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Trust

Affects All Parts of Your Self

I happened to catch a show on the OWN Network the other night with a couple of key note speakers discussing the topic of Trust.  I always like to hear different perspectives and thought processes on any topic because it always makes me think and sometimes challenges my own perceptions.

Everyone has a different opinion and perspective and even if it doesn’t match mine at times I think it’s important to at least honour their feelings.

Trust is built in very small moments – Brene Brown.

If you think the littlest of gestures are insignificant, think again because they build that grander scale of trust.  It takes a longer time to build then it does to destroy it.

I’ve included the definition of both trust and distrust as described by Charles Feltman because like Brene Brown, I think it’s close to the best one I’ve heard.

  • Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.
  • Distrust is what I have shared with you that is important to me but is not safe with you.

I absolutely had to include the acronym as created by Brene Brown regarding the “Anatomy of Trust”, because it seems to me to be the best description and aspects of all relationships.

Brene Brown’s acronym for trust is BRAVING, when we trust we are braving connection with someone.

B – Boundaries; I trust you, if you are clear about your boundaries and you hold them and you’re clear about my boundaries and you respect them.  There is no trust without boundaries.

R – Reliability; I can only trust you if you do what you say you’re going to do and not just once.

A – Accountability; I can only trust you if when you make a mistake you are willing to own it, apologize for it and make amends.  I can only trust you if when I make a mistake I am allowed to own it, apologize and make amends.

V – Vault; what I share with you, you will hold in confidence, what you share with me I will hold in confidence.

I – Integrity; I cannot trust you and be in a trusting relationship if you do not act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.

N – Non-judgement; I can fall apart ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by you and you can fall apart ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by me.

G – Generosity; a relationship is only a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous thing about my words, intentions and behaviours and then check in with me.

In my opinion, this acronym encompasses everything that is important for trusting to be successful, if you have doubts in any area of the descriptions from the acronym then maybe further introspection would be of benefit for you.  Everyone has their own ways and I wouldn’t say that there is only one right way but I do know that everyone knows in their gut when something is off so pay attention to that as it will be your greatest guide.

Knowing yourself and how things make you feel is the best way to know how your level of trust with someone is doing.  When trust is damaged it has you questioning not only the one you are in trust with but yourself, you end up going through the usual conversations with self “how could I have been so stupid” or “why did I not see that coming”.  As a result not only is the relationship damaged but your own self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence.  It’s amazing how much damage that can be done in a moment when the thought of another is not held to the high standard it should be because trust is very important.

I just had such an affinity for the conversation because the integrity of trust is such a huge part of all relationships, more than I think many realize.  It’s always said that it’s the little things that matter and this is very true within trust because in the little moments you learn about others, develop, build and evolve the relationship.  You get the true moments and of course with it the openness and vulnerability.  It’s important to be very aware of the vulnerability in others, I think especially so you can always strive to be a better person, one that knows compassion and empathy and wants to bring it into relationships as an enhancement for the connection.

disappointments

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2015 in Blog

 

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You Must Be The Change You Wish To See!

All Gestures Matter

Change doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you.  When change occurs try to accept and embrace that it’s the catalyst to propel you in a different and better direction.  Having appreciation at that moment can be difficult but knowing within that everything works out as it’s meant to for the betterment of you and those around you is the silent blessing.  Sometimes certain changes push us into directions we ought to have found ourselves but are too preoccupied or unaware to see.  Taking your own form of a “time out” to become aware of the benefits behind your changes whether they are apparent at the time or not is a great way to ground and humble yourself.

Recognizing and having gratitude for the basics that you live with every day is a good way to keep yourself in check, it’s easy to forget and/or take for granted that they are in fact luxuries.  There are many people that can’t perform the basic tasks simply because they have limitations and most of them are grateful for what they can do, are you?  It starts with the little things, the little gestures, and this is no different, on the smaller scale if you want to see more people offering a moment of kindness to strangers, then start offering it to strangers yourself.  You must be the change you wish to see!

present moment

It doesn’t matter what end of the scale you are on the concept is all the same and when you start paying attention to the smaller things and having appreciation for them, the bigger things change from wants and needs to “it would be great if it happened but I appreciate what I have” because your level of gratitude has been elevated.  As a result more of what is in alignment with your state of gratitude shows up in your life and while it may appear to feel like luck it’s actually just more of what you are starting to gravitate toward and embrace.

