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Let’s Talk

16 May

The Value of Connecting

 Even the hard conversations matter!

  • They are not easy to approach
  • They are not easy to have
  • They are not easy to get through

They all have one thing in common, they are very important to finding resolution.  I always try to put myself in another’s shoes when trying to understand where someone is coming from and how they are affected when in conflict.  Being open and committed to resolution is a necessity to finding a positive outcome.

However, not all conflict can be resolved, not because it’s impossible but because change only occurs when there is productive commitment to that goal.  You don’t always know what another person is experiencing in their life.  Not all reactive behaviour can be understood on a surface level and if someone is willing to share please always let compassion be part of the essence of that conversation.

I have had experiences on both sides, with those who are open and those who are defensive.  It’s obvious as to which side is most compatible with resolution.  I don’t think understanding defensiveness is really that difficult but if the person you are in conflict with will not let it go then resolution can be challenging if not impossible.

It’s difficult to take a hard look at your contribution to any experience and no one is innocent whether you believe you are or not.  It takes two to tango so being conscious and owning your part is a requirement in finding peace.  If not able to within a conflict then at least with yourself and from there you will grow.  Personal growth is the staple your evolution with the most important aspect being open to taking responsibility for your decisions and choices.  A stone thrown cannot be retrieved or undone, understanding how powerful or damaging the words you choose can be the doing or undoing in your relationships and minimizing how they affect someone else is a short sighted and foolish miscalculation.

Even though we can connect with anyone and everyone at any time all over the world, which is a great feature of the technological advancements, I feel it disconnects us more in many ways.  I see it used in both positive and negative pursuits and while I see many beautiful positives the negatives still lurk in the background.  I don’t believe that one chooses to hurt another simply for the sport of it.  Striking out usually comes from a place of hurt and pain, similar to an injured animal protecting its wound because they’ve lost trust that the help is sincere.

Trust is very precious and when exploited it becomes near impossible to re-establish that very delicate balance.  If we all understood this as deeply as it should resonate within I think we would all be less likely to challenge that risk.

During this global pause we have an opportunity to explore the things that elude us including the ability to connect through real conversation.  Before this my life was going so fast, every task and experience was the equivalent of being late to work and trying to rush as fast as I could to get there on time.  A constant race in testing the boundaries of how much I could really get done in a day, leaving me with no time for personal nourishment of soul.

How much have you taken for granted as the world has progressed to become so crazy busy and are you embracing these now for the gifts they are?

There are so many things I feel blessed with and am thankful for.

  • Clean air to breathe through healthy lungs
  • Strength and the ability to actively move as I desire and need
  • Solitude to recharge, fortify and nurture my mind, body and spirit
  • An environment that provides me with beautiful and breathtaking scenery
  • Blessed connections with those who inspire, motivate and nourish my soul to move in the direction of my dreams.

It’s these basic foundations that at times are taken for granted, overlooked as the blessings they are when forgetting that life’s offerings are not part of the mindset encumbrances you imprison yourself with.  Your mind is more powerful than you realize, it can either inspire or paralyze you and the difference between which side you reside in is entirely your choice.  It takes one thought, one decision, one shift of mindset to step into your power, to embrace and engage in all things that improve your world.  It is right there proof positive in whatever shifts that for you whether it is a book, movie, seminar, infomercial, whatever elevates you to feel inspired, to believe.  Notice how it takes only that one moment to shift?  Shockingly that moment can be really hard to advance to because it is in direct conflict with the ego.  The ego loves and thrives to be in control whether that is beneficial or detrimental to you, it does not discern, it serves only itself.

If you approach, embrace and inhabit this wave in all things you do there is no other outcome except positive change.  If you knew you could not fail would you attempt to try something?  It’s an intriguing thought isn’t it?  I wonder how many would take the chance.  You see our biggest detractors is ourselves.  It’s a lot easier to believe in someone else, inspire someone else because the risk to you is lower, you don’t have to put yourself out there but you also don’t receive the inner bliss that is the reward.

