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Where do we go from here,,,, and

04 Jul

How do we get there?

It seems important at this time to infuse as much positivity into the world as possible.  Specifically because of the time we are in during this pandemic and especially because of the state of conflict humanity seems to be immersed in over clarity of what matters.

It is difficult to grasp that with all we have been given in this human experience and in an environment that provides us with such beauty and natural resource that this is where we have come to.  How is it that feelings like empathy, compassion and kindness are being overlooked to the point of turning completely the other way?  We should be trying to make all lives better, lifting each other up to come along on the journey with us.

I am by no means pointing any fingers but I feel that this is kind of how things have gotten to the state they are at.  All lives matter!  Division of any kind serves no purpose except to exert power and control.  Change cannot occur until our hearts and minds are advocating compassion for others as well as gratitude for life.

So where do we go from here and how do we get there?

I believe it starts with reflection, checking in with ourselves to see how we each are doing, what we are doing and if there is something we need to change internally, externally or both.

  • Are you living your best life?
  • Are you being your best self?
  • Are you speaking with kindness?
  • Are you listening with heart?

It is not race or gender specific but we are all termed under the label of “mankind” although it should be “humankind” and as all of humankind are you being a kind human?  I think life gets so clouded with trying to run and excel in the human race, sometimes stepping on others while climbing that ladder, that we forget it’s not really a race at all but rather a journey.

  • One that requests but does not demand presence, intention and grace.
  • One that allows but does not enforce empathy to blossom and evolve.
  • One that inspires but does not restrict imagination of optimistic vision.

We all have free will to choose and even not choosing is a choice.

If you haven’t arrived at where and who you wanted to be yet I believe the more pressing question is where are you holding back?  There are boundless opportunities and sometimes you can block yourself from seeing them with your state of mind.  It seems like such a simple adjustment to make but probably the most common difficulty one can face and not for lack of opportunity but lack of belief in self.  It’s astonishing how we carefully construct these prisons around ourselves, how high they become and how difficult they are to take down.

Where is your passion, your purpose, your path?

I have ventured down many but when I come to realize I have made a wrong turn I circle back to find an alternate route.  I don’t view these wrong turns as mistakes or failures I instead see them as lessons, experiences that have been put on my path to help me to find the right one.  Everything happens for a reason and it is my job to figure out what that reason is and how to navigate toward something better.

I don’t want to go in a straight line, I want to investigate all the openings, look for opportunity behind every door, deviate from the plan to find any other and all perspectives because I know somewhere within that magical concoction lies the secrets of ultimate freedom and happiness.

I have been mulling over the subtleties of duality in humanity and soul.  We all inhabit the energy of feminine and masculine as a duality, the blend of yin and yang in each of us as individuals which contributes to who we are and how we move through our lives.  The question is how comfortable are you with the identification of that duality?  As evolution has occurred this notion has become more accepted but in times very much passed I feel it was a tougher go for the macho male in the sense that embracing and expressing from a nurturing or sensitive state was thought of as too feminine and a sign of weakness.  When you are open to realize and embrace that part of your duality you expand possibility, awareness and consciousness.  Of course when the ego is trying to control or overrun the spirit instead of allowing it to blend I feel it comes out through a variety of ways as well as a heavy overcompensation to be seen as more masculine.  Nurturance or sensitivity is not weakness and those who are comfortable, content and aware of its power have learned this.

It seems to me there is a misconception and misinterpretation that sensitivity is linked to vulnerability and as such is the definition of someone who is less than.  For anyone that has dared to show and expose their own vulnerability which certainly proves to be an increasingly higher risk has learned that it is strength in its purest form.

Lack of belief in self can impede your evolution of awareness and understanding as to how important the ego/spirit blend is, leaving you open and vulnerable to infection of egocentric behavior.  There are no positive aspects in egocentric, it serves only to demoralize and is expressed recklessly and outwardly through some form of abuse.  Left unchecked it evolves and escalates to degrees that deconstruct everyone and everything in its path.

It feels to me that this perpetuated segregation requires global response of equality and emancipation for all.

We are not born with hatred in our hearts.  Negativity comes in externally and sometimes sifting through it to filter out the pieces that do not fit can feel daunting.  Developing an empowered and stronger sense of self has never been more important!

