RSS

Tag Archives: letting go

Don’t Let the Seed of Anger Consume You

16 Jan

How are Your Communications?

Sometimes it takes so little for a conversation to go sideways but it’s as easy as asking for clarification as to how you’ve heard something to determine someone’s intention.  Your own awareness in maintaining a level of control over your emotions will help to keep your levels from rising during conversations that have the potential of becoming heated.  Perception is Reality!

Anger serves no purpose except to upset and hurt those involved and if you let it, it will keep you stuck in that place of misery until you let go of it.

listening

The best communication is listening, acknowledging and validating what you’ve heard.  Verify back how you’re receiving things, not everyone interprets input the same way but you also need to be able to maintain some level of empathy and compassion to truly honor the communications so that resolution can be found, of course if that is the goal.  Nasty verbal ping pong isn’t fair play but can be so easy to get dragged into if your emotions get away from you.  I think it’s impossible not to have your emotions invested during open and honest communication but with determination it is possible to keep them respectful.

If you tune out during conversation to what someone is saying instead of really hearing and understanding them then you are sending them the wrong message but if you’re at a loss for words because you feel like you are in over your head and that you’re supposed to be helping them through an issue, the best thing you can do is to communicate that honestly.  You don’t always need to fix someone’s world and you’re not meant to, sometimes all one needs is acknowledgement and validation that they’ve been heard to help direct them toward the road of self-healing.

If someone is or has treated you badly for whatever reason it likely has more to do with them than it does with you.  People strike out at others for many reasons and usually it’s connected to their own emotional imbalances (eg: jealousy, inadequacy or defensiveness), to name a few.  Alternatively it could be something that is going on or isn’t going on in their life that they are hurt by.  Even though it’s not right that doesn’t make it any easier to take when you happen to be the punching bag in their immediate vicinity who is affected and sometimes it isn’t as easy to brush it off as we’d like it to be but again, awareness is key.  Knowing you’re okay, validating your own self-worth and letting it go through whatever process works for you is the best solution and in the long run less damaging to your inner spirit.  Any damage to your inner spirit that has the chance to continually cycle eventually has a consequential manifestation in your physical health and the longer it festers, the more the damage grows.

You can’t allow someone to take away from your personal power or to determine your level of worth, it’s their opinion, albeit an inconsiderate one but still just their opinion.  Regardless of what someone else may think that opinion isn’t the truth of you, even if what they say hurts, you know who you really are!

Your true circle of friends and family should be your resource for honesty and comfort and it is through them that validation of who you are is affirmed.

Always try to keep things real with yourself, be aware of what you’re saying and of how others’ are perceiving what you’re saying and that awareness creates a foundation that will enhance all your communications in a very positive way!

communication

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 16, 2014 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Moving Forward

08 Jan

Evolving Means Change!

Not all things are lost during times of transition, some roots are strong enough to stand the test of time and there are both internal and external factors to consider within all experiences.

Sometimes things can get to the point where there is nothing left to give and no will to try because so much has been broken down that there is nothing left to build on.

I think that determination depends on what lies in your past, what you want to see in your future and whether or not you believe your consideration can stand that test of time.steve-jobs-on-finding-your-truth

When it comes down to evaluating the importance of all that you think is important right now in your life you may learn that what you placed value on doesn’t have the real value you had thought, especially within the bigger picture.

Sometimes we make decisions out of fear, sometimes out of emotion but a decision that isn’t in alignment with your inner spirit will always create conflict within because it just doesn’t feel right in your heart and that feeling is your confirmation.  If you are honoring your true spirit you will feel a sense of inner peace in everything you do.

We all have things to get past, everyone has something in their history they may feel shame and/or regret about but it starts with acceptance.  From acceptance comes forgiveness, and not in the way you may be thinking or expecting, a definition as quoted by Oprah Winfrey:

  • Forgiveness does not mean you have to accept the person back into your life.
  • It does not mean you are condoning what they did or that you are in any way saying it was OK what they did.
  • Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.

From forgiveness comes the opportunity to start anew and there are many ways to change your life for the better.  You can do it in small steps or make a plan to change it all around at once but taking advantage of the opportunity to positively change your life is entirely yours to do.

