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What Are You Talking About?

Your Thoughts and Energy are a Package Deal

Have you ever noticed that what you consistently think and/or talk about is what keeps showing up in your life?  Chances are it’s the negative aspect that you probably notice the most because it’s what you don’t want.  Positive occurrences are most times thought of as luck and not the manifestation of your thoughts, even when they are positive.

Depending upon which energetic field your thoughts and conversations fall under (positive or negative), you can expect it will all become a self-actualizing prophecy for you because your thoughts and energy are a package deal.  What you think and talk about is what you will create, so be very wary of which energy you are feeding.

I think we all notice the result of negative thinking more because it’s an aggravation to have it show up in your life, so you stress about it, talk with others about how bothered you are by it.

Pay attention dear one, you are now feeding it!

I think everyone has had the bad day, the bad week, the bad month, hopefully not so much the bad year but all of this is the creation of your thoughts.  It’s hard to change the process around from talking about the things that you don’t want especially when they are upsetting to you.  It’s a natural thing to want to discuss, deal and discard the things that have either hurt or hindered you from moving in the direction you want to see yourself going.

By becoming aware of how those thoughts and conversations are influencing what you see develop day after day in your life you will understand how important it is to curb anything negative.  No matter how hard it is at the beginning to change that habit, that addiction to processing, the changes you see develop as a result will be inspiration enough to continue on.  Day by day it becomes easier to let those irritations not weave their way back in and you will see a new habit evolve, a healthier way of life that leads you to the things you want and the things that are meant for you.

Are you seeing the light?  That’s really what it’s like, the positive aspects of life bring a lightness to your life because you are allowing the weight, the heaviness of the negativity to be lifted from you and in reality all you’ve done is allowed your soul its freedom.  The soul, your inner spirit seeks purpose, connection, and an environment that inspires and cultivates your higher calling.  Imagine a place where all things are possible, this is it!

Why do we not embrace it?  Simply because it is the ego that keeps you immersed in a negative, fear based state, all for the sake of controlling you from believing that you can access this place, this state, this happiness.

ego-soul

I’ve always heard that comparison and it had been difficult for me to recognize/differenciate the two (ego & spirit), I didn’t feel like there was any power struggle actually going on, at least nothing that I could easily identify.  When the ego is trying to control though I’ve learned to recognize how it affects me physically and emotionally which shows up like stress, anxiety, a general feeling of disarray in my thoughts which is ultimately resistance between the two opposing sides.

I think how it presents itself is different in everyone.  We are all unique so it makes sense that it’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of answer or solution, it’s just a matter of raising your own awareness.  It’s not like being able to see the difference between colors of black and white but that is how opposing these two really are.

Ego (the brain) wants to rule because it knows, it knows better, it knows all and who’s going to argue, it’s gotten you this far hasn’t it?  Egotistical tells you how great you are, how much you deserve and where you should be.

Spirit (the soul) doesn’t want to rule anything, it wants to give you free will, to choose what your heart desires, to choose what nourishes and feeds your inner glory.  That’s it.

My four steps to counteracting my ego when I notice physical or emotional changes in my thoughts and energy are awareness, choice, acceptance and faith.

Awareness:  Learn to recognize how your external world affects your internal thoughts and energy, what triggers the negative and what cultivates the positive.

Choice:  You always have a choice!  The reasons you choose to tell yourself as to why you can’t do or change something is always prompted by the ego.  Choose to shut it out.  Choose to find greater understanding and awareness, it will show up because once you’ve made that choice you are now open to those answers.

Acceptance:  It’s not always easy to accept the things you cannot change but accepting that you don’t know everything all the time, that maybe some things you’re not supposed to change, sometimes you’re supposed to adapt.  Maybe the Universe has a different plan!

Faith:  When you fall into a dark place sometimes it’s hard to have faith, this is where I think acceptance is linked.  Everything happens for a reason, even things you don’t understand, the bad things too and how could there possibly be a reason for them?  The understanding comes later, sometimes years later but I think it occurs when you’ve made that shift, embraced that which you don’t understand but made it through the storm anyway.