 
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Posted by on July 4, 2020 in Blog

 

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Let’s Be Honest

24 Feb

What do you really know?

 I would venture to guess that many people have at one time or another made an assumption and/or presumption about another’s life, thoughts, intentions and/or grievances (potential or otherwise).  I can’t say with any certainty in the times I have done this that I 100% know exactly what is going on in the mind or life of another and I don’t think anyone really can.  Coming to this awareness and making a commitment to myself as well as others to maintain this awareness when situations arise that trigger this type of speculation is a consideration I give to myself and others.

Communication is one of my favorite experiences to participate in for a few reasons:

  • It cultivates and creates new connections
  • it strengthens and enhances my existing relationships
  • it inspires my thoughts and perspectives in new directions
  • It expands and nourishes the world in which I live

The more we learn about each other the deeper we can connect our souls, this is just my thought but I feel many of us are out there starving for this kind of nourishment.  It seems to be showing up everywhere and spiraling through signs of distress, dissatisfaction, dissidence, disrespect and total disconnection from the emotional feelings that are meant to connect us.  As much as the world has achieved such fantastic technological advances that has given us all further reach in connecting with all walks of life from all over the world, it seems these advances have also disconnected us from real and authentic conversation and connection to each other.

Assume – suppose to be the case, without proof

I believe this is more common than realized and the best way to take this out of the equation in any relationship is to be clear and direct.  I have learned to use a feedback process so if I’m not sure I understand something and I feel within that there is potential for me to assume I repeat back what I’ve heard and ask for clarification.  It gives me and the person I am in communication with the opportunity to clear that line so there is no room for misinterpretation.  Sometimes the one you are communicating with didn’t really hear how what they were saying was actually coming across because it sounded different to them or their intention was not how it was expressed and they would like to re-word.  I work hard to continually utilize this process because I’ve learned from my own experiences that EVERY time I’ve ever assumed I’ve been wrong.

Of course my feedback process hasn’t worked every time, there are times when a communication goes south and there’s nothing you can do about it except postpone it to another time.  Everyone is different, everyone’s circumstances are different and sometimes things need to be addressed at a later date. During difficulty not everyone is in an open and generous state of mind, conversations under that kind of influence may become strained and tense.

Presume – suppose that something is the case on the basis of probability

Again, probably more common than realized and in my experience presumption has occurred because of me, my lack of faith and fear of what I do not have clarity on.

Assume or presume, either is risky and can put you on the hamster wheel cycling and escalating a misunderstood and unclarified communication into parts unknown.  Potentially causing you to imagine the worst, creating and/or elevating it in your mind, only to find out later that you never had it right.  Of course it is possible you may be right but how much satisfaction do you really get out of that?  I would say your soul gets no satisfaction but your ego is probably loving it.  How much is it really worth though?  Putting yourself through unnecessary stress and aggravation.  I don’t know about you but that does not appeal to me at all.

I feel the best resolution to clearing both of these usually disastrous tendencies is to increase your practice in generosity.  Consideration and/or empathy towards what another is experiencing or feeling is a necessary component on the path to understanding.  There is that phrase “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes” which is essentially the platform in which this kind of understanding begins on.

  • How would you feel if you were in their situation whatever that may be which of course you don’t always know?
  • How would you be responding if what they are experiencing was going on in your life?

I realize that in certain situations having generosity towards another can be a big request and while it may seem like it is for the benefit of just the other person it really is more of a benefit for you.  To keep you on track with your soul and off that hamster wheel so you aren’t escalating an experience that may have left you feeling emotionally insignificant and/or invalidated.

It does absolutely no good for anyone to try to understand, comprehend or possibly imagine what another person thinks or believes about you to be true.  The main point about this is that it does not define who you actually are so why even entertain the thought?  What someone else perceives about you does not mean that their perception is right, does it?

Speculating through your own fears without knowing the truth of a situation can be a dangerous thought process with the biggest threat being your own personal health and well-being.

                          False     Expectations     Appearing     Real

When you create a false expectation (theory) of what appears real through the eyes of another assuming/presuming you know what they think, feel or believe you injure yourself the most.