I find there are great sources of inspiration within everything around us, in particular through verbal communication, whether you are in conversation with someone or observing it.  There are many great quotes & lines out there and I can really identify with this one from the movie “For Love of the Game”, which I thought was a good portrayal of the “out of body” experience one somewhat feels when reflecting on their life, choices and decisions they’ve made throughout.

“I used to believe, I still do, that if you give something your all, everything you have, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose as long as you risked everything, put everything out there”

I live my life this way, not for any other reason than because I just can’t see living life any other way.  These are not just words but a path in life that offers the most rewards, through vision, karma and law of attraction.  Everything and everyone in your life is enriched by any experience and/or relationship that you bring your heart and spirit to.

Change-Quotes-5

 
2 Comments

Posted by on January 8, 2014 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Oops, I Did it Again!

22 Oct

Changing your Patterns

Do you find that no matter how much you think a situation is different this time you end up with the same outcome?  A pattern that repeats itself continually is a sign that you aren’t dealing with something and it’s going to keep coming back, usually it hits harder each time.  This is the Universe’s way of reminding you that in order to have a different outcome you need to change your patterns.

Definition of Insanity:  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

No one gets through life without some pain but the pain doesn’t need to continually occur because you haven’t recognized the variety of consistencies that you keep repeating.  I think when we repeat the same pattern the awareness we need to develop is learning to recognize that there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.  The pattern exists because there is at least one area within you that is lacking and somewhere in the repetition of the cycle that area is being fed by the pattern, figuring out those areas can only be discovered through honest self-reflection.  My personal opinion is that the patterns we play and re-play in our lives are created from something that began and/or was learned in our formative years, those are the years that truly are the most important time of our lives.  Those years create and form the basis of who we are and will become and what we see and learn in that time is what we will continue to seek out whether we realize it or not.

The only way for us to progress is by changing the patterns that we imprison ourselves with.

stop chasing the wrong things

So if you know something isn’t working why would you keep allowing it to occur?  I think most of us go into all things with a positive mindset and outlook that things are different this time and that’s not a bad thing but sometimes what we see in others is a reflection of our own prospects and it’s that false sense of security that the ego uses to trick us into repeating the same patterns.  The ego definitely gets something out of it and in turn makes us think we are in control but that may be the problem because instead of trying to guide an outcome we must allow things to be as they are, change and grow as they are meant to.  In trying to control any situation you are likely to find that it gets more and more out of control because the natural reaction is to resist when feeling pinned down and disappointment will always follow.  Sometimes realizations of being wrong can hurt and I know that when I have made those kinds of realizations it has left me feeling conflicted in being able to trust my own instincts.  When you feel your own instincts have betrayed you, where do you go from there?  Self-Reflection, is my only answer, taking a real hard look at where my missteps keep taking me.

My last life challenge, as difficult as it was, turned out to be of more significance than I had realized at first and broke me wide open but it is because of that challenge that I have found my way back to a path I started on years ago before I got so far off course.  Finding myself again seems profoundly familiar except that I now carry much more wisdom, experience and gratitude.  I may have fallen down at times but I will ALWAYS get back up and when I do my determination to move forward is that much stronger.

Whether or not it has been said or thought of this way I believe that the proverbial baggage that we all carry (no one is free of it) consists of many things including life experiences and it is the culmination of all that baggage that creates who we are today.  I don’t know that I view baggage as a bad thing, even though some refer to it that way, I think it’s just a matter of whether or not each of our collective baggage (experiences and situations) fits or compliments those involved in our lives.  Comfort with others is not found within trying to make their life (baggage) fit but rather fitting into each other’s lives comfortably and without prejudice.

You can’t change or erase someone’s past and if who they are or have become no longer feels comfortable then maybe it’s time to get honest.  Parting ways in any kind of relationship is difficult because it wouldn’t be ending unless there was something that was causing it to end but staying to avoid hurting someone would eventually hurt them more.

Quote:  You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, you cannot have both  — Brene Brown

Changing your patterns so you can embrace the people that fit or compliment your life is not an easy task.  It takes time to develop the awareness to recognize how the pattern begins and then more time to learn how to divert it but once you’ve found that rhythm you will find that what lies ahead can be positively life changing!

self-transformation

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on October 22, 2013 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

When Enough is Enough!

