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Let’s Talk

16 May

The Value of Connecting

 Even the hard conversations matter!

  • They are not easy to approach
  • They are not easy to have
  • They are not easy to get through

They all have one thing in common, they are very important to finding resolution.  I always try to put myself in another’s shoes when trying to understand where someone is coming from and how they are affected when in conflict.  Being open and committed to resolution is a necessity to finding a positive outcome.

However, not all conflict can be resolved, not because it’s impossible but because change only occurs when there is productive commitment to that goal.  You don’t always know what another person is experiencing in their life.  Not all reactive behaviour can be understood on a surface level and if someone is willing to share please always let compassion be part of the essence of that conversation.

I have had experiences on both sides, with those who are open and those who are defensive.  It’s obvious as to which side is most compatible with resolution.  I don’t think understanding defensiveness is really that difficult but if the person you are in conflict with will not let it go then resolution can be challenging if not impossible.

It’s difficult to take a hard look at your contribution to any experience and no one is innocent whether you believe you are or not.  It takes two to tango so being conscious and owning your part is a requirement in finding peace.  If not able to within a conflict then at least with yourself and from there you will grow.  Personal growth is the staple your evolution with the most important aspect being open to taking responsibility for your decisions and choices.  A stone thrown cannot be retrieved or undone, understanding how powerful or damaging the words you choose can be the doing or undoing in your relationships and minimizing how they affect someone else is a short sighted and foolish miscalculation.

Even though we can connect with anyone and everyone at any time all over the world, which is a great feature of the technological advancements, I feel it disconnects us more in many ways.  I see it used in both positive and negative pursuits and while I see many beautiful positives the negatives still lurk in the background.  I don’t believe that one chooses to hurt another simply for the sport of it.  Striking out usually comes from a place of hurt and pain, similar to an injured animal protecting its wound because they’ve lost trust that the help is sincere.

Trust is very precious and when exploited it becomes near impossible to re-establish that very delicate balance.  If we all understood this as deeply as it should resonate within I think we would all be less likely to challenge that risk.

During this global pause we have an opportunity to explore the things that elude us including the ability to connect through real conversation.  Before this my life was going so fast, every task and experience was the equivalent of being late to work and trying to rush as fast as I could to get there on time.  A constant race in testing the boundaries of how much I could really get done in a day, leaving me with no time for personal nourishment of soul.

How much have you taken for granted as the world has progressed to become so crazy busy and are you embracing these now for the gifts they are?

There are so many things I feel blessed with and am thankful for.

  • Clean air to breathe through healthy lungs
  • Strength and the ability to actively move as I desire and need
  • Solitude to recharge, fortify and nurture my mind, body and spirit
  • An environment that provides me with beautiful and breathtaking scenery
  • Blessed connections with those who inspire, motivate and nourish my soul to move in the direction of my dreams.

It’s these basic foundations that at times are taken for granted, overlooked as the blessings they are when forgetting that life’s offerings are not part of the mindset encumbrances you imprison yourself with.  Your mind is more powerful than you realize, it can either inspire or paralyze you and the difference between which side you reside in is entirely your choice.  It takes one thought, one decision, one shift of mindset to step into your power, to embrace and engage in all things that improve your world.  It is right there proof positive in whatever shifts that for you whether it is a book, movie, seminar, infomercial, whatever elevates you to feel inspired, to believe.  Notice how it takes only that one moment to shift?  Shockingly that moment can be really hard to advance to because it is in direct conflict with the ego.  The ego loves and thrives to be in control whether that is beneficial or detrimental to you, it does not discern, it serves only itself.

If you approach, embrace and inhabit this wave in all things you do there is no other outcome except positive change.  If you knew you could not fail would you attempt to try something?  It’s an intriguing thought isn’t it?  I wonder how many would take the chance.  You see our biggest detractors is ourselves.  It’s a lot easier to believe in someone else, inspire someone else because the risk to you is lower, you don’t have to put yourself out there but you also don’t receive the inner bliss that is the reward.

What anyone else thinks of your path is none of your business, simply because it is what ignites your soul not theirs.  Ego inspired thoughts from others designed to distinguish your spirit come from a place of one’s own fear.  When someone tries to discourage you for whatever reason know that they are telling you their story, not yours.

