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Cause and Effect

When Change is Your Only Option

[ I haven’t posted any writings in the last few months as I am working on another book but recently I’ve had the thoughts below marinating in my mind and felt the need to share ]

what are you doing for others

Changes in life aren’t always planned or even known, sometimes they just occur all of a sudden and turn your world upside down, hopefully it’s a more positive experience rather than negative but what usually follows is a new ways of seeing, thinking, believing and living.

Transitioning into change isn’t always an easy road but it is naturally how the path progresses.  When you are moving from one phase of your life into the next the changes are not just what is around you, but also what is within.  Changing old habits and/or outdated ways of thinking usually manifests after you’ve either been resisting or struggling to move forward, sometimes without even realizing it.

All life evolves, that we all know and how you personally evolve depends on your choices which of course is of your free will to make but transition can be made easier if you choose to embrace it instead of resisting it (believe me, I’m not saying I’ve always done this, quite the opposite at times, but when you know better, you do better).  I’ve learned to recognize that when I am resisting transition (which I haven’t always been able to identify in the past) that I feel scattered, frustrated, blocked like I’m banging my head against a wall without fully understanding why only to later come to the realization, that “aha” moment, when things start to smooth out and make sense.  Clarity and awareness can be a beautiful thing.

Awareness in yourself is a learned experience, recognizing and reading the signs and symptoms in your own personality is an opportunity worth taking advantage of and sometimes necessary.  Rising to your own challenges will advance every aspect of your character and life but only if you are open to it.  You have to be open to it or it won’t work.

I choose to embrace the positive aspects in all areas of life, I do not like to shed light on negativity for too long because I’m very wary of feeding the wrong energy, but unfortunately sometimes (dare I say, too often) the negative happens and it needs to be looked at in order to raise awareness.

Awareness in others is also a learned experience, recognizing and listening to your inner voice.

When something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t!

Every time I have ignored my gut instinct it always comes back to bite me and that moment of realization, knowing I knew then what I’m learning now feels worse for me because I know I purposely didn’t listen.

I’ve seen a few too many in the last little while of those I care about that are taken advantage of because of their kindness and trust.  Too often when your gut tells you something is wrong you silence it, not always because you think you know better but because within the frame of kindness is the benefit of the doubt.  The benefit of doubt is given out of trust and those who do not have good intentions will manipulate and thrive on that because they are not serving a higher purpose, they are serving only themselves.

  • How does one learn to differentiate between the good and bad?
  • How does one learn to trust their instincts after falling victim to such toxicity and ill will?
  • How does one learn to trust others again?
  • Does the benefit of the doubt ever come back to you?

I think these are the questions you end up asking yourself over and over and over again when an event changes your life abruptly.

I wish there was a quick fix, a way to go back, a way to erase the damage, unfortunately there is not.  The quotes always say you have two options, you rise again or you let it define you, but I don’t know if I agree with that.

I believe there is one option, you rise again, become stronger!

The past cannot be changed, there is absolutely no way you can go back and re-write the story, there is no benefit to re-living it over and over in your mind, you are only torturing yourself. 

There is a process though and the only way to get through a storm is to brave it and fight your way through.  In order to move forward you have to feel the range of emotions as they come and let the wound heal in the time it needs to do so.

The lesson learned, the awareness gained will be that you refuse to give up your personal power to anyone again.  It’s not about forgiving someone else, someone who may or may not be sorry, it’s about forgiving yourself for gracing someone with your kindness and trust when they weren’t worthy of it.

The only thing you can do is make peace with it so you don’t re-live it every day in your present or into your future.  As terrible as an experience is, was or feels, the effects of the experience changes you and how that change manifests within is up to you.

Be a warrior for you!

mirror, mirror

 
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Posted by on June 11, 2016 in Blog

 

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What do you REALLY think?

How do you REALLY feel?

I think these are the most important questions to ask yourself and of course the answers are just as important. If something doesn’t FEEL right then it probably isn’t the best choice for you.

Pay attention to what your gut tells you and heed its warnings always! Believe me that’s advice I didn’t always take myself, there are so many choices I’ve made that have gone against what my better judgement was telling me but unfortunately I wasn’t always good at listening and this is something I’ve worked hard at to change.

Your inner spirit, higher self, however you want to refer to it, knows the best path for you and when you continually make choices that go against how you REALLY think and feel that voice, that light, gets dimmed. Strangest thing is you know inside when you are doing it and a lot of times the reason for compromising is for the sake of others and how they think or feel and honestly I don’t know if others really understand how much of yourself you are damaging with these kinds of compromises.moving forward

Standing your ground for what you REALLY think or feel is important not just for yourself but for the purpose of creating solid boundaries to protect the beautiful spirit that is YOU so that others know you value yourself. You teach others how to treat you by modelling how you treat yourself and if you continually compromise and walk all over yourself than others will too.

