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Trust

Affects All Parts of Your Self

I happened to catch a show on the OWN Network the other night with a couple of key note speakers discussing the topic of Trust.  I always like to hear different perspectives and thought processes on any topic because it always makes me think and sometimes challenges my own perceptions.

Everyone has a different opinion and perspective and even if it doesn’t match mine at times I think it’s important to at least honour their feelings.

Trust is built in very small moments – Brene Brown.

If you think the littlest of gestures are insignificant, think again because they build that grander scale of trust.  It takes a longer time to build then it does to destroy it.

I’ve included the definition of both trust and distrust as described by Charles Feltman because like Brene Brown, I think it’s close to the best one I’ve heard.

  • Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.
  • Distrust is what I have shared with you that is important to me but is not safe with you.

I absolutely had to include the acronym as created by Brene Brown regarding the “Anatomy of Trust”, because it seems to me to be the best description and aspects of all relationships.

Brene Brown’s acronym for trust is BRAVING, when we trust we are braving connection with someone.

B – Boundaries; I trust you, if you are clear about your boundaries and you hold them and you’re clear about my boundaries and you respect them.  There is no trust without boundaries.

R – Reliability; I can only trust you if you do what you say you’re going to do and not just once.

A – Accountability; I can only trust you if when you make a mistake you are willing to own it, apologize for it and make amends.  I can only trust you if when I make a mistake I am allowed to own it, apologize and make amends.

V – Vault; what I share with you, you will hold in confidence, what you share with me I will hold in confidence.

I – Integrity; I cannot trust you and be in a trusting relationship if you do not act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.

N – Non-judgement; I can fall apart ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by you and you can fall apart ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by me.

G – Generosity; a relationship is only a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous thing about my words, intentions and behaviours and then check in with me.

In my opinion, this acronym encompasses everything that is important for trusting to be successful, if you have doubts in any area of the descriptions from the acronym then maybe further introspection would be of benefit for you.  Everyone has their own ways and I wouldn’t say that there is only one right way but I do know that everyone knows in their gut when something is off so pay attention to that as it will be your greatest guide.

Knowing yourself and how things make you feel is the best way to know how your level of trust with someone is doing.  When trust is damaged it has you questioning not only the one you are in trust with but yourself, you end up going through the usual conversations with self “how could I have been so stupid” or “why did I not see that coming”.  As a result not only is the relationship damaged but your own self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence.  It’s amazing how much damage that can be done in a moment when the thought of another is not held to the high standard it should be because trust is very important.

I just had such an affinity for the conversation because the integrity of trust is such a huge part of all relationships, more than I think many realize.  It’s always said that it’s the little things that matter and this is very true within trust because in the little moments you learn about others, develop, build and evolve the relationship.  You get the true moments and of course with it the openness and vulnerability.  It’s important to be very aware of the vulnerability in others, I think especially so you can always strive to be a better person, one that knows compassion and empathy and wants to bring it into relationships as an enhancement for the connection.

disappointments

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2015 in Blog

 

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Just Say No!

The Dark Can’t Live in the Light

When it comes to relations with others it is the positive that is most enjoyed and of course the negative is not something you seek but sometimes what you fall into. No matter which of these that may occur in your life I believe that all relations can teach you something. In finding the lessons and/or wisdom you will end up gaining much more than you might initially think you’ve lost. I am well aware that toxic relations bring personal and emotional pain but through the havoc comes a greater desire for understanding and connection.

Negativity can be passed on through continued interaction and/or exposure to a negative and unhealthy energy, it’s a breed all on its own and these energy vampires can multiply over time. I don’t know that there is a fix-it solution or cure to rehabilitate negativity that has been conditioned over a long period of time but I wouldn’t say there is no chance because I think everyone has a shot at changing their life and behaviour around, it starts with the individual and what that personal choice in life is.

