RSS

Tag Archives: empathy

If You Change How You View Things

Then You’ll Change How You Do Things

Something Old:  Sadness from your experiences is a state of being and is supposed to be the temporary transition period until you have found healing.  It is when you stay in that space for too long that it begins to become a part of your life, the reason for not moving forward and harmful to your soul.

It is my observation when I see someone unhappy or dissatisfied in their life that they are not actually disconnected but most times just feeling that way.  Isolation of the soul can be more damaging to your quality of life but it is the ego’s way of controlling your thoughts and your thoughts can overshadow even the best of realities.  It isn’t always that others are against you as you may feel at times and when you change how you are viewing a situation in your life then it changes the entire validity of that negative thought.  This is not just a theory by Wayne Dyer about changing the way you look at things and the things you look at change, I have actually tested it and it proved to be true which effectively changed the dynamic of a relationship I had viewed differently as well as shifted it into a more positive direction.  Had I done this earlier I wouldn’t have had to endure the thoughts I created with my view for so long which caused discomfort, disharmony and friction.

This isn’t to say that sadness you experience is unfounded but rather that it doesn’t need to stay in the forefront of your thoughts and life for as long as you sometimes allow it.  I’m not discounting that there could be someone or something at the source of an unhappiness but when you know that what is the best route for your soul to take when this occurs?  As always remedies to anything isn’t a “one size fits all” type of decision and outcome but developing your awareness to recognize when you become stuck is how you eventually find your way out of that fray.  Whenever I experience difficulty I consciously step back and look for a different view or perspective because I am aware that the alternative is restrictive thought that can alter my quality of life and I would much rather look for the lesson than fan the flames of the issue.

My remedy?  It starts with communication; expressing and understanding how I, you and all of us affect others within the communications we have.  It is my thought that the biggest misunderstandings can be traced back to a breakdown in communication because this is how we connect with each other, how we are heard and how we are validated.  I understand the feeling of wanting to be heard and validated in the midst of a difficult conversation but when you offer the same in return to the other person you are opening the lines of communication back up and showing by example that you too are dedicated and compassionate about finding resolution.  It’s so much more important to be kind over being right!

You must be the change you wish to see in the world – Mahatma Gandhi

This is no different than any one person extending a piece of themselves compassionately and/or empathetically to nurture and nourish their family, their pet, a garden or those around them in their community.  This is what keeps that interconnected link between us all free and clear of the debris that can corrode and compromise it.

As you evolve letting go of thoughts, attitudes, behaviours and patterns that are no longer working for you relieves the burdens of stress and creates the space that allows for open thought and different views.  My resolve for this struggle in my life was to expand my awareness so I could recognize this for what it was, resistance.  I used to think of resistance in only one definition until I knew better.  In the past my association was relevant to participating in competitive sports as opposition.  Resistance to me was coming up against a roadblock to the direction in which I wanted to go.  What I’ve come to better understand is that at certain times in my life I have embraced resistance when I didn’t allow my natural path to flow unknowingly creating my own brand of opposition.  Of course as we all go through experiences we hopefully learn from them and for this particular aspect in my life I’ve gained an awareness of the part I have played when trying to direct my destiny instead of allowing it to unfold.

Resistance by definition is:  the refusal to accept or comply with something; the attempt to prevent something by action or argument.

I feel it’s just about being consciously alert to the changes that occur for you when resistance is on the horizon and channeling that energy into a more positive outlet to serve you better.

Something New:  I think the best direction to always go is toward the positive, well of course!  Obviously I don’t know everything there is to know about all things but what I do know is that you won’t exact change while embracing the energy that created an issue to begin with.  It is only through doing something different that different results occur.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different result – Albert Einstein

What separates us at times is ego, an ego unchecked, imbalanced and overexposed can become overwhelming not just to the people around but the one carrying the imbalance.  A good way to determine what you are projecting is by noticing what you are attracting.  What are your dominant thoughts and are they positive?  Do you see experiences occur in your life that coincide and/or support those dominant thoughts?  If these are not the experiences you want to see changing your views is the beginning.  When you invest more of yourself into the people and experiences it breathes new life into those connections much like the cup runneth over.  In turn you will find that as your energetic output positively changes so does theirs in response.