These “Lessons of the Tao” which I became aware of, with great thanks to Dr. Wayne Dyer (1941-2015), help to keep things in perspective for me;

  • Change your thoughts and your life will change
  • There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way
  • You accomplish much by trying less
  • Trust in others to know what’s best for themselves
  • Live without attachment and be generous
  • When you have a choice to be right or to be kind, always pick kind
  • Rather than looking for miracles, see everything as a miracle in your life

the-best-teachers

 
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Posted by on September 21, 2016 in Blog

 

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Rise or Fall

What Is Your Objective?

Are you going to let the difficult times determine your value and quality of life?

Are you going to build your future on a foundation of pains from the past?

Or you going to let it inspire you to change the direction to a more positive outcome?

with-everything-that-has-happened

When you are feeling stuck which I think everyone has at one time or another (hopefully not too often) you are presented with an opportunity.  The only problem is most of the time you don’t see it as opportunity because when you’re in that place of feeling stuck there are other emotions going on that cloud your view.

The opportunity is change!  Changing your thoughts, changing your attitude, changing your outlook and ultimately changing your life direction.

When you move in the direction of positive change it alters everything in your life:

  • It starts with you and your thoughts, do they sway a little stronger one way or the other (positive or negative side)? What you tell yourself, especially from your subconscious impacts how you feel and how you feel impacts how you interact with others.
  • When your thoughts change so do your interactions with others and how you view and perceive them. Things that possibly annoyed you before begin to become not so important, not because someone else has changed but because you have.
  • When your attitude changes that changes your outlook and your world around you becomes less offensive, not because others have changed but because you have. It’s not “what you get is what you see”, it’s actually “what you see is what you get”.

I’m not going to lie, it’s hard to change your thinking around when you are coming from the place of feeling stuck.  It’s hard to find something solid to stand on so you can rise up from whatever has put you in this place but it is possible.

It takes only a quick shift of thought, that lightning moment to change the direction.  I know that when I get an idea in my head I don’t let it go until I’ve exhausted everything trying.

No one is a failure for trying something that didn’t work, not trying will do more damage to you emotionally through regret than any effort ever made that didn’t work.

Vulnerability is the only way and it’s scary to put yourself out there especially when you don’t know the answers or feel you aren’t ready or strong enough to have them heard but it is such a freeing place to be.  When you allow yourself to be vulnerable there’s nothing left to hide, nothing left to expose or exploit, that changes it into power, personal power!

Whatever caused you to feel stuck is usually not something external but something you find the answers for internally.  Circumstance is just that and circumstance cannot hinder your personal power only you can do that by thinking you are powerless to change a situation.

All situations can be challenged and possibly changed and feeling stuck is only a state of mind, one caused by your own resistance of thinking you are powerless.

Bottom line is you need to be the change you wish to see!

choosing-thoughts-habit

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2016 in Blog

 

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Energy Work: It’s messy…and totally worth it! — Daily Muse

“What are you going to do? Everything, is my guess. It will be a little messy, but embrace the mess. It will be complicated, but rejoice in the complications.”~Nora Ephron Energy Work is Messy Those who have chosen a healing path know that doing energy work is not glamorous. It’s just the opposite. It’s messy, […]

via Energy Work: It’s messy…and totally worth it! — Daily Muse

 
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Posted by on August 20, 2016 in Blog

 

Cause and Effect

When Change is Your Only Option

[ I haven’t posted any writings in the last few months as I am working on another book but recently I’ve had the thoughts below marinating in my mind and felt the need to share ]

what are you doing for others

Changes in life aren’t always planned or even known, sometimes they just occur all of a sudden and turn your world upside down, hopefully it’s a more positive experience rather than negative but what usually follows is a new ways of seeing, thinking, believing and living.

Transitioning into change isn’t always an easy road but it is naturally how the path progresses.  When you are moving from one phase of your life into the next the changes are not just what is around you, but also what is within.  Changing old habits and/or outdated ways of thinking usually manifests after you’ve either been resisting or struggling to move forward, sometimes without even realizing it.

