RSS

Tag Archives: decisions

I Wasn’t Mad at You!

I Was Mad at the Situation!

Have you ever said this to someone?  Did it have the outcome you expected?

Or:

Has someone ever said this to you?  How did it make you feel?

I’ve had this experience on the receiving end because honestly I could never say this to someone and actually think that it was ok.  The conclusion I’ve come to is that when someone says this it is because they are feeling helpless, inadequate or fearful and it seems to be a situationally based and reactive behaviour.  I believe that everyone’s feelings count but not when those feelings are used in a combative or hurtful way.

In a way this statement is an eye opener for you as to who the person really is and it reveals a lot about how they will handle any level of stress, especially if they are projecting their stress toward someone else.  It’s also a good indication of what you can expect to see in the future, similar to the theory “to see how someone deals with something give them a string of tangled christmas lights”, honestly that seems like a good theory.

We all have different levels of adversity to deal with in our lives, no one’s is more important the other’s, but if we all ran around biting each other’s heads off because we were mad about our challenges how would we ever learn to cope or gain wisdom while maintaining a level of integrity.

the problem

 

Even though I’ve heard many times that “people don’t change” or “leopards don’t change their spots” I believe that anyone can change their behaviourial lifestyle for the better, especially if it is currently working poorly for them, but the key is that they have to want to.  It’s hard work to make changes to behaviour, they are ingrained, they’ve developed from our early years and even though habits are very hard to break, they can be broken but in order to do that determination and willingness to meet that goal will be the biggest challenge.  My experience has led me to believe that anyone that makes this statement isn’t likely to change, not because they can’t but because they won’t.  They either don’t realize the effect they actually have on someone or they don’t take well to the response of hurt feelings and become defensive.

Any challenge that is difficult requires a strong and determined resolve to be successful and I’ve found that any time I attempt to do something I put my mind to there is no way I am going to allow myself to give up.  Any inkling that creeps into my mind telling me I can’t do something is not allowed to stay and that is my resolve and it works well for me.  Everyone is different though, just because my thought process works for me, doesn’t mean it will work for someone else and maybe each of us need to find some sort of adaptation that works to be successful.

It’s a big commitment to make a change like this, everyone has the ability and the opportunity but not everyone has the endurance to see it through to the end.  When you are going through something that is extremely challenging it’s a benefit to have some sort of validation from others that you are going to be successful but it’s not their validation that is the most important, it’s your own.  When you don’t get that validation it can become the reason to give up because it’s just too hard and no one’s patting you on the back yet anyway but that’s the test, the life lesson.

Life is full of challenges and how you deal, cope and adapt to those challenges is entirely your decision but I think it’s important to recognize and be aware of how those decisions may be affecting those around you that you care for.

good-bad life

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on July 10, 2013 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Putting On Your Poker Face

Or Calling Your Own Bluff?

We all have our own ideas when it comes to our expectations in all areas of our lives.  I know I’ve made decisions (good and bad) based on my own expectations of others and emotional feelings but the bigger questions to ask myself are:

  1. Do I hold myself to that same level of expectation?
  2. If I fail to meet that expection do I hold myself accountable or do I justify it?
  3. Am I open and willing to honestly find resolution or peace?

I think that only those closely involved in my life could answer the first question for me, I believe I do, but then again I’m not on the other side of that expectation.

I do tend to disect situations and events down to the very last detail, that is just who I am.  When it comes to evaluating things I don’t like to leave any question unanswered, or any theory unexplored, which can at times lead to frustration for those participating in the conversation of evaluation.

I have gone down the road of justifying a bad decision, one of the most significant reasons being that I had been too stubborn to find a middle ground and the other because the emotional hurt felt like it was at such a high level that finding middle ground seemed near impossible.  I don’t think anyone is mistake free, I know I’m not, but self-reflection in this area is a great opportunity to learn the capacity of your own character and integrity.  To find out what you are really made of and whether or not you have the courage to look in the mirror and take ownership for how you’ve done so far.