Expressing yourself isn’t supposed to be something that is shunned but rather celebrated because you like everyone else deserve to be celebrated, each of us in our own way. Difference isn’t weird or awkward, it is unique and individual. As much as I enjoy participating in group efforts I still like to create and celebrate my own uniqueness by putting my personal stamp on things I do or create. Not for any other reason except to celebrate my own individuality and uniqueness that is totally me. I don’t want to be a clone of anyone else and I wouldn’t want anyone else to feel like they needed to be exactly like me or someone else because each one of us has a QUALITY that is their unique personalization.

Too often I think compromise happens as a result of feeling like the responsibility falls on your shoulders to make the compromise out of duty or inferiority or because somewhere along the line you’ve developed or been told you are inferior, YOU ARE NOT!

It is time to take back your power! Standing your ground does not mean you are an awful person, it means you respect and love yourself enough to say “that doesn’t work for me that way”. Make the effort to find another way that suits your THOUGHTS and FEELINGS better, because those thoughts and feelings affect your inner spirit, probably more than you realize.

If another is offended by your lack of compromise, that is a good indication of that individual’s intention, which in my opinion is not in your best interest. Anyone who has yours and their best interests in mind is going to be willing to find an alternative that works for both of you, which speaks volumes of their respect for themselves and for you.

How do you take back your power if you’ve been giving it away for so long? I wish I had a simple, quick fix answer for this but it requires personal reflective work. Looking back, finding where you let go/gave away your personal power and determining how that change manifested in your life.

Finding where things changed is the start, after that it’s finding out why it changed, what changed in you that let this happen and how do you get back into your power?

When you approach these questions you are already half way there because acknowledgement and acceptance are the first steps. Finding out where the disconnect was that caused this change and repairing that will help guide your power back to you. Learning what the triggers are that cause you to disconnect and compromise yourself is the key to never losing your power again.

Most of the issues that cause changes like these are connected to your emotions and while emotions are not easily controlled they can be managed. Understanding how your emotions react and learning to recognize your triggers will be your best asset for that management so you don’t lose or give away your personal power to others ever again.

Once you’ve identified all of these aspects, the healing begins and your power returns.

If at any time you feel like your power is slipping, check in with yourself, go to friends or family who can help boost your energetic levels back to where they should be.

Always remember that you deserve to be happy, anyone that tries to dispel that doesn’t necessarily need to be a part of your life. Those that have your best intentions in mind will always promote your higher self and inspire you to go toward what makes you happy while walking alongside you.

Letting go of people or things that no longer have a positive place in your life is your way of saying “I am doing what I need to do to make my life positive and fulfilling”.

Only YOU can make that change and if you are feeling less than inspired I believe it’s a change YOU need to make.

making space

 
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Posted by on July 29, 2015 in Blog

 

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You Have the Power

To Change your Story

The life you live is your choice, Always! 

If your life is not the way you like it you can change it, there are always options and the only reason you may feel trapped at times is because you won’t allow yourself to see those options.  There are always obstacles in life to overcome to reach the desired destination but it is your choice as to whether you are going to let those options stand in your way or if you are going to find an alternate route around them.  If you give up and quit, that is because you have made the conscious decision that you are not going to succeed but it isn’t the obstacles that prevented you from moving forward it was you!

Story, Wooden peg and colorful words series on rope

Obstacles are on your path to challenge and teach you that anything worth having is worth fighting for and to help build who you are to become.  Stepping outside your comfort zone is where your biggest opportunities lie and it’s not that you are going to be successful with everything you try but taking a chance will build your self-worth and not taking the chance will lower it.  I have personally found that even if the road I’ve travelled doesn’t pan out I feel pride because at least I tried it.  Regret, in my opinion, sucks the life out of your self-worth, self-pride and self-respect and will continue to drain that part of your psyche until you let go and resolve to move forward with a life plan that better builds you.

I’ve taken chances and risks to walk on many different paths in the effort to find the one that is truly my own and I don’t believe I’m done yet.  There always seems to be another level even higher than the last that I need to reach for next and every step I take leads me to new discoveries, sometimes daily.  Discoveries that tantalize and inspire my inner creativity with insight into new and exciting prospects, prospects I hadn’t even considered.  Letting go of fear is your only option for moving forward, fear can be paralyzing and it lives only in your mind, it’s not an actual circumstance.  Danger and extreme peril, both are actual circumstances that can evolve to exist but fear is a component of the mind, created by the mind.