What anyone else thinks of your path is none of your business, simply because it is what ignites your soul not theirs.  Ego inspired thoughts from others designed to distinguish your spirit come from a place of one’s own fear.  When someone tries to discourage you for whatever reason know that they are telling you their story, not yours.

We all have our own unique ways to elevate our lives and we all inherently know how to fan and expand those flames.  I think now is a really good time to explore, to find your inspiration, to allow your own beauty to shine!

 
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Posted by on May 16, 2020 in Blog

 

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Raising the Bar

23 Feb

Living through your Lessons with Joy

Your lessons shape you:

You are a product of the environment that you grow through, all your lessons build and shape who you are to become so they are definitely essential.  Even the more difficult experiences carry with them important elements of a plan that has not yet come to fruition.  No one knows their life plan and what things will look like ten, twenty or thirty years down the road.  Sure you may have ideas of what you want to see but how things actually turn out is really dependent upon how you play the hand you are dealt, how you process it internally and externally.

Your experiences and lessons are meant to challenge you to rise to the occasion and I guess the internal question to ponder is how are you doing with that?  Are you allowing the experiences to define you or are you daring to rise up stronger?  I can say with certainty that the lessons are not meant to tear you down to oblivion but instead to dismantle the elements you may have taken on that do no serve your spirit well, the elements you need to let go of or transform.  Not everything we carry with us emotionally is meant to continue past the experience except to be a point of reference (a signpost) for developing awareness.

My lessons have been challenging but not so challenging that I couldn’t recover or find a new path and that’s not because they weren’t very difficult but rather because I refuse to let any difficulty break me.  For sure they take time to go through and not every part of an experience is easy to step back from and be objective about but you need to be kind to yourself when you stumble.  It’s easy to chastise yourself for allowing something to go farther than it should have when you believe you should have known better and the inner dialogue that results can only damage your self-worth and self-esteem.  So the next time you are in the midst of a dilemma allow yourself a moment to step outside of that struggle, look at the experience as if you were providing an analysis or solution for a friend.  If it wasn’t your experience what would you advise a friend to do?  In that moment when you’ve stepped outside of it you’ve allowed yourself a little more objectivity and that can be very empowering in to finding resolution and/or a way to manage through to the end of the experience.

Fake it until you make it:

As difficult as some lessons feel keep telling yourself that you are loving them for the wisdom you know you are going to gain, embrace them even when they aren’t even remotely satisfying because without them you don’t get through to an ending, a closure.  Every experience can have a positive side effect come out of it you just have to want to find it.  It could be renewed strength, personal empowerment or an elevation of gratitude, many effects really.  What you are looking for to define the experience (positive or negative) is exactly what you will continue to find every time you relive it.  Your thoughts and how you perceive your experiences are entirely up to you, you can either lessen the damage or increase it, this is determined by the perspective you are encouraging.

When you talk about an experience you have the opportunity through your thoughts and words whether or not to let that experience be one that broke you or one that made you stronger, it’s your choice!  I say fake it until you make it, maybe at the beginning of that conversation it feels like it broke you but what you can relate to others is that it didn’t break you but made you stronger.  After a while of continuing to repeat those thoughts and words you begin to change the fabric of that story, you inevitably become stronger and while at the beginning you may have been faking it you are now making it true.

Stay present:

Not everything that happens to you occurs because of who you are, try not to take things too personally, I know at times that can be difficult but most often when you experience conflict it isn’t in direct relation to your lessons but maybe another’s, you may just be a part of their experience that is designed to awaken them.

It is a normal response to look for ways to escape the more difficult aspects in life, no one longs for difficulty or struggle but keep in mind it is a lot more taxing on the stress in your mind to resist the natural flow than to allow it.  As easy as letting go sounds in theory, it can be extremely difficult to actually begin that process, it starts with acceptance and brings immediate relief.  I think everyone at one time or another struggles with letting go, when I had the experience I hadn’t realized at that point how much effort it was taking from me to hold onto the resistance and how much relief I felt when I finally let things be.

