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Tag Archives: self-esteem

You Want Something?

16 Mar

Then Go Get It!

In order to get something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done!  If there is something you want in life just wishing it was so isn’t enough.  You have to take action and do the work to attain it no matter how daunting things may seem at times.  Keep the faith, it’s usually the moment you decide to give up is right before the moment your dreams are to become a reality.

I know at times getting knocked down can be really discouraging but those are the times when you are truly being tested.  It is the time when your determination must be greater than your doubt, your passion too strong to allow for any other outcome.  Anything worth having, anything placed in your soul and your heart is worth fighting for even in the face of challenge.

Encouragement or discouragement can be the breaking point if you let it especially when time and patience are a requirement for your dream.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you what is not possible for you!  If you have a goal, a dream and you feel that when you share it with others they try to derail your plans and say it’s impossible then the solution is simple, only share your dreams with those who love and support your vision.  You need people around who motivate you not to give up, who remind you that you can do it, who dive into your vision with you and experience the glory of imagination and dream.

It doesn’t matter if you or anyone else may think on some level of “reality” that what you want is a pipe dream because I can assure you nothing is impossible for you!  The only time it becomes impossible is when you start to believe the naysayers, when you let the seeds of doubt creep in.  As long as you have passion to chase it with everything in you then impossible turns into I’m possible.

The world has become abundant with “instant gratification” in so many ways which has both good and bad sides to it.  I guess the upside is that you get something you want right away and you don’t have to wait but then how much do you value it, does it become a prized possession?  Likely not because prized possessions are usually something that you put blood, sweat and tears into which is why you cherish them.

So then the downside would be that you don’t appreciate what you’ve attained because it was too easy to get.  When you really have to work hard and wait for a dream to manifest you have no choice but to build your patience, for those of you that struggle with patience, like me, that is a task in itself.  When you do start to see things come to fruition it builds so much more; self-worth, self-esteem, pride, confidence, belief in yourself, inner strength and the list goes on.

When you’ve reached a goal or dream you tend to want to hold onto it more and not let it go, not gripping too tightly but in a treasured kind of way.  It becomes your personal badge of honor on your soul, not for others to be impressed by you but for you to feel proud of the commitment you nurtured into your reality.

If you feel there is something more you desire and you want more passion and purpose in your life start with where your heart goes when you let your mind wander.  The solutions lie within the stillness of your mind, in the quiet moments you hear the answers to your most pertinent questions.  You were not born to live a mediocre life, you are destined to live your best life!

Find your passion and it will lead you to your purpose!

 

 
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Posted by on March 16, 2018 in Blog

 

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Trust

15 Dec

Affects All Parts of Your Self

I happened to catch a show on the OWN Network the other night with a couple of key note speakers discussing the topic of Trust.  I always like to hear different perspectives and thought processes on any topic because it always makes me think and sometimes challenges my own perceptions.

Everyone has a different opinion and perspective and even if it doesn’t match mine at times I think it’s important to at least honour their feelings.

Trust is built in very small moments – Brene Brown.

If you think the littlest of gestures are insignificant, think again because they build that grander scale of trust.  It takes a longer time to build then it does to destroy it.

I’ve included the definition of both trust and distrust as described by Charles Feltman because like Brene Brown, I think it’s close to the best one I’ve heard.

  • Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.
  • Distrust is what I have shared with you that is important to me but is not safe with you.

I absolutely had to include the acronym as created by Brene Brown regarding the “Anatomy of Trust”, because it seems to me to be the best description and aspects of all relationships.

Brene Brown’s acronym for trust is BRAVING, when we trust we are braving connection with someone.

B – Boundaries; I trust you, if you are clear about your boundaries and you hold them and you’re clear about my boundaries and you respect them.  There is no trust without boundaries.

R – Reliability; I can only trust you if you do what you say you’re going to do and not just once.

A – Accountability; I can only trust you if when you make a mistake you are willing to own it, apologize for it and make amends.  I can only trust you if when I make a mistake I am allowed to own it, apologize and make amends.

V – Vault; what I share with you, you will hold in confidence, what you share with me I will hold in confidence.

I – Integrity; I cannot trust you and be in a trusting relationship if you do not act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.

N – Non-judgement; I can fall apart ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by you and you can fall apart ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by me.

G – Generosity; a relationship is only a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous thing about my words, intentions and behaviours and then check in with me.

In my opinion, this acronym encompasses everything that is important for trusting to be successful, if you have doubts in any area of the descriptions from the acronym then maybe further introspection would be of benefit for you.  Everyone has their own ways and I wouldn’t say that there is only one right way but I do know that everyone knows in their gut when something is off so pay attention to that as it will be your greatest guide.

Knowing yourself and how things make you feel is the best way to know how your level of trust with someone is doing.  When trust is damaged it has you questioning not only the one you are in trust with but yourself, you end up going through the usual conversations with self “how could I have been so stupid” or “why did I not see that coming”.  As a result not only is the relationship damaged but your own self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence.  It’s amazing how much damage that can be done in a moment when the thought of another is not held to the high standard it should be because trust is very important.