The dark can’t live in the light, negativity requires that others allow it, enable it, don’t question it but unfortunately that comes with a personal price. Your integrity, your soul, your sense of well-being is affected by your personal choices so it’s important not just for those you care about but for yourself to choose and follow your best life. Any or every time you make this compromise, even if it is for the sake of not ruffling any feathers, you are causing damage to your inner soul. When it comes to the times of processing your thoughts, sometimes at the end of the day or maybe in the silence, pay attention to how these choices affect your overall well-being, especially when you know deep down that you’ve made this kind of compromise?

what are you doing for others

Intention is everything and karma is the result and/or potential outcome of that intention. When you do something positive with the intention of creating good karma it won’t have that desired effect. When you do something positive with the intention of enriching the life of another without thought of karma, you are in effect at that moment creating good karma. Alternatively if you do something negative with the intention of hurting another you are also creating karma and it won’t be good. The wheel of karma is always spinning and your intention (good or bad) will always be connected to it.

The best actions are those inspired by good thoughts and the desire to elevate joy in the lives of others not for any other purpose but to bring happiness.

Sometimes in an effort to not be hurtful to another by being genuinely honest you end up extending your personal boundaries past your acceptable line, a line that will continue to recede until you stop it. Everyone’s boundaries matter and anyone who has respect for you and for themselves won’t attempt to push past those boundaries.

I can understand the emotions that motivate thoughts of revenge when something like this happens and as much as you might think you will enjoy it chances are you really won’t. Negativity’s only purpose is to consume, feed, destroy, control and contain your life lessons by derailing the positive. When you allow it, enable it or don’t question it you are willingly giving up your life lesson opportunities that are meant to help progress you to living your best life.

None of us are so great that we are above our life lessons, we are not above the challenges or the joys and when you try to prevent (enable) another from learning a hard life lesson, you aren’t doing that person or yourself any favors. You are preventing that person from experiencing life, we all have to feel everything, without it how would any of us develop genuine humanity.

If you have strong enough faith in the positive aspects and life force of the Universe you will find that they are working together to help you reach your goals. Things don’t happen instantaneously in any direction, everything is a process and takes time and as long as you can maintain enough patience to see yourself through then you can affect change.

be the change

 
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Posted by on August 16, 2015 in Blog

 

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Simply the Basics!

An Integral Part of Life

There were so many before us that passed forth great wisdom for the purpose of making the world a better place. Below is a poem that was recently given to me, I had not seen it before but so much of the content resonated so strongly that I wanted to share it. It’s a really good wake-up to the call of your higher self and the real importance of this life.

If – Poem by Rudyard Kipling (1865 – 1936)

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master,

If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build’em up with worn-out tools; 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

My take away from this poem is the value and importance of integrity, holding your head high in good times and in bad, keeping yourself from getting lost in the emotional aspects of life that are there to teach you your greatest and most difficult lessons. All the while remembering that which you came from and honoring your true self without giving in to fear. Trusting wisely but not loosely the value of all your relationships, specifically those that are properly balanced.

Nothing of great value or importance was created in a day, patience and hard work whether it takes longer than you’d like is always rewarded.

truth, honesty, integrity

 
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Posted by on July 22, 2015 in Blog

 

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Putting On Your Poker Face

Or Calling Your Own Bluff?

We all have our own ideas when it comes to our expectations in all areas of our lives.  I know I’ve made decisions (good and bad) based on my own expectations of others and emotional feelings but the bigger questions to ask myself are:

  1. Do I hold myself to that same level of expectation?
  2. If I fail to meet that expection do I hold myself accountable or do I justify it?
  3. Am I open and willing to honestly find resolution or peace?

I think that only those closely involved in my life could answer the first question for me, I believe I do, but then again I’m not on the other side of that expectation.

I do tend to disect situations and events down to the very last detail, that is just who I am.  When it comes to evaluating things I don’t like to leave any question unanswered, or any theory unexplored, which can at times lead to frustration for those participating in the conversation of evaluation.

I have gone down the road of justifying a bad decision, one of the most significant reasons being that I had been too stubborn to find a middle ground and the other because the emotional hurt felt like it was at such a high level that finding middle ground seemed near impossible.  I don’t think anyone is mistake free, I know I’m not, but self-reflection in this area is a great opportunity to learn the capacity of your own character and integrity.  To find out what you are really made of and whether or not you have the courage to look in the mirror and take ownership for how you’ve done so far.

