal failure as a huge sign of defeat but in the last 5-10 years I’ve taken on a different view.  I no longer believe it to be failure, instead I’ve come to the understanding that the word failure is the word I had interjected into my experiences because my faith that “everything happens for a reason” and “all things happen as they are meant to” conflict, my faith and failure cannot logically co-exist.  If all things happen as they are meant to then how could it possibly be failure, it would have to be an intended outcome, which I do believe it is.  It is the ego that constantly tries to override the soul and the emotions that our soul relates to us are our signals that the ego is trying to gain control.

Disappointment & Heartbreak:  I think these two are the more heartfelt emotions because they are usually connected to your hopes and dreams.  Everyone gets caught up at one time or another in the fairy tale idealism and why not, there’s a wisp of it in almost everything within our view through magazine, television, books, etc.  I think problems start to arise when the ego tries to control who and what is going on, and of course to make people, places and things that are currently in your life fit into your soul’s hopes and dreams.  As a result disappointment and heartbreak happen because this is not something that is guided by the ego but rather felt by the soul, you can’t rush or fit it.

I really believe that “everything happens for a reason”, I really believe that “all things happen as they are meant to” and I really believe that when the time is right all of that falls into place and not a moment too soon.

Without gratitude for where you are now how could you ever get any further without struggle or resistance while trying to rush the future?  It’s all about allowing your soul to speak, enjoying the moments in between and appreciating what you have in the now.

the experience of gratitude

 
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Posted by on November 2, 2015 in Blog

 

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Simply the Basics!

An Integral Part of Life

There were so many before us that passed forth great wisdom for the purpose of making the world a better place. Below is a poem that was recently given to me, I had not seen it before but so much of the content resonated so strongly that I wanted to share it. It’s a really good wake-up to the call of your higher self and the real importance of this life.

If – Poem by Rudyard Kipling (1865 – 1936)

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master,

If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build’em up with worn-out tools; 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

My take away from this poem is the value and importance of integrity, holding your head high in good times and in bad, keeping yourself from getting lost in the emotional aspects of life that are there to teach you your greatest and most difficult lessons. All the while remembering that which you came from and honoring your true self without giving in to fear. Trusting wisely but not loosely the value of all your relationships, specifically those that are properly balanced.

Nothing of great value or importance was created in a day, patience and hard work whether it takes longer than you’d like is always rewarded.

truth, honesty, integrity

 
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Posted by on July 22, 2015 in Blog

 

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If You Build It, They Will Come

Believe It Can Happen!

One of the single most important aspects to manifesting your dreams is believing it will happen!

Whatever you seek in life is dependent upon your belief that it will actually happen and when you do fully believe you start living your life as if these things are already happening or on their way. Whether you realize it or not, this shift in your perspective and outlook makes room internally as well as externally and as a result you open the door to accept happiness and peace into your soul.

“If you build it, they will come”, speaking metaphorically of course, because it’s not just about that movie and building a baseball field, it applies to everything within your life and is exactly the state of belief and unwavering faith you need to embrace so the changes you wish to see can begin to manifest. You must be willing and open to change, you must be willing to do the work and make sacrifices, when the time is right the rewards will follow.

belief

Sometimes though the rewards don’t turn out to be specifically what you expected and by that I don’t mean that you do the work and you there are no rewards; I mean that sometimes the work leads you to another path, one that has different challenges and/or roadblocks you might not have encountered otherwise and that changes the rewards. I believe that everything in life begins as part of the imagination and that inspires creativity, when you come up with an idea about something sometimes you have different thoughts along the way that change the original idea, that’s creativity! Creativity inspired can blossom into so many other areas that the possibilities become endless so when I say that sometimes the rewards change it is because the creativity that surrounds you is constantly moving.

Similarly you also are always moving, changing, adapting, creating, imagining, etc. When you operate in this state you are in alignment with the Universe as it is also moving, changing, adapting, creating, imagining, etc.

It makes sense that when you are operating within that alignment that YOUR possibilities become endless.

It’s the Law of Attraction, I’m sure you’ve noticed at certain times in your life when things just flow, like you’re “in the zone” and everything is working out beautifully. Alternatively there are also the times when everything seems to go wrong in a day and those are the days when you are not in alignment, you’re “out of the zone”. Most times you fall “out of the zone” is when you are resisting, likely one of life’s lessons, and believe me the more you resist the more you will have days like that.

I think sometimes resistance is the response to anything that is painful or challenging because it is much easier to look away from your pain or challenges than stare it down and deal with it. Understandably some difficulties take more from you than you want to allow but I’ve learned that when I face obstacles it builds me back stronger. I can honestly say that when it comes to life’s lessons there is no comparison to the strong sense of self you gain when you rise to the occasion.

Life’s lessons will open you to new understanding, perspective and outlook all of which will change who you are and how you view your world, these lessons are here to help you, not break you.

It isn’t until you are humbled by life’s lessons that you really develop the understanding of the bigger picture and of course that brings a whole other set of questions. The difference is that these questions become more about substance than material, more about internal than external and more about spirit than ego.

If You Build It, They Will Come!

love life, it will love you back

 
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Posted by on April 6, 2015 in Blog

 

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A Friend Indeed!