All life evolves, that we all know and how you personally evolve depends on your choices which of course is of your free will to make but transition can be made easier if you choose to embrace it instead of resisting it (believe me, I’m not saying I’ve always done this, quite the opposite at times, but when you know better, you do better).  I’ve learned to recognize that when I am resisting transition (which I haven’t always been able to identify in the past) that I feel scattered, frustrated, blocked like I’m banging my head against a wall without fully understanding why only to later come to the realization, that “aha” moment, when things start to smooth out and make sense.  Clarity and awareness can be a beautiful thing.

Awareness in yourself is a learned experience, recognizing and reading the signs and symptoms in your own personality is an opportunity worth taking advantage of and sometimes necessary.  Rising to your own challenges will advance every aspect of your character and life but only if you are open to it.  You have to be open to it or it won’t work.

I choose to embrace the positive aspects in all areas of life, I do not like to shed light on negativity for too long because I’m very wary of feeding the wrong energy, but unfortunately sometimes (dare I say, too often) the negative happens and it needs to be looked at in order to raise awareness.

Awareness in others is also a learned experience, recognizing and listening to your inner voice.

When something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t!

Every time I have ignored my gut instinct it always comes back to bite me and that moment of realization, knowing I knew then what I’m learning now feels worse for me because I know I purposely didn’t listen.

I’ve seen a few too many in the last little while of those I care about that are taken advantage of because of their kindness and trust.  Too often when your gut tells you something is wrong you silence it, not always because you think you know better but because within the frame of kindness is the benefit of the doubt.  The benefit of doubt is given out of trust and those who do not have good intentions will manipulate and thrive on that because they are not serving a higher purpose, they are serving only themselves.

  • How does one learn to differentiate between the good and bad?
  • How does one learn to trust their instincts after falling victim to such toxicity and ill will?
  • How does one learn to trust others again?
  • Does the benefit of the doubt ever come back to you?

I think these are the questions you end up asking yourself over and over and over again when an event changes your life abruptly.

I wish there was a quick fix, a way to go back, a way to erase the damage, unfortunately there is not.  The quotes always say you have two options, you rise again or you let it define you, but I don’t know if I agree with that.

I believe there is one option, you rise again, become stronger!

The past cannot be changed, there is absolutely no way you can go back and re-write the story, there is no benefit to re-living it over and over in your mind, you are only torturing yourself. 

There is a process though and the only way to get through a storm is to brave it and fight your way through.  In order to move forward you have to feel the range of emotions as they come and let the wound heal in the time it needs to do so.

The lesson learned, the awareness gained will be that you refuse to give up your personal power to anyone again.  It’s not about forgiving someone else, someone who may or may not be sorry, it’s about forgiving yourself for gracing someone with your kindness and trust when they weren’t worthy of it.

The only thing you can do is make peace with it so you don’t re-live it every day in your present or into your future.  As terrible as an experience is, was or feels, the effects of the experience changes you and how that change manifests within is up to you.

Be a warrior for you!

mirror, mirror

 
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Posted by on June 11, 2016 in Blog

 

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I Don’t Care What You Think!

Feeling Vulnerable Without Fear

Sometimes the protective coat of armor doesn’t cover the fear created within the mind.  I think when you’re young, you are most susceptible and vulnerable to the outside influence and/or opinion of others.  So much so that the slightest comment can feel like a horrible criticism directed at you to make you feel inadequate.  I know because I’ve felt that and maybe those that have made the comment may not have realized the magnitude in which they’ve affected me and maybe those that have made the comment meant nothing negative but I just took it that way.  I think that only time, maturity, personal growth and the always “under construction” parts of your “self” as in esteem, worth and confidence is the key to finally breaking away and feeling vulnerable without fear.

tongue has no bones

Growing into the reserves of strength I know we all have is a difficult road and maintaining confidence through your steps and missteps is a challenge in itself.  However you choose to help yourself along through the emotional conflict you’re likely to experience I think that as long as you continue to try to be better than you were the day before then you are progressing, even if it doesn’t feel like it.  I don’t think any of us realize how much inner strength there is to tap into and how much adversity we actually have the ability to withstand.  Until you are really tested, you just don’t know.

Recognizing how far you’ve come from where you were is something you can look back at after some time to mark in your mind and heart of your progress.  Any progress in a positive direction is something to be acknowledged and celebrated because you could have gone in a negative direction and that would have benefited no one.