Life’s ups and downs occur so you can develop boundaries, balance, happiness, clarity and direction.

Sometimes the necessity to find a way out when feeling overwhelmed can be the beginning of a new opportunity so it is important to stay present, eyes wide open.

It is important to me to learn from my past and look forward toward the future with hope while maintaining a strong presence in the now.

Connecting with others on a soul level is the most beautiful part of presence, don’t miss out pursue it passionately!

 
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Posted by on February 23, 2018 in Blog

 

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Change is a Gift

02 Nov

Let it Be

Change is inevitable, how you view change is ultimately going to define your state of being, happiness and outlook on life.  Not every change is welcome but every change is necessary because without it you won’t progress or have the opportunity to evolve your level of consciousness.  It is through change that you become more defined or shall I say more refined but you will end up becoming more connected to your world and those in it which is definitely a gift.

I don’t know if there is some cosmic shift going on or not right now, I know the astrology forecasts are always talking about specific shifts but I feel that some kind of change is in the air even though I can’t quite figure out exactly what it is, it feels positive though and hopeful and I sense it will be fulfilling.

The shift itself feels similar to how you feel when you are coming out on the end of some sort of emotional process that you had to work through like that of failure, disappointment or heartbreak because these kinds of experiences change you in ways you wouldn’t have expected, they seem to cause a deep stir in the make-up of who you are.

How do you make it through the transition of tough and emotional experiences like failure, disappointment or heartbreak; are you letting these experiences define you or are you defying the odds you feel are against you to overcome them?  Probably the most soul-crushing experiences because they ultimately alter who you were and from there who you are to become and while the words “growth period” is usually what is used to describe these kinds of experiences it doesn’t ease the challenges or hurt any less.you get to choose

Finding the light at the end of that “oh so long” tunnel sometimes seems non-existent and that is because you are so enmeshed in the grief period that the other side is unseen and unimaginable.  Growth periods take time, patience and your personal understanding in realizing that there isn’t anything wrong with you even though you may feel broken.  Jane Fonda described this particular experience as “not being broken but rather broken open” which I think is the best description because when you are broken open you are fully exposed, fully vulnerable and fully open because there is nothing left to damage and nothing left to give.

This is the key moment to change that is now to become a part of your path, because you have been stripped bare and are open there is no resistance left, there is now room for new and positive experiences to enter your life.  I think how you view each of these experiences is ultimately going to be your guiding force to get you back into your life and feel positive and hopeful about your future.

Sometimes the presence of emotions over failure, disappointment or heartbreak is not existent during a major time of transition but I think the process in getting through it is similar in that you aren’t really sure of what you are doing or where you are going but the need for some kind of change feels imminent.  Balancing a sense of peace and patience (knowing that things will work out in a positive way) when things feel a little scattered or misdirected will be what grounds you.

Failure:  I’ve always been hard on myself and viewed my own personal failure as a huge sign of defeat but in the last 5-10 years I’ve taken on a different view.  I no longer believe it to be failure, instead I’ve come to the understanding that the word failure is the word I had interjected into my experiences because my faith that “everything happens for a reason” and “all things happen as they are meant to” conflict, my faith and failure cannot logically co-exist.  If all things happen as they are meant to then how could it possibly be failure, it would have to be an intended outcome, which I do believe it is.  It is the ego that constantly tries to override the soul and the emotions that our soul relates to us are our signals that the ego is trying to gain control.

Disappointment & Heartbreak:  I think these two are the more heartfelt emotions because they are usually connected to your hopes and dreams.  Everyone gets caught up at one time or another in the fairy tale idealism and why not, there’s a wisp of it in almost everything within our view through magazine, television, books, etc.  I think problems start to arise when the ego tries to control who and what is going on, and of course to make people, places and things that are currently in your life fit into your soul’s hopes and dreams.  As a result disappointment and heartbreak happen because this is not something that is guided by the ego but rather felt by the soul, you can’t rush or fit it.

