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If You Change How You View Things

Then You’ll Change How You Do Things

Something Old:  Sadness from your experiences is a state of being and is supposed to be the temporary transition period until you have found healing.  It is when you stay in that space for too long that it begins to become a part of your life, the reason for not moving forward and harmful to your soul.

It is my observation when I see someone unhappy or dissatisfied in their life that they are not actually disconnected but most times just feeling that way.  Isolation of the soul can be more damaging to your quality of life but it is the ego’s way of controlling your thoughts and your thoughts can overshadow even the best of realities.  It isn’t always that others are against you as you may feel at times and when you change how you are viewing a situation in your life then it changes the entire validity of that negative thought.  This is not just a theory by Wayne Dyer about changing the way you look at things and the things you look at change, I have actually tested it and it proved to be true which effectively changed the dynamic of a relationship I had viewed differently as well as shifted it into a more positive direction.  Had I done this earlier I wouldn’t have had to endure the thoughts I created with my view for so long which caused discomfort, disharmony and friction.

This isn’t to say that sadness you experience is unfounded but rather that it doesn’t need to stay in the forefront of your thoughts and life for as long as you sometimes allow it.  I’m not discounting that there could be someone or something at the source of an unhappiness but when you know that what is the best route for your soul to take when this occurs?  As always remedies to anything isn’t a “one size fits all” type of decision and outcome but developing your awareness to recognize when you become stuck is how you eventually find your way out of that fray.  Whenever I experience difficulty I consciously step back and look for a different view or perspective because I am aware that the alternative is restrictive thought that can alter my quality of life and I would much rather look for the lesson than fan the flames of the issue.

My remedy?  It starts with communication; expressing and understanding how I, you and all of us affect others within the communications we have.  It is my thought that the biggest misunderstandings can be traced back to a breakdown in communication because this is how we connect with each other, how we are heard and how we are validated.  I understand the feeling of wanting to be heard and validated in the midst of a difficult conversation but when you offer the same in return to the other person you are opening the lines of communication back up and showing by example that you too are dedicated and compassionate about finding resolution.  It’s so much more important to be kind over being right!

You must be the change you wish to see in the world – Mahatma Gandhi

This is no different than any one person extending a piece of themselves compassionately and/or empathetically to nurture and nourish their family, their pet, a garden or those around them in their community.  This is what keeps that interconnected link between us all free and clear of the debris that can corrode and compromise it.

As you evolve letting go of thoughts, attitudes, behaviours and patterns that are no longer working for you relieves the burdens of stress and creates the space that allows for open thought and different views.  My resolve for this struggle in my life was to expand my awareness so I could recognize this for what it was, resistance.  I used to think of resistance in only one definition until I knew better.  In the past my association was relevant to participating in competitive sports as opposition.  Resistance to me was coming up against a roadblock to the direction in which I wanted to go.  What I’ve come to better understand is that at certain times in my life I have embraced resistance when I didn’t allow my natural path to flow unknowingly creating my own brand of opposition.  Of course as we all go through experiences we hopefully learn from them and for this particular aspect in my life I’ve gained an awareness of the part I have played when trying to direct my destiny instead of allowing it to unfold.

Resistance by definition is:  the refusal to accept or comply with something; the attempt to prevent something by action or argument.

I feel it’s just about being consciously alert to the changes that occur for you when resistance is on the horizon and channeling that energy into a more positive outlet to serve you better.

Something New:  I think the best direction to always go is toward the positive, well of course!  Obviously I don’t know everything there is to know about all things but what I do know is that you won’t exact change while embracing the energy that created an issue to begin with.  It is only through doing something different that different results occur.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different result – Albert Einstein

What separates us at times is ego, an ego unchecked, imbalanced and overexposed can become overwhelming not just to the people around but the one carrying the imbalance.  A good way to determine what you are projecting is by noticing what you are attracting.  What are your dominant thoughts and are they positive?  Do you see experiences occur in your life that coincide and/or support those dominant thoughts?  If these are not the experiences you want to see changing your views is the beginning.  When you invest more of yourself into the people and experiences it breathes new life into those connections much like the cup runneth over.  In turn you will find that as your energetic output positively changes so does theirs in response.