We all have our own unique ways to elevate our lives and we all inherently know how to fan and expand those flames.  I think now is a really good time to explore, to find your inspiration, to allow your own beauty to shine!

 
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Posted by on May 16, 2020 in Blog

 

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Let’s Be Honest

24 Feb

What do you really know?

 I would venture to guess that many people have at one time or another made an assumption and/or presumption about another’s life, thoughts, intentions and/or grievances (potential or otherwise).  I can’t say with any certainty in the times I have done this that I 100% know exactly what is going on in the mind or life of another and I don’t think anyone really can.  Coming to this awareness and making a commitment to myself as well as others to maintain this awareness when situations arise that trigger this type of speculation is a consideration I give to myself and others.

Communication is one of my favorite experiences to participate in for a few reasons:

  • It cultivates and creates new connections
  • it strengthens and enhances my existing relationships
  • it inspires my thoughts and perspectives in new directions
  • It expands and nourishes the world in which I live

The more we learn about each other the deeper we can connect our souls, this is just my thought but I feel many of us are out there starving for this kind of nourishment.  It seems to be showing up everywhere and spiraling through signs of distress, dissatisfaction, dissidence, disrespect and total disconnection from the emotional feelings that are meant to connect us.  As much as the world has achieved such fantastic technological advances that has given us all further reach in connecting with all walks of life from all over the world, it seems these advances have also disconnected us from real and authentic conversation and connection to each other.

Assume – suppose to be the case, without proof

I believe this is more common than realized and the best way to take this out of the equation in any relationship is to be clear and direct.  I have learned to use a feedback process so if I’m not sure I understand something and I feel within that there is potential for me to assume I repeat back what I’ve heard and ask for clarification.  It gives me and the person I am in communication with the opportunity to clear that line so there is no room for misinterpretation.  Sometimes the one you are communicating with didn’t really hear how what they were saying was actually coming across because it sounded different to them or their intention was not how it was expressed and they would like to re-word.  I work hard to continually utilize this process because I’ve learned from my own experiences that EVERY time I’ve ever assumed I’ve been wrong.

Of course my feedback process hasn’t worked every time, there are times when a communication goes south and there’s nothing you can do about it except postpone it to another time.  Everyone is different, everyone’s circumstances are different and sometimes things need to be addressed at a later date. During difficulty not everyone is in an open and generous state of mind, conversations under that kind of influence may become strained and tense.

Presume – suppose that something is the case on the basis of probability

Again, probably more common than realized and in my experience presumption has occurred because of me, my lack of faith and fear of what I do not have clarity on.

Assume or presume, either is risky and can put you on the hamster wheel cycling and escalating a misunderstood and unclarified communication into parts unknown.  Potentially causing you to imagine the worst, creating and/or elevating it in your mind, only to find out later that you never had it right.  Of course it is possible you may be right but how much satisfaction do you really get out of that?  I would say your soul gets no satisfaction but your ego is probably loving it.  How much is it really worth though?  Putting yourself through unnecessary stress and aggravation.  I don’t know about you but that does not appeal to me at all.

I feel the best resolution to clearing both of these usually disastrous tendencies is to increase your practice in generosity.  Consideration and/or empathy towards what another is experiencing or feeling is a necessary component on the path to understanding.  There is that phrase “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes” which is essentially the platform in which this kind of understanding begins on.

  • How would you feel if you were in their situation whatever that may be which of course you don’t always know?
  • How would you be responding if what they are experiencing was going on in your life?

I realize that in certain situations having generosity towards another can be a big request and while it may seem like it is for the benefit of just the other person it really is more of a benefit for you.  To keep you on track with your soul and off that hamster wheel so you aren’t escalating an experience that may have left you feeling emotionally insignificant and/or invalidated.

It does absolutely no good for anyone to try to understand, comprehend or possibly imagine what another person thinks or believes about you to be true.  The main point about this is that it does not define who you actually are so why even entertain the thought?  What someone else perceives about you does not mean that their perception is right, does it?

Speculating through your own fears without knowing the truth of a situation can be a dangerous thought process with the biggest threat being your own personal health and well-being.

                          False     Expectations     Appearing     Real

When you create a false expectation (theory) of what appears real through the eyes of another assuming/presuming you know what they think, feel or believe you injure yourself the most.