I really believe that “everything happens for a reason”, I really believe that “all things happen as they are meant to” and I really believe that when the time is right all of that falls into place and not a moment too soon.

Without gratitude for where you are now how could you ever get any further without struggle or resistance while trying to rush the future?  It’s all about allowing your soul to speak, enjoying the moments in between and appreciating what you have in the now.

the experience of gratitude

 
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Posted by on November 2, 2015 in Blog

 

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Soul to Soul

16 Sep

It’s the Energy You Bring

The true magic in all relationships is connecting and how that occurs isn’t really important, as long as it does.

Being aware of your energy is a responsibility, not only does it affect those you interact with but it affects you personally and how you view yourself and the world.wayne dyer, raise yourself

The energy you bring starts within and honestly my opinion is that your own energy raises not only your level of happiness but others as well. Happiness within begins with enjoying your world, living for yourself, and I don’t mean in the self-serving way but in the way that you fill your own cup and as your energy rises that cup overflows and pours that beautiful energy into the lives of others.

All things are energy, most all of us use other energy sources in an effort to lift spirits when feeling low and/or depleted. Energy sources like music, gardening, painting, writing, cooking, walking, soaking up the sun, the list can go on and on but what these energy sources provide you with is the opportunity to raise your spirit, your energy and your vibration.

When you raise all those levels you begin to align yourself with your greatest potentials and that is when the dreams you thought were just dreams become realities. The challenge is maintaining those levels because let’s face it sometimes life throws you curveballs and sometimes it doesn’t feel like you’re going to be able to recover.

It takes only the tiniest moment of inspiration to motivate you back up and your best resource is to get back in touch with whichever energy source it is that elevates your happiness. You need to do that not only for yourself but for those in your life that are in your space of energy.

My energy levels can get motivation from a few sources, my favorite is anything athletic, team or one player sport because it’s not just about raising my energy but inspiring others to get in the game too. I love it when I succeed as well as watching others succeed, a perfectly executed play in any sport is inspiring. Athletic competition isn’t just about the winning aspect, although don’t get me wrong, that is fun and I do enjoy it but most of the time I am more in competition with myself. It’s not just about getting the job done it’s about getting it done to the best of my ability and always trying to beat that, and the camaraderie is infectious. There is so much satisfaction to be gained from bettering yourself in any area of your life and what you end up doing is putting an endless spin on your personal wheel of motivation and inspiration.

One thing that you always hear from those that have aligned with their higher level of energy is that the work in that state of being doesn’t feel like work and that is because when you get yourself into alignment, things just click, they fall into place and it leaves you wondering why you didn’t go their earlier.

Best energy by far was that of my favorite author, motivational speaker, Dr. Wayne Dyer.

I was saddened a couple weeks ago to hear the news of Wayne Dyer’s passing on August 30th, he was my greatest inspiration and the very definition of the energy you bring into your relations with others and how important it is for you to ask yourself the more meaningful questions about life.

Do you want to just exist or do you want to live and breathe life to its fullest? Living life to its fullest includes getting in touch with anything and everything that inspires and motivates your happiness within and in case you were wondering it will also lead you to your purpose, your very reason for being and that will provide you with more happiness than you can ever imagine.

wayne dyer, alignment

 
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Posted by on September 16, 2015 in Blog

 

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We Are Who We Are!

17 Jul

Don’t Let Anyone Else’s Opinion Define Who You Are

I used to be very aware and very conscious of what others opinions were of me, a little too conscious of it actually, and at times I still am, but I’ve realized that those opinions do not define me.  It’s those closest to me that really know who I am and it is their opinions and advice that have the biggest impact.  I can’t control every comment or opinion that comes my way but I can choose to not allow it to affect me negatively or to change my life direction.

No matter what the circumstances or environment we all have the choice to live either positively or negatively.  I choose positive and happy over negative and unhappy easily every time.  I know that is very easy to say but can be very difficult to do for some.  I’ve always had a positive outlook on life and I’ve always been very motivated, driven and impatient to get to the next phase.