In failing to meet that same expectation and going down the road of justifying it, the opportunity to turn it around and make it positive lies within acknowledging your own part and sincerely trying to find resolution or peace.  How each individual finds their resolution or peace will be a process that is unique only to them but I think the main thing, is to be true to who you are deep down and know that any action conflicting with that is ultimately harmful to you the most.  I believe that if you go against the grain of your own spirit it will be such an inner conflict that problems will arise, whether that manifests itself physically, emotionally or both.

I can’t say that all physical issues “I don’t have the credentials”, but I believe that most arise because somewhere within we are causing ourselves an emotional distress that creates the physical manifestation in our health.  This does not mean that once you dissolve the emotional distress that the physical issue will go away, sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t.  I think that depends on how far along the physical issue has progressed.  Once an emotional issue manifests to physical in your body it may take a lot longer to make it go away.  The time it has taken to manifest physically and how long it has carried out for will determine how far the roots of it extend and it may take A LOT of hard work to try to overcome it.

In my case the physical health issue I had experienced, which was created from an emotional issue, manifested in the form of stress, and stress can cause a variety of mock symptoms for various health issues, and luckily mine disappeared when I resolved the stress.

Regardless of how emotional or physical issues manifest within us self-reflection is always a positive step in the right direction, which may turn out to be the first step in changing your well-being for the better.  When you are willing to look in the mirror and measure your progress by the same level of expectation that you have of others you are choosing to build yourself positively.

Sometimes our own expectations of resolution cannot be found, sometimes the olive branch extended is not accepted, sometimes bridges burned cannot be repaired or reconstructed, sometimes the resolution is accepting the lesson, learning from it for the future and moving forward.

I do believe that there isn’t an issue out there that can’t be resolved, however it does take a significant amount of honesty, sincerity and willingness to find resolution.  Things may not ever be the same but they could end up being better, anything is possible!

 
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Posted by on August 14, 2012 in Blog

 

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The Road Ahead

Navigating Through Life

How has your road trip been so far?  Have you been able to negotiate the twists and turns?

I’ve heard the comparison of a road map as a reference to our own lives and I can relate.

These are my analogies to travelling the road of life:

–          Construction Zones (A Reminder of Patience – Don’t sweat the small stuff)

–          Soft Shoulders (Sugar Coating Communications – Tell them how you really feel)

–          Yield ( Respecting other’s Opinions & Feelings – We are unique, we all don’t think alike) 

–          Do Not Enter (Crossing Boundaries – know when to walk away)

–          One Way Street (Negative Thinking – Not every obstacle is as big as it seems)

–          Fork in the Road ( Making a Decision – choosing the path that’s right for You)

–          Gravel or Dirt Road (A New Lesson to Learn – Could be a long or short distance, depends on You)

–          Wrong Turn (You’ve Stepped Off your Path – A mistake)

–          Gridlock (Unable to Find Compromise – Only time will reveal)

–          Bridge is Out (Forgive and Forget – Not all mistakes can be repaired, time to move forward)

–          The Runaway Lane (Not Learning a Lesson – Our ego thinking it knows better)

–          Rest Stops (Regaining your Strength – Finding your personal power)

–          Hitchhikers (The People We Allow Into our Life – Positive or Negative)

–          Detours (A New Direction Not Considered – Relying on your gut instincts)

–          The High Road (Don’t Compromise your Integrity – Don’t lower yourself to someone else’s level)

–          All Green Lights (Positive Thinking, natural flow of the Universe)

Some of the various roadblocks that come up in our lives are there for a reason, some are a result of choices made (good or bad), some are there to teach us so we can learn and grow, some are there to serve solely as a “déjà vu” reminder to keep us from straying too far from the main road.

Most of these turns, bumps and challenges are in place to keep us on the straight and narrow, although sometimes we get off course, take a wrong turn and end up on the wrong end of a one-way street. 

  • Sometimes we get ourselves so far off course that our GPS is continually “re-calculating”.
  • Sometimes you end up having to make a complete U-Turn and go back to where you started.
  • Sometimes, you just can’t get there from here!

Not every road leads to a better life but all roads provide us with an opportunity for personal growth.  Along the way we can find great friends, love, passion, purpose and a greater understanding for how impactful positive thinking can be.

The Universe knows where we should be going but we have our own free will to ultimately decide.

 
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Posted by on July 24, 2012 in Blog

 

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Ingredients for Life!