How often have you misdirected your own fears into a reality that would never have manifested in the way you’ve imagined?  How far have you taken those misguided thoughts?  Has it benefited you in any way?

I’ve had communications that have gone to both sides of the spectrum so my wish is to introduce caution, consideration and compassion when communicating whether difficult or not.

  • Caution against saying something you may not be able to take back. There are so many words to use and some can cause more damage than others.
  • Consider the words you choose and ask yourself first how you would feel if they were spoken to you.
  • Compassion in its purest form is a gift you give to another and a blessing you give to yourself.

It takes more of your energy to be resistant than it does to be generous but it takes more courage to be generous than it does to be resistant.  Resistance lowers your levels of personal empowerment and generosity elevates it.  Awareness is power!

Be generous with yourself and notice how that changes your energy, imagine the impact when you embrace and carry that same energy into all your communications.  What a different world you can create around you.

There is such beautiful opportunity to develop deep and profound connections through conversation.  I’ve found my strongest connections with others have been formed through communication simply because it has allowed me to see their heart, their vulnerability and their soul.  There is no way to quantify this except to say it’s priceless!

 
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Posted by on February 24, 2020 in Blog

 

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The Magic of the Season

15 Dec

The Spirit in My Christmas

What does the holiday season mean to you? Does it mean too much hustle, too much spending and way too busy? If it does I think you may have become disconnected from the true meaning and value of the holiday season.

magic of the season

The Spirit of Christmas is supposed to carry so much more than just how much you’re hoping to get or how much you’ve given. The holidays should be a source of happiness, the time to connect with the people you may not see so much during the year, to celebrate with those you love and cherish and remember those that are no longer here with you. It is the family traditions from the holidays that keep us rooted within our heritage, connected to our past, remain active in our present and are carried into our future.

For me it’s not just the 12 days of Christmas but rather my 6 most cherished spirits of Christmas:

  • Family
  • Friends
  • Gratitude
  • Compassion
  • Giving
  • Sharing

I think it’s important to embrace these spirits all year long but I find for myself that they become heightened during the holiday season. It starts with the music and lights and I know many don’t want it but I love the addition of snow because it makes the holiday that much more magical, everything sparkles so much more with the backdrop of beautiful white snowflakes. It takes the season in the direction that the best stories of Christmas have come from, like sledding down the hills.

There is so much creativity that comes from everyone during this time, not just with their lights but food and crafts too, not everything needs to be bought the best creations are those that are made from a pure place of love. I think probably everyone has at least one but probably more arts and crafts from their children displayed somewhere within their decorative décor and likely well past the years when their kids originally made it because it has become part of the tradition.

My traditions? The entire family stuffing themselves until they feel too full to eat another bite, listening and/or singing the songs, kids running around creating all sorts of havoc, laughing and being crazy. It’s all about visiting and sharing good food, good drinks and good conversation with good company and if there is someone new to include into the festivities, even better because there is always room for new friends.

I know the holiday season doesn’t provide everyone with the warmth and joy that it does for me and I believe that the spirits of compassion and giving become even more important to share with those you encounter that aren’t feeling the love. It doesn’t take a huge gesture to share the season, sometimes the smallest acts carry the biggest weight.

Tis the Season, embrace and enjoy it!

seasons greetings

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2014 in Blog

 

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When Enough is Enough!

03 Jul

Know When to Live and Let Live

Compassion and empathy are not overrated but there is only so much you can do for someone and where the direction of their life goes depends solely on them even, it’s called “free will” and it’s everyone’s right to choose.

It’s noble to want to help another but sometimes is more noble to allow someone the same freedom that you have to make your own decisions and to ask for assistance if they want it.  I think we have all, at one time or another, felt that we knew what was better for someone we care about so much so that we take the task to heart of trying to show them the way or help out.  The truth is though that “the way” is really up to them and if you find yourself in this situation, like I have many times, the best solution is to step back and let them live their own life.  It’s not easy, believe me I know, especially when your empathy compass is going overboard taking on their feelings of either helplessness or despair.

let go

If you are strongly predisposed to helping others you may find that even if you are successful you could be draining yourself.  Your emotional well-being could be depleted causing the other components of your well-being to become unbalanced and when you become unbalanced you are of no assistance to anyone.