Although it’s the “in between” where the tests, challenges and lessons that come our way are meant to teach, to build and to shape us into who we are meant to be. 

Challenges don’t just reveal character they build it.

I believe that each milestone of our age we can discover many things:

1)      A new understanding to old problems

2)      A greater focus on the bigger picture

3)      A more direct approach in life

4)      Less concern with quantity, more quality

5)      Deeper form of Contentment, Balance and Peace

 

I always used to think that I needed to get everything I wanted done when I was younger and now that I’m a little older I see the insignificance of that belief.  It’s just not my focus anymore and there are so many other things that I’ve developed an appreciation for that I never would have thought possible.

I spent my 20’s playing around, doing whatever I wanted, when I wanted.

I spent my 30’s trying to get my grounding and figure out where I was going, who I was.

I’m now in my 40’s and have found that all the things I was concerned with in my 20’s and 30’s seem so irrelevant now.  I’ve learned that my greater focus is on achieving all the levels of Contentment and enjoying all the great people in my life.  I’m looking forward to the many more impactful people I will encounter as I go along my path.  I always hear from others that have experienced more life than myself about how much better it gets as we get older and seeing how content they are encourages me to look forward to it.

 
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Posted by on July 17, 2012 in Blog

 

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Purpose & Passion

01 May

Every Obstacle or Setback Creates an Opportunity

It’s hard to believe that this would be true but it is and believe me I’ve done my fair questioning of “Are you kidding me?”  It is usually through difficulty that we find out what we are really made of and what we really can accomplish.  The question to ask when you are in the midst of difficulty is do I want to find a positive outcome and do better or do I want to look for an excuse not to try and do the same or worse.  It’s the balance of positive versus negative and that can be a battle all on its own.  Some have to work harder than others to find the positive side but I can assure you it’s totally worth it.

Of course it is easiest not to try, there is no effort required for that route at all and unfortunately that makes it the most travelled road but definitely not the most pleasant, positive or purposeful.

I know everyone out there has the desire to have a better life and anything worth having is definitely worth working for.  If things were too easy they would be so attainable that they likely wouldn’t be desired.  This is true in taking the path of “not to try”, there is absolutely no effort required in this route and I’m quite sure that there isn’t one person out there that wants to have nothing, no one says when they are a child that my life goal is “not to try”.  Every child has a dream and just because we are now adults doesn’t mean that you’ve passed the point of attaining a goal you made as a child, teen or young adult.  The only difference is that you just alter the timeline, instead of achieving something by the time you were 25 you now achieve it by the time you’re 35 , 45, 55, etc.  The only reason you can’t achieve something should be because you are no longer on the earthly plane, other than that being an obstacle, there are none.  We only create obstacles to make ourselves feel better for not doing something we really wanted to do and at the end of the day you still don’t feel better.

Some of my biggest setbacks have created the enlightenment that I needed to guide me to my greater passion and purpose.

I can honestly say without a doubt that I wouldn’t change any of the events that led me to where I am today.  Of course some of them were so far from ideal that I was questioning the greater reasoning  behind them at the time, but all of them I can now honor and appreciate because they led me to my passion which then led me to my purpose.  The way I was able to find my purpose was  within, I started listening to my inner spirit.  It had always been whispering to me and I found that it was only when I started to listen and pay attention that it became louder and stronger.

My purpose has led me to a greater form of contentment, peace and balance which has motivated my desire to stay on this path.

If you are looking for a sign that you deserve to honor your and achieve your innermost desires then this is it.

You ARE worthy!

You CAN achieve whatever you desire!

You CAN live a life with purpose and passion!

DON’T let anyone ever tell you any different!

 
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Posted by on May 1, 2012 in Blog

 

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Look for the Positive

07 Feb

We can’t stop things from changing

Everything happens for a reason, and of course that’s not always helpful when the things that happen don’t feel so good emotionally but what can make that emotion worse is not allowing yourself to find the positives.  I know!  I don’t always see them at the beginning either, in fact sometimes I’m constantly questioning and by doing that I prevent myself from finding the peace and balance that lies in the “in between”.