03 Jul

Know When to Live and Let Live

Compassion and empathy are not overrated but there is only so much you can do for someone and where the direction of their life goes depends solely on them even, it’s called “free will” and it’s everyone’s right to choose.

It’s noble to want to help another but sometimes is more noble to allow someone the same freedom that you have to make your own decisions and to ask for assistance if they want it.  I think we have all, at one time or another, felt that we knew what was better for someone we care about so much so that we take the task to heart of trying to show them the way or help out.  The truth is though that “the way” is really up to them and if you find yourself in this situation, like I have many times, the best solution is to step back and let them live their own life.  It’s not easy, believe me I know, especially when your empathy compass is going overboard taking on their feelings of either helplessness or despair.

let go

If you are strongly predisposed to helping others you may find that even if you are successful you could be draining yourself.  Your emotional well-being could be depleted causing the other components of your well-being to become unbalanced and when you become unbalanced you are of no assistance to anyone.

I know the almost euphoric feeling of making someone feel better, it is truly inspiring but keep in mind the feeling that also follows when you accomplish something you didn’t think you could do.  As much as you want to help someone you are denying them that sense of accomplishment of overcoming a challenge they didn’t think they could, I think that feeling is even more monumental and of course will affect them much more deeply.

I don’t mind constructive criticism, I always like to hear different thought processes and to have the opportunity to invite new ways of thinking into my awareness but I know that I don’t like being told what to do and that could be the resistance you may experience when you try to over-assist in someone else’s life.  Sometimes we don’t necessarily look for someone else to run our lives or assist and it’s just a matter of being the sounding board that they have to vent to without judgement.  Not everything requires action on my part and learning to recognize when I’m trying to show someone “the way” is an evolving lesson for me that I don’t think I’ve quite nailed down yet.  Work in progress, I can accept that.out of your control

I think the biggest lesson for me is learning to step back and know when to live and let live.  If someone needs my help I have to allow them the opportunity to ask, if I offer it and they don’t accept, I have to learn to accept that.  Not everything is meant to be changed, everyone has their own lessons, who am I to challenge what the universe has set out for each of us.  I can continue to have compassion and empathy for others but when it starts to affect my life in a negative way that is an indication for me to recognize that it is their journey not mine.

There are many reasons why certain lives go a certain direction and why some people choose not to change it and I’ve learned that even though I think I know best, I really don’t.

Like Kenny Rogers says, you’ve got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, know when to run.

It’s a good theory for me to pay attention to, to remember and to live by.  As much as I may want to see everyone living what I think is a joyful, happy and enriched life, it doesn’t mean that I know what that is for everyone.  There isn’t a “one size fits all” when it comes to a blessed life.

I was watching the “Anderson” daytime talk show one day and there was two young women as guests that had had very difficult challenges in their lives from an early age and they had the wisdom to recognize that even though their challenges were hard there were others that had had it worse.  Both of them had been through much counselling and therapy and in one of their group therapy sessions the therapist had had them, with the group, create a circle and put their problems (discuss them) in the center and said that at the end they would probably all be quite happy to pick their own back up and walk away with it and they had said they agreed.  They would much rather walk away with their own issues than pick up another’s, sometimes as terrible as we think our problems are they are familiar and we know how to live in them.

I think everyone, no matter what their age, can teach us something and the best thing we can do sometimes is to just listen, sometimes that is of more help than you realize.  Not everything requires a grand scale of assistance, sometimes simplicity is much more helpful.

committment to shift

 
2 Comments

Posted by on July 3, 2013 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

It’s Not Who You Are, It’s the Behaviour!

05 Feb

De-programming your Patterns

Finding the root cause of any behaviour that you know in your soul isn’t right is the only way to change your patterns.  Awareness to the lack of the success you may have in an area of your life that you are unhappy in is the first step.  Recognizing and owning your flaws and behaviours is not easy or comfortable to do but you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable.  Vulnerability is not weakness, it is a form of courage and strength, like the calm before the storm that brings refreshing change.  Every time I have felt vulnerable or scared has been a moment of significant growth that has positively enhanced my life. Acknowledging that there is a familiar pattern and wanting to change that pattern is the key that unlocks the door to healing.

vulnerable

I think most of us are variations of either Self-Destruction or Self-Improvement, or both, and there are many factors that contribute to the level of how far we tip the scale.  What is your level of truth?