I know the almost euphoric feeling of making someone feel better, it is truly inspiring but keep in mind the feeling that also follows when you accomplish something you didn’t think you could do.  As much as you want to help someone you are denying them that sense of accomplishment of overcoming a challenge they didn’t think they could, I think that feeling is even more monumental and of course will affect them much more deeply.

I don’t mind constructive criticism, I always like to hear different thought processes and to have the opportunity to invite new ways of thinking into my awareness but I know that I don’t like being told what to do and that could be the resistance you may experience when you try to over-assist in someone else’s life.  Sometimes we don’t necessarily look for someone else to run our lives or assist and it’s just a matter of being the sounding board that they have to vent to without judgement.  Not everything requires action on my part and learning to recognize when I’m trying to show someone “the way” is an evolving lesson for me that I don’t think I’ve quite nailed down yet.  Work in progress, I can accept that.out of your control

I think the biggest lesson for me is learning to step back and know when to live and let live.  If someone needs my help I have to allow them the opportunity to ask, if I offer it and they don’t accept, I have to learn to accept that.  Not everything is meant to be changed, everyone has their own lessons, who am I to challenge what the universe has set out for each of us.  I can continue to have compassion and empathy for others but when it starts to affect my life in a negative way that is an indication for me to recognize that it is their journey not mine.

There are many reasons why certain lives go a certain direction and why some people choose not to change it and I’ve learned that even though I think I know best, I really don’t.

Like Kenny Rogers says, you’ve got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, know when to run.

It’s a good theory for me to pay attention to, to remember and to live by.  As much as I may want to see everyone living what I think is a joyful, happy and enriched life, it doesn’t mean that I know what that is for everyone.  There isn’t a “one size fits all” when it comes to a blessed life.

I was watching the “Anderson” daytime talk show one day and there was two young women as guests that had had very difficult challenges in their lives from an early age and they had the wisdom to recognize that even though their challenges were hard there were others that had had it worse.  Both of them had been through much counselling and therapy and in one of their group therapy sessions the therapist had had them, with the group, create a circle and put their problems (discuss them) in the center and said that at the end they would probably all be quite happy to pick their own back up and walk away with it and they had said they agreed.  They would much rather walk away with their own issues than pick up another’s, sometimes as terrible as we think our problems are they are familiar and we know how to live in them.

I think everyone, no matter what their age, can teach us something and the best thing we can do sometimes is to just listen, sometimes that is of more help than you realize.  Not everything requires a grand scale of assistance, sometimes simplicity is much more helpful.

committment to shift

 
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Posted by on July 3, 2013 in Blog

 

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Ingredients for Life!

26 Jun

Life Equals Pie

I was given a fabulous concept from a very good friend of mine for a great topic this week!  The concept is creating an analogy between our life journeys and a favorite dessert and all the ingredients and layers create our own recipe for personal success, whatever that may be.

Much like the ingredients in any dessert, depending on which one you choose, there are usually layers and levels of design.  I’ve chosen Banana Cream Pie because it would contain a good level of ingredients to create this analogy.

Banana Cream Pie:

  • 3 cups of Love
  • 2 cups of Integrity
  • 2 cups of Pride
  • 1 cup of Self-Respect
  • 1 cup of Respect for others
  • 1 cup of Positive Attitude
  • ½ cup of Compassion
  • ½ cup of Empathy
  • 3 tablespoons of Confidence
  • 3 tablespoons of Determination
  • 3 tablespoons of Courage
  • A dash of Assertiveness
  • 12 ounces of water for personal wellness

Frosting:   The Law of Attraction

  • 1 cup of Intention
  • 1 cup of Faith
  • 1 cup of Appreciation
  • 1 cup of Gratitude

Directions:

Mix all ingredients together until they are well blended and you are feeling content.  I was going to add an ingredient to enhance humility but I believe that the emotion of remaining humble would be experienced as a result of living life through Banana Cream Pie.

Serve it to anyone and everyone you so desire and utilize the ingredients to your fullest potential.