I just had such an affinity for the conversation because the integrity of trust is such a huge part of all relationships, more than I think many realize.  It’s always said that it’s the little things that matter and this is very true within trust because in the little moments you learn about others, develop, build and evolve the relationship.  You get the true moments and of course with it the openness and vulnerability.  It’s important to be very aware of the vulnerability in others, I think especially so you can always strive to be a better person, one that knows compassion and empathy and wants to bring it into relationships as an enhancement for the connection.

disappointments

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2015 in Blog

 

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The Point of Impact!

30 Nov

Don’t Let an Emotional Hurt Define Your Life

Faith and reason sometimes aren’t enough to pull you out of the cage in your mind you’ve trapped yourself in from an emotional hurt even if you have the intellect of knowing better.  The worst thing you can do for yourself is to bottle it up and not let it go.  No matter how much you try to stuff it down, it’s going to continue to bubble back up to the surface until you dare to feel, process and let it go.  Finding the root, the point of impact that has stunted your own progress and growth in life is the only way to truly find your peace.I'm alright

Sometimes it’s easier to replace your hurt with anger because then you don’t have to feel the pain even though you probably still are.  Unfortunately that won’t diminish it or make it go away, it will continue to grow until you find the courage to face it head on.   When another person, whether it is friend, family or stranger causes you to feel bad about yourself it injures your confidence, self-esteem and self-worth.  Your personal connection to that person will be dependent upon how deeply it will affect you.

Friends aren’t your blood relatives but can feel just as close, sometimes closer and I don’t think it matters how much you value their opinion but rather how much of your heart, trust and loyalty you’ve placed in their hands.

Family are your past, your present and your future, how much you evolve and blossom is dependent upon the love and support they offer.  I’ve been lucky enough to have such strong love and support from family, even during the times when I was not receptive to it, you know like when you’re a teenager and think you know it all?

When your confidence, self-esteem or self-worth gets injured it changes you, it changes how you present yourself, how you connect and relate with others and how others perceive you.  What I believe is the worst part is that the change in you as a result of the emotional injury prevents others from getting to know you authentically because you end up withdrawing, building walls and distancing yourself as a way of blocking such an injury again.  New people in your life that could potentially become friends notice and feel that something is off which pops up as “red flags”, that something just isn’t right and depending on how interested or invested they are, they may just walk away.  Who loses here?  I would say both, chances are you aren’t happy if you’re not being your authentic self and that person doesn’t get to know the “real you”.

Unfortunately an emotional hurt can run deep and when not dealt with you may start projecting negativity towards others as a way of offsetting the hurt, which turns everyone away and if you hang onto it for too long it will start to manifest as more serious warnings in your health.  Negativity is like a virus and at first it will be symptoms that doctors can’t find answers to because the only prescription for health is within you, you must face and embrace the pain.

I believe we are all seeking the same in life; love, acceptance, connection and compassionate familiarity.  I base how I treat others on how I want to be treated and while everyone may not behave or react in that same way, it’s not a reflection of how they feel about me but rather how they feel about themselves.  While that may not make things easier to take I think with time it makes things easier to understand.

Being present to the feelings of others enhances and strengthens your connection with them, it allows them to feel safe to be authentic and vulnerable.  When you embark upon this kind of connection with someone, know that you’re in the presence of a kindred spirit.

important encounters

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2015 in Blog

 

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We All Matter

27 Mar

Wanting to be Heard

We’re all just looking to be heard, to be validated, to know that we matter.

Feeling alone in a world full of people seems almost ridiculous when thinking about it, but if you don’t feel like you are being heard or connecting with others than feeling alone and out of place is a likely emotion.

In reference to some of my previous blogs, this is also relatable to “The Voice of Reason”.  So many children of all ages are making decisions ( good or bad ) based on their feelings of self-worth.  I don’t believe that this is isolated to one age group but affects us all individually at one time or another and when making decisions from a place of low self-worth, low self-esteem and low confidence then those decisions tend to be bad ones or at least ones you wish you hadn’t made.

I only use our children as an example because who we become as adults has formulated from early childhood and has been enhanced by the environment with which we were raised.  There are many people I’ve come across that display a lack of self-worth and confidence.

NO ONE should have to feel that way.

It takes only a few moments of your time to sit back and give your full attention to someone and that shouldn’t be too much to ask, it should be an ingrained behaviour.

If something matters enough for someone to try to reach out, than it matters, and it should matter to you.  If they are reaching out to you, you should feel honored that they’ve chosen you to listen and honor them by giving your undivided attention.

This topic reminds me of a story I read in one of those “pass it on, feel good” emails.  I’ve condensed it to fit here but this is the jist of it.  The story was of a teen that felt so unheard, unvalidated and unseen, as he was on his way home from school some of the other kids at his school decided to bother him and knock all of his books out of his hands.

One boy, that also went to his school, saw this and came over to help him pick up his books, befriended him and the two eventually became great friends.  It caused this boy’s life to take quite a different turn then he had been living.

Upon graduation this boy, who had become Valedictorian, gave his speech and told the story of his best friend and how this best friend literally changed the course of his life, for the day that those other boys dumped his books all over was the day he had intended to take his own life.  This best friend of his offered him friendship at a time when he was feeling his lowest.

It only takes one moment to let someone know they matter, please always take that moment.

Everyone deserves to be heard, to be validated, to know that they matter!

 
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Posted by on March 27, 2012 in Blog

 

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