An attitude of gratitude tends to shift your perception which as a result changes your reality and the way you connect with those around you.  We are all universally connected to one another but don’t always realize it because there is so much else going on around us, in our lives and in the world.

It doesn’t matter what you call it (God, source, a higher power, the universe) the essence of that which connects us all to each other is very real, even though we don’t always sense and/or feel every other person’s emotions they are there and usually just under the surface.  I think we feel and notice more when something on a global scale or more intense level brings that sense of human emotion to the forefront.

Connecting with others is the true essence of authenticity because it binds you in such unspeakable ways you can’t even explain, you just feel it.  These are the golden connections and are as rare as they are pure, the ones where you almost don’t have to say anything but feel an abundance of love through the connection.  It touches your soul so deeply that you feel as one and not because you’ve blended together but because these unexpressed or guarded emotions which are rarely on open display are sitting just below the surface waiting for the right person to inspire them out.

The more I see these kinds of conversations and changes going on around me and in the world, the more I believe in the value and promise of positive change.

There is no shortage of inspiration for being the changes you wish to see, everyone inherently wants to connect with others, that’s what we are all here for, to make connection.  Things get skewed and foggy when presented with the opportunity at times and I think that’s because vulnerability, a large level of openness is required to make the real difference.  It is a scary step to take because of fear, fear of feeling too exposed, too open and too available for criticism.kiefer-sutherland-kiefer-sutherland-the-most-significant-piece-of

Real changes, real opportunities and real moments happen outside of your comfort zone, take a step out there and give it a try, you won’t regret it.

You must be the change you wish to see!

I think what is authentic about this statement I found quoted by Kiefer Sutherland is that I believe it applies to all aspects of life and not just acting which is what he is referencing.  My take from it is that when you “believe in the moment” it is when you are being your most authentic, with authenticity comes a sense of truth.  When you are being genuine with others it is felt, recognized and appreciated and as a result reciprocated.  When you trade the protective walls of personal security for authenticity you increase the opportunity for connection and I believe “being the change you wish to see”.

 
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Posted by on December 6, 2015 in Blog

 

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The Point of Impact!

Don’t Let an Emotional Hurt Define Your Life

Faith and reason sometimes aren’t enough to pull you out of the cage in your mind you’ve trapped yourself in from an emotional hurt even if you have the intellect of knowing better.  The worst thing you can do for yourself is to bottle it up and not let it go.  No matter how much you try to stuff it down, it’s going to continue to bubble back up to the surface until you dare to feel, process and let it go.  Finding the root, the point of impact that has stunted your own progress and growth in life is the only way to truly find your peace.I'm alright

Sometimes it’s easier to replace your hurt with anger because then you don’t have to feel the pain even though you probably still are.  Unfortunately that won’t diminish it or make it go away, it will continue to grow until you find the courage to face it head on.   When another person, whether it is friend, family or stranger causes you to feel bad about yourself it injures your confidence, self-esteem and self-worth.  Your personal connection to that person will be dependent upon how deeply it will affect you.

Friends aren’t your blood relatives but can feel just as close, sometimes closer and I don’t think it matters how much you value their opinion but rather how much of your heart, trust and loyalty you’ve placed in their hands.

Family are your past, your present and your future, how much you evolve and blossom is dependent upon the love and support they offer.  I’ve been lucky enough to have such strong love and support from family, even during the times when I was not receptive to it, you know like when you’re a teenager and think you know it all?

When your confidence, self-esteem or self-worth gets injured it changes you, it changes how you present yourself, how you connect and relate with others and how others perceive you.  What I believe is the worst part is that the change in you as a result of the emotional injury prevents others from getting to know you authentically because you end up withdrawing, building walls and distancing yourself as a way of blocking such an injury again.  New people in your life that could potentially become friends notice and feel that something is off which pops up as “red flags”, that something just isn’t right and depending on how interested or invested they are, they may just walk away.  Who loses here?  I would say both, chances are you aren’t happy if you’re not being your authentic self and that person doesn’t get to know the “real you”.

Unfortunately an emotional hurt can run deep and when not dealt with you may start projecting negativity towards others as a way of offsetting the hurt, which turns everyone away and if you hang onto it for too long it will start to manifest as more serious warnings in your health.  Negativity is like a virus and at first it will be symptoms that doctors can’t find answers to because the only prescription for health is within you, you must face and embrace the pain.

I believe we are all seeking the same in life; love, acceptance, connection and compassionate familiarity.  I base how I treat others on how I want to be treated and while everyone may not behave or react in that same way, it’s not a reflection of how they feel about me but rather how they feel about themselves.  While that may not make things easier to take I think with time it makes things easier to understand.

