There are Definitely Side Effects
We develop a connection to everything that inhabits our thoughts (whether we intend to or not), any kind of conversation that is meant to reflect on another person in a negative light is something that I don’t have any desire to make connection to but there are times when we either consciously or unknowingly enter into that zone.
I have had instances where I am in a conversation with someone and somewhere around the middle that person begins to speak negatively about another person (sometimes someone I know and sometimes not). Either way I find at that point I feel trapped because I am already engaged in the conversation and I don’t want to be rude but:
– Do I stop them in mid-sentence and tell them I can’t continue because it feels too negative and degrading to that person?
– Or do I allow them to continue because I’ll just tune it out and eventually they will be done because I don’t want the conflict or discomfort?
It’s a sensitive decision because you don’t want to offend the person you are talking with and no one wants to hear that you don’t want to listen to what they have to say but at the same time why should you have to be subjected to the negativity and possibly be infected by it?
I’ve determined that there are 3 reasons people may choose to speak of others in a negative light.
- They get some sort of pleasure out of another’s misfortune
- They themselves are insecure and feel much more empowered about their own life
- There is some sort of payoff (whatever that may be)
Ultimately when you are speaking of anyone in a negative light you are creating a cycle of negativity within yourself that will continue to spin and not in a good way.
Negativity bites! Once you start down that path it can spiral you into an even more negative place, a place that you never thought you’d be in and you may wonder how you got there to begin with. I believe it starts with the thought, that thought connects to your emotion and then the words start to flow in that direction.
Disconnecting from that cycle is the best conscious decision you can make for yourself and finding a way that works best for you to enforce those boundaries needs to feel comfortable to be successful.
I think that the best solution for me is to relay to the person I am talking with that I do not feel comfortable talking about another person in a negative manner. I am definitely sensitive in many different areas of my life and enforcing boundaries continues to be a challenge but one that I must persevere in so that I continue to live my life in way that doesn’t feel disloyal to my inner spirit.