I realize that the amounts of all the ingredients I have contained in this recipe are quite excessive but it is a global pie meant to feed the souls of as many as possible.  The frosting is also excessive but it is the Law of Attraction, and that’s exactly where you want to get really excessive in your vision and life.  You will attract exactly what you think and believe!

 
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Posted by on June 26, 2012 in Blog

 

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Leading a Life of Integrity

17 Apr

It’s not what you do, It’s how you do it!

This is a topic that came to me late in the day today and not for any specific reason but I started thinking about my place in this world and what I wanted it to be.  I know I want to make a difference, have a positive impact and hopefully leave this world with at least one, but hopefully a few more than that, lives changed for the better.

I believe that Integrity is at the top of the rung, if your word doesn’t mean anything you’re not going to have many people that trust you with important parts of their life. For me it’s the important parts of mine and other’s lives that connect us to each other.  Everything you do has either a direct or indirect effect on those around you and I find it to be an important factor in everything that I do.  It also shows your consideration and respect for those people and there’s no greater gift you can give them than that.  I’ve found that my deepest connections with others have been rooted in either one or many shared experiences.  It’s these shared experiences that validate both our thoughts and feelings on any given situation and help us to understand that we are not alone or off the wall in how something or someone affects us.

Remember this:  People are only as important to you as you make them feel.

Our feelings and emotions drive everything we do and when we feel hurt or betrayed emotionally then our reaction can be to either disconnect or shut down all together from that source of hurt.  As well it can emotionally stunt us from any growth we are meant to experience.  Our feelings and emotions are very strong and unless you are able to tune them out or control them ( I’m not ) then you either have to deal and move on or you become stuck.

There is no doubt in my mind that becoming stuck is not an option for me.  I choose to deal and move on, not only for myself but so that I don’t pass on this negativity to anyone else in my life.

My favorite method is to write it out and I want to encourage anyone and everyone out there to try this, it’s been extremely successful and healing for me.  I’m sure anyone who’s ever written an email or letter to someone has written it and then re-read it, made adjustments, read it again, maybe make another adjustment and then send.  I think the reason we make the adjustments is so something doesn’t come off sounding bad ( that’s our consideration and respect ).

Imagine this, you write out your letter to someone, something or even an organization giving it your all and getting everything off your chest, leaving nothing unsaid.

Don’t actually send it! 

Every time and I do mean every time I’ve done this I’ve felt better after and it’s because I got to put in my 2 cents about how something made me feel and once I’ve done that it’s released from weighing on my mind and emotions.  This is my therapy, my release and my way to keep myself sane and prevent that negative cycle from continuing.  It’s like my own little personal assertiveness training and it helps me to draw my line in the sand without losing my own dignity or integrity.

The main thing I’ve got that is entirely in my control is my Integrity – my respect, my consideration, my compassion and my empathy for not only myself but for others.  My word definitely means something!

 
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Posted by on April 17, 2012 in Blog

 

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Who’s Got Your Back?

29 Nov

Quality Friends are Priceless

It can be so difficult to maintain the energy needed to deflect negativity if you have to deal with such behaviours on a daily basis or on any basis.  When negativity comes into our space it doesn’t just thrust the negativity at us but sometimes it takes up residence for a day or two within us.  It’s hard to determine how it’s going to affect us because that all depends on our current disposition.   If you are stressed or overwhelmed you are already in a vulnerable position.

It’s a similar feeling to being tired and run down and someone with a cold comes near you, it’s harder to fight off those germs then if you were well rested and feeling strong.

It can be difficult to rally up a positive state of mind and being when you’re at this point but it is so important for your health, mind, body and spirit.

In addition to journaling I also talk with my closest friends that I trust when I feel at odds with either someone or a circumstance that I feel helpless in and they do the same with me.

When I feel I can’t find the answers I need or I feel the urge for a little extra boost of inspiration I always find it within my friends.  I don’t think they always know how they’ve helped but sometimes it takes that one moment of understanding or those compassionate words of wisdom in their own special way and they’ve set me off in an entirely new and positive direction.

As single moms, as women, we need our girlfriends to keep us sane, to keep us grounded, and to keep us real.  If you’ve got great friends there isn’t anything you can’t battle, overcome or defeat.

Quality friends are Priceless!

 
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Posted by on November 29, 2011 in Blog

 

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