It is not any one person’s responsibility to fix we are all connected and here to work together.  It’s not enough that we hope someone else is taking care of things but rather that we all work as one, stronger and united in the common goal of caring, nurturing and growing the world around us positively.  Separation exists in ego form and serves only to honor its purpose which divides our souls in human existence only.

If you are looking for inspiration, choose the Lennon of your pleasure in the links below! 

While they are both gifted musically and creatively the messages at the forefront that resonate with me serve more as a collaborative guide with which to motivate and inspire us all to look within and help when and where you can.  If we are collectively all working to support and lift up those around us then the environment in which we live becomes the beautiful place it is supposed to be!

I love life, the people in it with me, experiencing joy with them and doing what l I can to preserve and not hurt the natural beauty of the environment we’ve been blessed to enjoy.

Imagine – John Lennon ………. “You may say I’m a dreamer but I’m not the only one”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jluuMN3xGU0

Saltwater – Julian Lennon ……… “We are a billion children rolled into one”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk6QLXWL-Io

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2018 in Blog

 

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Say What You Mean and……..

Mean What you Say!

Your actions are how you really feel, your words are the smoke screen that masks those feelings.

It seems simple really to say what you mean but people rarely do so and when it comes to honest communication I think many of us are afraid to voice our real thoughts. Some hold back because they don’t want to hurt the other and some hold back because they lack the courage to tackle the conflict ahead.

The only way to truly get to the bottom of any communication snag is open and honest communication and while it may feel difficult to find the right words I believe that as long as your communication comes from a sincere and compassionate place there isn’t anything that can’t be resolved.

Resolution means that an understanding has been reached not necessarily that a relationship goes back to its previous state. When resolution is required it is because somewhere along the lines something occurred to change the dynamics of the relationship, not all changes are good and not all changes are bad but it is these such changes that could have permanence in how the relationship works.

Sugar coating the words to ease tension isn’t any kind of good solution, everyone inherently knows when they are in the wrong in any given situation and pretending like it’s ok and/or sweeping it under the rug creates two problems.boundaries

  • It sends the message that the behaviour is acceptable and “please continue, I do not have healthy boundaries”.

 

  • Conversely it may send the message that they aren’t important enough in your life for you to be honest.

If you’re not saying anything to avoid hurting someone than this action is counterproductive to your efforts because you are hurting them anyway. Not every advice or constructive criticism is easy but if you really want to see the best occur for others than those not so comfortable conversations sometimes need to take place.

Regardless of your own reasons for not saying what you mean or meaning what you say, it does more damage than good when you hide your true feelings and everyone involved is already aware of the elephant in the room, the words just haven’t been vocalized.

All of us handle conflict and change differently, some better than others and some not but conflict is a necessary part of life and without it we wouldn’t learn how to properly transition ourselves through adversity but hopefully we learn to do so with a little bit of grace.

I’ve had a lot of difficulty in this area of life and I think that’s mostly because I’m not sure I can articulate something clearly enough, that it may be misunderstood and defensiveness or anger can result and because I feel my words may be too honest and/or harsh.

The very real issue with holding back is that it creates distance in the relationship and with time that distance grows until the connection is no longer there and what do you do then? I guess that depends on the foundation and stability of a relationship from the beginning, what the common thread was that held it all together. If that thread is based on something strong and whole like respect, honesty and integrity than relationships can survive the challenges but if the foundation is weak and solely supported by only one that is actively nurturing it than it is very likely to crumble.

One of the most damaging things that can occur in relationships is saying something that you don’t mean out of anger. Our words can be just as damaging as our actions, if not more, the phrase “think before you speak” is the most important mantra you could ever instill in your mind because once the stone is thrown you can never take it back. If you feel you are in a mind space that you know is affecting you negatively then it is not the best time to have any kind of discussions that require you to have an open mind or heart. There’s a huge difference between loving and honest communication and spewing nasty words out of spite.

The foundation of all relationships is trust, trust that you can allow others to see your vulnerable side and trust that they won’t use it against you.

It takes years to build trust with others and only moments to destroy it!

Don’t be that person! Build trust and value it, communicate honestly and mean it, actively nurture your coveted relationships and appreciate what you’ve been blessed with so far.

communication

 
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Posted by on July 30, 2014 in Blog

 

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