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They May Be Just Words To You, but…

19 Jan

What Were You Thinking?

Consider the impact you have on others when speaking the words you choose.

They are words; there are meaningful words, pointless words and words that just hurt. Which words do you use the most? What is your intention when you use your words? When you realize your words have affected another negatively do you take ownership of it and atone right away or do you sweep it under the carpet and expect them to do the same? Do you overreact and become spiteful or consider that there may be outside and/or extenuating circumstances?

Communication isn’t just saying “hey man, how are you doing” but rather delving deeper to understand the true nature of those around you, how you can make your communication with them be more than just surface conversation and how that communication can connect you on deeper levels.

We all have many layers which are revealed over time through the feelings of true connection, validation, and understanding. If you really want to make an impact it is the words you choose through communication that can either peel those layers back to bring you closer or seal them up tight to protect your vulnerability.

They may just be words but your influence and intention with these words can greatly affect those around you.

words of encouragement

When you Change the way you look at things, the things you look at change – Wayne Dyer

Such a true statement and in relation to your choice of words when in specific situations, a simple adjustment to the way you look at things also changes the way you respond. I think a lot of times many of us may react as a result of it essentially being the straw that broke the camel’s back because our plate is already overloaded with too many things that are stressful and draining on the patience of your spirit. There is more chance of overreaction when in this state and I think it can be exacerbated by the energy of the environment you keep.

Alternatively it may not be overreaction but that the intention of another is to hurt you with their words and if that is the case then that is truly not your path but the fork in the road, there to help re-direct you away from the drama and karma that will eventually dispel.

How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours – Wayne Dyer

Regardless of how someone has treated you, regardless of how damaging it may have felt or been and regardless of how much you may want to inflict or encourage redemption it is better to distance yourself from those thoughts. The karmic wheel spins in alignment with the Universe and makes adjustments accordingly, your influence is not necessary, in fact it will only inhibit you from your best life.

It will always prove to be utterly frustrating to get yourself caught up in the why’s and what if’s of experiences that are out of your control, sometimes you will never know the answers and sometimes you will but at all times it is best for your spirit to take the higher road and continue on your path as it is the one that is for the higher purpose of you!

your journey

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2015 in Blog

 

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Say What You Mean and……..

30 Jul

Mean What you Say!

Your actions are how you really feel, your words are the smoke screen that masks those feelings.

It seems simple really to say what you mean but people rarely do so and when it comes to honest communication I think many of us are afraid to voice our real thoughts. Some hold back because they don’t want to hurt the other and some hold back because they lack the courage to tackle the conflict ahead.

The only way to truly get to the bottom of any communication snag is open and honest communication and while it may feel difficult to find the right words I believe that as long as your communication comes from a sincere and compassionate place there isn’t anything that can’t be resolved.

Resolution means that an understanding has been reached not necessarily that a relationship goes back to its previous state. When resolution is required it is because somewhere along the lines something occurred to change the dynamics of the relationship, not all changes are good and not all changes are bad but it is these such changes that could have permanence in how the relationship works.

Sugar coating the words to ease tension isn’t any kind of good solution, everyone inherently knows when they are in the wrong in any given situation and pretending like it’s ok and/or sweeping it under the rug creates two problems.boundaries

  • It sends the message that the behaviour is acceptable and “please continue, I do not have healthy boundaries”.

 

  • Conversely it may send the message that they aren’t important enough in your life for you to be honest.

If you’re not saying anything to avoid hurting someone than this action is counterproductive to your efforts because you are hurting them anyway. Not every advice or constructive criticism is easy but if you really want to see the best occur for others than those not so comfortable conversations sometimes need to take place.

Regardless of your own reasons for not saying what you mean or meaning what you say, it does more damage than good when you hide your true feelings and everyone involved is already aware of the elephant in the room, the words just haven’t been vocalized.

All of us handle conflict and change differently, some better than others and some not but conflict is a necessary part of life and without it we wouldn’t learn how to properly transition ourselves through adversity but hopefully we learn to do so with a little bit of grace.

I’ve had a lot of difficulty in this area of life and I think that’s mostly because I’m not sure I can articulate something clearly enough, that it may be misunderstood and defensiveness or anger can result and because I feel my words may be too honest and/or harsh.