Do you find that you keep ending up in the same place at the end of any given situation even if you have the best intentions in mind?  When I started to recognize this in my own life I realized that I needed to do some work to figure out why these patterns kept showing up.  These patterns can create a cycle of disappointment within that can then evolve into self-destructive behaviour.

Bad behavior doesn’t mean bad person, it could mean conflicted, confused, reactive or could have developed as a result of a great trauma, hurt or betrayal.  When you continue down the path of self-destruction you risk becoming so numb that you fall of the edge that you’re already emotionally dangling on and that can lead to a variety of negative and/or tragic outcomes that don’t need to occur if you just honor your pain to heal.  Carrying it through your life on a daily basis will take a toll on your emotional, physical and mental health and ultimately be very harmful to your inner spirit.  You can end up restricting yourself from so many opportunities just because you can’t or won’t let go of emotions that are keeping you imprisoned within your mind by replaying the tapes that caused you pain.

behaviour

No one can see how you feel on the inside or what you’ve been through, could you imagine if all that was displayed on the outside of you?  There would be no way to hide anything and your vulnerability level would be out the roof.  There would be no way to deny what goes on inside and you would either have to put up with everyone knowing your truth or working it out.  It’s really important to do the work so that your inside can match your outside because until it does you will always feel conflicted, out of sync and struggling to find your way.  If something that wasn’t great propels you into the right direction, and that direction leads you something better than I believe that is the silver lining.  Everything happens for a reason!

We are not here to fulfill the dreams of others, we are here to share in theirs but fulfill our own dreams, find our own passion and our own place in this life.  That place will feel most in alignment with your inner spirit and feel as comfortable as home or whatever you consider “your happy place”.aha

It took me a long time to recognize my patterns but that awareness expanded my desire to delve deeper and I find new levels of insight and “aha” moments that tell me my work is not done and that’s good.  I don’t ever want those to end because that’s where the magic happens!

 
2 Comments

Posted by on February 5, 2013 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Welcome 2013 – Happy New Year!

01 Jan

Out with the Old, In with the New

2013The New Year of 2013 is now here and I always feel the same level of excitement at the beginning of every new year because of all the possibilities, opportunities and energy that is in the air.  I know I said last year that I felt 2012 was going to be a good year for everyone but that feeling has developed to an even stronger level for 2013.  I’ve learned to “just go with my feelings” when I get them because eventually the reality becomes clear, not when I think it should but when the timing is finally right.

I had a lot of transitional change and growth throughout the year of 2012, maybe not everyone had experienced or felt this but I did.  I say transitional because the changes were not sudden, I finally began to see things from a perspective that has allowed me to accept things that just aren’t meant to be any different than they are.  It was another year of reflection, realization and learning and honestly I am really enjoying the liberation and freedom those thought processes bring.  Especially at the end of the year because not only am I looking ahead but I’m reflecting back to see how much farther I’ve come.  I don’t ever want to stop learning or challenging myself because that is what inspires me to keep pushing myself on to the next level.

Last year helped me to better define my focus of what I envision for my future and that focus has strengthened not only my determination and perseverance but it has helped me to develop a more guided sense of discipline.  I wouldn’t say that I never had these qualities it’s just that when I was in my 20’s I didn’t have a direction or focus that required them so they were relatively unused.  I don’t think that we really discover who we are or what we are made of until we have to, out of necessity.

something wonderfulThis is the best time of the year to let go of all that has held you back, wipe the slate clean and start fresh so that you can embrace, welcome and live your best life.  Sometimes when something ends it isn’t because you are meant to hurt or feel sad but rather to make room for what is just around the corner and your hands and heart need to be open to accept and embrace it and more often than not, it’s something better.

This year I have resolutions that are an extension of last year’s because thanks to my reinforced discipline they will now continue on as a pattern rather than a resolution.  I have many new dreams that I want to accomplish and an abundance of energy that is going to support, motivate and carry me through.