Being present to the feelings of others enhances and strengthens your connection with them, it allows them to feel safe to be authentic and vulnerable.  When you embark upon this kind of connection with someone, know that you’re in the presence of a kindred spirit.

important encounters

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2015 in Blog

 

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Change is a Gift

Let it Be

Change is inevitable, how you view change is ultimately going to define your state of being, happiness and outlook on life.  Not every change is welcome but every change is necessary because without it you won’t progress or have the opportunity to evolve your level of consciousness.  It is through change that you become more defined or shall I say more refined but you will end up becoming more connected to your world and those in it which is definitely a gift.

I don’t know if there is some cosmic shift going on or not right now, I know the astrology forecasts are always talking about specific shifts but I feel that some kind of change is in the air even though I can’t quite figure out exactly what it is, it feels positive though and hopeful and I sense it will be fulfilling.

The shift itself feels similar to how you feel when you are coming out on the end of some sort of emotional process that you had to work through like that of failure, disappointment or heartbreak because these kinds of experiences change you in ways you wouldn’t have expected, they seem to cause a deep stir in the make-up of who you are.

How do you make it through the transition of tough and emotional experiences like failure, disappointment or heartbreak; are you letting these experiences define you or are you defying the odds you feel are against you to overcome them?  Probably the most soul-crushing experiences because they ultimately alter who you were and from there who you are to become and while the words “growth period” is usually what is used to describe these kinds of experiences it doesn’t ease the challenges or hurt any less.you get to choose

Finding the light at the end of that “oh so long” tunnel sometimes seems non-existent and that is because you are so enmeshed in the grief period that the other side is unseen and unimaginable.  Growth periods take time, patience and your personal understanding in realizing that there isn’t anything wrong with you even though you may feel broken.  Jane Fonda described this particular experience as “not being broken but rather broken open” which I think is the best description because when you are broken open you are fully exposed, fully vulnerable and fully open because there is nothing left to damage and nothing left to give.

This is the key moment to change that is now to become a part of your path, because you have been stripped bare and are open there is no resistance left, there is now room for new and positive experiences to enter your life.  I think how you view each of these experiences is ultimately going to be your guiding force to get you back into your life and feel positive and hopeful about your future.

Sometimes the presence of emotions over failure, disappointment or heartbreak is not existent during a major time of transition but I think the process in getting through it is similar in that you aren’t really sure of what you are doing or where you are going but the need for some kind of change feels imminent.  Balancing a sense of peace and patience (knowing that things will work out in a positive way) when things feel a little scattered or misdirected will be what grounds you.

Failure:  I’ve always been hard on myself and viewed my own personal failure as a huge sign of defeat but in the last 5-10 years I’ve taken on a different view.  I no longer believe it to be failure, instead I’ve come to the understanding that the word failure is the word I had interjected into my experiences because my faith that “everything happens for a reason” and “all things happen as they are meant to” conflict, my faith and failure cannot logically co-exist.  If all things happen as they are meant to then how could it possibly be failure, it would have to be an intended outcome, which I do believe it is.  It is the ego that constantly tries to override the soul and the emotions that our soul relates to us are our signals that the ego is trying to gain control.

Disappointment & Heartbreak:  I think these two are the more heartfelt emotions because they are usually connected to your hopes and dreams.  Everyone gets caught up at one time or another in the fairy tale idealism and why not, there’s a wisp of it in almost everything within our view through magazine, television, books, etc.  I think problems start to arise when the ego tries to control who and what is going on, and of course to make people, places and things that are currently in your life fit into your soul’s hopes and dreams.  As a result disappointment and heartbreak happen because this is not something that is guided by the ego but rather felt by the soul, you can’t rush or fit it.

I really believe that “everything happens for a reason”, I really believe that “all things happen as they are meant to” and I really believe that when the time is right all of that falls into place and not a moment too soon.

Without gratitude for where you are now how could you ever get any further without struggle or resistance while trying to rush the future?  It’s all about allowing your soul to speak, enjoying the moments in between and appreciating what you have in the now.

the experience of gratitude

 
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Posted by on November 2, 2015 in Blog

 

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Are You Listening to Me?

