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If You Change How You View Things

Then You’ll Change How You Do Things

Something Old:  Sadness from your experiences is a state of being and is supposed to be the temporary transition period until you have found healing.  It is when you stay in that space for too long that it begins to become a part of your life, the reason for not moving forward and harmful to your soul.

It is my observation when I see someone unhappy or dissatisfied in their life that they are not actually disconnected but most times just feeling that way.  Isolation of the soul can be more damaging to your quality of life but it is the ego’s way of controlling your thoughts and your thoughts can overshadow even the best of realities.  It isn’t always that others are against you as you may feel at times and when you change how you are viewing a situation in your life then it changes the entire validity of that negative thought.  This is not just a theory by Wayne Dyer about changing the way you look at things and the things you look at change, I have actually tested it and it proved to be true which effectively changed the dynamic of a relationship I had viewed differently as well as shifted it into a more positive direction.  Had I done this earlier I wouldn’t have had to endure the thoughts I created with my view for so long which caused discomfort, disharmony and friction.

This isn’t to say that sadness you experience is unfounded but rather that it doesn’t need to stay in the forefront of your thoughts and life for as long as you sometimes allow it.  I’m not discounting that there could be someone or something at the source of an unhappiness but when you know that what is the best route for your soul to take when this occurs?  As always remedies to anything isn’t a “one size fits all” type of decision and outcome but developing your awareness to recognize when you become stuck is how you eventually find your way out of that fray.  Whenever I experience difficulty I consciously step back and look for a different view or perspective because I am aware that the alternative is restrictive thought that can alter my quality of life and I would much rather look for the lesson than fan the flames of the issue.

My remedy?  It starts with communication; expressing and understanding how I, you and all of us affect others within the communications we have.  It is my thought that the biggest misunderstandings can be traced back to a breakdown in communication because this is how we connect with each other, how we are heard and how we are validated.  I understand the feeling of wanting to be heard and validated in the midst of a difficult conversation but when you offer the same in return to the other person you are opening the lines of communication back up and showing by example that you too are dedicated and compassionate about finding resolution.  It’s so much more important to be kind over being right!

You must be the change you wish to see in the world – Mahatma Gandhi

This is no different than any one person extending a piece of themselves compassionately and/or empathetically to nurture and nourish their family, their pet, a garden or those around them in their community.  This is what keeps that interconnected link between us all free and clear of the debris that can corrode and compromise it.

As you evolve letting go of thoughts, attitudes, behaviours and patterns that are no longer working for you relieves the burdens of stress and creates the space that allows for open thought and different views.  My resolve for this struggle in my life was to expand my awareness so I could recognize this for what it was, resistance.  I used to think of resistance in only one definition until I knew better.  In the past my association was relevant to participating in competitive sports as opposition.  Resistance to me was coming up against a roadblock to the direction in which I wanted to go.  What I’ve come to better understand is that at certain times in my life I have embraced resistance when I didn’t allow my natural path to flow unknowingly creating my own brand of opposition.  Of course as we all go through experiences we hopefully learn from them and for this particular aspect in my life I’ve gained an awareness of the part I have played when trying to direct my destiny instead of allowing it to unfold.

Resistance by definition is:  the refusal to accept or comply with something; the attempt to prevent something by action or argument.

I feel it’s just about being consciously alert to the changes that occur for you when resistance is on the horizon and channeling that energy into a more positive outlet to serve you better.

Something New:  I think the best direction to always go is toward the positive, well of course!  Obviously I don’t know everything there is to know about all things but what I do know is that you won’t exact change while embracing the energy that created an issue to begin with.  It is only through doing something different that different results occur.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different result – Albert Einstein

What separates us at times is ego, an ego unchecked, imbalanced and overexposed can become overwhelming not just to the people around but the one carrying the imbalance.  A good way to determine what you are projecting is by noticing what you are attracting.  What are your dominant thoughts and are they positive?  Do you see experiences occur in your life that coincide and/or support those dominant thoughts?  If these are not the experiences you want to see changing your views is the beginning.  When you invest more of yourself into the people and experiences it breathes new life into those connections much like the cup runneth over.  In turn you will find that as your energetic output positively changes so does theirs in response.