I know it’s easy to make the plans and I think in some of my past years I either used to make them too far in advance or I would lose my motivation and then I’d say “I’ll do it next year”.  I know all too well how easily that can happen but I can assure you that there is a great deal of pride and sense of accomplishment when you stay the course you’ve set out on.

Whether you make resolutions or not I believe that the time of the year that has the strongest energy is at the beginning and if there is something you want to change or accomplish now is the time to initiate it.  The energy circling through the universe at this time is magical, full of hopes and dreams, use it to your best advantage!

Happy New Year!   I wish you all a Safe, Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 2013.

happy new year

 
2 Comments

Posted by on January 1, 2013 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Change is Inevitable!

11 Dec

Let Go and Embrace It

Sometimes when we are forced into actions it’s because we should have found the way ourselves, sometimes when change occurs it’s because it’s long overdue, and sometimes we make the transition effortlessly.  Whichever way it happens is something that will be specific to each of us as individuals but the circumstances surrounding any change will be determined by either your resistance or acceptance.  I have travelled both paths at different times in my life and I can definitely say that acceptance is the easier of the two.  Resistance has always brought me disappointment, hurt, frustration and overall a heavy dose of unnecessary stress.  For some individuals change can be very challenging for reasons other than just resisting or accepting. 

change

There are many reasons why we resist:

–          We think we know better

–          It’s unknown and we feel vulnerable and/or a little scared

–          Others are advising us to go that route

Of course the ego always thinks it knows better and it’s easy for you to convince yourself that you do know better, that ego is connected to you.  I’m not saying you have no idea what’s going on, I’m just saying that every time I’ve allowed my ego to run the show it hasn’t been a good idea because as much as the ego may think it knows better, ultimately it doesn’t.  The ego isn’t tapped into the same frequency as the universal mind so it can’t possibly know everything.

When things are unknown they can leave you feeling vulnerable and a little scared of what’s to come as well as hesitant to take that step forward.  When I’ve had this feeling it’s been because I was on the verge of experiencing a major change and positive growth that I couldn’t have possibly foreseen.  Every time so far it has been a positive step forward for me so I’ve learned to recognize when that moment comes around that I definitely want to go in that direction, experience has taught me that.

I don’t mind constructive criticism, it helps me to learn and grow as an individual but I don’t usually welcome being told what to do.  Somewhere in my psyche I find that in those times I become resistant because I feel pressured to go in the direction that someone is advising me.  Now that person may not actually be pressuring me but I may be receiving it that way and reacting because of that sense.  Some people will actually go in an entirely different direction simply because someone is advising them one way and even if they know it’s the right way to go they go in another direction because they are so resistant to the direction and/or assistance.

Regardless of what reasoning you have behind it chances are your resistance is causing you more stress overall than if you were to just let go and let things happen as they are meant to.

Change overall is the universe’s way of transitioning us into the direction we are meant to go and when you ignore the signs and resist the change you are only causing yourself more difficulty and stress.  When you are resisting change, the universe sometimes responds with a jolt in the direction you’re supposed to be going so if your life suddenly changes I believe it’s because you’ve been ignoring the signs for so long that this is the only way the universe can alert you.  Sometimes this alert can cause you to experience hurt emotions and I don’t believe that this is any sort of payback or karma, it’s just that if you get too far off your path there’s only one way for the universe to get you back on it in time.

Be mindful, stay aware and tuned in to what’s going on around you, pay attention to your path, the signs and those in your life.  We are all here to bring meaning to each other’s lives, teach, learn and grow.  Let your desires help lead you to your passion and purpose, don’t be in too much of a rush, it will find you when the time is right.

dreams for our life

 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 11, 2012 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Before Passing Judgement

28 Aug

Walk a Mile in Their Shoes

We really don’t know how someone else is feeling inside at any given moment, I think a lot of us have become really good at masking any feelings that are of a hurtful and negative nature, or at least we try to, some of us are more transparent than others.

I believe the energy spent to pretend nothing is wrong can be quite taxing on the spirit within and the outward affect can be to project that negativity onto others, most of the time it is not intentional.