Luckily for me, anything that isn’t positive feels foreign to me, like a sickness, which is something I just can’t put up with.  My stubbornness to have to experience anything like that for too long definitely outweighs my constant questioning and denial so I always find my positive answers and if I’m lucky it doesn’t take me too long to do that.  First things first though, I think everyone notices when something doesn’t feel right within and I think our gut instinct always knows what it is but sometimes our egos tend to think they know better and brush off our initial instincts.  The best route is to try to change that process as soon as you notice those subtle differences.  At first it may take some time to raise that awareness but after a while it will become second nature and next thing you know you are fighting off those awful emotions and finding the good in the situations.

It’s our emotions that will always take us to different areas of our lives and whether or not we want those emotions sometimes doesn’t matter.  You can’t change the way you feel so maybe you should try to change the way you are seeing something.

There’s no point in hanging on to the negative side of situations and I know that it can be very difficult to find the positive in some of them but it’s always there, and what good does it do to not find it?  You’re not going to feel better in fact you’ll feel worse.

I know I would much rather choose happy!

There are so many positive things that we can look forward to and be inspired by in this world.  Sure there are also negative things too but I would rather feed the positive and spread that.  The more we diffuse and push aside the negative the weaker it will get and the less chance it will have of continuing to grow.  It’s what we put out energy into that expands and I would much prefer that what expands for everyone are the positive moments.

It only takes one kind moment to change the course of someone’s day for the better.  If we were all striving to be that person imagine how different our days would be.

 
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Posted by on February 7, 2012 in Blog

 

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The “aha” Moment

22 Nov

Peace + Balance = Contentment

It took me so long to get to the point of Contentment, Peace and Balance.  Not because it was something that takes a long period of time to achieve but because it takes letting go and allowing those “aha” moments to shine through.  It’s amazing how when you follow the path of least resistance how much it opens the doors to what your life should be.

Everyone has had those “aha” moments, and I personally love them.  I wish every day contained one because I always feel so elated internally when it happens.  It was one of those “aha” moments that sparked me to write my book, all of a sudden all the pieces of the puzzle come together in that very moment and it’s exhilarating!

What follows those moments is peace, balance and ultimately contentment because you’ve solved one of your own life’s mysteries, of course there are many more along our life path to come.

Contentment comes in many different forms but I believe that it’s all about connecting.  When you connect with others on a soul level they can inspire you in ways you didn’t know were possible.

Contentment, for me, came from letting go of things I thought were important and trimming back to the basics.  In today’s busy, material world we become so enmeshed with all these “things” that we think we need but really they clutter our minds, our life and ultimately our Contentment.  I’m not saying have nothing, I’m saying have what brings you contentment. 

When I am in a state of Contentment I find that I have gratitude and appreciation for all that surrounds me, everything is beautiful and wonderful.  I strive to make contentment a permanent fixture within my emotional psyche for all the days not just because it feels great but because it also feels great for everyone around me.  When we project contentment from the inside to outward we are spreading happiness with everyone we come into contact with.  Now this is an emotional “state of being” that is worth spreading around.

My favorite quote that I always strive to meet is one of the “states of being” that provide me with Contentment:

“To Laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded.”  — Ralph Waldo Emerson

 
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Posted by on November 22, 2011 in Blog

 

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Finding the Balance

01 Mar

Bring back your dreams, wishes, hopes, and faith. Dare to

accomplish what you have always wanted. There are many people

out there now doing just that—living their dreams.

The world can be unpredictable, presenting challenges and tests along the path to a better life. In Finding the Balance, author Shelley Hallmark draws upon her own personal experiences, challenges, and past relationships, to offer a navigation chart through uncertain waters. Whether you are feeling like you are at a crossroads or you just wish to enhance your own awareness, self-empowerment is the best tool you will ever have.

 
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Posted by on March 1, 2011 in Blog

 

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