In failing to meet that same expectation and going down the road of justifying it, the opportunity to turn it around and make it positive lies within acknowledging your own part and sincerely trying to find resolution or peace.  How each individual finds their resolution or peace will be a process that is unique only to them but I think the main thing, is to be true to who you are deep down and know that any action conflicting with that is ultimately harmful to you the most.  I believe that if you go against the grain of your own spirit it will be such an inner conflict that problems will arise, whether that manifests itself physically, emotionally or both.

I can’t say that all physical issues “I don’t have the credentials”, but I believe that most arise because somewhere within we are causing ourselves an emotional distress that creates the physical manifestation in our health.  This does not mean that once you dissolve the emotional distress that the physical issue will go away, sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t.  I think that depends on how far along the physical issue has progressed.  Once an emotional issue manifests to physical in your body it may take a lot longer to make it go away.  The time it has taken to manifest physically and how long it has carried out for will determine how far the roots of it extend and it may take A LOT of hard work to try to overcome it.

In my case the physical health issue I had experienced, which was created from an emotional issue, manifested in the form of stress, and stress can cause a variety of mock symptoms for various health issues, and luckily mine disappeared when I resolved the stress.

Regardless of how emotional or physical issues manifest within us self-reflection is always a positive step in the right direction, which may turn out to be the first step in changing your well-being for the better.  When you are willing to look in the mirror and measure your progress by the same level of expectation that you have of others you are choosing to build yourself positively.

Sometimes our own expectations of resolution cannot be found, sometimes the olive branch extended is not accepted, sometimes bridges burned cannot be repaired or reconstructed, sometimes the resolution is accepting the lesson, learning from it for the future and moving forward.

I do believe that there isn’t an issue out there that can’t be resolved, however it does take a significant amount of honesty, sincerity and willingness to find resolution.  Things may not ever be the same but they could end up being better, anything is possible!

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on August 14, 2012 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

The Road Ahead

Navigating Through Life

How has your road trip been so far?  Have you been able to negotiate the twists and turns?

I’ve heard the comparison of a road map as a reference to our own lives and I can relate.

These are my analogies to travelling the road of life:

–          Construction Zones (A Reminder of Patience – Don’t sweat the small stuff)

–          Soft Shoulders (Sugar Coating Communications – Tell them how you really feel)

–          Yield ( Respecting other’s Opinions & Feelings – We are unique, we all don’t think alike) 

–          Do Not Enter (Crossing Boundaries – know when to walk away)

–          One Way Street (Negative Thinking – Not every obstacle is as big as it seems)

–          Fork in the Road ( Making a Decision – choosing the path that’s right for You)

–          Gravel or Dirt Road (A New Lesson to Learn – Could be a long or short distance, depends on You)

–          Wrong Turn (You’ve Stepped Off your Path – A mistake)

–          Gridlock (Unable to Find Compromise – Only time will reveal)

–          Bridge is Out (Forgive and Forget – Not all mistakes can be repaired, time to move forward)

–          The Runaway Lane (Not Learning a Lesson – Our ego thinking it knows better)

–          Rest Stops (Regaining your Strength – Finding your personal power)

–          Hitchhikers (The People We Allow Into our Life – Positive or Negative)

–          Detours (A New Direction Not Considered – Relying on your gut instincts)

–          The High Road (Don’t Compromise your Integrity – Don’t lower yourself to someone else’s level)

–          All Green Lights (Positive Thinking, natural flow of the Universe)

Some of the various roadblocks that come up in our lives are there for a reason, some are a result of choices made (good or bad), some are there to teach us so we can learn and grow, some are there to serve solely as a “déjà vu” reminder to keep us from straying too far from the main road.

Most of these turns, bumps and challenges are in place to keep us on the straight and narrow, although sometimes we get off course, take a wrong turn and end up on the wrong end of a one-way street. 

  • Sometimes we get ourselves so far off course that our GPS is continually “re-calculating”.
  • Sometimes you end up having to make a complete U-Turn and go back to where you started.
  • Sometimes, you just can’t get there from here!

Not every road leads to a better life but all roads provide us with an opportunity for personal growth.  Along the way we can find great friends, love, passion, purpose and a greater understanding for how impactful positive thinking can be.

The Universe knows where we should be going but we have our own free will to ultimately decide.

 
3 Comments

Posted by on July 24, 2012 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,