When faced with an extreme situation it is natural to react from an emotional point of view and even if the situation doesn’t seem extreme to someone else, it may at the time feel extreme to the individual experiencing it and it’s not fair to make the judgement that it’s insignificant when you don’t live in their life every day.

My observations of these kinds of actions of judgement are that it is very much associated with the individual that is trying to cope with hurt or disappointment by pretending that nothing is wrong.  The burden of having to cope with that can be overwhelming and at some point they have to release some of the bottled up emotions to alleviate the intensity of this struggle, unfortunately acting out negatively is really unhealthy and does much more harm than good.

I believe it’s a cycle:

  • You’re hurt and upset, it’s becomes overwhelming and you project onto someone else
  • That someone judges you unfairly not knowing a thing about what you’re going through
  • You then experience more hurt from the judgement and the cycle starts again

This cycle is really harmful because it keeps you in a perpetual state of unhappiness and negativity.  The longer you stay in this cycle the more likely it is to manifest physically in your health, the only way out is to find a healthy and productive way to release it.  We are all unique and what works for one doesn’t always work for everyone, you just have to find the process that works best for you.

I’ve found that my best therapy for a healthier and more productive way to handle these feelings and emotions when they seem overwhelming and unbearable is to write my feelings out on paper.  The action of physically writing it and really connecting to my thoughts helps to take my mind out of the heightened level of disappointment and sadness that I may be feeling in that moment.  Even though the distraction is only temporary it gives me the time I need to address it, deal with it and release it.  It doesn’t fully release it from my thought process but it helps to minimize it enough to allow me to de-clutter my mind so I can then deal with it on a calmer level and eventually fully release it.

I’ve heard it said many times that when someone is projecting negativity onto you it usually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and how they are feeling inside but knowing that doesn’t make negative actions or words directed at you any easier.  It just becomes something you need to find a way to deal with and let go of.  Always consider the source and how instrumental they actually are in your life and that should help to minimize the overall effect.

I recently watched an “Oprah” show (re-run) and the discussion was about a man in Brazil (John of God).  Closing comments on this show was the perceptions of a Dr. Jeff Rediger of his experience there.

  • Perhaps the real heart within us is not just a pump
  • Perhaps the real heart within us is about Love and Faith
  • Perhaps the physical body is not who we really are
  • Perhaps we are these invisible souls walking around and the body is just an instrument or metaphor or something we are trying to learn

For me his comments shine a light on the greater purpose of our existence and reinforce my thoughts that all acts of negativity and ego-related behaviours are so irrelevant in comparison.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on August 28, 2012 in Blog

 

Tags: , , ,

Some Emotions Can Run Deep!

21 Aug

It’s not always Healing, Sometimes it’s Adapting to Move Forward

The deep and lasting effects of emotional hurt and/or trauma can feel like they may not heal and sometimes it’s not always healing that occurs, it’s adapting and making changes to move forward and away from the emotional scars that may be holding you back.  The option between healing or adapting to move forward isn’t always a choice because emotional scarring is tied to the emotional part of our being and our emotions are not always something that can be controlled.  Feelings can be suppressed but only for a period of time, at some point they are going to come back to the surface and have to be dealt with and for every time you push them back down, they tend to come back stronger and stronger with each time they re-surface until it becomes too overwhelming to have enough strength to suppress them again.

The choice in the timing of when we have to deal with an issue that has re-surfaced isn’t always an option but the decision on where you choose to go from there is.  We all have more personal strength within us than we usually give ourselves credit for and choosing to face the challenges to live a healthier and happier life is a decision I don’t think anyone would ever regret.

It takes twice the amount of your personal energy to maintain suppressing an emotional issue and I think that’s why we always hear the expression “it’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders” when someone has finally dealt with an issue they had been suppressing.  The weight being the energy you are utilizing to maintain that suppression.  When you deal with it to move forward, you are no longer carrying the weight of that burden of energy required to avoid dealing with the emotional pain.