It is not any one person’s responsibility to fix we are all connected and here to work together.  It’s not enough that we hope someone else is taking care of things but rather that we all work as one, stronger and united in the common goal of caring, nurturing and growing the world around us positively.  Separation exists in ego form and serves only to honor its purpose which divides our souls in human existence only.

If you are looking for inspiration, choose the Lennon of your pleasure in the links below! 

While they are both gifted musically and creatively the messages at the forefront that resonate with me serve more as a collaborative guide with which to motivate and inspire us all to look within and help when and where you can.  If we are collectively all working to support and lift up those around us then the environment in which we live becomes the beautiful place it is supposed to be!

I love life, the people in it with me, experiencing joy with them and doing what l I can to preserve and not hurt the natural beauty of the environment we’ve been blessed to enjoy.

Imagine – John Lennon ………. “You may say I’m a dreamer but I’m not the only one”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jluuMN3xGU0

Saltwater – Julian Lennon ……… “We are a billion children rolled into one”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk6QLXWL-Io

 
2 Comments

Posted by on May 19, 2018 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

When Enough is Enough!

Know When to Live and Let Live

Compassion and empathy are not overrated but there is only so much you can do for someone and where the direction of their life goes depends solely on them even, it’s called “free will” and it’s everyone’s right to choose.

It’s noble to want to help another but sometimes is more noble to allow someone the same freedom that you have to make your own decisions and to ask for assistance if they want it.  I think we have all, at one time or another, felt that we knew what was better for someone we care about so much so that we take the task to heart of trying to show them the way or help out.  The truth is though that “the way” is really up to them and if you find yourself in this situation, like I have many times, the best solution is to step back and let them live their own life.  It’s not easy, believe me I know, especially when your empathy compass is going overboard taking on their feelings of either helplessness or despair.

let go

If you are strongly predisposed to helping others you may find that even if you are successful you could be draining yourself.  Your emotional well-being could be depleted causing the other components of your well-being to become unbalanced and when you become unbalanced you are of no assistance to anyone.

I know the almost euphoric feeling of making someone feel better, it is truly inspiring but keep in mind the feeling that also follows when you accomplish something you didn’t think you could do.  As much as you want to help someone you are denying them that sense of accomplishment of overcoming a challenge they didn’t think they could, I think that feeling is even more monumental and of course will affect them much more deeply.

I don’t mind constructive criticism, I always like to hear different thought processes and to have the opportunity to invite new ways of thinking into my awareness but I know that I don’t like being told what to do and that could be the resistance you may experience when you try to over-assist in someone else’s life.  Sometimes we don’t necessarily look for someone else to run our lives or assist and it’s just a matter of being the sounding board that they have to vent to without judgement.  Not everything requires action on my part and learning to recognize when I’m trying to show someone “the way” is an evolving lesson for me that I don’t think I’ve quite nailed down yet.  Work in progress, I can accept that.out of your control

I think the biggest lesson for me is learning to step back and know when to live and let live.  If someone needs my help I have to allow them the opportunity to ask, if I offer it and they don’t accept, I have to learn to accept that.  Not everything is meant to be changed, everyone has their own lessons, who am I to challenge what the universe has set out for each of us.  I can continue to have compassion and empathy for others but when it starts to affect my life in a negative way that is an indication for me to recognize that it is their journey not mine.

There are many reasons why certain lives go a certain direction and why some people choose not to change it and I’ve learned that even though I think I know best, I really don’t.

Like Kenny Rogers says, you’ve got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, know when to run.

It’s a good theory for me to pay attention to, to remember and to live by.  As much as I may want to see everyone living what I think is a joyful, happy and enriched life, it doesn’t mean that I know what that is for everyone.  There isn’t a “one size fits all” when it comes to a blessed life.

I was watching the “Anderson” daytime talk show one day and there was two young women as guests that had had very difficult challenges in their lives from an early age and they had the wisdom to recognize that even though their challenges were hard there were others that had had it worse.  Both of them had been through much counselling and therapy and in one of their group therapy sessions the therapist had had them, with the group, create a circle and put their problems (discuss them) in the center and said that at the end they would probably all be quite happy to pick their own back up and walk away with it and they had said they agreed.  They would much rather walk away with their own issues than pick up another’s, sometimes as terrible as we think our problems are they are familiar and we know how to live in them.

I think everyone, no matter what their age, can teach us something and the best thing we can do sometimes is to just listen, sometimes that is of more help than you realize.  Not everything requires a grand scale of assistance, sometimes simplicity is much more helpful.

committment to shift

 
2 Comments

Posted by on July 3, 2013 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Ingredients for Life!