When you become stuck it is because there is something in your emotion (usually fear) that is continuing to cycle and reminding you that you can’t get there from here but really you can, you just have to find another route.

Just because you’ve fallen down doesn’t mean you stay there, the only reason you are unable to see a way out or up is because your vision is clouded but it can and will clear if you want and allow it to.  Letting go of the fear to take a chance is the single most important step you need to take to move in the direction you seek, if you don’t know the direction look within, all the answers you will ever need are in there. 

If your story is not going the way you want you may have quieted your instincts so much that they are barely an audible whisper but the more you allow them to have a voice the louder they will get.  Your instincts, intuition, inner voice, however you want to refer to it will never guide you to a place that isn’t necessary for your personal growth but you are not meant to get stuck there.

I absolutely love Jane Fonda’s analogy of this kind of emotional challenge, I can’t quote it verbatim but it is somewhere along these lines; every time you exercise you create little miniscule tears in the muscle (that sore, tired feeling after exercise, like you really worked out), these tears heal quite quickly and become stronger and so muscle grows.  This is like the emotional challenges, they make little tears in our emotion and we heal and become stronger because of the experience, it’s not that we are broken but rather broken open and the opportunity for positive change and new beginnings can be the result of that experience if you don’t allow it to define you.

We all deserve to live the life we hope for and envision and there is no such thing as too late or too old.  You know your heart and inner spirit better than anyone and you know when you are going against it because inner war is the result, that conflict creates negativity that can spiral into dark areas that can damage you significantly, sometimes altering you into an entirely different person.  I do believe that everything happens for a reason and even though negative experiences are needed for growth, as are positive, they can sometimes create a tornado effect within you and the only way to stop it is to take away its wind.

Take back your power, surround yourself with people that build and inspire you, live and breathe positive thinking and change your story!

what if

 
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Posted by on March 5, 2014 in Blog

 

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No More Seconds For Me!

Don’t Settle for Second Best

The defining moment of either of these for each of us is the intention within when making the conscious choice.

  • Compromise:  An agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.
  • Sacrifice:  A sacrifice is a loss or something you give up, usually for the sake of a better cause.

Both of these are good choices but only at the right time for you and only for the right reasons.

The questions to ask yourself when you are contemplating either compromise or sacrifice are the genuine reasons behind your consideration.

1)      Do I have all the facts?

2)      Is it because I don’t have the patience to wait?

3)      Is it because I don’t think I deserve any better?

4)      Am I sacrificing one need for another?

I have compromised in the past and each time I’ve done this it hasn’t been a good decision, mostly because the intention for compromising was influenced by either lack of wisdom or lack of faith.

My lack of wisdom was that I did not pay attention or listen to my inner voice, my gut instincts, my soul.  The wisdom I lacked was not recognizing when my inner voice was struggling to be heard and allowing my ego to quiet that inner voice.  The ego can lead us into such turmoil and can do so easily because it overinflates our thoughts into believing a tainted version of the truth.  It’s so important to allow your inner voice to help guide you during important decisions, every time I’ve ignored my inner voice it has turned into a very rude awakening and has set me back significantly.  It’s really hard at the beginning when allowing yourself to hear and listen to your inner voice but once you make that shift, it will become your default and you will hear it more often and much clearer.

My lack of faith was that I did not trust in what I wanted or saw for my future or that it would come into my life when the time was right.  I felt that it was out of my reach or a too big a dream so I decided to settle for what was available and easy to obtain in the now because I had become too impatient to wait or believe.  In settling I found that I still had passion for those bigger dreams and because of that realization I now try to recognize when that is happening so I don’t ever settle again.

I have sacrificed, although in looking back at the past it doesn’t feel so much like sacrifices now because it has taken me in directions that has opened up my world and brought in such great people, opportunities and knowledge.  It seems like sacrifice for me has been more of a leap into a greater unknown that has ultimately been of huge benefit.

Regardless of the reason you need to be at peace with the choices you make and if you’re not then it will keep showing up in your life until you make it right.  The inner voice, gut instinct, soul; no matter how you refer to it, it is what aligns you with your physical body.  If the two are not in sync then it will keep trying to align and the longer you resist the more damage you do to yourself, the more conflict and turmoil you will feel within.

I’ve realized that settling for many different reasons at different times in my life, regardless of the reason I may have had at the time, was never a good enough one and inevitably left me still looking toward what I was initially striving for.

I’ve tried to take advantage of every opportunity whether it has turned out to be a good or bad one because I would rather take the chance so that I don’t spend the rest of my life wondering “what if” and have regret. 

I’ve realized that I want to take on the challenge because then I am at least giving myself the chance to discover if it’s really something I still want to pursue, or it could lead me in a totally different direction that I might have not otherwise discovered.