Let Your Soul Speak

Emotional growth and awareness is your personal manifestation of really listening to what your soul is trying to tell you. When you finally get in touch and/or alignment with your higher self you will find that the Universe responds in ways unknown to reality. Things begin to happen, move, progress in ways that are unexplainable but tangible to your life and spirit. It is only through this connection with your awareness which your true spirit inside inherently knows that you will begin to see miracles occur. Miracles unexplainable by anyone other than your inner spirit and the Universe, it is your acceptance of this inner peace and trust for “what will be, will be”. When you embrace that state wholeheartedly knowing that the Universe has a plan for you that is ultimately for your benefit, it is during that time of vulnerable trust that beautiful things can happen.

Your emotions are messages from your soul – Gary Zukav

Think about this for a minute and reflect with your own, we all have crazy emotions at times, I know mine can get away from me, overthinking things bigger than they are which just makes the emotion grow and of course making things seem worse. So if your emotions are messages from your soul, what are yours trying to tell you?

The only way to understand and learn from your emotions is to get in touch (connect) with where they are coming from, your soul. I don’t know why but at times it’s difficult to connect with your soul because life just overpowers it with all sorts of “get busy now” tasks that you rush around to complete just so you can finally take that moment for yourself, but it never happens does it? I know my life feels so busy that I think if I can just get all these things done I can have that moment and it never comes because it’s about creating the space for that moment instead of trying to fit it in.

I believe that statement from Gary Zukav that our emotions are trying to connect, I know mine are constantly trying to distract and deter me from my daily rituals so I can find the time to get in touch with the areas that I neglect and that really need my attention. It is your inner spirit, your soul, that feeds and nourishes your mind, body and spirit and when you get disconnected all sorts of havoc occurs. Your personal well-being suffers the most because it’s the most external (even though internal) and prominent way to get your attention, I know I never think of the neglect because I’m so engrossed in my stuff that the realization doesn’t occur to me. Obviously this doesn’t mean that real issues going on are just magically cleared up because you’ve connected with your soul but I do think that it will change the viewpoint you have, enough to allow you a better peace of mind with the situations that are difficult.  It’s so hard not to get caught up in trying to pursue that “better life” that sits at the end of that rainbow, the “if only” I get all this done then I can rest but that rest (that connection) is more important that you may realize. I myself am going to make my own personal resolution to start by taking 5 uninterrupted minutes of the day where I don’t think of anything that is needed from me that I have to do because it’s just as important for me as it is for you. It doesn’t matter what you do in those 5 minutes as long as you are allowing your silence to speak.

When you take these moments for yourself the bustle that you’ve been putting yourself through suddenly loses its momentum and as you continue to take these uninterrupted moments you will find that within that quiet time you find more answers and those answers reduce the hectic schedule because it becomes like a moment of brainstorm. The answers you strive to seek are there “in the stillness” and those answers not only diminish the bustle but lead you in a different direction, one that is much more beneficial for your soul.

Creating those moments helps you find your soul, your true self and your inner awareness and wisdom and from all of those I believe will lead you to your purpose and your higher calling. That discovery is the beginning of an ease and peace of mind, state and soul that allows your spirit to soar.

solitude

 
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Posted by on October 14, 2015 in Blog

 

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Change the Way You Look at Things

The Things you Look at Change!

I know I’ve written about this very topic before but sometimes reminders are necessary, especially for me. When you get too involved in an emotion you end up creating the outcome of least desire whether you realize it or not. Law of attraction says what you think about most is what grows, so even if it’s something you don’t want when you give it more of your energy you end up keeping it alive and feeding it which helps it continue to grow and be a daily part of your life.

I do this at times and even though I realize I am feeding the wrong emotion and desired outcome sometimes it’s hard to turn it off. When you have an issue that weighs on your mind I think it’s natural to think about it more than needed and sometimes overthink it which brings about more of what you don’t want.

Do you ever end up over-analyzing, over-thinking, over-obsessing about all the wrong things only to realize in the end that your worry seemed to magnify your issues more than anything else? Does all that you were worrying about ever manifest the way you envision it? Most of the time it ends up being useless worrying that has caused the extra stress, usually everything works out ok and the thing that was stressing you out the most was you.if-you-change-the-way-you-look-at-things-wayne-dyer

It’s so important for me and you (if you get stuck like this) to change the way you are looking at things because I can guarantee you every time I’ve done that it’s actually changed the way things are. Not for any other reason than the fact that I’ve removed the energy I’m giving to what I don’t want and putting it in the direction of what is better for me.

