It’s How You Breathe!
In the last couple of months I’ve had some challenges that have been hard to handle at certain moments (to say the least) but they have allowed me to step a little bit outside of myself at times so I could observe the plans ahead and the placement of those in my life. How things come together or apart and how people step in and out of our lives, usually at the right times. The only words I can think of to describe it all is “weirdly wonderful timing” because even though I know that the universe knows all and the best laid plans don’t always materialize, those that pop in and out of our lives at specific times are all part of the bigger picture/plan, it still blows my mind at how it all plays out.
My daughter had some more challenges in the last couple weeks that seem to be an aftershock-like effect from her surgery, all the trauma and fluctuation of her entire system, of course who wouldn’t? The body is not meant to have to go through such big changes and especially in such a short period of time but she seems to be finally bouncing back, at least that’s my continued hope and prayer.
It’s in the difficult times that you really discover who’s on your team!
I want to let all of those who I know are on my team know that even though you may have thought your support was insignificant it was noticed. Even though I may have at times said I was ok when I didn’t feel so much that way, the fact that you checked was noticed. Even though I know I put some of you off for a visit to make sure I was ok, when I definitely wasn’t, I want you to know that it wasn’t because I didn’t want to see you, it was because I couldn’t. Your compassion was too overwhelming and my emotions were sitting too close to the surface to suppress them and my dignity to maintain my strength was all I had left.
I think when you have the moment to step outside yourself and reflect it’s always a great opportunity. There is greater clarity outside the confines of our own psyche and it’s in that zone that I believe we can find the answers to questions that have eluded us and the opportunity to find out more about what you are looking for in your life.
I discovered that I had two different life challenges working against each other which weren’t beneficial for my daughter’s recovery process. I am overly ambitious and wanted to get a plan going that helps her get well in the best way possible. I’m not a doctor so medically I can’t do anything to make things better but I am her mother so I’m going to try to break down every wall to find a way. When I get my mind on a direction I take off running but when it comes to something like physical recovery (especially someone else’s recovery), taking off running doesn’t work out so well. The recovery goes on her timetable, not mine, so I can make all the plans I want for progressing forward but if her system isn’t ready, it isn’t ready, plain and simple.
The other life challenge is patience, which in my opinion, impedes progress for ambition. I’m sure that there are many people that have been able to find the happy medium for these two to work together but my maternal and protective nature wants to change things for the better for my daughter not later, but now! If it were me, I would definitely be motivated but not as strongly as I am when it comes to my daughter and of course that’s because for me, it’s her world that matters the most!
One thing I have noticed is that when I’m not gripping so tightly to trying to make things work, they seem to find a different, and usually better, way to just work out. Like everything just falls into place naturally and I think that is also the universe telling me something; that things will happen naturally if I just let them.
Shelley Hallmark 