It is not any one person’s responsibility to fix we are all connected and here to work together.  It’s not enough that we hope someone else is taking care of things but rather that we all work as one, stronger and united in the common goal of caring, nurturing and growing the world around us positively.  Separation exists in ego form and serves only to honor its purpose which divides our souls in human existence only.

If you are looking for inspiration, choose the Lennon of your pleasure in the links below! 

While they are both gifted musically and creatively the messages at the forefront that resonate with me serve more as a collaborative guide with which to motivate and inspire us all to look within and help when and where you can.  If we are collectively all working to support and lift up those around us then the environment in which we live becomes the beautiful place it is supposed to be!

I love life, the people in it with me, experiencing joy with them and doing what l I can to preserve and not hurt the natural beauty of the environment we’ve been blessed to enjoy.

Imagine – John Lennon ………. “You may say I’m a dreamer but I’m not the only one”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jluuMN3xGU0

Saltwater – Julian Lennon ……… “We are a billion children rolled into one”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk6QLXWL-Io

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2018 in Blog

 

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Talk to Me!

Communication is the Root

Like a speaker is hard-wired for sound, humanity is hard-wired for connection and without genuine communication that connection will never develop the strength it needs to stand tall. It’s so unfortunate that so many thoughts are left unsaid and because of that so many relationships break down and/or fall away.

Communication is the root to that feeling when you connect with someone on a level that feels beautifully isolated from outside effect. All connections have a different feel because your connection with one is never the same as your connection with another, they are always individually unique which is relative to the phrase of how each person holds a special place in your heart. As unique as the person, so is your connection with them, no two are alike.if only you knew

Every relationship carries different meaning, challenges, love and connection but all are as strong as the foundation they are built on. Authentic, direct and meaningful communication enhances, feeds and nourishes that foundation but without it the foundation will get weak.

Personally, I prefer authentic, direct and meaningful, I don’t like it when others speak in code or indirectly mislead, it’s a little too sneaky for my liking and having to decipher a hidden meaning or agenda just doesn’t appeal to me. If your communication is like this then you likely aren’t experiencing the true connections that your soul needs and are causing your own undernourishment. I think you will find much more of what your soul needs if you listen to your inner voice, it is your own personal compass, it is connected to the Universe and it will always guide you toward authenticity.

Everyone communicates differently and learning to understand and respect how each of those unique people in your life communicate with you will be a benefit that will help to prevent barriers and/or walls that sometimes pop up due to misunderstanding.

How I communicate and understand is different from everyone else and vice versa so I can’t very well expect that someone should understand my point of view just by an explanation that makes sense to me unless of course it also makes sense to them. While I do believe that everyone communicates and understands differently, there are times when we find a connection that travels on the same wavelength, kind of like tuning in to the same frequency. It doesn’t mean that it will always be that way for everything I think it just means you’ve found a common ground in a specific area.

It is those areas of common ground that the foundation of understanding begins which opens up the opportunity for unique connection. We all seek to connect with others because it provides us with balance, understanding, meaning and validation that we matter somewhere in this life. The more people you connect with the more your cup will runneth over because these true connections are the lifelines that feed your soul and your soul needs this form of nourishment to feel balanced, whole and at peace.

Listening is the counterpart of communicating and just as important, as is awareness to hearing what is not being said. I know that may sound a little confusing but I think that a lot of times when we feel we aren’t being heard, we stop communicating altogether and if you are struggling to communicate with someone that may be shutting down then you’re foundation may be in jeopardy and the strength and root of your common ability to communicate from the beginning will either build or break it.

I think “way back when” as in 60-100 years back, communication wasn’t recognized for the gem it clearly is. Connection wasn’t within the realm of awareness that it is now because the value of communicating and listening wasn’t realized. I believe people live longer these days not because as we all hear “life was harder way back when” but because the soul is receiving more nourishment by way of fulfillment through connection.

connectin

 
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Posted by on September 29, 2014 in Blog

 

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The Ties that Bind

Releasing the Past!

The world of hurt caused by the feeling and expression of Anger, Grudge and/or Hurt can be overwhelming enough to stunt, damage or impede your personal growth and progression in life for the period of time it takes for you to purge it.

