Monthly Archives: September 2013

Trying to Find my Balance Again!

During a Time that Feels Wildly Unbalanced

The spectrum of emotions that has plagued my mind for the last month and a half has definitely taken its toll by making me feel completely unbalanced and out of sync.

As I wrote about in one of my recent posts “Very Challenging Time”, A my daughter’s Scoliosis journey presented detours that I hadn’t expected.  Almost a month after her surgery she was finally released from the hospital and I felt positive about the road to recovery from there but what I hadn’t foreseen was that we would be back at the hospital 4 days later because one of the infections she had (unrelated to the surgery) had come raging back with a vengeance.

The time period that evolved when the doctors were trying to determine the source of her sickness was terrifying, to say the least, they covered everything and I mean everything!  As a parent it is difficult to have to sit back and watch them work especially if your child is stressed by it, as I had said my daughter recently had Scoliosis surgery with rods and screws fused to her spine and only a month ago.  I realize that they have to determine the source of her sickness but I have to admit it was extremely difficult to watch them push up and down her spine to see if she flinched anywhere.  I’m thinking “of course it bothers and hurts her some, what would anyone expect after only a month given the significance of the surgery”, I kept asking them to call someone from that team of specialists because they all knew her case intimately but until they had determined that was the cause that wasn’t going to happen.  As I said I realize they weren’t trying to hurt her and wanted to make sure they checked every avenue so they could get her the appropriate treatment but it was really difficult to watch and as I write this it makes me feel like I’m making this all about me but as a parent, their pain and discomfort feels 100 times yours.  You could throw anything in my path and I can handle it but it’s amazing how anything to do with our children can bring us to our knees and provoke such a feeling of helplessness.confined by walls you build yourself

After 48 hours of constant testing, poking, prodding and only 1 ½ hours sleep for my daughter it was finally determined that one of previous infections had not been fully eliminated so course of treatment followed and after a few days she started to respond and get back to being herself and after another 8 days in the hospital she has been released again.

I’m trying to find my balance again but it’s difficult because I feel like the threat of this re-occurring is looming around me and I am hesitant to allow myself into the space of feeling confident that things are going to be Ok.  The slightest instance of any symptom for pretty much anything out there keeps terrorizing my mind and I know that this is only possible because I am basically “running on empty”.  As much as the first round scared me, the second round has completely drained me and severely challenged my inner strength and faith.  I know it will come back but it may take me some time to trust it.  I also know I’m lucky and blessed that her prognosis is positive but my mind won’t allow me to fully embrace that yet.

There are many parents out there with children that are sick and the source is unknown or the source is known and the outcome is not positive and I can’t even imagine what life must be like for them or how they manage to deal with it daily.  I can only offer my sincerest compassion for the roller coaster ride I’m sure they are constantly on, as with everything (including health challenges) there are ups and down, good days and bad days.  I can only hope and pray for those that are currently in the midst of these kinds of challenges that the good days fill their hearts with enough love to carry them through the bad ones.

As I always say “Everything happens for a reason” and one of my beliefs is that we don’t go through difficult challenges for no reason.  There is a purpose, and I’ve always believed that we are put through difficulty to make us stronger for something that is to come in our future.  Even though I know my difficulty at this time isn’t as difficult as others it makes me wonder what is ahead that requires me to develop as much strength as it’s taking me to get through this.

I have, am and always will be about “all things positive” and I know I will get back there but this dip at this time has set me back more than I could have ever imagined or predicted.  The positive aspect of this experience is that it has increased my understanding, empathy and admiration for those that power through these difficult experiences with great integrity and strength of character.

strong person

Leave a comment

Posted by on September 24, 2013 in Blog


Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Spring Cleaning in the Fall

A Necessary Form of Healing

There comes a time when you need to clean out the areas of your brain where the stuck tape keeps playing, the tape that keeps you in a perpetual cycle that is out of sync with the Law of Attraction.  As of late my life has been extremely busy and demanding which has caused me to deplete my own levels of tolerance and patience.  When those two areas of my life run low it reduces my ability to fend off the negativity virus.

The negativity virus comes in many forms, not just thoughts but also actions which cause reactions and consequences and even though I know I’ve pushed the boundaries at times, I’ve learned that honest communication and sincere humility can be the positive aspect in changing the direction of that outcome.

I find that when I get in those funks it heightens my desire to “help others see the light”, which in hindsight becomes ridiculous.  I have no right to do that and even though I’ve learned to recognize when those areas are depleted there are times when I don’t catch it quickly enough and that causes me even more inner frustration and that frustration only perpetuates the virus.  I’ve just now realized that I’ve depleted myself and recognized that I’m at the beginning of that path and it’s time to stop!

I call it a negativity virus because it feels like a virus, like the flu it makes you feel like you aren’t yourself, cranky and out of sorts and your immune system is lowered which is the opening negativity needs to get in.

Unfortunately I have really high expectations for myself and falling onto that path, no matter what the reason, just won’t do.  It’s not so much that I feel I’ve failed, I don’t view things as failures but rather opportunities to make adjustments to my liking.  My attitude is very much determined and focused, I know where I want to go and usually I want to get there now!  Needless to say patience and tolerance weren’t my strongest suits when I was younger and over the years I’ve learned to develop them but they are usually the first things to go when the tank starts to run on empty.

people don't forget how you made them feel

I think we all have our moments of weakness and how we handle them or rather correct them is what defines us.  The most important thing that I’ve always been conscious of is to “think before I speak”, some things can’t be unsaid and they are usually the most damaging ones that you want to take back.  Now at the same time I do believe that honesty and sincerity are absolutely essential if you are trying to rectify that kind of accidental communication.

I won’t say I’ve never said something I’ve regretted and at the time I’m quite sure I had the momentary satisfaction of blurting something out but the key word is momentary.  The period of regret for that moment was much longer and the best teacher for learning to “think before I speak”.

So how do I reinstate my levels of tolerance and patience?

Awareness and recognition is the first step, honest reflection is the second step and whatever process it takes for me to recharge my batteries is the third step.

I find that once I’ve become aware and recognized I’m depleted it propels me into the honest reflection stage and rejuvenation usually falls into place shortly after.  The way to deal is different for everyone, whatever works for you to make you feel better is what you should do, especially if you just aren’t feeling like yourself.  If it means you take a “time out” for yourself than that’s what you should do because it’s not fair to you or anyone in your life to deplete yourself.

So for me, I’ll be writing because that is my best outlet for recharging myself and getting my levels of tolerance and patience back where they should be.  I definitely don’t like feeling out of sorts, it doesn’t fit right or feel good and if I’m not operating on the right side of the Law of Attraction then I’m depriving myself of the gifts that accompany positive experiences.

thoughts and alignment


Posted by on September 13, 2013 in Blog


Tags: , , , , , , ,

Your Life As a Labor of Love

So true! When you put your all into every little thing you do there is no greater reward for you and no greater inspiration for others.

Daily Muse

LifeWhatever tasks or jobs you do you have a part to play in this world and the best way to serve the world is by being yourself and considering everything you do as a contribution to society and the world at large.

In essence your life is labor of love as you radiate your passion and unique gifts to all you come in contact with and even those you’ve never met. The contribution you make, no matter your task, has value beyond measure!

In the United States, Labor Day is the first Monday in September and marks the symbolic end of summer. It is celebrated with barbeques and families get together as we prepare for fall, NFL and college football but did you know that Labor Day is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of workers?  It is a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to…

View original post 285 more words

1 Comment

Posted by on September 4, 2013 in Blog