 
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Posted by on September 25, 2012 in Blog

 

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The Road Ahead

Navigating Through Life

How has your road trip been so far?  Have you been able to negotiate the twists and turns?

I’ve heard the comparison of a road map as a reference to our own lives and I can relate.

These are my analogies to travelling the road of life:

–          Construction Zones (A Reminder of Patience – Don’t sweat the small stuff)

–          Soft Shoulders (Sugar Coating Communications – Tell them how you really feel)

–          Yield ( Respecting other’s Opinions & Feelings – We are unique, we all don’t think alike) 

–          Do Not Enter (Crossing Boundaries – know when to walk away)

–          One Way Street (Negative Thinking – Not every obstacle is as big as it seems)

–          Fork in the Road ( Making a Decision – choosing the path that’s right for You)

–          Gravel or Dirt Road (A New Lesson to Learn – Could be a long or short distance, depends on You)

–          Wrong Turn (You’ve Stepped Off your Path – A mistake)

–          Gridlock (Unable to Find Compromise – Only time will reveal)

–          Bridge is Out (Forgive and Forget – Not all mistakes can be repaired, time to move forward)

–          The Runaway Lane (Not Learning a Lesson – Our ego thinking it knows better)

–          Rest Stops (Regaining your Strength – Finding your personal power)

–          Hitchhikers (The People We Allow Into our Life – Positive or Negative)

–          Detours (A New Direction Not Considered – Relying on your gut instincts)

–          The High Road (Don’t Compromise your Integrity – Don’t lower yourself to someone else’s level)

–          All Green Lights (Positive Thinking, natural flow of the Universe)

Some of the various roadblocks that come up in our lives are there for a reason, some are a result of choices made (good or bad), some are there to teach us so we can learn and grow, some are there to serve solely as a “déjà vu” reminder to keep us from straying too far from the main road.

Most of these turns, bumps and challenges are in place to keep us on the straight and narrow, although sometimes we get off course, take a wrong turn and end up on the wrong end of a one-way street. 

  • Sometimes we get ourselves so far off course that our GPS is continually “re-calculating”.
  • Sometimes you end up having to make a complete U-Turn and go back to where you started.
  • Sometimes, you just can’t get there from here!

Not every road leads to a better life but all roads provide us with an opportunity for personal growth.  Along the way we can find great friends, love, passion, purpose and a greater understanding for how impactful positive thinking can be.

The Universe knows where we should be going but we have our own free will to ultimately decide.

 
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Posted by on July 24, 2012 in Blog

 

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Signs Are All Around Us!

Pay Attention to Your Life

It’s amazing how many signs are actually around us on a daily basis that we miss.  Sometimes it’s because:

  1. We aren’t paying close enough attention to our lives
  2. The signs aren’t speaking loud enough for us
  3. We are ignoring them

Any one of these prevent us from experiencing what could potentially be an empowering personal growth opportunity.  These signs sometimes create those “aha” moments that we all seek,  those moments that lead us to a higher understanding and level.  I absolutely love those moments and I am constantly looking around for the greater reason behind all of my experiences in every part of my life because I know it’s there.  There are times when I am fully engaged and paying attention and still cannot see the signs.  Sometimes this is because I am too closely connected to any given situation to  have the clarity I need but I persevere because I am very committed to finding my reason for being.  I believe that in the grand scheme of things we are all connected to each other through a higher level, a higher sense of being, a higher power,  it’s just a matter of tapping into it.  Paying Attention!

 Our inner voice is always whispering to us and when I don’t pay attention, I get a shove, not literally, but one that says “hey, start listening to me”.   I’ve had times when I really disregarded my inner voice and ended up in an emotional and/or physical state of being that could have been avoided if I had been paying attention to the signs within and around me.  Our inner voice, gut instinct, intuition, whatever you want to call it, is wise beyond what we can understand and every time I choose not to listen I get thumped!  It’s the equivalent of the “I told you so”, except there is no judgment and the consequence is already occurring.

If you have an undesirable scenario that keeps playing within your life like a broken record and you keep ending up in the same place then it may be time to step back and analyze that so you are able to find a more productive and positive outcome.

 

Knowing how far things can progress in a situation before clarity and insight can finally occur depends on each individual, how in tune they are with themselves and how devoted they really are to getting in touch with their reason for being.

Everyone has their daily routines but don’t go through them blindly, our lives aren’t just supposed to be existing, they should be a living experience.

  • Be fully engaged
  • Be committed
  • Be aware
  • Ask questions
  • Pay attention

 

 
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Posted by on June 5, 2012 in Blog

 

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