Everyone wants to be seen and heard and not for any kind of ego boost but because it is a big part of connecting with others, the part that lets you know you matter and the part that lets you know they care.  It doesn’t take a large amount of energy to be compassionate or kind towards others and it will cost you nothing.

So how do you get to the point of saying “I don’t care what you think”?  It’s not really as derogatory as it sounds more like I’ve grown into myself enough to know that what others think of me doesn’t define me, doesn’t make me more or less of a person and isn’t going to change who I am.  It’s not a challenging attitude but rather a more “self” reflected and strengthened version, humbled and content enough to quiet the thoughts of doubt.

I think too often the focus is worrying about how others will perceive and whether or not they will like you, the bigger question is, “do you like yourself”?  If your answer is yes, there is nothing left for you to worry about, you are enough and those that matter will recognize that.  If your answer is no, then I believe self-reflection is the beginning, at some point in your life you had to have liked yourself, find your way back there and re-build from that point.

the roar of freedom

Vulnerability lies in many corners of the heart and mind and at a moment’s notice it can change your nice quiet, calm and contented self into a scared little child.  Of course there are variations of that fear and I think many of us don’t get as far as the scared little child but you get the idea.  Fear and vulnerability or fear of vulnerability, however you want to link the two, they are usually connected in some way.

FEAR:             to be afraid of (something of someone)

                        to expect or worry about (something bad or unpleasant)

                        to be afraid and worried

 

VULNERABILITY:     easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally or emotionally

                                    open to attack, harm or damage

I think both of these definitions are valid reasons for not wanting to leave yourself open to fear or vulnerability but while you may be protecting yourself from others and the possibility of something negative.  You are also protecting yourself from others and the possibility of something positive.

While you may feel protected and comfortable within the walls you build to protect your heart you are also keeping everything else out.  The most magical things happen outside your comfort zone!

stepping into your greatness

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2016 in Blog

 

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Your Destiny Awaits!!

Who Do You Want To Be?

After an extended holiday break I’ve had lots of time to relax and recharge my thoughts and of course with a new year comes new ideas, resolutions and personal promises but I think the burning question is “who do I want to be?”

Life isn’t just about me and it isn’t just about others, it is the harmonious and meaningful balance between the two that help develop the best version of yourself.

It’s not about what you have done or attained, I think it’s more about what you’ve overcome or changed to ensure a more awareness enhanced life that benefits not only you but those around you.  Getting in touch with the “real you”, your core, is actually quite easy because your instincts/intuition is always plugged in, it’s just a matter of letting that inner voice be heard.  What does your soul tell you, what does your heart want and are you listening to them at all?  Are you being true to yourself for yourself and not for others, that is where the true happiness and inner peace comes from, its internal, not external.

who do you want to be

What is deemed important for you by others is not necessarily what is best for you and learning to heed the warnings and understand the signals are what will keep you self-aware and grounded.  Your best self is the one you don’t have to pretend to be, what you present in all naturalness is your most authentic and usually what others are most drawn to.  When you are unauthentic or trying to suppress the “real you” because you think others won’t like you then not only are you not giving yourself a chance but you aren’t giving others a chance and everyone loses.

Authentic is the “real you”, being yourself gives others the chance to know your heart, your soul, your passion and your many other qualities.  When you are truly authentic you are completely in check with humility, gratitude and inspiration, all the beautiful qualities that create the moments to cherish and the opportunities that flourish.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best:

To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 – 1882) American Essayist & Poet

Now that is success!  If you achieve one you’ve succeeded, if you achieve more than one, that is twice blessed, more to aspire to and more to be proud of.  An enormous amount of personal gratitude comes with personal successes like these not because of any sort of adoration or recognition that may accompany it but because of the personal rewards from seeing others truly happy, knowing you were a part of it.  Gratitude for having been given the opportunity not because you are looking to tip the scales of karma in your favor but simply because you can, because you are able to.