How often have you misdirected your own fears into a reality that would never have manifested in the way you’ve imagined?  How far have you taken those misguided thoughts?  Has it benefited you in any way?

I’ve had communications that have gone to both sides of the spectrum so my wish is to introduce caution, consideration and compassion when communicating whether difficult or not.

  • Caution against saying something you may not be able to take back. There are so many words to use and some can cause more damage than others.
  • Consider the words you choose and ask yourself first how you would feel if they were spoken to you.
  • Compassion in its purest form is a gift you give to another and a blessing you give to yourself.

It takes more of your energy to be resistant than it does to be generous but it takes more courage to be generous than it does to be resistant.  Resistance lowers your levels of personal empowerment and generosity elevates it.  Awareness is power!

Be generous with yourself and notice how that changes your energy, imagine the impact when you embrace and carry that same energy into all your communications.  What a different world you can create around you.

There is such beautiful opportunity to develop deep and profound connections through conversation.  I’ve found my strongest connections with others have been formed through communication simply because it has allowed me to see their heart, their vulnerability and their soul.  There is no way to quantify this except to say it’s priceless!

 
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Posted by on February 24, 2020 in Blog

 

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They May Be Just Words To You, but…

19 Jan

What Were You Thinking?

Consider the impact you have on others when speaking the words you choose.

They are words; there are meaningful words, pointless words and words that just hurt. Which words do you use the most? What is your intention when you use your words? When you realize your words have affected another negatively do you take ownership of it and atone right away or do you sweep it under the carpet and expect them to do the same? Do you overreact and become spiteful or consider that there may be outside and/or extenuating circumstances?

Communication isn’t just saying “hey man, how are you doing” but rather delving deeper to understand the true nature of those around you, how you can make your communication with them be more than just surface conversation and how that communication can connect you on deeper levels.

We all have many layers which are revealed over time through the feelings of true connection, validation, and understanding. If you really want to make an impact it is the words you choose through communication that can either peel those layers back to bring you closer or seal them up tight to protect your vulnerability.

They may just be words but your influence and intention with these words can greatly affect those around you.

words of encouragement

When you Change the way you look at things, the things you look at change – Wayne Dyer

Such a true statement and in relation to your choice of words when in specific situations, a simple adjustment to the way you look at things also changes the way you respond. I think a lot of times many of us may react as a result of it essentially being the straw that broke the camel’s back because our plate is already overloaded with too many things that are stressful and draining on the patience of your spirit. There is more chance of overreaction when in this state and I think it can be exacerbated by the energy of the environment you keep.

Alternatively it may not be overreaction but that the intention of another is to hurt you with their words and if that is the case then that is truly not your path but the fork in the road, there to help re-direct you away from the drama and karma that will eventually dispel.

How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours – Wayne Dyer

Regardless of how someone has treated you, regardless of how damaging it may have felt or been and regardless of how much you may want to inflict or encourage redemption it is better to distance yourself from those thoughts. The karmic wheel spins in alignment with the Universe and makes adjustments accordingly, your influence is not necessary, in fact it will only inhibit you from your best life.

It will always prove to be utterly frustrating to get yourself caught up in the why’s and what if’s of experiences that are out of your control, sometimes you will never know the answers and sometimes you will but at all times it is best for your spirit to take the higher road and continue on your path as it is the one that is for the higher purpose of you!

your journey

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2015 in Blog

 

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The Many Faces

27 Oct

What Human are You Being?

You have the opportunity to change the face you may have misrepresented during a bad moment through awareness, understanding, honesty and atonement but are you up to that task?

Do you have the personal honesty to acknowledge and take ownership of an action that that didn’t display the best side of you and the courage to admit a wrong?

They say “you never get a 2nd chance to make a 1st impression” but what about impressions that come along well after that? While you may have made a great 1st impression if you can’t keep the integrity flowing it’s going to be difficult and tiring just trying to keep up appearances.

How others treat you is their karma, how you react is yours – Wayne Dyerthoughts, word, actions

Your reaction to adversity is going to be the best look at who you are as a person for others and the best insight for you on how to change it. By developing your awareness through observation of your own reactions or overreactions you will learn how to control and prevent them from affecting your life negatively.

Allow the human and spirit that reside within you to commune often, it is very necessary and important to promote the growth of this bond. Their common ground will provide and enhance peace, balance and harmony within which is an essential part of your being.