Most anger or grudges you hold onto come from a deep dark place of hurt, acknowledging that hurt and nurturing your feelings back into a positive state is the only way to move forward.  Obviously this is easier said than done in the lives of many, I know I’ve had my struggles with it.  When you feel wronged by another it can be difficult to let it go, most of us just want acknowledgement, to be heard, to be validated, to have our say and these are the most important parts of the process to help you move on and let it be.

Acknowledgement isn’t always easily found or accommodated:

  • The anger or grudge may be directed at someone who has now left the physical world
  • You aren’t able to find the right words to express exactly what you need to say to someone
  • The one causing the hurt is not easily reached mentally or emotionally which prevents them from fully understanding the negative effect they’ve had on you.

Not everyone realizes how much their words or actions can hurt another and some think “don’t be so sensitive” but in reality it’s that “sensitivity” that is you who you are and if they really know you then they know what will hurt you and should adjust accordingly.  I don’t mean walk around certain people like you’re on egg shells but know your audience and don’t expect everyone else to adjust to you if you don’t even try to adjust to them!

If you want others to be respectful of your feelings then be respectful of theirs, it’s as simple as it’s quoted:  “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.  It doesn’t get more golden than that!words that hurt

If you become aware that you have hurt someone through your words or actions it is important to make amends not just for your own consciousness of behaviour but to help them process through their hurt.  I am not by any means going to say that I’m perfect, no one is!  I know I’ve been responsible for hurting someone’s feelings with my words or actions but my conscious always knows when I’m in the wrong and I try to make amends in whatever way I can through apology, understanding and validation.  The “sweep it under the table and forget it” isn’t the action to take when you realize you are wrong, it is only through acknowledgement that you can help the one you’ve hurt to let go of it and move ahead without issue.  It’s actually an important process for you as well to know you’ve made steps to correct words or actions that you know aren’t right because even though karma is a process associated with unconditional intention, if your intention isn’t to correct your wrongs then it is likely your karmic outcome will contain a few hiccups or difficulties.

Moving past hurt is basically a process you create for yourself, through whatever means, to help you channel it outward so it can then be released.  I journal my way through all the issues that cause me hurt or discontent and it is the best form of therapy for me but what works for me may not work for another, it’s just a matter of finding the process that works best for you but do try, it is important to release issues that prevent you from moving forward.

Holding onto past hurt doesn’t just control your life in the present it ruins it because it causes unhappiness and negative thoughts, negative thoughts sometimes evolve into negative actions.  Without resolution these issues will spill over into your future which can hold your life in a place of continuous cycle and recall of the moment(s) of hurt when it occurred.

It’s not as much about giving the one who has caused you hurt a break and letting it go as it is about letting it go so it doesn’t continue to hurt you so deeply.  The hurt you allow through supporting your anger or grudge will continually cycle and can cause irreparable damage to you emotionally, mentally and as a result, sometimes physically.  These three aspects of your health are co-dependent upon each other and when one is low it can alter your quality of life and honestly I don’t think that is something anyone deserves or needs to endure.

If you can, look to those in your life that you trust and admire who you can ask for assistance, advice or support whether that is through listening or helping you to make a plan.  I’ve found that when I have someone to talk to it makes a huge difference because it allows me to step outside myself so I can get a clearer perspective and vision for going forward in a better direction.

As difficult as it may be, embrace the pain, allow yourself to feel it fully so you can then start to heal, the more you heal the more you will be able to let it go and when you’ve finally rid yourself of the hurts that have paralyzed you for so long you will be able to move forward and enjoy the happiness you deserve and the future you are destined to live.

emily's quote

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2014 in Blog

 

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Don’t Let the Seed of Anger Consume You

How are Your Communications?

Sometimes it takes so little for a conversation to go sideways but it’s as easy as asking for clarification as to how you’ve heard something to determine someone’s intention.  Your own awareness in maintaining a level of control over your emotions will help to keep your levels from rising during conversations that have the potential of becoming heated.  Perception is Reality!