A few years back I had read a book that had a couple of chapters about a child’s “formative years”, I had always thought that the formative years ran somewhere between 7 – 12 years of age and was surprised to read that it was much earlier, as in age birth to 5 years of age.  I was aware that from the time we are born that babies to toddlers know what is going on around them and can sense disharmony but I had thought that the formative years were later in life because I myself had more solid memories of events from that timeframe of age.  In thinking back while I was reading this book I realized that the emotional memories of closeness and familial bonds had to be earlier than I could actually recall because I was too young then to understand, recognize or desire anything else but I inherently knew that they stemmed more from a feeling or sense of awareness.

It’s this time period of our life that ultimately forms the foundation of who we are to become and what energetic state of being that we become pre-disposed to, whether that energetic state is positive or negative.  Parenting and family are the most significant part of our foundation and can either inspire or damage the spirit within.  Nurturing is such an important and relevant component of our development and needs when we are young, any indifference, negativity or neglect can permanently alter the shape in which we grow.  I don’t believe that means that positive development can never occur, I believe it changes the spirit within in ways that can never be restored to its previous form, like a violent image that can’t be unseen, a negative experience can’t be undone.  We can move forward but the emotional feelings generated from the experience remain.

It’s this foundation that creates the development of the character traits and I believe that there are variations of these character traits that are developed or not developed based on whether the formative year’s environment was positive or negative.  I also believe that there are degrees of emotional damage experienced during these formative years that may not be healed but can be accepted and adapted to in order to move forward and develop a more positive, productive and peaceful state of being.  There have been many movies produced that are based on true stories of individuals that have overcome difficult environments in their formative years and have transcended their circumstances to achieve just that.

There is no quick fix to alleviate emotional hurt, all wounds (physical or emotional) take time to heal but anything worth having is worth working for and our well-being is the most important state we need to maintain and nurture.

The most important aspect I want to express is that regardless of where the emotional hurt/trauma stems from if it’s affecting you negatively then it’s hurting you the most and the best thing you can do for yourself is to find a way to release it so that it no longer has any control or effect on your overall well-being.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on August 21, 2012 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

In Your Life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime

03 Jul

Determining Who’s What and Why

Some people aren’t meant to be with you throughout your entire journey and sometimes there is no other option but to let them go.  It’s difficult letting go when there is a part of you that feels attached or obligated, for whatever reason, which then causes a feeling of guilt or that you are  giving up.  When they become too toxic to your environment you really have no choice and ultimately it’s necessary for your own well-being, especially if they are draining your good energy and feeding you negativity in return.

Reason:  Some are meant to challenge us in ways we could have never thought imaginable or necessary but ultimately there is something significant to learn but it is a quick visit and once the challenge is met and the lesson is learned it’s then time to move on.

Season:  Some are meant to teach us many lessons to help us learn about aspects of ourselves that we might not have realized without their specific involvement and to help us grow to the next few levels.  These people are more difficult to let go of because they have become a significant part of our lives and have helped us to transition through a phase that has created personal growth.  Any time I have experienced personal growth there is usually someone that has been a significant helper for me through this and I ultimately develop a unique connection to them.

Lifetime:  The Lifetimer’s are those that are there to support, love and walk with us through the difficult, sad and happy times, something that is a shared experience between  both.  There is neither a giver nor a taker in this relationship but rather an equal and positive exchange.

I’ve had the experiences of all of these and I’ve found that the “Seasons” are definitely the hardest to let go of because there is a part of them that will always be with me, that I will remember, but in trying to hang on when it’s time to move on could make the goodbye uglier than it needs to be. 

There are those that can become so important to us that we don’t want to let go and sometimes it’s not letting go of them but rather letting them be. 

I believe that sometimes the Seasons could be intended to come back into our lives for another phase and it’s the previous connection that creates this alignment.  Maybe they needed something that couldn’t be achieved by being connected to you at this time and after a period they come back and create a stronger connection then you thought possible or expected because even though they were your season, you may not have been meant to be theirs.  Although if the goodbye was more harmful then it needed to be at the time then the opportunity for the next phase or perhaps now becoming a Lifetimer could be altered forever.

I have some really fabulous Lifetimer’s that I don’t think I could express my gratitude for strongly enough of how lucky I am to have them walk with me and allow me to walk with them.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on July 3, 2012 in Blog

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

← Older posts
Newer posts →