Get out of your own way by changing the way you are looking at things so that your life can start to fall into the places it’s meant to be. When you do this you will be amazed at how things change, it allows the things that were of such bother to you to drop in importance reducing what you don’t want and increasing the more positive aspects of your life so they can flourish as they are supposed to.

I know this sounds like it’s not really possible, especially if you have some huge issues going on but really when you take away the energy and time you put into the things you don’t want they start to diminish, maybe not immediately but over time (and I don’t mean years). In addition to the outward effect when you remove your energy from what you don’t want, you start to feel lighter and happier because not only was your energy feeding that negativity but it was draining you as well.

Freeing up the space of positive possibilities attracts more of the options you desire because as you move into a better space of thought you become more aligned with the Universe and your personal power and that is the energy you want to feed and grow.

It is only when you are in alignment with all things positive that your life will start to gravitate in the direction you desire. Learning to be aware of your thoughts and feelings so you can identify when you step onto the path of negative thinking will be a strong ally on your road of life and one you shouldn’t do without.

Always remember YOU are in control on what you think and what you feel, you can change both whenever you want simply by shifting what you are giving energy to with your focus. You can change anything aspect of your life you want simply by deciding to and at any moment. The questions you have to ask yourself are;

  • Are you willing to walk away from the darkness that hides your negative moments?

and

  • Are you ready to step into the light that catapults you to your positive life?

If you’ve truthfully, deep down in your soul answered yes to both than you’ve taken the first simple step, the decision. That’s usually the hardest part to address because while everyone wants to be happy, not all are ready to accept it without skepticism or questions.

It’s a charmed life, be open, ready and grateful to live it?

more life to live

 
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Posted by on September 30, 2015 in Blog

 

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Soul to Soul

It’s the Energy You Bring

The true magic in all relationships is connecting and how that occurs isn’t really important, as long as it does.

Being aware of your energy is a responsibility, not only does it affect those you interact with but it affects you personally and how you view yourself and the world.wayne dyer, raise yourself

The energy you bring starts within and honestly my opinion is that your own energy raises not only your level of happiness but others as well. Happiness within begins with enjoying your world, living for yourself, and I don’t mean in the self-serving way but in the way that you fill your own cup and as your energy rises that cup overflows and pours that beautiful energy into the lives of others.

All things are energy, most all of us use other energy sources in an effort to lift spirits when feeling low and/or depleted. Energy sources like music, gardening, painting, writing, cooking, walking, soaking up the sun, the list can go on and on but what these energy sources provide you with is the opportunity to raise your spirit, your energy and your vibration.

When you raise all those levels you begin to align yourself with your greatest potentials and that is when the dreams you thought were just dreams become realities. The challenge is maintaining those levels because let’s face it sometimes life throws you curveballs and sometimes it doesn’t feel like you’re going to be able to recover.

It takes only the tiniest moment of inspiration to motivate you back up and your best resource is to get back in touch with whichever energy source it is that elevates your happiness. You need to do that not only for yourself but for those in your life that are in your space of energy.

My energy levels can get motivation from a few sources, my favorite is anything athletic, team or one player sport because it’s not just about raising my energy but inspiring others to get in the game too. I love it when I succeed as well as watching others succeed, a perfectly executed play in any sport is inspiring. Athletic competition isn’t just about the winning aspect, although don’t get me wrong, that is fun and I do enjoy it but most of the time I am more in competition with myself. It’s not just about getting the job done it’s about getting it done to the best of my ability and always trying to beat that, and the camaraderie is infectious. There is so much satisfaction to be gained from bettering yourself in any area of your life and what you end up doing is putting an endless spin on your personal wheel of motivation and inspiration.

One thing that you always hear from those that have aligned with their higher level of energy is that the work in that state of being doesn’t feel like work and that is because when you get yourself into alignment, things just click, they fall into place and it leaves you wondering why you didn’t go their earlier.

Best energy by far was that of my favorite author, motivational speaker, Dr. Wayne Dyer.

I was saddened a couple weeks ago to hear the news of Wayne Dyer’s passing on August 30th, he was my greatest inspiration and the very definition of the energy you bring into your relations with others and how important it is for you to ask yourself the more meaningful questions about life.

Do you want to just exist or do you want to live and breathe life to its fullest? Living life to its fullest includes getting in touch with anything and everything that inspires and motivates your happiness within and in case you were wondering it will also lead you to your purpose, your very reason for being and that will provide you with more happiness than you can ever imagine.

wayne dyer, alignment

 
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Posted by on September 16, 2015 in Blog

 

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