The Connections We Build

Throughout my life I’ve known acquaintances that have turned into friends and friends that have turned into acquaintances. All of them have brought something to my life whether through caring, sharing or clearing. Just because the plan is not for them to stay doesn’t mean their presence and/or effect isn’t beneficial, all experiences have the gift of lessons learned which bring about some form of personal growth and wisdom.

Not every experience has been a joyful one but I have always been able to find the lesson, maybe not right away but eventually and knowing that there is always something to be gained and that “everything happens for a reason” helps to keep me from having regrets. I try to approach every new experience with an open heart, open mind and eyes wide open without bringing anything from the past except the wisdom gained. That’s not always easy especially if there are similarities and warning bells going off but all of us are unique therefore the experiences will also be unique regardless if something feels the same, sometimes past emotions of “hurt” can cause you to overthink. Sometimes continually reminding yourself that “all experiences are not the same” is a necessity to keep your head on the level.

look for the learning

The human experience is supposed to be challenging, if it weren’t don’t you think you would be bored and looking for a challenge? I don’t think it’s supposed to just be go to work, earn your money, make house and then surrender when you get to old age. It’s the experiences in between that make up the life, the connections that don’t necessarily have any kind of shared history but manifest when nothing monumental is happening, they create the memories and nice pictures we keep in our minds and hearts to strengthen these connections.

These connections whether they have history or not become a strong foundation, I believe it’s just the occurrence of souls finding other familiar souls. Souls, like friends, travel though many lives together and because of the human experience we don’t know or remember the past lives but our souls do, we just naturally gravitate toward one another and experience an instant connection like we’ve known each other forever.

Have you ever felt that kind of instant and strong connection with someone?

If so, has it continued to strengthen over time?

Do you continually discover new things about them that are oddly but warmly familiar?

A lot of friends and acquaintances that come, go or stay in your life bring with them the challenges that will help to shape you as you go forward through life and for me it’s been the friend that keeps me on the rails, pumped up enough to persevere but grounded enough to remain humble that has helped me the most. I find though that even the new friends and connections I make now are more in alignment with my path because I have more direction in my life than I did when I was in my 20’s and more interest in the quality of it, the meaningless tends to fall away over time.

care enough to be there

It is great though when people who you have lost touch with that held a special place in your life come back in to once again share and connect. I believe we do transition both in and out of people lives at certain times not for any other reason than that there is another path we need to be on to grow and when/if those paths eventually meet up again what comes with it is a warmth of familiarity and history.

Don’t waste your connections, they may be Priceless!

 
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Posted by on January 26, 2015 in Blog

 

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At the End of Every Storm

Lies the Opportunity for New Beginnings

Our storms in life are the difficulties we experience and through them great change can evolve.same person from the storm

Some storms change YOU so much that you may find yourself going in a direction you never would have chosen, not for any other reason than you weren’t in a place that was in alignment with it before. These new directions are beyond the familiar and can feel scary but at the same time exhilarating at the prospect of what is to come.

Change is not always comfortable especially when it comes to the unknown which means you have to have faith that things will work out as they should and trust that it will be in your best interests. Having faith when you feel a little scared and somewhat skeptical can be a big leap but every time I’ve felt that kind of fear and anticipation it has ALWAYS turned out to be something great, a result that I couldn’t have planned better. I think that kind of anticipatory fear is the “little sign” for me that something big is to come, it may be different for you but pay attention to what your instincts tell you so you can learn when positive change is knocking at your door.

Change can be especially difficult for you if you are headstrong about having control over the direction your life is going, it’s not easy to relinquish it to faith or trust when you are used to being the guide. I can tell you though that it is always well worth it to have faith, even it at first you don’t understand eventually things make sense, so much so that you may wonder how you didn’t get it earlier.

New beginnings, new chapters, new paths all start with new thoughts and ideas and those thoughts are usually brought about by something that isn’t working for you any longer in your life. You may seek to shake up some part or all of your life because you’ve come to a point where feel that there is something bigger you should be doing. That is your purpose calling on you because you are finally within the range of alignment and the Universe assists by awakening that passion within your energy.

I do believe that anyone in search of a better life can entirely change everything around, one can walk into a new direction that inspires and cultivates positive attitude, behaviour and lifestyle simply by making that decision and then by following through. It takes dedication, determination, focus and discipline to carry out and continue on the path you desire and that takes more work than you can imagine but as you know anything worth having is worth working for.

It’s so easy to make a decision to do or change something, it’s another thing entirely to act on it and especially keeping up the momentum to see it through to the end.

I’ve at times made a change and then stopped because it seemed impossible but what I’ve learned is that this fear is created by my ego in an effort to keep me from progressing. Progression like this builds up the strength of your inner spirit and your inner spirit is not in any way connected to your ego. As the inner spirit gets stronger the ego diminishes because it is not needed within the state of inner peace and balance.  Strengthening that part of your being is the best asset you have in helping you succeed in any and all areas of your life.

So in the end, the storms even though they are not desirable, are necessary to your personal growth, awareness and understanding of your soul and the Universe. Know that they are not meant as punishment, they are to provide a higher learning.

Imagine that you are in a boat on the ocean in a real storm, what you learn in that scenario is no different than what you learn through your personal storms, we learn to navigate to survive so we can live another day.

within you is strength

 
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Posted by on November 10, 2014 in Blog

 

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