The very real issue with holding back is that it creates distance in the relationship and with time that distance grows until the connection is no longer there and what do you do then? I guess that depends on the foundation and stability of a relationship from the beginning, what the common thread was that held it all together. If that thread is based on something strong and whole like respect, honesty and integrity than relationships can survive the challenges but if the foundation is weak and solely supported by only one that is actively nurturing it than it is very likely to crumble.

One of the most damaging things that can occur in relationships is saying something that you don’t mean out of anger. Our words can be just as damaging as our actions, if not more, the phrase “think before you speak” is the most important mantra you could ever instill in your mind because once the stone is thrown you can never take it back. If you feel you are in a mind space that you know is affecting you negatively then it is not the best time to have any kind of discussions that require you to have an open mind or heart. There’s a huge difference between loving and honest communication and spewing nasty words out of spite.

The foundation of all relationships is trust, trust that you can allow others to see your vulnerable side and trust that they won’t use it against you.

It takes years to build trust with others and only moments to destroy it!

Don’t be that person! Build trust and value it, communicate honestly and mean it, actively nurture your coveted relationships and appreciate what you’ve been blessed with so far.

communication

 
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Posted by on July 30, 2014 in Blog

 

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Spring Cleaning in the Fall

13 Sep

A Necessary Form of Healing

There comes a time when you need to clean out the areas of your brain where the stuck tape keeps playing, the tape that keeps you in a perpetual cycle that is out of sync with the Law of Attraction.  As of late my life has been extremely busy and demanding which has caused me to deplete my own levels of tolerance and patience.  When those two areas of my life run low it reduces my ability to fend off the negativity virus.

The negativity virus comes in many forms, not just thoughts but also actions which cause reactions and consequences and even though I know I’ve pushed the boundaries at times, I’ve learned that honest communication and sincere humility can be the positive aspect in changing the direction of that outcome.

I find that when I get in those funks it heightens my desire to “help others see the light”, which in hindsight becomes ridiculous.  I have no right to do that and even though I’ve learned to recognize when those areas are depleted there are times when I don’t catch it quickly enough and that causes me even more inner frustration and that frustration only perpetuates the virus.  I’ve just now realized that I’ve depleted myself and recognized that I’m at the beginning of that path and it’s time to stop!

I call it a negativity virus because it feels like a virus, like the flu it makes you feel like you aren’t yourself, cranky and out of sorts and your immune system is lowered which is the opening negativity needs to get in.

Unfortunately I have really high expectations for myself and falling onto that path, no matter what the reason, just won’t do.  It’s not so much that I feel I’ve failed, I don’t view things as failures but rather opportunities to make adjustments to my liking.  My attitude is very much determined and focused, I know where I want to go and usually I want to get there now!  Needless to say patience and tolerance weren’t my strongest suits when I was younger and over the years I’ve learned to develop them but they are usually the first things to go when the tank starts to run on empty.

people don't forget how you made them feel

I think we all have our moments of weakness and how we handle them or rather correct them is what defines us.  The most important thing that I’ve always been conscious of is to “think before I speak”, some things can’t be unsaid and they are usually the most damaging ones that you want to take back.  Now at the same time I do believe that honesty and sincerity are absolutely essential if you are trying to rectify that kind of accidental communication.

I won’t say I’ve never said something I’ve regretted and at the time I’m quite sure I had the momentary satisfaction of blurting something out but the key word is momentary.  The period of regret for that moment was much longer and the best teacher for learning to “think before I speak”.

So how do I reinstate my levels of tolerance and patience?

Awareness and recognition is the first step, honest reflection is the second step and whatever process it takes for me to recharge my batteries is the third step.

I find that once I’ve become aware and recognized I’m depleted it propels me into the honest reflection stage and rejuvenation usually falls into place shortly after.  The way to deal is different for everyone, whatever works for you to make you feel better is what you should do, especially if you just aren’t feeling like yourself.  If it means you take a “time out” for yourself than that’s what you should do because it’s not fair to you or anyone in your life to deplete yourself.

So for me, I’ll be writing because that is my best outlet for recharging myself and getting my levels of tolerance and patience back where they should be.  I definitely don’t like feeling out of sorts, it doesn’t fit right or feel good and if I’m not operating on the right side of the Law of Attraction then I’m depriving myself of the gifts that accompany positive experiences.

thoughts and alignment

 
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Posted by on September 13, 2013 in Blog

 

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