Life Equals Pie

I was given a fabulous concept from a very good friend of mine for a great topic this week!  The concept is creating an analogy between our life journeys and a favorite dessert and all the ingredients and layers create our own recipe for personal success, whatever that may be.

Much like the ingredients in any dessert, depending on which one you choose, there are usually layers and levels of design.  I’ve chosen Banana Cream Pie because it would contain a good level of ingredients to create this analogy.

Banana Cream Pie:

  • 3 cups of Love
  • 2 cups of Integrity
  • 2 cups of Pride
  • 1 cup of Self-Respect
  • 1 cup of Respect for others
  • 1 cup of Positive Attitude
  • ½ cup of Compassion
  • ½ cup of Empathy
  • 3 tablespoons of Confidence
  • 3 tablespoons of Determination
  • 3 tablespoons of Courage
  • A dash of Assertiveness
  • 12 ounces of water for personal wellness

Frosting:   The Law of Attraction

  • 1 cup of Intention
  • 1 cup of Faith
  • 1 cup of Appreciation
  • 1 cup of Gratitude

Directions:

Mix all ingredients together until they are well blended and you are feeling content.  I was going to add an ingredient to enhance humility but I believe that the emotion of remaining humble would be experienced as a result of living life through Banana Cream Pie.

Serve it to anyone and everyone you so desire and utilize the ingredients to your fullest potential.

I realize that the amounts of all the ingredients I have contained in this recipe are quite excessive but it is a global pie meant to feed the souls of as many as possible.  The frosting is also excessive but it is the Law of Attraction, and that’s exactly where you want to get really excessive in your vision and life.  You will attract exactly what you think and believe!

 
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Posted by on June 26, 2012 in Blog

 

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Leading a Life of Integrity

It’s not what you do, It’s how you do it!

This is a topic that came to me late in the day today and not for any specific reason but I started thinking about my place in this world and what I wanted it to be.  I know I want to make a difference, have a positive impact and hopefully leave this world with at least one, but hopefully a few more than that, lives changed for the better.

I believe that Integrity is at the top of the rung, if your word doesn’t mean anything you’re not going to have many people that trust you with important parts of their life. For me it’s the important parts of mine and other’s lives that connect us to each other.  Everything you do has either a direct or indirect effect on those around you and I find it to be an important factor in everything that I do.  It also shows your consideration and respect for those people and there’s no greater gift you can give them than that.  I’ve found that my deepest connections with others have been rooted in either one or many shared experiences.  It’s these shared experiences that validate both our thoughts and feelings on any given situation and help us to understand that we are not alone or off the wall in how something or someone affects us.

Remember this:  People are only as important to you as you make them feel.

Our feelings and emotions drive everything we do and when we feel hurt or betrayed emotionally then our reaction can be to either disconnect or shut down all together from that source of hurt.  As well it can emotionally stunt us from any growth we are meant to experience.  Our feelings and emotions are very strong and unless you are able to tune them out or control them ( I’m not ) then you either have to deal and move on or you become stuck.

There is no doubt in my mind that becoming stuck is not an option for me.  I choose to deal and move on, not only for myself but so that I don’t pass on this negativity to anyone else in my life.

My favorite method is to write it out and I want to encourage anyone and everyone out there to try this, it’s been extremely successful and healing for me.  I’m sure anyone who’s ever written an email or letter to someone has written it and then re-read it, made adjustments, read it again, maybe make another adjustment and then send.  I think the reason we make the adjustments is so something doesn’t come off sounding bad ( that’s our consideration and respect ).

Imagine this, you write out your letter to someone, something or even an organization giving it your all and getting everything off your chest, leaving nothing unsaid.

Don’t actually send it! 

Every time and I do mean every time I’ve done this I’ve felt better after and it’s because I got to put in my 2 cents about how something made me feel and once I’ve done that it’s released from weighing on my mind and emotions.  This is my therapy, my release and my way to keep myself sane and prevent that negative cycle from continuing.  It’s like my own little personal assertiveness training and it helps me to draw my line in the sand without losing my own dignity or integrity.

The main thing I’ve got that is entirely in my control is my Integrity – my respect, my consideration, my compassion and my empathy for not only myself but for others.  My word definitely means something!

 
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Posted by on April 17, 2012 in Blog

 

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