Connection is not unique to one aspect of life it is the foundation of all aspects of life so that they can work together harmoniously. Connecting with others will help to build your relations with them into whatever direction you desire. Connecting with your spirit will enhance and empower your human life toward the destiny it has always been meant for.

Finding your way when you don’t know where to look or begin can be a daunting thought and I’ve found that it begins with connection:

Be Still:  Quieting the mind is the best way to find the answers you seek to specific issues or problems that arise in your life. There is a lot to be said for the quiet, it allows you to hear the solution more clearly than you would ever expect. It also allows your spirit and inner voice a platform to be heard, to be acknowledged and to be embraced. Your spirit has only one purpose and that is to guide you into your best life.

Be Alert:  Awareness of how you affect others is the spirit assistant in your life poking you in the side and saying “that’s not right!”, and being tuned into that is very important. When you open yourself up to that awareness you allow other emotions to feed and fuel your inner knowledge and outer behaviour so that the two can work together and balance each other so you don’t dip too far on the either side of the scale.

Be Conscious:  It’s really important to be present in the moments that matter. There’s no measurement of importance, if you can’t spare a moment of space for someone else then don’t pretend to. When you are consciously aware of your actions, overreactions or inactions I think you will find that you become more aware of how others respond and that awareness will ultimately change your interactions for a more positive trend.

You get in life what you prepare and make room for and there are internal and external aspects that can either enhance or inhibit the abundance you seek. You could end up blocking the space you created for your abundance just by having an attitude that isn’t in alignment with what you are making room for. It’s not just about making the room but also adapting your lifestyle and attitude to be consistent with what you envision.

If you are holding onto anything negative (anger, grudge, resentment, spite, etc.) they will all block that room from ever being filled with your dreams and the more you embrace them the further you get off your path until one day you find you don’t recognize where you are.

Success isn’t just about achieving something but achieving it with integrity and not stepping on anyone along the way. When I envision anything in my future it always contains a level of happiness, peace and balance but if my attitude now doesn’t contain those aspects then I won’t be in alignment for what I seek to come into my life until that changes. Karma has a way of balancing the scales.

Life at times can be difficult and there may be times where you end up blocking yourself simply because a day, week or month has worn itself on you for too long and brought you down but bringing yourself back to connection can lift the heaviness of that adversity and light the sky so you can see again where you need to be.

the universe speaks

 
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Posted by on October 27, 2014 in Blog

 

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Who’s the adult here?

19 Oct
Who’s the adult here?

I may be the parent of a special needs child, but without her I might never have known or fulfilled my true potential. She has taught me so much about myself and has helped shape me into the person I am today. I am truly blessed to have her in my life and especially blessed to be her mother.


When it comes to our children we all want to help guide them, but with special needs children I believe they guide us.
My daughter guides me in little ways like showing me that she will be ready to try or do something, in a way that’s better for her, in her own time. I think we all get caught up in the timelines of what’s expected and try to apply these to our special needs children; however, they have their own timelines, and they will remind us that we need to slow down and appreciate the journey. The phrase “everything in due time” captures that perfectly.
The most significant lessons I have learned because of my daughter are patience and tolerance. I can honestly say I had very little of either before she came into my life. I have learned to have a greater appreciation for the bigger picture. It’s the little things in our lives that become the most significant as we progress through life.


I started to write for a few reasons:
1) The need to have a career that was better suited to the lifestyle needed when you have a special needs child. They require a significant amount of hands-on care, and it’s best for them progress-wise if that care is provided by one of their pillars (parents are our biggest support and strengths, so I refer to our parents as pillars). Our children have the most success with progressing through life when their pillars are very present in the process.
2) I have always loved writing and have always written in a journal. Writing helps to alleviate the everyday things that happen in our lives. The phrase “getting things off your chest” is exactly what writing does for me, and I wanted to encourage others to try that outlet and know they always had options through my book. I want to make a difference in this world, and what better way to do it than on a more global scale? Books reach many different people at various times in their lives.
I found that not only did my writing provide me with a stronger sense of inner peace, but it also gave me a greater appreciation for my journey. This inner peace has given me an even stronger connection with my daughter, and the two of us have come to a form of contentment together.

 
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Posted by on October 19, 2011 in Blog

 

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