Life Equals Pie

I was given a fabulous concept from a very good friend of mine for a great topic this week!  The concept is creating an analogy between our life journeys and a favorite dessert and all the ingredients and layers create our own recipe for personal success, whatever that may be.

Much like the ingredients in any dessert, depending on which one you choose, there are usually layers and levels of design.  I’ve chosen Banana Cream Pie because it would contain a good level of ingredients to create this analogy.

Banana Cream Pie:

  • 3 cups of Love
  • 2 cups of Integrity
  • 2 cups of Pride
  • 1 cup of Self-Respect
  • 1 cup of Respect for others
  • 1 cup of Positive Attitude
  • ½ cup of Compassion
  • ½ cup of Empathy
  • 3 tablespoons of Confidence
  • 3 tablespoons of Determination
  • 3 tablespoons of Courage
  • A dash of Assertiveness
  • 12 ounces of water for personal wellness

Frosting:   The Law of Attraction

  • 1 cup of Intention
  • 1 cup of Faith
  • 1 cup of Appreciation
  • 1 cup of Gratitude

Directions:

Mix all ingredients together until they are well blended and you are feeling content.  I was going to add an ingredient to enhance humility but I believe that the emotion of remaining humble would be experienced as a result of living life through Banana Cream Pie.

Serve it to anyone and everyone you so desire and utilize the ingredients to your fullest potential.

I realize that the amounts of all the ingredients I have contained in this recipe are quite excessive but it is a global pie meant to feed the souls of as many as possible.  The frosting is also excessive but it is the Law of Attraction, and that’s exactly where you want to get really excessive in your vision and life.  You will attract exactly what you think and believe!

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on June 26, 2012 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leading a Life of Integrity

It’s not what you do, It’s how you do it!

This is a topic that came to me late in the day today and not for any specific reason but I started thinking about my place in this world and what I wanted it to be.  I know I want to make a difference, have a positive impact and hopefully leave this world with at least one, but hopefully a few more than that, lives changed for the better.

I believe that Integrity is at the top of the rung, if your word doesn’t mean anything you’re not going to have many people that trust you with important parts of their life. For me it’s the important parts of mine and other’s lives that connect us to each other.  Everything you do has either a direct or indirect effect on those around you and I find it to be an important factor in everything that I do.  It also shows your consideration and respect for those people and there’s no greater gift you can give them than that.  I’ve found that my deepest connections with others have been rooted in either one or many shared experiences.  It’s these shared experiences that validate both our thoughts and feelings on any given situation and help us to understand that we are not alone or off the wall in how something or someone affects us.

Remember this:  People are only as important to you as you make them feel.

Our feelings and emotions drive everything we do and when we feel hurt or betrayed emotionally then our reaction can be to either disconnect or shut down all together from that source of hurt.  As well it can emotionally stunt us from any growth we are meant to experience.  Our feelings and emotions are very strong and unless you are able to tune them out or control them ( I’m not ) then you either have to deal and move on or you become stuck.

There is no doubt in my mind that becoming stuck is not an option for me.  I choose to deal and move on, not only for myself but so that I don’t pass on this negativity to anyone else in my life.

My favorite method is to write it out and I want to encourage anyone and everyone out there to try this, it’s been extremely successful and healing for me.  I’m sure anyone who’s ever written an email or letter to someone has written it and then re-read it, made adjustments, read it again, maybe make another adjustment and then send.  I think the reason we make the adjustments is so something doesn’t come off sounding bad ( that’s our consideration and respect ).

Imagine this, you write out your letter to someone, something or even an organization giving it your all and getting everything off your chest, leaving nothing unsaid.

Don’t actually send it! 

Every time and I do mean every time I’ve done this I’ve felt better after and it’s because I got to put in my 2 cents about how something made me feel and once I’ve done that it’s released from weighing on my mind and emotions.  This is my therapy, my release and my way to keep myself sane and prevent that negative cycle from continuing.  It’s like my own little personal assertiveness training and it helps me to draw my line in the sand without losing my own dignity or integrity.

The main thing I’ve got that is entirely in my control is my Integrity – my respect, my consideration, my compassion and my empathy for not only myself but for others.  My word definitely means something!

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 17, 2012 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,