Anger serves no purpose except to upset and hurt those involved and if you let it, it will keep you stuck in that place of misery until you let go of it.

listening

The best communication is listening, acknowledging and validating what you’ve heard.  Verify back how you’re receiving things, not everyone interprets input the same way but you also need to be able to maintain some level of empathy and compassion to truly honor the communications so that resolution can be found, of course if that is the goal.  Nasty verbal ping pong isn’t fair play but can be so easy to get dragged into if your emotions get away from you.  I think it’s impossible not to have your emotions invested during open and honest communication but with determination it is possible to keep them respectful.

If you tune out during conversation to what someone is saying instead of really hearing and understanding them then you are sending them the wrong message but if you’re at a loss for words because you feel like you are in over your head and that you’re supposed to be helping them through an issue, the best thing you can do is to communicate that honestly.  You don’t always need to fix someone’s world and you’re not meant to, sometimes all one needs is acknowledgement and validation that they’ve been heard to help direct them toward the road of self-healing.

If someone is or has treated you badly for whatever reason it likely has more to do with them than it does with you.  People strike out at others for many reasons and usually it’s connected to their own emotional imbalances (eg: jealousy, inadequacy or defensiveness), to name a few.  Alternatively it could be something that is going on or isn’t going on in their life that they are hurt by.  Even though it’s not right that doesn’t make it any easier to take when you happen to be the punching bag in their immediate vicinity who is affected and sometimes it isn’t as easy to brush it off as we’d like it to be but again, awareness is key.  Knowing you’re okay, validating your own self-worth and letting it go through whatever process works for you is the best solution and in the long run less damaging to your inner spirit.  Any damage to your inner spirit that has the chance to continually cycle eventually has a consequential manifestation in your physical health and the longer it festers, the more the damage grows.

You can’t allow someone to take away from your personal power or to determine your level of worth, it’s their opinion, albeit an inconsiderate one but still just their opinion.  Regardless of what someone else may think that opinion isn’t the truth of you, even if what they say hurts, you know who you really are!

Your true circle of friends and family should be your resource for honesty and comfort and it is through them that validation of who you are is affirmed.

Always try to keep things real with yourself, be aware of what you’re saying and of how others’ are perceiving what you’re saying and that awareness creates a foundation that will enhance all your communications in a very positive way!

communication

 
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Posted by on January 16, 2014 in Blog

 

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We All Matter

Wanting to be Heard

We’re all just looking to be heard, to be validated, to know that we matter.

Feeling alone in a world full of people seems almost ridiculous when thinking about it, but if you don’t feel like you are being heard or connecting with others than feeling alone and out of place is a likely emotion.

In reference to some of my previous blogs, this is also relatable to “The Voice of Reason”.  So many children of all ages are making decisions ( good or bad ) based on their feelings of self-worth.  I don’t believe that this is isolated to one age group but affects us all individually at one time or another and when making decisions from a place of low self-worth, low self-esteem and low confidence then those decisions tend to be bad ones or at least ones you wish you hadn’t made.

I only use our children as an example because who we become as adults has formulated from early childhood and has been enhanced by the environment with which we were raised.  There are many people I’ve come across that display a lack of self-worth and confidence.

NO ONE should have to feel that way.

It takes only a few moments of your time to sit back and give your full attention to someone and that shouldn’t be too much to ask, it should be an ingrained behaviour.

If something matters enough for someone to try to reach out, than it matters, and it should matter to you.  If they are reaching out to you, you should feel honored that they’ve chosen you to listen and honor them by giving your undivided attention.

This topic reminds me of a story I read in one of those “pass it on, feel good” emails.  I’ve condensed it to fit here but this is the jist of it.  The story was of a teen that felt so unheard, unvalidated and unseen, as he was on his way home from school some of the other kids at his school decided to bother him and knock all of his books out of his hands.

One boy, that also went to his school, saw this and came over to help him pick up his books, befriended him and the two eventually became great friends.  It caused this boy’s life to take quite a different turn then he had been living.

Upon graduation this boy, who had become Valedictorian, gave his speech and told the story of his best friend and how this best friend literally changed the course of his life, for the day that those other boys dumped his books all over was the day he had intended to take his own life.  This best friend of his offered him friendship at a time when he was feeling his lowest.

It only takes one moment to let someone know they matter, please always take that moment.

Everyone deserves to be heard, to be validated, to know that they matter!

 
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Posted by on March 27, 2012 in Blog

 

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