There is a bigger meaning to life and I think all of us at one time or another get lost in the hectic and forget the blessings in our own lives not because of a lack of gratitude but because the distractions in life become so over-stressed.  Humility becomes familiar again when things slow down and you have a moment to look around and reflect, to realize how quickly things could change and how easily that might shift your emotions.  It is only through compassion and empathy when you see others down on their luck that you realize that could be you and if it were would you handle it as respectfully as some people do?  Would you fall apart and blame others and/or life or would you get back up, dust yourself off and try again?  Strength of character runs high in those that refuse to give up their tenacity, ambition or integrity.

Alternatively when you see others that are high on the success scale, those who seem to have it all but are also very grounded and happy.  Does it motivate or inspire you to also seek higher goals for yourself, to emulate and/or aspire to be like another, not because you want to be that person but because the qualities and personality as a result of that inner peace and connection is magnetic and you too want to feel that happiness.

You always hear that when people get to the end of their lives they start reflecting and thinking about the beginning, times that they regret and wish they had made better choices or taken different paths.  While I always think it’s great to reflect and even better not to have regrets the important aspect of it all is the learning and I say “why wait, start asking yourself these questions now, the earlier the better”.

Your Destiny Awaits!!

Who Do You Want to Be?

Click the link below for some light inspiration🙂

Dance with Me Tonight; Tim Halperin

 
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Posted by on January 30, 2016 in Blog

 

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Trust

Affects All Parts of Your Self

I happened to catch a show on the OWN Network the other night with a couple of key note speakers discussing the topic of Trust.  I always like to hear different perspectives and thought processes on any topic because it always makes me think and sometimes challenges my own perceptions.

Everyone has a different opinion and perspective and even if it doesn’t match mine at times I think it’s important to at least honour their feelings.

Trust is built in very small moments – Brene Brown.

If you think the littlest of gestures are insignificant, think again because they build that grander scale of trust.  It takes a longer time to build then it does to destroy it.

I’ve included the definition of both trust and distrust as described by Charles Feltman because like Brene Brown, I think it’s close to the best one I’ve heard.

  • Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.
  • Distrust is what I have shared with you that is important to me but is not safe with you.

I absolutely had to include the acronym as created by Brene Brown regarding the “Anatomy of Trust”, because it seems to me to be the best description and aspects of all relationships.

Brene Brown’s acronym for trust is BRAVING, when we trust we are braving connection with someone.

B – Boundaries; I trust you, if you are clear about your boundaries and you hold them and you’re clear about my boundaries and you respect them.  There is no trust without boundaries.

R – Reliability; I can only trust you if you do what you say you’re going to do and not just once.

A – Accountability; I can only trust you if when you make a mistake you are willing to own it, apologize for it and make amends.  I can only trust you if when I make a mistake I am allowed to own it, apologize and make amends.

V – Vault; what I share with you, you will hold in confidence, what you share with me I will hold in confidence.

I – Integrity; I cannot trust you and be in a trusting relationship if you do not act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.

N – Non-judgement; I can fall apart ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by you and you can fall apart ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by me.

G – Generosity; a relationship is only a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous thing about my words, intentions and behaviours and then check in with me.

In my opinion, this acronym encompasses everything that is important for trusting to be successful, if you have doubts in any area of the descriptions from the acronym then maybe further introspection would be of benefit for you.  Everyone has their own ways and I wouldn’t say that there is only one right way but I do know that everyone knows in their gut when something is off so pay attention to that as it will be your greatest guide.

Knowing yourself and how things make you feel is the best way to know how your level of trust with someone is doing.  When trust is damaged it has you questioning not only the one you are in trust with but yourself, you end up going through the usual conversations with self “how could I have been so stupid” or “why did I not see that coming”.  As a result not only is the relationship damaged but your own self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence.  It’s amazing how much damage that can be done in a moment when the thought of another is not held to the high standard it should be because trust is very important.

I just had such an affinity for the conversation because the integrity of trust is such a huge part of all relationships, more than I think many realize.  It’s always said that it’s the little things that matter and this is very true within trust because in the little moments you learn about others, develop, build and evolve the relationship.  You get the true moments and of course with it the openness and vulnerability.  It’s important to be very aware of the vulnerability in others, I think especially so you can always strive to be a better person, one that knows compassion and empathy and wants to bring it into relationships as an enhancement for the connection.

disappointments

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2015 in Blog

 

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