Affects All Parts of Your Self
I happened to catch a show on the OWN Network the other night with a couple of key note speakers discussing the topic of Trust. I always like to hear different perspectives and thought processes on any topic because it always makes me think and sometimes challenges my own perceptions.
Everyone has a different opinion and perspective and even if it doesn’t match mine at times I think it’s important to at least honour their feelings.
Trust is built in very small moments – Brene Brown.
If you think the littlest of gestures are insignificant, think again because they build that grander scale of trust. It takes a longer time to build then it does to destroy it.
I’ve included the definition of both trust and distrust as described by Charles Feltman because like Brene Brown, I think it’s close to the best one I’ve heard.
- Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.
- Distrust is what I have shared with you that is important to me but is not safe with you.
I absolutely had to include the acronym as created by Brene Brown regarding the “Anatomy of Trust”, because it seems to me to be the best description and aspects of all relationships.
Brene Brown’s acronym for trust is BRAVING, when we trust we are braving connection with someone.
B – Boundaries; I trust you, if you are clear about your boundaries and you hold them and you’re clear about my boundaries and you respect them. There is no trust without boundaries.
R – Reliability; I can only trust you if you do what you say you’re going to do and not just once.
A – Accountability; I can only trust you if when you make a mistake you are willing to own it, apologize for it and make amends. I can only trust you if when I make a mistake I am allowed to own it, apologize and make amends.
V – Vault; what I share with you, you will hold in confidence, what you share with me I will hold in confidence.
I – Integrity; I cannot trust you and be in a trusting relationship if you do not act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.
N – Non-judgement; I can fall apart ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by you and you can fall apart ask for help and be in struggle without being judged by me.
G – Generosity; a relationship is only a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous thing about my words, intentions and behaviours and then check in with me.
In my opinion, this acronym encompasses everything that is important for trusting to be successful, if you have doubts in any area of the descriptions from the acronym then maybe further introspection would be of benefit for you. Everyone has their own ways and I wouldn’t say that there is only one right way but I do know that everyone knows in their gut when something is off so pay attention to that as it will be your greatest guide.
Knowing yourself and how things make you feel is the best way to know how your level of trust with someone is doing. When trust is damaged it has you questioning not only the one you are in trust with but yourself, you end up going through the usual conversations with self “how could I have been so stupid” or “why did I not see that coming”. As a result not only is the relationship damaged but your own self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence. It’s amazing how much damage that can be done in a moment when the thought of another is not held to the high standard it should be because trust is very important.
I just had such an affinity for the conversation because the integrity of trust is such a huge part of all relationships, more than I think many realize. It’s always said that it’s the little things that matter and this is very true within trust because in the little moments you learn about others, develop, build and evolve the relationship. You get the true moments and of course with it the openness and vulnerability. It’s important to be very aware of the vulnerability in others, I think especially so you can always strive to be a better person, one that knows compassion and empathy and wants to bring it into relationships as an enhancement for the connection.
December 16, 2015 at 6:35 am
Always amazing Shelley!
December 17, 2015 at 8:40 am
Your wonderful comments are always appreciated! Thanks Deanna!! 🙂
December 29, 2015 at 1:23 pm
Have you taken Brene’s “Anatomy of Trust” e-course, Shelley? It’s free on her courageworksDOTcom website. I signed up for it a couple of weeks back – it speaks to this VERY thing! Great piece, as always!
(I know it’s been a while, but glad to see you’re still at it!).
December 29, 2015 at 8:04 pm
Thanks so much Danielle!! So great to hear from you again, yes I have meant to get on Brene Brown’s site, it is one of my New Years Resolutions to make more time for such things. She is absolutely the best!!! Again, so great to hear from you, I’ve always enjoyed your positive feedback 🙂